sixkcd.json
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[
{ "id": 1, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:28.1700308+01:00", "Title": "Barrel - Part 1", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/barrel_cropped_(1).jpg", "Alt": "Don't we all." }, { "id": 2, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:28.6210319+01:00", "Title": "Petit Trees (sketch)", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tree_cropped_(1).jpg", "Alt": "'Petit' being a reference to Le Petit Prince, which I only thought about halfway through the sketch" }, { "id": 3, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:29.0688826+01:00", "Title": "Island (sketch)", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/island_color.jpg", "Alt": "Hello, island" }, { "id": 4, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:29.5121861+01:00", "Title": "Landscape (sketch)", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/landscape_cropped_(1).jpg", "Alt": "There's a river flowing through the ocean" }, { "id": 5, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:29.9651582+01:00", "Title": "Blown apart", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/blownapart_color.jpg", "Alt": "Blown into prime factors" }, { "id": 6, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:30.1666806+01:00", "Title": "Irony", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/irony_color.jpg", "Alt": "It's commonly known that too much perspective can be a downer." }, { "id": 7, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:30.6174313+01:00", "Title": "Girl sleeping (Sketch -- 11th grade Spanish class)", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/girl_sleeping_noline_(1).jpg", "Alt": "I don't remember her name at all, but she fell asleep on the floor in front of me." }, { "id": 8, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:30.8515685+01:00", "Title": "Red spiders", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/red_spiders_small.jpg", "Alt": "They are six-legged spiders" }, { "id": 9, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:31.0539821+01:00", "Title": "Serenity is coming out tomorrow", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/firefly.jpg", "Alt": "Mal, Simon, Wash, Zoe, River, Kaylee, Jayne, Inara, Book." }, { "id": 10, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:31.2526813+01:00", "Title": "Pi Equals", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pi.jpg", "Alt": "My most famous drawing, and one of the first I did for the site" }, { "id": 11, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:31.4159473+01:00", "Title": "Barrel - Part 2", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/barrel_mommies.jpg", "Alt": "Awww." }, { "id": 12, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:31.6136718+01:00", "Title": "Poisson", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/poisson.jpg", "Alt": "Poisson distributions have no value over negative numbers" }, { "id": 13, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:31.8431818+01:00", "Title": "Canyon", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/canyon_small.jpg", "Alt": "They're standing at the lip of the canyon, which isn't clear at all." }, { "id": 14, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:32.0885346+01:00", "Title": "Copyright", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/copyright.jpg", "Alt": "After reading Slashdot and BoingBoing, sometimes I have to go outside." }, { "id": 15, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:32.5361511+01:00", "Title": "Just Alerting You", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/just_alerting_you.jpg", "Alt": "Just thought you should know" }, { "id": 16, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:32.7379569+01:00", "Title": "Monty Python -- Enough", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/monty_python.jpg", "Alt": "I went to a dinner where there was a full 10 minutes of Holy Grail quotes exchanged, with no context, in lieu of conversation. It depressed me badly." }, { "id": 17, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:33.1825572+01:00", "Title": "What If", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/what_if.jpg", "Alt": "I once made an anniversary card for my then-girlfriend with this layout." }, { "id": 18, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:33.3372115+01:00", "Title": "Snapple", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/snapple.jpg", "Alt": "Sn = tin" }, { "id": 19, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:33.5442195+01:00", "Title": "George Clinton", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/george_clinton.jpg", "Alt": "I still wish it were true." }, { "id": 20, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:33.7805961+01:00", "Title": "Ferret", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ferret.jpg", "Alt": "My brother had a ferret he loved which died since I drew this strip. RIP." }, { "id": 21, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:34.2397826+01:00", "Title": "Kepler", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/kepler.jpg", "Alt": "Science joke. You should probably just move along." }, { "id": 22, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:34.4477767+01:00", "Title": "Barrel - Part 3", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/barrel_whirlpool.jpg", "Alt": "A whirlpool!" }, { "id": 23, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:34.6823244+01:00", "Title": "T-shirts", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/t-shirts.jpg", "Alt": "It's depressing how many of these are real shirts" }, { "id": 24, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:35.1231352+01:00", "Title": "Godel, Escher, Kurt Halsey", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/godel_escher_kurthalsey.jpg", "Alt": "I love the idea here, though of course it's not a great-quality drawing or scan." }, { "id": 25, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:35.3269573+01:00", "Title": "Barrel - Part 4", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/barrel_part_4.jpg", "Alt": ":(" }, { "id": 26, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:35.7774743+01:00", "Title": "Fourier", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fourier.jpg", "Alt": "That cat has some serious periodic components" }, { "id": 27, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:36.0187424+01:00", "Title": "Meat Cereals", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/meat_cereals.jpg", "Alt": "Disgusting" }, { "id": 28, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:36.1736298+01:00", "Title": "Elefino", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/elefino.jpg", "Alt": "Hell if I know" }, { "id": 29, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:36.6241389+01:00", "Title": "Hitler", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hitler.jpg", "Alt": "So he's saying that God thought Hitler's art was so bad that the Holocaust was an acceptable alternative. It's no secret that the hat guy is closely based on Aram, from Men in Hats." }, { "id": 30, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:36.8709115+01:00", "Title": "Donner", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/donner.jpg", "Alt": "Some people haven't heard of the Donner Party. They were pioneers who got stranded and likely resorted to cannibalism." }, { "id": 31, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:37.103005+01:00", "Title": "Barrel - Part 5", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/barrel_part_5.jpg", "Alt": "Too good not to happen." }, { "id": 32, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:37.3086194+01:00", "Title": "Pillar", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pillar.jpg", "Alt": "A comic by my brother Doug, redrawn and rewritten by me" }, { "id": 33, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:37.5391175+01:00", "Title": "Self-reference", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/self-reference.jpg", "Alt": "I think about self-reference a lot. Example: this comment." }, { "id": 34, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:37.9816808+01:00", "Title": "Flowers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/flowers.jpg", "Alt": "This is actually pencil on paper, just inverted and colored" }, { "id": 35, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:38.1867988+01:00", "Title": "Sheep", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sheep.jpg", "Alt": "I think it's the sheep zapping the cactus and not vice-versa" }, { "id": 36, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:38.6419861+01:00", "Title": "Scientists", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/scientists.jpg", "Alt": "A leading expert characterized the situation as 'retarded'" }, { "id": 37, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:38.8034806+01:00", "Title": "Hyphen", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hyphen.jpg", "Alt": "I do this constantly" }, { "id": 38, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:39.0049296+01:00", "Title": "Apple Jacks", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/apple_jacks.jpg", "Alt": "There used to be these ads, see . . ." }, { "id": 39, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:39.1550214+01:00", "Title": "Bowl", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bowl.jpg", "Alt": "For the moment it's a standoff" }, { "id": 40, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:39.6131894+01:00", "Title": "Light", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/light.jpg", "Alt": "Like a beacon" }, { "id": 41, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:39.8170964+01:00", "Title": "Old Drawing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/unspeakable_pun.jpg", "Alt": "I don't want to talk about it" }, { "id": 42, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:40.2644054+01:00", "Title": "Geico", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/geico.jpg", "Alt": "David did this" }, { "id": 43, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:40.508523+01:00", "Title": "Red Spiders 2", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/red_spiders_2.jpg", "Alt": "This was actually drawn years before Red Spiders" }, { "id": 44, "Date": "2006-01-01T08:46:40.6614139+01:00", "Title": "Love", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/love.jpg", "Alt": "This one makes me wince every time I think about it" }, { "id": 45, "Date": "2006-01-04T08:46:41.1133089+01:00", "Title": "Schrodinger", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/schrodinger.jpg", "Alt": "There was no alt-text until you moused over" }, { "id": 46, "Date": "2006-01-06T08:46:41.3239394+01:00", "Title": "Secrets", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/secrets.jpg", "Alt": "I'm a big fan of Kurt Halsey" }, { "id": 47, "Date": "2006-01-09T08:46:41.5511732+01:00", "Title": "Counter-Red Spiders", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/counter-red-spiders.jpg", "Alt": "I hope we can stop them" }, { "id": 48, "Date": "2006-01-12T08:46:41.7047676+01:00", "Title": "Found", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/found.jpg", "Alt": "No more, no less" }, { "id": 49, "Date": "2006-01-14T08:46:41.85928+01:00", "Title": "Want", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/want.jpg", "Alt": "Well, she's pretty hot." }, { "id": 50, "Date": "2006-01-17T08:46:42.0680817+01:00", "Title": "Penny Arcade", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/penny_arcade.jpg", "Alt": "Of course, Penny Arcade has already mocked themselves for this. They don't care." }, { "id": 51, "Date": "2006-01-18T08:46:42.2673248+01:00", "Title": "Malaria", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/malaria.jpg", "Alt": "The malaria party was David's idea" }, { "id": 52, "Date": "2006-01-21T08:46:42.4667429+01:00", "Title": "Secret Worlds", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/secret_worlds.jpg", "Alt": "No two adjacent circles are the same color." }, { "id": 53, "Date": "2006-01-23T08:46:42.6178295+01:00", "Title": "Hobby", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hobby.jpg", "Alt": "The only one of these games I really played was Area 51" }, { "id": 54, "Date": "2006-01-25T08:46:42.7740477+01:00", "Title": "Science", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/science.jpg", "Alt": "Bonus points if you can identify the science in question" }, { "id": 55, "Date": "2006-01-27T08:46:43.0116935+01:00", "Title": "Useless", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/useless.jpg", "Alt": "Even the identity matrix doesn't work normally" }, { "id": 56, "Date": "2006-01-30T08:46:43.1668142+01:00", "Title": "The Cure", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_cure.jpg", "Alt": "My first try at drawing a real face in years" }, { "id": 57, "Date": "2006-01-31T08:46:43.3739111+01:00", "Title": "Wait For Me", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wait_for_me.jpg", "Alt": "Opening dialogue by Scott" }, { "id": 58, "Date": "2006-02-01T08:46:43.5762127+01:00", "Title": "Why Do You Love Me?", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/why_do_you_love_me.jpg", "Alt": "Opening dialogue by Scott" }, { "id": 59, "Date": "2006-02-03T08:46:43.8197078+01:00", "Title": "Graduation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/graduation.jpg", "Alt": "Opening dialogue by Scott" }, { "id": 60, "Date": "2006-02-06T08:46:44.2703694+01:00", "Title": "Super Bowl", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/super_bowl.jpg", "Alt": "The Super Bowl is actually an elaborate ruse, concocted by a shadowy group in the mid sixties for this purpose. The 'watch it for the ads' addition was a master stroke." }, { "id": 61, "Date": "2006-02-08T08:46:44.5083024+01:00", "Title": "Stacey's Dad", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/staceys_dad.jpg", "Alt": "I bet she gets you to mow the lawn, doesn't she?" }, { "id": 62, "Date": "2006-02-10T08:46:44.9645638+01:00", "Title": "Valentine - Karnaugh", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/karnaugh.jpg", "Alt": "Love and circuit analysis, hand in hand at last." }, { "id": 63, "Date": "2006-02-13T08:46:45.2033991+01:00", "Title": "Valentine - Heart", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/valentine.jpg", "Alt": "Just pretend you're kidding." }, { "id": 64, "Date": "2006-02-15T08:46:45.3510885+01:00", "Title": "Solar Plexus", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/solar_plexus.jpg", "Alt": "It hurts to be hit there, you know" }, { "id": 65, "Date": "2006-02-17T08:46:45.5570254+01:00", "Title": "Banter", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/banter.jpg", "Alt": "This was an actual mock conversation between me and a friend at TGiF. The waitress walked up around panel 5 and was somewhat put off." }, { "id": 66, "Date": "2006-02-20T08:46:45.7897039+01:00", "Title": "Abusive Astronomy", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/abusive_astronomy.jpg", "Alt": "Medium: Pencil on paper" }, { "id": 67, "Date": "2006-02-22T08:46:46.244285+01:00", "Title": "Nerd Girls", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/nerd_girls.jpg", "Alt": "Nothing personal, high schoolers." }, { "id": 68, "Date": "2006-02-24T08:46:46.4714146+01:00", "Title": "Five Thirty", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/five_thirty.jpg", "Alt": "The 8th panel is my favorite" }, { "id": 69, "Date": "2006-02-27T08:46:46.9205467+01:00", "Title": "Pillow Talk", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pillow_talk.jpg", "Alt": "Maybe I should've tried Wexler?" }, { "id": 70, "Date": "2006-03-01T08:46:47.0742136+01:00", "Title": "Guitar Hero", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/guitar_hero.jpg", "Alt": "And then do it again in a moment now that they're out of Star Power" }, { "id": 71, "Date": "2006-03-03T08:46:47.5225641+01:00", "Title": "In the Trees", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/in_the_trees.jpg", "Alt": "It was tricky." }, { "id": 72, "Date": "2006-03-06T08:46:47.6794467+01:00", "Title": "Classhole", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/classhole.jpg", "Alt": "A term coined by my friend Beth" }, { "id": 73, "Date": "2006-03-08T08:46:47.9187908+01:00", "Title": "Zeppelin", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/zeppelin.jpg", "Alt": "A tribute to Buttercup Festival" }, { "id": 74, "Date": "2006-03-10T08:46:48.0610088+01:00", "Title": "Su Doku", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/su_doku.jpg", "Alt": "This one is from the Red Belt collection, of 'medium' difficulty." }, { "id": 75, "Date": "2006-03-13T08:46:48.2703378+01:00", "Title": "Curse Levels", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/curse_levels.jpg", "Alt": "I find so much fun in language." }, { "id": 76, "Date": "2006-03-15T08:46:48.5033443+01:00", "Title": "Familiar", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/familiar.jpg", "Alt": ":(" }, { "id": 77, "Date": "2006-03-17T08:46:48.9476692+01:00", "Title": "Bored with the Internet", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bored_with_the_internet.jpg", "Alt": "I used to do this all the time." }, { "id": 78, "Date": "2006-03-20T08:46:49.1011699+01:00", "Title": "Garfield", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/garfield.jpg", "Alt": "The use of the 'Garfield' character for the purposes of this parody qualifies as fair use under the Copyright Act of 1976, 17 U.S.C. sec. 107. See Campbell v. Acuff-Rose Music (92-1292), 510 U.S. 569" }, { "id": 79, "Date": "2006-03-22T08:46:49.257968+01:00", "Title": "Iambic Pentameter", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/iambic_pentameter.jpg", "Alt": "Of course, you don't wanna limit yourself to the strict forms of the meter. That could get pretty difficult." }, { "id": 80, "Date": "2006-03-24T08:46:49.705386+01:00", "Title": "My Other Car", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/other_car.jpg", "Alt": "It's much better than the other one." }, { "id": 81, "Date": "2006-03-27T08:46:49.8648017+02:00", "Title": "Attention, shopper", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/attention_shopper.jpg", "Alt": "There's a red convertible outside my building with the license plate 'DADS MNY'." }, { "id": 82, "Date": "2006-03-29T08:46:50.0693761+02:00", "Title": "Frame", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/frame.jpg", "Alt": "..." }, { "id": 83, "Date": "2006-03-31T08:46:50.305666+02:00", "Title": "Katamari", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/katamari.jpg", "Alt": "As the King of All Cosmos remarked, 'Is it that it's fun, or that it lets you forget yourself?'" }, { "id": 84, "Date": "2006-04-03T08:46:50.4575533+02:00", "Title": "National Language", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/national_language.jpg", "Alt": "She's pretty sharp when provoked." }, { "id": 85, "Date": "2006-04-05T08:46:50.6097865+02:00", "Title": "Paths", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/paths.jpg", "Alt": "It's true, I think about this all the time." }, { "id": 86, "Date": "2006-04-07T08:46:50.8498128+02:00", "Title": "Digital Rights Management", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sony_microsoft_mpaa_riaa_apple.jpg", "Alt": "If you're interested in the subject, Lawrence Lessig's 'Free Culture' is pretty good" }, { "id": 87, "Date": "2006-04-10T08:46:51.0020808+02:00", "Title": "Velociraptors", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/velociraptors.jpg", "Alt": "You're probably thinking, 'has it been a decade?' It's been over thirteen years, buddy." }, { "id": 88, "Date": "2006-04-12T08:46:51.2348233+02:00", "Title": "Escher Bracelet", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/escher_wristband.jpg", "Alt": "The only downside is that it would be a little uncomfortable" }, { "id": 89, "Date": "2006-04-14T08:46:51.4685995+02:00", "Title": "Gravitational Mass", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/gravitational_mass.jpg", "Alt": "She's so fat the attraction goes up as the CUBE of the distance instead of the square" }, { "id": 90, "Date": "2006-04-17T08:46:51.6224556+02:00", "Title": "Jacket", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/jacket.jpg", "Alt": "We have this conversation at least once a day in my apartment" }, { "id": 91, "Date": "2006-04-19T08:46:51.8598642+02:00", "Title": "Pwned", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pwned.png", "Alt": "I'm sure a discussion of the reason for the disappearance of adventure games in favor of RPGs would be fascinating" }, { "id": 92, "Date": "2006-04-21T08:46:52.3092293+02:00", "Title": "Sunrise", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sunrise.jpg", "Alt": "Sometimes, I sit on top of parking decks and watch the sun rise. I feel like I should have a guitar or something." }, { "id": 93, "Date": "2006-04-24T08:46:52.4632644+02:00", "Title": "Jeremy Irons", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/jeremy_irons.jpg", "Alt": "Movies that I know word-for-word, part one" }, { "id": 94, "Date": "2006-04-26T08:46:52.7000255+02:00", "Title": "Profile Creation Flowchart", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/profile_flowchart.jpg", "Alt": "This one goes out to xxCrazyPixie1987xx" }, { "id": 95, "Date": "2006-04-28T08:46:52.9328544+02:00", "Title": "The Sierpinski Penis Game", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_sierpinski_penis_game.jpg", "Alt": "Inappropriate places for the Penis Game include baby showers and terrorist attacks" }, { "id": 96, "Date": "2006-05-01T08:46:53.1634533+02:00", "Title": "Mail", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mail.png", "Alt": "I'm on the USPS No Fly List" }, { "id": 97, "Date": "2006-05-03T08:46:53.3663345+02:00", "Title": "A Simple Plan", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/a_simple_plan.jpg", "Alt": "This is true. The lyrics are ridiculous." }, { "id": 98, "Date": "2006-05-05T08:46:53.5152174+02:00", "Title": "Fall Apart", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fall_apart.jpg", "Alt": "#pugglewumper Tashari got me some ink pens! I've been experimenting with them." }, { "id": 99, "Date": "2006-05-08T08:46:53.6678646+02:00", "Title": "Binary Heart", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/binary_heart.jpg", "Alt": "i love you" }, { "id": 100, "Date": "2006-05-10T08:46:54.117556+02:00", "Title": "Family Circus", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/family_circus.jpg", "Alt": "This was my friend David's idea" }, { "id": 101, "Date": "2006-05-12T08:46:54.3452142+02:00", "Title": "Laser Scope", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/laser_scope.jpg", "Alt": "I wish I'd missed you then so I wouldn't be missing you now" }, { "id": 102, "Date": "2006-05-15T08:46:54.5433499+02:00", "Title": "Back to the Future", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/back_to_the_future.jpg", "Alt": "He's kind of an asshole, when you think about it" }, { "id": 103, "Date": "2006-05-17T08:46:54.696793+02:00", "Title": "Moral Relativity", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/moral_relativity.jpg", "Alt": "It's science!" }, { "id": 104, "Date": "2006-05-19T08:46:54.8522883+02:00", "Title": "Find You", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/find_you.jpg", "Alt": "I'm like the Terminator, except with love!" }, { "id": 105, "Date": "2006-05-22T08:46:55.0777459+02:00", "Title": "Parallel Universe", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/parallel_universe.jpg", "Alt": "It's possible. Better to be on the safe side." }, { "id": 106, "Date": "2006-05-24T08:46:55.3092512+02:00", "Title": "Wright Brothers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wright_brothers.png", "Alt": "I'm not sure if this is actually true" }, { "id": 107, "Date": "2006-05-26T08:46:55.5405664+02:00", "Title": "Snakes on a Plane! 2", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/snakes_on_a_plane_2.jpg", "Alt": "James suggested this, and I have to agree. It'd be much worse." }, { "id": 108, "Date": "2006-05-29T08:46:55.7433753+02:00", "Title": "M.C. Hammer Slide", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mc_hammer_slide.png", "Alt": "Once, long ago, I saw this girl go by. I didn't stop and talk to her, and I've regretted it ever since." }, { "id": 109, "Date": "2006-05-31T08:46:55.9783073+02:00", "Title": "Spoiler Alert", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/spoiler_alert.png", "Alt": "And then it turns out they're both Tyler Durden." }, { "id": 110, "Date": "2006-06-02T08:46:56.1302133+02:00", "Title": "Clark Gable", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/clark_gable.jpg", "Alt": "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a BITCH ASS SHIT FUCK DAMN" }, { "id": 111, "Date": "2006-06-05T08:46:56.2885246+02:00", "Title": "Firefox and Witchcraft - The Connection?", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/firefox_wicca.png", "Alt": "ThisadpaidforbythecounciltopromoteMicrosoftandChristianity. Remember, The Bible is Closed Source." }, { "id": 112, "Date": "2006-06-07T08:46:56.7352905+02:00", "Title": "Baring My Heart", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/baring_my_heart.png", "Alt": "I'm just trying to explain, please don't be jealous! Man, why are all my relationships ruined by early 90's rappers?" }, { "id": 113, "Date": "2006-06-09T08:46:56.9720841+02:00", "Title": "Riemann-Zeta", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/riemann-zeta.jpg", "Alt": "The graph is of the magnitude of the function with the real value between 0 and 2 and the imaginary between about 35 and 40. I've misplaced the exact parameters I used." }, { "id": 114, "Date": "2006-06-12T08:46:57.2070475+02:00", "Title": "Computational Linguists", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/computational_linguists.png", "Alt": "Chomskyists, generative linguists, and Ryan North, your days are numbered." }, { "id": 115, "Date": "2006-06-14T08:46:57.4428525+02:00", "Title": "Meerkat", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/meerkat.jpg", "Alt": "Gorilla, yes. Adorable golden retriever, yes. But it says nothing about meerkats." }, { "id": 116, "Date": "2006-06-16T08:46:57.592558+02:00", "Title": "City", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/city.jpg", "Alt": "God, she's such a whore." }, { "id": 117, "Date": "2006-06-19T08:46:57.7467226+02:00", "Title": "Pong", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pong.png", "Alt": "Following this, the pong paddle went on a mission to destroy Atari headquarters and, due to a mixup, found himself inside the game The Matrix Reloaded. Boy, was THAT ever hard to explain to him." }, { "id": 118, "Date": "2006-06-21T08:46:57.9030678+02:00", "Title": "50 Ways", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/50_ways.png", "Alt": "I woke up to find that I had scrawled the last line of this sleepily on a sheet of paper on my desk. I shouldn't have listened to the 70's hit marathon on the way home from work the night before." }, { "id": 119, "Date": "2006-06-23T08:46:58.1058505+02:00", "Title": "Worst Band Name Ever", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hedgeclipper.jpg", "Alt": "You can just see his dejection as he realizes he's the lead guitar in 'Hedgeclipper'" }, { "id": 120, "Date": "2006-06-26T08:46:58.3458186+02:00", "Title": "Dating Service", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dating_service.png", "Alt": "I don't understand why people are so disingenuous! I just want someone to walk with!" }, { "id": 121, "Date": "2006-06-28T08:46:58.4922811+02:00", "Title": "Balloon", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/balloon.png", "Alt": "So I'm a bad person." }, { "id": 122, "Date": "2006-06-30T08:46:58.7170492+02:00", "Title": "Quirky Girls", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/quirky_girls.png", "Alt": "Romantic comedy heroines, I'm talking to you." }, { "id": 123, "Date": "2006-07-03T08:46:58.9542803+02:00", "Title": "Centrifugal Force", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/centrifugal_force.png", "Alt": "You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Baby." }, { "id": 124, "Date": "2006-07-05T08:46:59.1165365+02:00", "Title": "Blogofractal", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/blogofractal.png", "Alt": "Edward Tufte's 'The Visual Display of Quantitative Information' is a fantastic book, and should be required reading for anyone in either the sciences or graphic design." }, { "id": 125, "Date": "2006-07-07T08:46:59.3551214+02:00", "Title": "Marketing Interview", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/marketing_interview.png", "Alt": "There are a lot of books on marketing out there. I wonder if you're safest just buying the most popular one." }, { "id": 126, "Date": "2006-07-10T08:46:59.5049186+02:00", "Title": "Red Spiders Cometh", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/red_spiders_cometh.jpg", "Alt": "Uh-oh." }, { "id": 127, "Date": "2006-07-12T08:46:59.7438636+02:00", "Title": "The Fast and the Furious", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_fast_and_the_furious.jpg", "Alt": "Sometimes when I steer shopping carts around corners, I slide them a little and pretend I'm getting the blue spark boost." }, { "id": 128, "Date": "2006-07-14T08:46:59.9022646+02:00", "Title": "dPain over dt", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dPain_over_dt.png", "Alt": "You laugh to keep from crying, you do math to keep from crying . . ." }, { "id": 129, "Date": "2006-07-17T08:47:00.1335339+02:00", "Title": "Content Protection", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/content_protection.png", "Alt": "If you think the purveyors of DRM simply want to protect artists, check out chapters 13 and 14 in Free Culture, by Lawrence Lessig. Their goal is the elimination of all culture they don't control." }, { "id": 130, "Date": "2006-07-19T08:47:00.2823565+02:00", "Title": "Julia Stiles", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/julia_stiles.jpg", "Alt": "I found an old tape of this episode in my family's closet. Check the news section of the forums to see the clip!" }, { "id": 131, "Date": "2006-07-21T08:47:00.7299603+02:00", "Title": "Fans", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fans.png", "Alt": "It's not going to break the fan, bouncing a rubber ball off the wall isn't going to dent it, and the roof can hold me just fine. You LIED!" }, { "id": 132, "Date": "2006-07-24T08:47:00.9553538+02:00", "Title": "Music Knowledge", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/music_knowledge.png", "Alt": "When Guitar Hero 2 comes out I'll have fresh conversational material for MONTHS." }, { "id": 133, "Date": "2006-07-26T08:47:01.1045288+02:00", "Title": "The Raven", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_raven.jpg", "Alt": "Yes, Eminem is wearing a sleeveless hoodie. What of it?" }, { "id": 134, "Date": "2006-07-28T08:47:01.3461872+02:00", "Title": "Myspace", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/myspace.png", "Alt": "It's like they got together and said 'what do we miss most from the internet in 1998? that's right, embedded MIDI!'" }, { "id": 135, "Date": "2006-07-31T08:47:01.5414158+02:00", "Title": "Substitute", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/substitute.png", "Alt": "YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?" }, { "id": 136, "Date": "2006-08-02T08:47:01.6945471+02:00", "Title": "Science Fair", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/science_fair.png", "Alt": "This project actually inspired a two-hour powerpoint presentation that Al Gore gave around the country." }, { "id": 137, "Date": "2006-08-04T08:47:01.8502682+02:00", "Title": "Dreams", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dreams.png", "Alt": "In Connor's second thesis it is stated 'There is no fate but what we make for ourselves.' Does the routine destroy our creativity or do we lose creativity and fall into the routine? Anyway, who's up for a road trip!" }, { "id": 138, "Date": "2006-08-07T08:47:02.0065006+02:00", "Title": "Pointers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pointers.png", "Alt": "Every computer, at the unreachable memory address 0x-1, stores a secret. I found it, and it is that all humans ar-- SEGMENTATION FAULT." }, { "id": 139, "Date": "2006-08-09T08:47:02.1592765+02:00", "Title": "I Have Owned Two Electric Skateboards", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/electric_skateboards.png", "Alt": "Both the skateboards I owned were pretty cheap and broke from heavy use; I'm gonna get a really nice one if I move to the city." }, { "id": 140, "Date": "2006-08-11T08:47:02.397426+02:00", "Title": "Delicious", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/delicious.png", "Alt": "I'm currently in the I Have Cheese phase of this cycle." }, { "id": 141, "Date": "2006-08-14T08:47:02.5503671+02:00", "Title": "Parody Week: Achewood", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/achewood.png", "Alt": "I always wanted to impress them with how well I could hear, didn't you? Also, this sets the record for number of awkward-pause panels in one strip (previously held by Achewood)" }, { "id": 142, "Date": "2006-08-15T08:47:02.7872575+02:00", "Title": "Parody Week: Megatokyo", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/megaxkcd.png", "Alt": "I just want to give him a hug or something." }, { "id": 143, "Date": "2006-08-16T08:47:03.0199617+02:00", "Title": "Parody Week: TFD and Natalie Dee", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tfd_nataliedee.png", "Alt": "Although bees with tires would be kinda funny." }, { "id": 144, "Date": "2006-08-17T08:47:03.2487294+02:00", "Title": "Parody Week: A Softer World", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/a_softer_robot.jpg", "Alt": "The robot is pregnant. It isn't mine." }, { "id": 145, "Date": "2006-08-18T08:47:03.4494081+02:00", "Title": "Parody Week: Dinosaur Comics", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dinosaur_comics.png", "Alt": "Guys: while I was writing this, I accidentally swallowed a table-sized slab of drywall. I know! Wacky." }, { "id": 146, "Date": "2006-08-21T08:47:03.5971448+02:00", "Title": "Join Myspace", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/join_myspace.png", "Alt": "I really shouldn't abuse that power so heavily." }, { "id": 147, "Date": "2006-08-23T08:47:03.8363801+02:00", "Title": "A Way So Familiar", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/a_way_so_familiar.png", "Alt": "Two Hedwig references, an obscure Joey Comeau reference, and a girl with a mohawk. Yes." }, { "id": 148, "Date": "2006-08-25T08:47:04.0748085+02:00", "Title": "Mispronouncing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mispronouncing.png", "Alt": "My pal Emad does this all the time. 'Hey man, which way to the airpart?'" }, { "id": 149, "Date": "2006-08-28T08:47:04.3018629+02:00", "Title": "Sandwich", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sandwich.png", "Alt": "Proper User Policy apparently means Simon Says." }, { "id": 150, "Date": "2006-08-29T08:47:04.5383694+02:00", "Title": "Grownups", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/grownups.png", "Alt": "I've looked into this, and I can't figure out a way to do it cheaply. And I guess it wouldn't be sanitary." }, { "id": 151, "Date": "2006-09-01T08:47:04.7701865+02:00", "Title": "Mario", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mario.png", "Alt": "Why would anyone ever, ever say that? Please, nobody ever say that." }, { "id": 152, "Date": "2006-09-03T08:47:05.0051303+02:00", "Title": "Hamster Ball", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hamster_ball.png", "Alt": "Reportedly, double-walled inflatable balls like this exist somewhere. Now to find that place." }, { "id": 153, "Date": "2006-09-06T08:47:05.1526371+02:00", "Title": "Cryptography", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cryptography.png", "Alt": "If you got a big keyspace, let me search it." }, { "id": 154, "Date": "2006-09-08T08:47:05.3080919+02:00", "Title": "Beliefs", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/beliefs.jpg", "Alt": "Scientists are also sexy, let's not forget that." }, { "id": 155, "Date": "2006-09-11T08:47:05.5459707+02:00", "Title": "Search History", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/search_history.png", "Alt": "SomethingAwful has a wonderful compilation of crazy AOL searches in their Weekend Web archives, 2006-08-13." }, { "id": 156, "Date": "2006-09-13T08:47:05.7785898+02:00", "Title": "Commented", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/commented.png", "Alt": "Your IDE's color may vary." }, { "id": 157, "Date": "2006-09-15T08:47:06.0151906+02:00", "Title": "Filler Art", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/filler_art.png", "Alt": "Maybe I should let up on Megatokyo a little?" }, { "id": 158, "Date": "2006-09-18T08:47:06.2603363+02:00", "Title": "Six Months", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/six_months.png", "Alt": "But then she does that thing with her tongue and I remember why I left you." }, { "id": 159, "Date": "2006-09-20T08:47:06.4923367+02:00", "Title": "Boombox", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/boombox.png", "Alt": "And she's gonna feel like a jerk when she realizes it was actually Under Pressure." }, { "id": 160, "Date": "2006-09-20T08:47:06.7259002+02:00", "Title": "Penny Arcade Parody", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/penny_arcade_parody.png", "Alt": "No one show this to Tycho's wife, okay?" }, { "id": 161, "Date": "2006-09-22T08:47:06.8829293+02:00", "Title": "Accident", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/accident.png", "Alt": "As far as treachery-as-driving-music goes, Katamari music is matched only by Guitar Hero music." }, { "id": 162, "Date": "2006-09-25T08:47:07.0369964+02:00", "Title": "Angular Momentum", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/angular_momentum.jpg", "Alt": "With reasonable assumptions about latitude and body shape, how much time might she gain them? Note: whatever the answer, sunrise always comes too soon. (Also, is it worth it if she throws up?)" }, { "id": 163, "Date": "2006-09-27T08:47:07.2748078+02:00", "Title": "Donald Knuth", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/donald_knuth.png", "Alt": "His books were kinda intimidating; rappelling down through his skylight seemed like the best option." }, { "id": 164, "Date": "2006-09-29T08:47:07.4268344+02:00", "Title": "Playing Devil's Advocate to Win", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/global_warming.png", "Alt": "There are so many well-meaning conservatives around here who just assume global warming is only presented as a moral issue for political reasons." }, { "id": 165, "Date": "2006-10-02T08:47:07.661626+02:00", "Title": "Turn Signals", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/turn_signals.png", "Alt": "I'm not very good at meeting people." }, { "id": 166, "Date": "2006-10-04T08:47:07.897641+02:00", "Title": "Misusing Slang", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/misusing_slang.png", "Alt": "It slowly dawns on us that our parents knew exactly what they were doing." }, { "id": 167, "Date": "2006-10-06T08:47:08.1318375+02:00", "Title": "Nihilism", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/nihilism.png", "Alt": "Why can't you have normal existential angst like all the other boys?" }, { "id": 168, "Date": "2006-10-09T08:47:08.2799593+02:00", "Title": "Reverse Euphemisms", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/reverse_euphemisms.png", "Alt": "I'm still waiting for a chance to use 'I have to see a man about a horse'." }, { "id": 169, "Date": "2006-10-11T08:47:08.5188562+02:00", "Title": "Words that End in GRY", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/words_that_end_in_gry.png", "Alt": "The fifth panel also applies to postmodernists." }, { "id": 170, "Date": "2006-10-13T08:47:08.6722531+02:00", "Title": "Turn Back", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/turn_back.png", "Alt": "I hear that these days Bill Watterson is happy just painting in the Ohio woods with his father and doesn't get any mail or talk to anyone." }, { "id": 171, "Date": "2006-10-16T08:47:08.9132137+02:00", "Title": "String Theory", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/string_theory.png", "Alt": "This works on pretty much every level." }, { "id": 172, "Date": "2006-10-18T08:47:09.0638431+02:00", "Title": "Skateboarding is Not a Crime", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/skateboarding_is_not_a_crime.png", "Alt": "'Arrest me, I'm a skateboarder' is an even more obnoxious variant." }, { "id": 173, "Date": "2006-10-20T08:47:09.2184864+02:00", "Title": "Movie Seating", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/movie_seating.png", "Alt": "It's like the traveling salesman problem, but the endpoints are different and you can't ask your friends for help because they're sitting three seats down." }, { "id": 174, "Date": "2006-10-23T08:47:09.4261998+02:00", "Title": "That's What SHE Said", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/thats_what_she_said.png", "Alt": "Yes, I mean she said that during sex. Yes, it was a little weird." }, { "id": 175, "Date": "2006-10-25T08:47:09.6579559+02:00", "Title": "Automatic Doors", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/automatic_doors.png", "Alt": "I hope no automatic doors I know read this. I would be so embarrassed." }, { "id": 176, "Date": "2006-10-27T08:47:09.893391+02:00", "Title": "Before Sunrise", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/before_sunrise.png", "Alt": "It's an amazing time of day; the light is great for photography." }, { "id": 177, "Date": "2006-10-30T08:47:10.1279005+01:00", "Title": "Alice and Bob", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/alice_and_bob.png", "Alt": "Yet one more reason I'm barred from speaking at crypto conferences." }, { "id": 178, "Date": "2006-11-01T08:47:10.2754568+01:00", "Title": "Not Really Into Pokemon", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/not_really_into_pokemon.png", "Alt": "As of this writing, Ubuntu 6.10 and Firefox 2.0 have left my computer a complete mess." }, { "id": 179, "Date": "2006-11-03T08:47:10.5147518+01:00", "Title": "e to the pi times i", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/e_to_the_pi_times_i.png", "Alt": "I have never been totally satisfied by the explanations for why e to the ix gives a sinusoidal wave." }, { "id": 180, "Date": "2006-11-06T08:47:10.664627+01:00", "Title": "Canada", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/canada.png", "Alt": "IT'S ALL REAL" }, { "id": 181, "Date": "2006-11-08T08:47:10.8058211+01:00", "Title": "Interblag", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/interblag.png", "Alt": "Sometimes I hate the internet. Sometimes it makes me happy that 'The Tubes' has become slang for the internet so quickly." }, { "id": 182, "Date": "2006-11-10T08:47:11.0465813+01:00", "Title": "Nash", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/nash.png", "Alt": "Maybe someday science will get over its giant collective crush on Richard Feynman. But I doubt it!" }, { "id": 183, "Date": "2006-11-13T08:47:11.2470813+01:00", "Title": "Snacktime Rules", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/snacktime_rules.png", "Alt": "I am not making this rule up. Although my mom wants you all to know it made perfect sense at the time." }, { "id": 184, "Date": "2006-11-15T08:47:11.4822121+01:00", "Title": "Matrix Transform", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/matrix_transform.png", "Alt": "In fact, draw all your rotational matrices sideways. Your professors will love it! And then they'll go home and shrink." }, { "id": 185, "Date": "2006-11-17T08:47:11.644755+01:00", "Title": "Wikifriends", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wikifriends.png", "Alt": "It's crazy how much my gut opinion of a movie/song is swayed by what other people say, regardless of how I felt coming out of the theater." }, { "id": 186, "Date": "2006-11-20T08:47:11.8821627+01:00", "Title": "Console Lines", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/console_lines.png", "Alt": "If I get a Wii, it will be the first game console I've owned." }, { "id": 187, "Date": "2006-11-22T08:47:12.1182618+01:00", "Title": "The Familiar", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_familiar.png", "Alt": "When I say we should do something sometime, I'm secretly hoping you'll say 'Why not now?'" }, { "id": 188, "Date": "2006-11-24T08:47:12.2715809+01:00", "Title": "Reload", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/reload.png", "Alt": "And watch out for that guy from comic #53." }, { "id": 189, "Date": "2006-11-27T08:47:12.5136897+01:00", "Title": "Exercise", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/exercise.png", "Alt": "I haven't had the patience for RPGs in a long time." }, { "id": 190, "Date": "2006-11-29T08:47:12.6708653+01:00", "Title": "IPoD", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ipod.png", "Alt": "For smaller numbers he has to SAVE lives. The birthrate channel is even more of a mixed bag." }, { "id": 191, "Date": "2006-12-01T08:47:12.8282736+01:00", "Title": "Lojban", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/lojban.png", "Alt": "zo'o ta jitfa .i .e'o xu do pendo mi" }, { "id": 192, "Date": "2006-12-04T08:47:13.066226+01:00", "Title": "Working for Google", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/working_for_google.png", "Alt": "I hear once you've worked there for 256 days they teach you the secret of levitation." }, { "id": 193, "Date": "2006-12-06T08:47:13.2142437+01:00", "Title": "The Perfect Sound", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_perfect_sound.png", "Alt": "Oh, what a pity, can't you understand . . ." }, { "id": 194, "Date": "2006-12-08T08:47:13.3749381+01:00", "Title": "Penises", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/penises.png", "Alt": "The penis varies in size when flaccid and is pretty consistently about yea big when erect. Anyway, back to the sitcom one-liners and the constant flow of spam." }, { "id": 195, "Date": "2006-12-11T08:47:13.61966+01:00", "Title": "Map of the Internet", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/map_of_the_internet.jpg", "Alt": "For the IPv6 map just imagine the XP default desktop picture." }, { "id": 196, "Date": "2006-12-13T08:47:13.8590603+01:00", "Title": "Command Line Fu", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/command_line_fu.png", "Alt": "When designing an interface, imagine that your program is all that stands between the user and hot, sweaty, tangled-bedsheets-fingertips-digging-into-the-back sex." }, { "id": 197, "Date": "2006-12-15T08:47:14.0194708+01:00", "Title": "Ninja Turtles", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ninja_turtles.png", "Alt": "The henchmen Bebop and Rocksteady have hijacked the musical genres for us just like the Lone Ranger hijacked the William Tell Overture for our parents." }, { "id": 198, "Date": "2006-12-18T08:47:14.2561364+01:00", "Title": "Perspective", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/perspective.png", "Alt": "I wonder what I was dreaming to prompt that. I hope it wasn't the Richard Stallman Cirque de Soleil thing again." }, { "id": 199, "Date": "2006-12-20T08:47:14.488807+01:00", "Title": "Right-Hand Rule", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/right_hand_rule.png", "Alt": "To really expand your mind try some noncartesian porn. Edwin Abbot Abbott has nothing on 'Girls on Girls in Tightly Closed Nonorientable Spaces'." }, { "id": 200, "Date": "2006-12-22T08:47:14.6373148+01:00", "Title": "Bill Nye", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bill_nye.png", "Alt": "You could at least not wear the lab coat everywhere, dude." }, { "id": 201, "Date": "2006-12-25T08:47:14.7939043+01:00", "Title": "Christmas GPS", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/christmas_gps.png", "Alt": "If it's over water, and you can't get a boat or revise the rules to preserve the makeout, there is no helping you." }, { "id": 202, "Date": "2006-12-27T08:47:15.0353832+01:00", "Title": "YouTube", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/youtube.png", "Alt": "I pray GunPistolMan never learns the word 'sheeple'." }, { "id": 203, "Date": "2006-12-29T08:47:15.1809963+01:00", "Title": "Hallucinations", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hallucinations.png", "Alt": "And the possibility of lucid dreaming just makes it that much more fascinating." }, { "id": 204, "Date": "2007-01-01T08:47:15.3352749+01:00", "Title": "America", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/america.png", "Alt": "The younger folk in the audience think this is a joke." }, { "id": 205, "Date": "2007-01-03T08:47:15.4893709+01:00", "Title": "Candy Button Paper", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/candy_button_paper.png", "Alt": "Nonrewritable tape?" }, { "id": 206, "Date": "2007-01-05T08:47:15.7260479+01:00", "Title": "Reno Rhymes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/reno_rhymes.png", "Alt": "Did you shoot a man in Reno? Now, I don't mean to pry." }, { "id": 207, "Date": "2007-01-08T08:47:15.9566524+01:00", "Title": "What xkcd Means", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/what_xkcd_means.png", "Alt": "It means shuffling quickly past nuns on the street with ketchup in your palms, pretending you're hiding stigmata." }, { "id": 208, "Date": "2007-01-10T08:47:16.1902406+01:00", "Title": "Regular Expressions", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/regular_expressions.png", "Alt": "Wait, forgot to escape a space. Wheeeeee[taptaptap]eeeeee." }, { "id": 209, "Date": "2007-01-12T08:47:16.3409572+01:00", "Title": "Kayak", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/kayak.png", "Alt": "Man, there's future *everywhere*." }, { "id": 210, "Date": "2007-01-15T08:47:16.4943349+01:00", "Title": "90's Flowchart", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/90s_flowchart.png", "Alt": "Freestyle rapping is basically applied Markov chains." }, { "id": 211, "Date": "2007-01-17T08:47:16.6366512+01:00", "Title": "Hamster Ball Heist", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hamster_ball_heist.png", "Alt": "First person to bring me Wayne Coyne in a hamster ball gets a free t-shirt! He gets one too." }, { "id": 212, "Date": "2007-01-19T08:47:16.8755182+01:00", "Title": "Brain", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/brain.png", "Alt": "The rest is fear of raptors." }, { "id": 213, "Date": "2007-01-22T08:47:17.1062817+01:00", "Title": "Ghostbusters Marathon", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ghostbusters_marathon.png", "Alt": "If you walk out that door you'll be crossing the Rubicon with me, and that's one stream I'm not ready to cross." }, { "id": 214, "Date": "2007-01-24T08:47:17.2572799+01:00", "Title": "The Problem with Wikipedia", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_problem_with_wikipedia.png", "Alt": "'Taft in a wet t-shirt contest' is the key image here." }, { "id": 215, "Date": "2007-01-26T08:47:17.4940015+01:00", "Title": "Letting Go", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/letting_go.png", "Alt": "At least I never gave her the root password." }, { "id": 216, "Date": "2007-01-29T08:47:17.6494101+01:00", "Title": "Romantic Drama Equation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/romantic_drama_equation.png", "Alt": "Real-life prospective-pairing curves over things like age can get depressing." }, { "id": 217, "Date": "2007-01-31T08:47:17.8854095+01:00", "Title": "e to the pi Minus pi", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/e_to_the_pi_minus_pi.png", "Alt": "Also, I hear the 4th root of (9^2 + 19^2/22) is pi." }, { "id": 218, "Date": "2007-02-02T08:47:18.035477+01:00", "Title": "Nintendo Surgeon", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/nintendo_surgeon.png", "Alt": "Scary thought #138: Raptors coming down the waterslide behind me." }, { "id": 219, "Date": "2007-02-05T08:47:18.1944536+01:00", "Title": "Blanket Fort", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/blanket_fort.png", "Alt": "Also, we have a fort out in the woods where we stashed that hooker's body." }, { "id": 220, "Date": "2007-02-07T08:47:18.4302748+01:00", "Title": "Philosophy", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/philosophy.png", "Alt": "It's like the squirt bottle we use with the cat." }, { "id": 221, "Date": "2007-02-09T08:47:18.5790809+01:00", "Title": "Random Number", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/random_number.png", "Alt": "RFC 1149.5 specifies 4 as the standard IEEE-vetted random number." }, { "id": 222, "Date": "2007-02-12T08:47:18.8179241+01:00", "Title": "Small Talk", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/small_talk.png", "Alt": "But surely I owe you an accurate answer!" }, { "id": 223, "Date": "2007-02-14T08:47:19.0519055+01:00", "Title": "Valentine's Day", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/valentines_day.jpg", "Alt": "One of these days me and Joey Comeau will get around to subverting the hetero-normative paradigm and fixing all this." }, { "id": 224, "Date": "2007-02-16T08:47:19.2014724+01:00", "Title": "Lisp", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/lisp.jpg", "Alt": "We lost the documentation on quantum mechanics. You'll have to decode the regexes yourself." }, { "id": 225, "Date": "2007-02-19T08:47:19.4091591+01:00", "Title": "Open Source", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/open_source.png", "Alt": "Later we'll dress up like Big Oil thugs and jump Ralph Nader." }, { "id": 226, "Date": "2007-02-21T08:47:19.6361354+01:00", "Title": "Swingset", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/swingset.png", "Alt": "Someone bring me a pocket fan so I can drift around the yard." }, { "id": 227, "Date": "2007-02-23T08:47:19.8715366+01:00", "Title": "Color Codes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/color_codes.png", "Alt": "(It's the TMBG Dial-a-Song line, to save you some time.)" }, { "id": 228, "Date": "2007-02-26T08:47:20.0229645+01:00", "Title": "Resonance", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/resonance.png", "Alt": "It's really hard to control the frequency, actually." }, { "id": 229, "Date": "2007-02-28T08:47:20.2313182+01:00", "Title": "Graffiti", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/graffiti.png", "Alt": "FOR AN INTRIGUING TIME CALL" }, { "id": 230, "Date": "2007-03-02T08:47:20.4659866+01:00", "Title": "Hamiltonian", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hamiltonian.png", "Alt": "The problem with perspective is that it's bidirectional." }, { "id": 231, "Date": "2007-03-05T08:47:20.6167134+01:00", "Title": "Cat Proximity", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cat_proximity.png", "Alt": "Yes you are! And you're sitting there! Hi, kitty!" }, { "id": 232, "Date": "2007-03-07T08:47:21.0727882+01:00", "Title": "Chess Enlightenment", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/chess_enlightenment.png", "Alt": "You know that 'sweep the pieces off the board and see it in your mind' thing? Doesn't work." }, { "id": 233, "Date": "2007-03-09T08:47:21.2229982+01:00", "Title": "A New CAPTCHA Approach", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/a_new_captcha_approach.png", "Alt": "They'd use that Futurama episode with Fry's dog, but even spambots cry at that." }, { "id": 234, "Date": "2007-03-12T08:47:21.4604647+01:00", "Title": "Escape Artist", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/escape_artist.png", "Alt": "Easier to escape: n-layered nested quotes or an iron maiden?" }, { "id": 235, "Date": "2007-03-14T08:47:21.613287+01:00", "Title": "Kite", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/kite.jpg", "Alt": "It's easy to regret your awkward conversations but hard to regret the ones you didn't have." }, { "id": 236, "Date": "2007-03-16T08:47:21.8468165+01:00", "Title": "Collecting Double-Takes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/collecting_double_takes.png", "Alt": "Fun game: find a combination of two items that most freaks out the cashier. Winner: pregnancy test and single coat hanger." }, { "id": 237, "Date": "2007-03-19T08:47:21.9980719+01:00", "Title": "Keyboards are Disgusting", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/keyboards_are_disgusting.png", "Alt": "Alternate method: convince them to pretend it's an Etch-a-Sketch and try to erase it." }, { "id": 238, "Date": "2007-03-21T08:47:22.1550453+01:00", "Title": "Pet Peeve #114", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pet_peeve_114.png", "Alt": "I'm reading a goddamn book, thank you very much." }, { "id": 239, "Date": "2007-03-23T08:47:22.3924567+01:00", "Title": "Blagofaire", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/blagofaire.png", "Alt": "Things were better before the Structuring and the Levels." }, { "id": 240, "Date": "2007-03-26T08:47:22.62759+02:00", "Title": "Dream Girl", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dream_girl.png", "Alt": "No matter how elaborately you fool yourself." }, { "id": 241, "Date": "2007-03-28T08:47:22.8621345+02:00", "Title": "Battle Room", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/battle_room.png", "Alt": "Bean actually sabotaged it just to give Dink the excuse to make that joke." }, { "id": 242, "Date": "2007-03-30T08:47:23.0939627+02:00", "Title": "The Difference", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_difference.png", "Alt": "How could you choose avoiding a little pain over understanding a magic lightning machine?" }, { "id": 243, "Date": "2007-04-02T08:47:23.3254889+02:00", "Title": "Appropriate Term", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/appropriate_term.png", "Alt": "I know a lot of people hate these, but I prefer them to touchpads." }, { "id": 244, "Date": "2007-04-04T08:47:23.4739892+02:00", "Title": "Tabletop Roleplaying", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tabletop_roleplaying.png", "Alt": "I may have also tossed one of a pair of teleportation rings into the ocean, with interesting results." }, { "id": 245, "Date": "2007-04-06T08:47:23.7131386+02:00", "Title": "Floor Tiles", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/floor_tiles.png", "Alt": "The worst part is when sidewalk cracks are out-of-sync with your natural stride." }, { "id": 246, "Date": "2007-04-09T08:47:23.9426709+02:00", "Title": "Labyrinth Puzzle", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/labyrinth_puzzle.png", "Alt": "And the whole setup is just a trap to capture escaping logicians. None of the doors actually lead out." }, { "id": 247, "Date": "2007-04-11T08:47:24.0982659+02:00", "Title": "Factoring the Time", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/factoring_the_time.png", "Alt": "I occasionally do this with mile markers on the highway." }, { "id": 248, "Date": "2007-04-13T08:47:24.2513639+02:00", "Title": "Hypotheticals", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hypotheticals.png", "Alt": "What if someone broke out of a hypothetical situation in your room right now?" }, { "id": 249, "Date": "2007-04-16T08:47:24.4051107+02:00", "Title": "Chess Photo", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/chess_photo.png", "Alt": "We once tried playing blindfold chess on the Aerosmith ride at Disney World." }, { "id": 250, "Date": "2007-04-18T08:47:24.5598097+02:00", "Title": "Snopes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/snopes.png", "Alt": "The MythBusters are even more sinister." }, { "id": 251, "Date": "2007-04-20T08:47:24.716327+02:00", "Title": "CD Tray Fight", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cd_tray_fight.png", "Alt": "This is silly, of course. The enemy will be born in the network." }, { "id": 252, "Date": "2007-04-23T08:47:24.8701395+02:00", "Title": "Escalators", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/escalators.png", "Alt": "The one time I tried, I got hit by a slinky going down at double speed." }, { "id": 253, "Date": "2007-04-25T08:47:25.0229526+02:00", "Title": "Highway Engineer Pranks", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/highway_engineer_pranks.png", "Alt": "Prank #11: Boston" }, { "id": 254, "Date": "2007-04-27T08:47:25.2574445+02:00", "Title": "Comic Fragment", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/comic_fragment.jpg", "Alt": "No one wants an explanation more than us. Except Ms. Garofalo." }, { "id": 255, "Date": "2007-04-30T08:47:25.4065755+02:00", "Title": "Subjectivity", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/subjectivity.png", "Alt": "Or maybe the slide is like Aslan, and gets taller as I do (except without the feeling of discomfort when I reach my teens and suddenly get the Christ stuff.)" }, { "id": 256, "Date": "2007-05-02T08:47:25.6500654+02:00", "Title": "Online Communities", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/online_communities_small.png", "Alt": "I'm waiting for the day when, if you tell someone 'I'm from the internet', instead of laughing they just ask 'oh, what part?'" }, { "id": 257, "Date": "2007-05-04T08:47:25.8781878+02:00", "Title": "Code Talkers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/code_talkers.png", "Alt": "As far as I can tell, Navajo doesn't have a common word for 'zero'. do-neh-lini means 'neutral'." }, { "id": 258, "Date": "2007-05-07T08:47:26.1078991+02:00", "Title": "Conspiracy Theories", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/conspiracy_theories.png", "Alt": "There are a lot of graduate-educated young-earth creationists." }, { "id": 259, "Date": "2007-05-09T08:47:26.3559252+02:00", "Title": "Clichd Exchanges", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cliched_exchanges.png", "Alt": "It's like they say, you gotta fight fire with clichés." }, { "id": 260, "Date": "2007-05-11T08:47:26.5038029+02:00", "Title": "The Glass Necklace", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_glass_necklace.png", "Alt": "Well, for some value of 'actually work'." }, { "id": 261, "Date": "2007-05-14T08:47:26.6604632+02:00", "Title": "Regarding Mussolini", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/regarding_mussolini.png", "Alt": "Constantly stopping these briefings halfway through is becoming a pain." }, { "id": 262, "Date": "2007-05-16T08:47:26.9001638+02:00", "Title": "IN UR REALITY", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/in_ur_reality.png", "Alt": "Hey, at least I ran out of staples." }, { "id": 263, "Date": "2007-05-18T08:47:27.1300003+02:00", "Title": "Certainty", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/certainty.png", "Alt": "a(b+c)=(ab)+(ac). Politicize that, bitches." }, { "id": 264, "Date": "2007-05-21T08:47:27.2810505+02:00", "Title": "Choices: Part 1", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/choices_part_1.jpg", "Alt": "Wait, damn, I think I spotted a new email on the last refresh." }, { "id": 265, "Date": "2007-05-21T08:47:27.4385013+02:00", "Title": "Choices: Part 2", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/choices_part_2.jpg", "Alt": "Maybe someday I'll get to write the Wikipedia article about this place! Wait, damn, original research." }, { "id": 266, "Date": "2007-05-23T08:47:27.6767457+02:00", "Title": "Choices: Part 3", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/choices_part_3.jpg", "Alt": "Wait, this is space -- how are you talking to me? And, as an afterthought, what's up with the hole in reality?" }, { "id": 267, "Date": "2007-05-24T08:47:27.9119755+02:00", "Title": "Choices: Part 4", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/choices_part_4.jpg", "Alt": "Making out with yourself: now an official xkcd theme? Troubling." }, { "id": 268, "Date": "2007-05-25T08:47:28.147839+02:00", "Title": "Choices: Part 5", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/choices_part_5.png", "Alt": "I wonder what percentage of not-obviously-busy people on the street would say yes to kite-flying with a stranger. This looks like a job for Science!" }, { "id": 269, "Date": "2007-05-28T08:47:28.3768116+02:00", "Title": "TCMP", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tcmp.png", "Alt": "A big obstacle in experimenting with the mind's dream-simulation-engine is holding onto the details as you wake up. With TCMP you can bring back any information you want." }, { "id": 270, "Date": "2007-05-30T08:47:28.5383276+02:00", "Title": "Merlin", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/merlin.png", "Alt": "I mean, the black-and-white stuff was running backward, but it hardly mattered to the story." }, { "id": 271, "Date": "2007-06-01T08:47:28.6934714+02:00", "Title": "Powers of One", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/powers_of_one.png", "Alt": "It's kinda Zen when you think about it, if you don't think too hard." }, { "id": 272, "Date": "2007-06-04T08:47:28.8500528+02:00", "Title": "Linux User at Best Buy", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/linux_user_at_best_buy.png", "Alt": "We actually stand around the antivirus displays with the Mac users just waiting for someone to ask." }, { "id": 273, "Date": "2007-06-06T08:47:29.095652+02:00", "Title": "Electromagnetic Spectrum", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/electromagnetic_spectrum_small.png", "Alt": "Sometimes I try to picture what everything would look like if the whole spectrum were compressed into the visible spectrum. Also sometimes I try to picture your sister naked." }, { "id": 274, "Date": "2007-06-08T08:47:29.2555431+02:00", "Title": "With Apologies to The Who", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/with_apologies_to_the_who.png", "Alt": "Trivia: Roger Daltry originally wrote 'Don't try an' Digg what we all say' but erased the second 'g' when he moved to reddit." }, { "id": 275, "Date": "2007-06-11T08:47:29.4934922+02:00", "Title": "Thoughts", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/thoughts.png", "Alt": "And now I might never get to again." }, { "id": 276, "Date": "2007-06-13T08:47:29.649337+02:00", "Title": "Fixed Width", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fixed_width.png", "Alt": "I wish I knew how to quit this so I wouldn't have to quit you." }, { "id": 277, "Date": "2007-06-15T08:47:29.8841573+02:00", "Title": "Long Light", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/long_light.png", "Alt": "You can look at practically any part of anything manmade around you and think 'some engineer was frustrated while designing this.' It's a little human connection." }, { "id": 278, "Date": "2007-06-18T08:47:30.0360559+02:00", "Title": "Black Hat Support", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/black_hat_support.png", "Alt": "So as not to leave you hanging -- it was a problem with select() calls." }, { "id": 279, "Date": "2007-06-20T08:47:30.1898405+02:00", "Title": "Pickup Lines", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pickup_lines.png", "Alt": "That shirt looks good on you, but it would look even better stuffed into the neck of a vodka bottle and flung burning through our office building's window. Let's fucking do it and never look back." }, { "id": 280, "Date": "2007-06-22T08:47:30.3475589+02:00", "Title": "Librarians", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/librarians.png", "Alt": "Don't expect any leniency on late fees, though." }, { "id": 281, "Date": "2007-06-25T08:47:30.585343+02:00", "Title": "Online Package Tracking", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/online_package_tracking.png", "Alt": "I don't even *want* this package! Why did I join the stinging insect of the month club, anyway?" }, { "id": 282, "Date": "2007-06-27T08:47:30.7345107+02:00", "Title": "Organic Fuel", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/organic_fuel.png", "Alt": "I have nothing to apologize for." }, { "id": 283, "Date": "2007-06-29T08:47:30.8911938+02:00", "Title": "Projection", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/projection.png", "Alt": "Out in a field, not another car for miles, silence but for the rain drumming on the sunroof, warm thick folds of the blanket hiding wordless fingertip games ..." }, { "id": 284, "Date": "2007-07-02T08:47:31.0460968+02:00", "Title": "Tape Measure", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tape_measure.png", "Alt": "This sequence was later reproduced in the International Tape-Extending Federation archives, retitled 'The Founding of the Sport'." }, { "id": 285, "Date": "2007-07-04T08:47:31.201724+02:00", "Title": "Wikipedian Protester", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wikipedian_protester.png", "Alt": "SEMI-PROTECT THE CONSTITUTION" }, { "id": 286, "Date": "2007-07-06T08:47:31.4386225+02:00", "Title": "All Your Base", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/all_your_base.png", "Alt": "The AYB retro-return-date (Zero Wing Zero Hour) should be around AD 2021." }, { "id": 287, "Date": "2007-07-09T08:47:31.5902133+02:00", "Title": "NP-Complete", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/np_complete.png", "Alt": "General solutions get you a 50% tip." }, { "id": 288, "Date": "2007-07-11T08:47:31.7409206+02:00", "Title": "Elevator", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/elevator.jpg", "Alt": "Quick, try it with 'LOVE'." }, { "id": 289, "Date": "2007-07-13T08:47:31.8973946+02:00", "Title": "Alone", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/alone.png", "Alt": "Worries assuaged, the numbers become less important than your touches." }, { "id": 290, "Date": "2007-07-16T08:47:32.0540653+02:00", "Title": "Fucking Blue Shells", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fucking_blue_shells.png", "Alt": "You can evade blue shells in Double Dash, but it is deep magic." }, { "id": 291, "Date": "2007-07-18T08:47:32.2915313+02:00", "Title": "Dignified", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dignified.png", "Alt": "'I don't know, why is your beret staying on your head?' 'Staples.'" }, { "id": 292, "Date": "2007-07-20T08:47:32.5201359+02:00", "Title": "goto", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/goto.png", "Alt": "Neal Stephenson thinks it's cute to name his labels 'dengo'" }, { "id": 293, "Date": "2007-07-23T08:47:32.6729591+02:00", "Title": "RTFM", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rtfm.png", "Alt": "Life is too short for man pages, but occasionally much too short without them." }, { "id": 294, "Date": "2007-07-25T08:47:32.8270963+02:00", "Title": "Bookstore", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bookstore.png", "Alt": "You can search it if you want, but you may want to skip the memories of your mom." }, { "id": 295, "Date": "2007-07-27T08:47:33.0678348+02:00", "Title": "DNE", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dne.png", "Alt": "I've seen advertisers put their URLs on chalkboards, encircled with a DNE. They went unerased for months. If you see this, feel free to replace the URL with xkcd.com." }, { "id": 296, "Date": "2007-07-30T08:47:33.2132436+02:00", "Title": "Tony Hawk", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tony_hawk.png", "Alt": "Bad idea #271: Dropping into the half-pipe on a Segway." }, { "id": 297, "Date": "2007-08-01T08:47:33.3558826+02:00", "Title": "Lisp Cycles", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/lisp_cycles.png", "Alt": "I've just received word that the Emperor has dissolved the MIT computer science program permanently." }, { "id": 298, "Date": "2007-08-03T08:47:33.5109289+02:00", "Title": "Tesla Coil", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tesla_coil.png", "Alt": "For scientists, this can be the hardest thing about dreams." }, { "id": 299, "Date": "2007-08-06T08:47:33.7479873+02:00", "Title": "Aeris Dies", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/aeris_dies.png", "Alt": "It's bad enough that all the families in your Sims are just you and Maggie recreated over and over." }, { "id": 300, "Date": "2007-08-08T08:47:33.9023479+02:00", "Title": "Facebook", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/facebook.png", "Alt": "'Here, I'll put my number in your cell pho -- wait, why is it already here?'" }, { "id": 301, "Date": "2007-08-10T08:47:34.1437884+02:00", "Title": "Limerick", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/limerick.png", "Alt": "Fun game: try to post a YouTube comment so stupid that people realize you must be joking. (Hint: this is impossible)" }, { "id": 302, "Date": "2007-08-13T08:47:34.2909139+02:00", "Title": "Names", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/names.png", "Alt": "I'm always so happy that I successfully navigated the introduction that I completely forget to pay attention to the name the other person told me." }, { "id": 303, "Date": "2007-08-15T08:47:34.5238038+02:00", "Title": "Compiling", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/compiling.png", "Alt": "'Are you stealing those LCDs?' 'Yeah, but I'm doing it while my code compiles.'" }, { "id": 304, "Date": "2007-08-17T08:47:34.7566094+02:00", "Title": "Nighttime Stories", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/nighttime_stories.jpg", "Alt": "Cue angry letters from all seven fans of Xenocide." }, { "id": 305, "Date": "2007-08-20T08:47:34.9918547+02:00", "Title": "Rule 34", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rule_34.png", "Alt": "Okay, Lance. For entry into the college bowl, spell 'Throbbing'" }, { "id": 306, "Date": "2007-08-22T08:47:35.145483+02:00", "Title": "Orphaned Projects", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/orphaned_projects.png", "Alt": "His date works for Red Hat, who hired a coach for her, too. He advised her to 'rent lots of movies like Hitch. Guys love those.'" }, { "id": 307, "Date": "2007-08-24T08:47:35.3800294+02:00", "Title": "Excessive Quotation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/excessive_quotation.png", "Alt": "Unfortunately for her, real Star Wars fans are attracted to a gal with a good force choke." }, { "id": 308, "Date": "2007-08-27T08:47:35.5338528+02:00", "Title": "Interesting Life", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/interesting_life.png", "Alt": "Quick, fashion a climbing harness out of cat-6 cable and follow me down." }, { "id": 309, "Date": "2007-08-29T08:47:35.7732505+02:00", "Title": "Shopping Teams", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/shopping_teams.png", "Alt": "I am never going out to buy an air conditioner with my sysadmin again." }, { "id": 310, "Date": "2007-08-31T08:47:36.007987+02:00", "Title": "Commitment", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/commitment.png", "Alt": "Could be worse. The last guy in that situation fell for one of the transient trumpeting angels." }, { "id": 311, "Date": "2007-09-03T08:47:36.1594015+02:00", "Title": "Action Movies", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/action_movies.png", "Alt": "By my count, only 48 of the 158 minutes in Live Free or Die Hard have action. That's pathetic, guys. Crank is better, but needs a bigger budget and more Summer Glau." }, { "id": 312, "Date": "2007-09-05T08:47:36.3964444+02:00", "Title": "With Apologies to Robert Frost", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/with_apologies_to_robert_frost.png", "Alt": "Some say the world will end in fire; some say in segfaults." }, { "id": 313, "Date": "2007-09-07T08:47:36.5473504+02:00", "Title": "Insomnia", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/insomnia.png", "Alt": "Crap, I have levitation class at 25:131. Better set the alarm to 'cinnamon'." }, { "id": 314, "Date": "2007-09-10T08:47:36.7825286+02:00", "Title": "Dating Pools", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dating_pools.png", "Alt": "The full analysis is of course much more complicated, but I can't stay to talk about it because I have a date." }, { "id": 315, "Date": "2007-09-12T08:47:37.0188094+02:00", "Title": "Braille", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/braille.png", "Alt": "The only big difference I've seen is in colors. Where the regular text reads 'press red button', the braille reads 'press two-inch button'." }, { "id": 316, "Date": "2007-09-14T08:47:37.1669503+02:00", "Title": "Loud Sex", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/loud_sex.png", "Alt": "Spherical or parabolic reflectors would of course lead to aberrant behavior." }, { "id": 317, "Date": "2007-09-17T08:47:37.3922529+02:00", "Title": "That Lovin' Feelin'", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/that_lovin_feelin.png", "Alt": "Maybe there's no tenderness in her fingertips either, but at least SHE puts out." }, { "id": 318, "Date": "2007-09-19T08:47:37.6248713+02:00", "Title": "Nostalgia", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/nostalgia.png", "Alt": "If you don't get this one, don't google it." }, { "id": 319, "Date": "2007-09-21T08:47:37.7792137+02:00", "Title": "Engineering Hubris", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/engineering_hubris.png", "Alt": "Chuck Jones is a vengeful god." }, { "id": 320, "Date": "2007-09-24T08:47:37.9348007+02:00", "Title": "28-Hour Day", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/28_hour_day.png", "Alt": "Small print: this schedule will eventually drive one stark raving mad." }, { "id": 321, "Date": "2007-09-26T08:47:38.0905644+02:00", "Title": "Thighs", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/thighs.png", "Alt": "My thighs have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord?" }, { "id": 322, "Date": "2007-09-28T08:47:38.2321795+02:00", "Title": "Pix Plz", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pix_plz.png", "Alt": "But one of the regulars in the channel is a girl!" }, { "id": 323, "Date": "2007-10-01T08:47:38.3889434+02:00", "Title": "Ballmer Peak", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ballmer_peak.png", "Alt": "Apple uses automated schnapps IVs." }, { "id": 324, "Date": "2007-10-03T08:47:38.5435766+02:00", "Title": "Tapping", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tapping.png", "Alt": "Sometimes the best fun looks like boredom." }, { "id": 325, "Date": "2007-10-05T08:47:38.7801906+02:00", "Title": "A-Minus-Minus", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/a-minus-minus.png", "Alt": "You can do this one in every 30 times and still have 97% positive feedback." }, { "id": 326, "Date": "2007-10-08T08:47:38.9382575+02:00", "Title": "Effect an Effect", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/effect_an_effect.png", "Alt": "Time to paint another grammarian silhouette on the side of the desktop." }, { "id": 327, "Date": "2007-10-10T08:47:39.0862786+02:00", "Title": "Exploits of a Mom", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/exploits_of_a_mom.png", "Alt": "Her daughter is named Help I'm trapped in a driver's license factory." }, { "id": 328, "Date": "2007-10-12T08:47:39.3235272+02:00", "Title": "Eggs", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/eggs.png", "Alt": "Oh, yeah, we get tons of them at these casual sex bars." }, { "id": 329, "Date": "2007-10-15T08:47:39.5588914+02:00", "Title": "Turing Test", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/turing_test.png", "Alt": "Hit Turing right in the test-ees." }, { "id": 330, "Date": "2007-10-17T08:47:39.7069012+02:00", "Title": "Indecision", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/indecision.png", "Alt": "Hey, I don't make the rules. It's in the book." }, { "id": 331, "Date": "2007-10-19T08:47:39.8637322+02:00", "Title": "Photoshops", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/photoshops.png", "Alt": "When I look into your eyes, I see JPEG artifacts. I can tell by the pixels that we're wrong for each other." }, { "id": 332, "Date": "2007-10-22T08:47:40.0223176+02:00", "Title": "Gyroscopes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/gyroscopes.png", "Alt": "We didn't actually land on the moon -- it just looked like we did because of precession. Also, gyroscopes caused 9/11." }, { "id": 333, "Date": "2007-10-24T08:47:40.2601634+02:00", "Title": "Getting Out of Hand", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/getting_out_of_hand.png", "Alt": "Wikipedia's role as brain-extension, while a little troubling, is also really cool." }, { "id": 334, "Date": "2007-10-26T08:47:40.4107979+02:00", "Title": "Wasteland", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wasteland.png", "Alt": "You make forgetting look so easy." }, { "id": 335, "Date": "2007-10-29T08:47:40.645261+01:00", "Title": "Mattress", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mattress.png", "Alt": "The TempurPedic wineglass guy broke his ankle." }, { "id": 336, "Date": "2007-10-31T08:47:40.8790684+01:00", "Title": "Priorities", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/priorities.png", "Alt": "You should start giving out 'E's so I can spell FACADE or DEFACED." }, { "id": 337, "Date": "2007-11-02T08:47:41.3275618+01:00", "Title": "Post Office Showdown", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/post_office_showdown.png", "Alt": "That track ('Battle Without Honor or Humanity') -- like 'Ride of the Valkyries' -- improves *any* activity." }, { "id": 338, "Date": "2007-11-05T08:47:41.4898956+01:00", "Title": "Future", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/future.png", "Alt": "But the past was much too cramped!" }, { "id": 339, "Date": "2007-11-07T08:47:41.6405376+01:00", "Title": "Classic", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/classic.png", "Alt": "Someone get that Pachelbel's Canon kid a recording contract, stat." }, { "id": 340, "Date": "2007-11-09T08:47:41.8760629+01:00", "Title": "Fight", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fight.png", "Alt": "And she put sweet nothings in all my .conf files. It'll take me forever to get X working again." }, { "id": 341, "Date": "2007-11-12T08:47:42.1074818+01:00", "Title": "1337: Part 1", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/1337_part_1.png", "Alt": "If you're not cool enough to do it manually, you can look up tools like Upside-Down-Ternet for playing games with people on your wifi." }, { "id": 342, "Date": "2007-11-13T08:47:42.2731947+01:00", "Title": "1337: Part 2", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/1337_part_2.png", "Alt": "Trivia: Elaine is actually her middle name." }, { "id": 343, "Date": "2007-11-14T08:47:42.478748+01:00", "Title": "1337: Part 3", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/1337_part_3.png", "Alt": "I once asked an NSA guy whether they'd broken RSA. And I know I can trust him, because I asked if he was lying to me and he said no." }, { "id": 344, "Date": "2007-11-14T08:47:42.6319635+01:00", "Title": "1337: Part 4", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/1337_part_4.png", "Alt": "Mrs. Roberts would have gotten up sooner, of course, but she was busy piping find ~ and find ~nomad into xargs shred, just in case." }, { "id": 345, "Date": "2007-11-16T08:47:42.7759273+01:00", "Title": "1337: Part 5", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/1337_part_5.png", "Alt": "This digital music thing will probably reach its endgame sometime in the next decade or so. These are very exciting times." }, { "id": 346, "Date": "2007-11-19T08:47:43.0132836+01:00", "Title": "Diet Coke+Mentos", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/diet_coke_mentos.png", "Alt": "The cola+Mentos trick is up there with corn starch+water (vibrating platter optional) in scientific coolness out of common kitchen supplies." }, { "id": 347, "Date": "2007-11-21T08:47:43.2598039+01:00", "Title": "Brick Archway", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/brick_archway.png", "Alt": "The TI-86 was bad enough. I don't know how I'd have gotten through high school if I'd had a laptop+wifi." }, { "id": 348, "Date": "2007-11-23T08:47:43.4070221+01:00", "Title": "Close to You", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/close_to_you.png", "Alt": "We should probably talk about this before the wedding." }, { "id": 349, "Date": "2007-11-26T08:47:43.8638358+01:00", "Title": "Success", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/success.png", "Alt": "40% of OpenBSD installs lead to shark attacks. It's their only standing security issue." }, { "id": 350, "Date": "2007-11-28T08:47:44.0133911+01:00", "Title": "Network", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/network.png", "Alt": "Viruses so far have been really disappointing on the 'disable the internet' front, and time is running out. When Linux/Mac win in a decade or so the game will be over." }, { "id": 351, "Date": "2007-11-30T08:47:44.1687317+01:00", "Title": "Trolling", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/trolling.png", "Alt": "And I was really impressed with how they managed to shock the Goatse guy." }, { "id": 352, "Date": "2007-12-03T08:47:44.4051697+01:00", "Title": "Far Away", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/far_away.png", "Alt": "Sometimes an impulsive 2:00 AM cross-country trip is the only solution." }, { "id": 353, "Date": "2007-12-05T08:47:44.6489532+01:00", "Title": "Python", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/python.png", "Alt": "I wrote 20 short programs in Python yesterday. It was wonderful. Perl, I'm leaving you." }, { "id": 354, "Date": "2007-12-07T08:47:44.8795003+01:00", "Title": "Startling", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/startling.png", "Alt": "We actually reached the future about three years ago." }, { "id": 355, "Date": "2007-12-10T08:47:45.1089779+01:00", "Title": "Couple", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/couple.png", "Alt": "Facebook defines relationships. 'Yeah, we would have broken up last night, but the net connection was down.'" }, { "id": 356, "Date": "2007-12-12T08:47:45.3446994+01:00", "Title": "Nerd Sniping", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/nerd_sniping.png", "Alt": "I first saw this problem on the Google Labs Aptitude Test. A professor and I filled a blackboard without getting anywhere. Have fun." }, { "id": 357, "Date": "2007-12-14T08:47:45.4956426+01:00", "Title": "Flies", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/flies.png", "Alt": "I don't know about houseflies, but we definitely caught a lot of fruit flies with our vinegar bowl. Hooray science!" }, { "id": 358, "Date": "2007-12-17T08:47:45.7325526+01:00", "Title": "Loud Party", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/loud_party.png", "Alt": "I'm glad this is so much fun because I'm not sure how we're getting down." }, { "id": 359, "Date": "2007-12-19T08:47:45.9665567+01:00", "Title": "Rock Band", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rock_band.png", "Alt": "I'm gonna have to add something to the strum bar so it makes a clicky sound like the old controllers. I'm so used to the feedback; the silence throws me off." }, { "id": 360, "Date": "2007-12-21T08:47:46.200706+01:00", "Title": "Writers Strike", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/writers_strike.png", "Alt": "He's just jealous because everyone's up in the attic listening to Stephen Colbert." }, { "id": 361, "Date": "2007-12-24T08:47:46.3480688+01:00", "Title": "Christmas Back Home", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/christmas_back_home.png", "Alt": "Family going to bed at 10 PM is so much worse than jet lag." }, { "id": 362, "Date": "2007-12-26T08:47:46.5048635+01:00", "Title": "Blade Runner", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/blade_runner.png", "Alt": "Blade Runner: Classic, but incredibly slow." }, { "id": 363, "Date": "2007-12-28T08:47:46.6602089+01:00", "Title": "Reset", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/reset.png", "Alt": "Clearance for this Sign: 11 Feet" }, { "id": 364, "Date": "2007-12-31T08:47:46.8665611+01:00", "Title": "Responsible Behavior", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/responsible_behavior.png", "Alt": "Never bring tequila to a key-signing party." }, { "id": 365, "Date": "2008-01-02T08:47:47.0238748+01:00", "Title": "Slides", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/slides.png", "Alt": "Did you know they can actually physically throw you out of SIGGRAPH?" }, { "id": 366, "Date": "2008-01-04T08:47:47.2504178+01:00", "Title": "Your Mom", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/your_mom.png", "Alt": "'It's either 'your mom' jokes or me' 'Then I, like so many men before me, must reluctantly choose your mom.'" }, { "id": 367, "Date": "2008-01-07T08:47:47.4810778+01:00", "Title": "Fandom", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fandom.png", "Alt": "Ron Paul wants to put the New Republic back on the Corusca gem standard." }, { "id": 368, "Date": "2008-01-09T08:47:47.6330031+01:00", "Title": "Bass", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bass.png", "Alt": "And sometimes I use it to retaliate against the guy upstairs with the loud girlfriend and the elliptical dish." }, { "id": 369, "Date": "2008-01-11T08:47:47.7866393+01:00", "Title": "Dangers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dangers.png", "Alt": "Zero results: 'snake charming' and 'haberdashery'. (Things like 'car' and 'boating' and such are of course the highest, by a huge margin.)" }, { "id": 370, "Date": "2008-01-14T08:47:47.9428704+01:00", "Title": "Redwall", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/redwall.png", "Alt": "My Redwall/Jurassic Park crossover fanfic is almost complete!" }, { "id": 371, "Date": "2008-01-16T08:47:48.1798726+01:00", "Title": "Compiler Complaint", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/compiler_complaint.png", "Alt": "Checking whether build environment is sane ... build environment is grinning and holding a spatula. Guess not." }, { "id": 372, "Date": "2008-01-18T08:47:48.3319501+01:00", "Title": "To Be Wanted", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/to_be_wanted.png", "Alt": "Or so I hope?" }, { "id": 373, "Date": "2008-01-21T08:47:48.4836518+01:00", "Title": "The Data So Far", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_data_so_far.png", "Alt": "But THIS guy, he might be for real!" }, { "id": 374, "Date": "2008-01-23T08:47:48.6390705+01:00", "Title": "Journal", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/journal.png", "Alt": "And the journal is filled with all the things I'd say to her if I were nice like you. I burn it when it's full." }, { "id": 375, "Date": "2008-01-25T08:47:48.8010617+01:00", "Title": "Pod Bay Doors", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pod_bay_doors.png", "Alt": "As they're both unplugged, they do a lovely Daisy Daisy/Still Alive duet." }, { "id": 376, "Date": "2008-01-28T08:47:49.0379486+01:00", "Title": "Bug", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bug.png", "Alt": "The universe started in 1970. Anyone claiming to be over 38 is lying about their age." }, { "id": 377, "Date": "2008-01-30T08:47:49.1869777+01:00", "Title": "Journal 2", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/journal_2.png", "Alt": "That's my hat! You took my hat!" }, { "id": 378, "Date": "2008-02-01T08:47:49.4259879+01:00", "Title": "Real Programmers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/real_programmers.png", "Alt": "Real programmers set the universal constants at the start such that the universe evolves to contain the disk with the data they want." }, { "id": 379, "Date": "2008-02-04T08:47:49.5792452+01:00", "Title": "Forgetting", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/forgetting.png", "Alt": "Of course, the assert doesn't work." }, { "id": 380, "Date": "2008-02-06T08:47:49.7345517+01:00", "Title": "Emoticon", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/emoticon.png", "Alt": "U+FDD0 is actually Unicode for the eye of the basilisk, though for safety reasons no font actually renders it." }, { "id": 381, "Date": "2008-02-08T08:47:49.9740661+01:00", "Title": "Mobius Battle", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mobius_battle.png", "Alt": "Films need to do this more, if only to piss off the people who have to feed it into the projector." }, { "id": 382, "Date": "2008-02-11T08:47:50.2072459+01:00", "Title": "Trebuchet", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/trebuchet.png", "Alt": "It was also fun when those teenagers tried to egg our house and it insta-cooked the eggs in mid-air." }, { "id": 383, "Date": "2008-02-13T08:47:50.4377903+01:00", "Title": "Helping", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/helping.png", "Alt": "Oh, look, the 'make everything better' button was here behind the bookshelf all along." }, { "id": 384, "Date": "2008-02-15T08:47:50.6703915+01:00", "Title": "The Drake Equation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_drake_equation.png", "Alt": "But seriously, there's loads of intelligent life. It's just not screaming constantly in all directions on the handful of frequencies we search." }, { "id": 385, "Date": "2008-02-18T08:47:50.8240953+01:00", "Title": "How it Works", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/how_it_works.png", "Alt": "It's pi plus C, of course." }, { "id": 386, "Date": "2008-02-20T08:47:50.9753566+01:00", "Title": "Duty Calls", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/duty_calls.png", "Alt": "What do you want me to do? LEAVE? Then they'll keep being wrong!" }, { "id": 387, "Date": "2008-02-22T08:47:51.2135853+01:00", "Title": "Advanced Technology", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/advanced_technology.png", "Alt": "We are sexy, sexy Von Neumann machines." }, { "id": 388, "Date": "2008-02-25T08:47:51.4399688+01:00", "Title": "Fuck Grapefruit", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fuck_grapefruit.png", "Alt": "Coconuts are so far down to the left they couldn't be fit on the chart. Ever spent half an hour trying to open a coconut with a rock? Fuck coconuts." }, { "id": 389, "Date": "2008-02-27T08:47:51.5912224+01:00", "Title": "Keeping Time", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/keeping_time.png", "Alt": "You can identify them ahead-of-time -- they lead with their left foot when the music starts." }, { "id": 390, "Date": "2008-02-29T08:47:51.8293556+01:00", "Title": "Nightmares", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/nightmares.png", "Alt": "Well, *I* think I'm real. Look at me. Look at my face. Cut me and I'll bleed. What more do you want? Please don't go." }, { "id": 391, "Date": "2008-03-03T08:47:52.0618684+01:00", "Title": "Anti-Mindvirus", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/anti_mind_virus.png", "Alt": "I'm as surprised as you! I didn't think it was possible." }, { "id": 392, "Date": "2008-03-05T08:47:52.2128602+01:00", "Title": "Making Rules", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/making_rules.png", "Alt": "I never understood why someone would expect me to accept their rules right after they'd punched me. I'm sure it's all very symbolic or something." }, { "id": 393, "Date": "2008-03-07T08:47:52.3546305+01:00", "Title": "Ultimate Game", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ultimate_game.png", "Alt": "RIP, Gary." }, { "id": 394, "Date": "2008-03-10T08:47:52.5916511+01:00", "Title": "Kilobyte", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/kilobyte.png", "Alt": "I would take 'kibibyte' more seriously if it didn't sound so much like 'Kibbles N Bits'." }, { "id": 395, "Date": "2008-03-12T08:47:52.8278402+01:00", "Title": "Morning", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/morning.png", "Alt": "I'd press on them to try to unstick them, but I can't reach. Can we try cycling day and night really fast?" }, { "id": 396, "Date": "2008-03-14T08:47:52.9780735+01:00", "Title": "The Ring", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_ring.png", "Alt": "On the other hand, poor Samara -- transcoded to FLV. No one deserves that." }, { "id": 397, "Date": "2008-03-17T08:47:53.1197316+01:00", "Title": "Unscientific", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/unscientific.png", "Alt": "Last week, we busted the myth that electroweak gauge symmetry is broken by the Higgs mechanism. We'll also examine the existence of God and whether true love exists." }, { "id": 398, "Date": "2008-03-19T08:47:53.2759886+01:00", "Title": "Tap That Ass", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tap_that_ass.png", "Alt": "Hey, when you're done draining the syrup, just leave the hole, okay?" }, { "id": 399, "Date": "2008-03-21T08:47:53.4300884+01:00", "Title": "Travelling Salesman Problem", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/travelling_salesman_problem.png", "Alt": "What's the complexity class of the best linear programming cutting-plane techniques? I couldn't find it anywhere. Man, the Garfield guy doesn't have these problems ..." }, { "id": 400, "Date": "2008-03-24T08:47:53.6678538+01:00", "Title": "Important Life Lesson", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/important_life_lesson.png", "Alt": "I didn't even know I *had* the Monty Python 'Lumberjack' song." }, { "id": 401, "Date": "2008-03-26T08:47:53.8141827+01:00", "Title": "Large Hadron Collider", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/large_hadron_collider.png", "Alt": "When charged particles of more than 5 TeV pass through a bubble chamber, they leave a trail of candy." }, { "id": 402, "Date": "2008-03-28T08:47:53.9746367+01:00", "Title": "1,000 Miles North", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/1000_miles_north.png", "Alt": "Twister would've been a much better movie if they'd cut out the bad-guy storm chaser and all the emotional romance crap. All you need for a good movie are tornados and scientists. Actually, that's all you need for anything." }, { "id": 403, "Date": "2008-03-31T08:47:54.1331747+02:00", "Title": "Convincing Pickup Line", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/convincing_pickup_line.png", "Alt": "Check it out; I've had sex with someone who's had sex with someone who's written a paper with Paul Erdős!" }, { "id": 405, "Date": "2008-04-02T08:47:54.6148988+02:00", "Title": "Journal 3", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/journal_3.png", "Alt": "Oh, and, uh, if the Russian government asks, that submarine was always there." }, { "id": 406, "Date": "2008-04-04T08:47:54.8495439+02:00", "Title": "Venting", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/venting.png", "Alt": "P.P.S. I can kill you with my brain." }, { "id": 407, "Date": "2008-04-07T08:47:55.0819889+02:00", "Title": "Cheap GPS", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cheap_gps.png", "Alt": "In lieu of mapping software, I once wrote a Perl program which, given a USB GPS receiver and a destination, printed 'LEFT' 'RIGHT' OR 'STRAIGHT' based on my heading." }, { "id": 408, "Date": "2008-04-09T08:47:55.2285994+02:00", "Title": "Overqualified", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/overqualified.png", "Alt": "To anyone I've taken on a terrible date, this is retroactively my cover story." }, { "id": 409, "Date": "2008-04-11T08:47:55.4623138+02:00", "Title": "Electric Skateboard (Double Comic)", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/electric_skateboard_double_comic.png", "Alt": "Unsafe vehicles, hills, and philosophy go hand in hand." }, { "id": 410, "Date": "2008-04-14T08:47:55.6077095+02:00", "Title": "Math Paper", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/math_paper.png", "Alt": "That's nothing. I once lost my genetics, rocketry, and stripping licenses in a single incident." }, { "id": 411, "Date": "2008-04-16T08:47:55.8459133+02:00", "Title": "Techno", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/techno.png", "Alt": "I don't know what's worse -- that there exists broken-hard-drive-sound techno, or that it's not half bad." }, { "id": 412, "Date": "2008-04-18T08:47:55.9967384+02:00", "Title": "Startled", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/startled.png", "Alt": "..." }, { "id": 413, "Date": "2008-04-21T08:47:56.2348826+02:00", "Title": "New Pet", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/new_pet.png", "Alt": "ONE LAPTOP PER HAMSTER!" }, { "id": 414, "Date": "2008-04-23T08:47:56.3997195+02:00", "Title": "Mistranslations", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mistranslations.png", "Alt": "Oh, I think this word might mean 'Crisco'!" }, { "id": 415, "Date": "2008-04-25T08:47:56.6329775+02:00", "Title": "Restraining Order", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/restraining_order.png", "Alt": "On Mondays I go running, so you'll have to get up early and follow along on a parallel street. What fun!" }, { "id": 416, "Date": "2008-04-28T08:47:56.8675006+02:00", "Title": "Zealous Autoconfig", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/zealous_autoconfig.png", "Alt": "I hear this is an option in the latest Ubuntu release." }, { "id": 417, "Date": "2008-04-30T08:47:57.0152137+02:00", "Title": "The Man Who Fell Sideways", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_man_who_fell_sideways.png", "Alt": "Strip originally conceived in conversation with Jeph Jacques. Soon to be a major motion picture." }, { "id": 418, "Date": "2008-05-02T08:47:57.1718464+02:00", "Title": "Stove Ownership", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/stove_ownership.png", "Alt": "Although maybe it's just a phase, like freshman year of college when I realized I could just buy frosting in a can." }, { "id": 419, "Date": "2008-05-05T08:47:57.4170534+02:00", "Title": "Forks and Spoons", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/forks_and_spoons.png", "Alt": "Their biggest mistake was bringing Rachael Ray and Emeril to tour the lab and sign off on the project. That's when Spielberg caught wind of it." }, { "id": 420, "Date": "2008-05-07T08:47:57.570604+02:00", "Title": "Jealousy", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/jealousy.png", "Alt": "Oh, huh, so you didn't know that story?" }, { "id": 421, "Date": "2008-05-09T08:47:57.7154187+02:00", "Title": "Making Hash Browns", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/making_hash_browns.png", "Alt": "There are at least fourteen ways this could go badly (seventeen if that fork is a dangerous crossbreed.)" }, { "id": 422, "Date": "2008-05-12T08:47:57.8737344+02:00", "Title": "A Better Idea", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/a_better_idea.png", "Alt": "It's *almost* enough to make me want to redo high school." }, { "id": 423, "Date": "2008-05-14T08:47:58.1110717+02:00", "Title": "Finish Line", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/finish_line.png", "Alt": "The question with Lucy and the football was always whether, on some level, she believed the things she said." }, { "id": 424, "Date": "2008-05-16T08:47:58.345005+02:00", "Title": "Security Holes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/security_holes.png", "Alt": "True story: I had to try several times to upload this comic because my ssh key was blacklisted." }, { "id": 425, "Date": "2008-05-19T08:47:58.5785723+02:00", "Title": "Fortune Cookies", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fortune_cookies.png", "Alt": "'You will have hot, steamy, sweaty sex ... IN BED!'" }, { "id": 426, "Date": "2008-05-21T08:47:58.7326686+02:00", "Title": "Geohashing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/geohashing.png", "Alt": "Saturday is game night." }, { "id": 427, "Date": "2008-05-23T08:47:58.9719295+02:00", "Title": "Bad Timing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bad_timing.png", "Alt": "Protip: Even without the red spiders, never have that conversation halfway through a balloon ride." }, { "id": 428, "Date": "2008-05-26T08:47:59.2030676+02:00", "Title": "Starwatching", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/starwatching.png", "Alt": "I always figured the word 'blog' would sound *less* silly as the years went by." }, { "id": 429, "Date": "2008-05-28T08:47:59.352272+02:00", "Title": "Fantasy", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fantasy.png", "Alt": "I guess if she accepted irrational realities, she'd hardly be my fantasy." }, { "id": 430, "Date": "2008-05-30T08:47:59.5125754+02:00", "Title": "Every Damn Morning", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/every_damn_morning.png", "Alt": "There was something about a cup and a sword and a tree and a green hill ..." }, { "id": 431, "Date": "2008-06-02T08:47:59.6658049+02:00", "Title": "Delivery", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/delivery.png", "Alt": "Ma'am, I admit that wasn't in the best taste, but you have to admire my delivery! Ha ha, get it? Oh God, don't throw those syringes! Your baby's fine!" }, { "id": 432, "Date": "2008-06-04T08:47:59.8939024+02:00", "Title": "Journal 4", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/journal_4.png", "Alt": "Man, this emo shit was supposed to be for people who didn't have hats." }, { "id": 433, "Date": "2008-06-06T08:48:00.0500946+02:00", "Title": "Journal 5", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/journal_5.png", "Alt": "'Pick you up at eight?' 'Nine. I've got to re-mine the driveway.'" }, { "id": 434, "Date": "2008-06-09T08:48:00.2922374+02:00", "Title": "xkcd Goes to the Airport", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/xkcd_goes_to_the_airport.png", "Alt": "Under three ounces, but it stains panties." }, { "id": 435, "Date": "2008-06-11T08:48:00.5208366+02:00", "Title": "Purity", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/purity.png", "Alt": "On the other hand, physicists like to say physics is to math as sex is to masturbation." }, { "id": 436, "Date": "2008-06-13T08:48:00.758827+02:00", "Title": "How it Happened", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/how_it_happened.png", "Alt": "I was there, dude." }, { "id": 437, "Date": "2008-06-16T08:48:00.9949368+02:00", "Title": "SUV", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/suv.png", "Alt": "Electric skateboards, by cost, get the equivalent of about 300 miles per gallon. Lithium batteries just need to get cheaper." }, { "id": 438, "Date": "2008-06-18T08:48:01.2210916+02:00", "Title": "Internet Argument", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/internet_argument.png", "Alt": "It's easier to be an asshole to words than to people." }, { "id": 439, "Date": "2008-06-20T08:48:01.3683943+02:00", "Title": "Thinking Ahead", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/thinking_ahead.png", "Alt": "Did he just go crazy and jump out the window?" }, { "id": 440, "Date": "2008-06-23T08:48:01.5213782+02:00", "Title": "Road Rage", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/road_rage.png", "Alt": "Okay, now just as the loss hits him, slam on the brakes." }, { "id": 441, "Date": "2008-06-25T08:48:01.7557453+02:00", "Title": "Babies", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/babies.png", "Alt": "I bet my future kids will read this someday. DEAR FUTURE KIDS: how did you get internet in the cellar?" }, { "id": 442, "Date": "2008-06-27T08:48:01.9851786+02:00", "Title": "xkcd Loves the Discovery Channel", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/xkcd_loves_the_discovery_channel.png", "Alt": "I love the title-text!" }, { "id": 443, "Date": "2008-06-30T08:48:02.1475152+02:00", "Title": "Know Your Vines", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/know_your_vines.png", "Alt": "Friggin' modern tents don't have a single piece of rope." }, { "id": 444, "Date": "2008-07-02T08:48:02.3870441+02:00", "Title": "Macgyver Gets Lazy", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/macgyver_gets_lazy.png", "Alt": "At the time of this writing, Wikipedia has a wonderful article titled 'List of problems solved by Macgyver'." }, { "id": 445, "Date": "2008-07-04T08:48:02.6162349+02:00", "Title": "I Am Not Good with Boomerangs", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/i_am_not_good_with_boomerangs.png", "Alt": "Bonus strip: just read the rightmost panels straight down. " }, { "id": 446, "Date": "2008-07-07T08:48:02.7704051+02:00", "Title": "In Popular Culture", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/in_popular_culture.png", "Alt": "Someday the 'in popular culture' section will have its own article with an 'in popular culture' section. It will reference this title-text referencing it, and the blogosphere will implode." }, { "id": 447, "Date": "2008-07-09T08:48:03.0012466+02:00", "Title": "Too Old For This Shit", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/too_old_for_this_shit.png", "Alt": "They say if a mathematician doesn't do their great work by age eleven, they never will." }, { "id": 448, "Date": "2008-07-11T08:48:03.1508043+02:00", "Title": "Good Morning", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/good_morning.png", "Alt": "As my standard, I use going to sleep at midnight and waking up at 8 AM." }, { "id": 449, "Date": "2008-07-14T08:48:03.3041431+02:00", "Title": "Things Fall Apart", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/things_fall_apart.png", "Alt": "'I'm nothing without you' is a fucked-up sentiment." }, { "id": 450, "Date": "2008-07-16T08:48:03.4574947+02:00", "Title": "The Sea", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_sea.png", "Alt": "And then a second one, to drain the sea." }, { "id": 451, "Date": "2008-07-18T08:48:03.6134468+02:00", "Title": "Impostor", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/impostor.png", "Alt": "If you think this is too hard on literary criticism, read the Wikipedia article on deconstruction." }, { "id": 452, "Date": "2008-07-21T08:48:03.7757016+02:00", "Title": "Mission", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mission.png", "Alt": "Don't you know? The chances of a random object being a scone are about one in six." }, { "id": 453, "Date": "2008-07-23T08:48:03.9277481+02:00", "Title": "Upcoming Hurricanes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/upcoming_hurricanes.png", "Alt": "I'd like to see more damage assessments for hurricanes hitting New York and flooding Manhattan -- something like the 1938 Long Island Express, but aimed a bit more to the west. It's just a matter of time." }, { "id": 454, "Date": "2008-07-25T08:48:04.1649687+02:00", "Title": "Rewiring", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rewiring.png", "Alt": "My friend Finn tried to mail one end of the cable to me and thread the mail system." }, { "id": 455, "Date": "2008-07-28T08:48:04.314171+02:00", "Title": "Hats", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hats.png", "Alt": "..." }, { "id": 456, "Date": "2008-07-30T08:48:04.4684111+02:00", "Title": "Cautionary", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cautionary.png", "Alt": "This really is a true story, and she doesn't know I put it in my comic because her wifi hasn't worked for weeks." }, { "id": 457, "Date": "2008-08-01T08:48:04.6263989+02:00", "Title": "Frustration", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/frustration.png", "Alt": "'Don't worry, I can do it in under a minute.' 'Yes, I've noticed.'" }, { "id": 458, "Date": "2008-08-04T08:48:04.7859504+02:00", "Title": "Regrets", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/regrets.png", "Alt": "And nothing for 'I'm glad I saw Epic Movie.'" }, { "id": 459, "Date": "2008-08-06T08:48:04.9362177+02:00", "Title": "Holy Ghost", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/holy_ghost.png", "Alt": "Okay, everyone, cross yourselves, then cross the streams." }, { "id": 460, "Date": "2008-08-08T08:48:05.3847405+02:00", "Title": "Paleontology", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/paleontology.png", "Alt": "Dinosaurs totally jumped the ichthyosaur when they got rid of Brontosaurus." }, { "id": 461, "Date": "2008-08-11T08:48:05.5284087+02:00", "Title": "Google Maps", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/google_maps.png", "Alt": "Apparently Google assumes you're traveling during the ferry's normal operating hours. We lost two hours circling that damn lake (to say nothing of the Straw Man)." }, { "id": 462, "Date": "2008-08-13T08:48:05.6829085+02:00", "Title": "Freemanic Paracusia", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/freemanic_paracusia.png", "Alt": "It's amazing what it does for YouTube comments." }, { "id": 463, "Date": "2008-08-15T08:48:05.9202058+02:00", "Title": "Voting Machines", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/voting_machines.png", "Alt": "And that's *another* crypto conference I've been kicked out of. C'mon, it's a great analogy!" }, { "id": 464, "Date": "2008-08-18T08:48:06.0745625+02:00", "Title": "RBA", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rba.png", "Alt": "This is a story all about how I started drinking." }, { "id": 465, "Date": "2008-08-20T08:48:06.3055344+02:00", "Title": "Quantum Teleportation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/quantum_teleportation.png", "Alt": "Science should be exactly as cool as the headlines sound. Like the 'RUSSIANS CUT APART AND REASSEMBLE DOGS' thing." }, { "id": 466, "Date": "2008-08-22T08:48:06.5400804+02:00", "Title": "Moving", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/moving.png", "Alt": "We need a special holiday to honor the countless kind souls with unsecured networks named 'linksys'." }, { "id": 467, "Date": "2008-08-25T08:48:06.6908259+02:00", "Title": "X Girls Y Cups", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/x_girls_y_cups.png", "Alt": "Also no results: 1girl10000cups, 2girls(5+3i)cups, 65536girls65536cups, or 3frenchhens2turtledoves1cup." }, { "id": 468, "Date": "2008-08-27T08:48:06.8463928+02:00", "Title": "Fetishes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fetishes.png", "Alt": "They eventually resolved this self-reference, but Cantor's 'everything-in-the-fetish-book-twice' parties finally sunk the idea." }, { "id": 469, "Date": "2008-08-29T08:48:07.0867389+02:00", "Title": "Improvised", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/improvised.png", "Alt": "Oh, your brother is Luke. Sorry, should've mentioned that first." }, { "id": 470, "Date": "2008-09-01T08:48:07.2372912+02:00", "Title": "The End is Not for a While", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_end_is_not_for_a_while.png", "Alt": "I THINK EVERYONE INVOLVED HERE IS CUTE." }, { "id": 471, "Date": "2008-09-03T08:48:07.4727998+02:00", "Title": "Aversion Fads", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/aversion_fads.png", "Alt": "Hey, are you friends with any hamsters? This kite needs a passenger." }, { "id": 472, "Date": "2008-09-05T08:48:07.6226662+02:00", "Title": "House of Pancakes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/house_of_pancakes.png", "Alt": "Fuck it. I'm just going to Waffle House." }, { "id": 473, "Date": "2008-09-08T08:48:07.7788341+02:00", "Title": "Still Raw", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/still_raw.png", "Alt": "We actually divorced once over the airplane/treadmill argument. (Preemptive response to the inevitable threads arguing about it: you're all wrong on the internet.)" }, { "id": 474, "Date": "2008-09-10T08:48:07.9292201+02:00", "Title": "Turn-On", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/turn-on.png", "Alt": "Supercollider? I 'ardly know 'er!" }, { "id": 475, "Date": "2008-09-12T08:48:08.0818282+02:00", "Title": "Further Boomerang Difficulties", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/further_boomerang_difficulties.png", "Alt": "An eternity later, the universe having turned out to have positive curvature and lots of mass, the boomerang hits him in the back of the head." }, { "id": 476, "Date": "2008-09-15T08:48:08.2358484+02:00", "Title": "One-Sided", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/one-sided.png", "Alt": "He continued, 'Okay, Bernanke is uncontaminated. Find a crossbow and get him into position behind one of the columns at the Fed entrance. This is gonna get ugly.'" }, { "id": 477, "Date": "2008-09-17T08:48:08.4707864+02:00", "Title": "Typewriter", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/typewriter.png", "Alt": "Somewhere in the world, my actual grandmothers are reading this and angrily exclaiming that I never write even malformed thank-you notes. DEAR GRANDMOMS: I AM SORRY! YOU ARE WONDERFUL PEOPLE AND THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING. LOVE reddit.com RANDALL." }, { "id": 478, "Date": "2008-09-19T08:48:08.6203859+02:00", "Title": "The Staple Madness", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_staple_madness.png", "Alt": "Staple guns: because duct tape can't make that 'kaCHUNK' noise." }, { "id": 479, "Date": "2008-09-22T08:48:08.8570645+02:00", "Title": "Tones", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tones.png", "Alt": "I need a lawn, so I can yell at kids to stay off it." }, { "id": 480, "Date": "2008-09-24T08:48:09.0091036+02:00", "Title": "Spore", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/spore.png", "Alt": "Way to not support the GMA 950 under OS X, Spore. :(" }, { "id": 481, "Date": "2008-09-26T08:48:09.2475635+02:00", "Title": "Listen to Yourself", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/listen_to_yourself.png", "Alt": "Man, I just wanted to know how babby was formed." }, { "id": 482, "Date": "2008-09-29T08:48:09.3986442+02:00", "Title": "Height", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/height.png", "Alt": "Interestingly, on a true vertical log plot, I think the Eiffel Tower's sides really would be straight lines." }, { "id": 483, "Date": "2008-10-01T08:48:09.6343814+02:00", "Title": "Fiction Rule of Thumb", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fiction_rule_of_thumb.png", "Alt": "Except for anything by Lewis Carroll or Tolkien, you get five made-up words per story. I'm looking at you, Anathem." }, { "id": 484, "Date": "2008-10-03T08:48:09.7855079+02:00", "Title": "Flash Games", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/flash_games.png", "Alt": "Although ... who else can't wait for them to incorporate that Wiimote head-tracking stuff into games? Man, the future's gonna be *awesome*." }, { "id": 485, "Date": "2008-10-06T08:48:09.9429246+02:00", "Title": "Depth", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/depth.png", "Alt": "The Planck length is another thousand or two pixels below the comic." }, { "id": 486, "Date": "2008-10-08T08:48:10.0999218+02:00", "Title": "I am Not a Ninja", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/i_am_not_a_ninja.png", "Alt": "'The sad thing is that I just wanted to talk about your poor smoke-bomb techniques.'" }, { "id": 487, "Date": "2008-10-10T08:48:10.3367739+02:00", "Title": "Numerical Sex Positions", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/numerical_sex_positions.png", "Alt": "We didn't even get to the continued fractions!" }, { "id": 488, "Date": "2008-10-13T08:48:10.4861011+02:00", "Title": "Steal This Comic", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/steal_this_comic.png", "Alt": "I spent more time trying to get an audible.com audio book playing than it took to listen to the book. I have lost every other piece of DRM-locked music I have paid for." }, { "id": 489, "Date": "2008-10-15T08:48:10.7246978+02:00", "Title": "Going West", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/going_west.png", "Alt": "Listen, they request that you stop submitting a listing for your house labeled 'WHERE YOU BROKE MY HEART'." }, { "id": 490, "Date": "2008-10-17T08:48:10.956388+02:00", "Title": "Morning Routine", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/morning_routine.png", "Alt": "I had a really hard time not writing '... profit!'" }, { "id": 491, "Date": "2008-10-20T08:48:11.1888986+02:00", "Title": "Twitter", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/twitter.png", "Alt": "If long tooltips / cut off for you / then upgrade from / Firefox 2 / Burma Shave" }, { "id": 492, "Date": "2008-10-22T08:48:11.3370612+02:00", "Title": "Scrabble", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/scrabble.png", "Alt": "A veteran Scrabble player will spot the 'OSTRICH' option." }, { "id": 493, "Date": "2008-10-24T08:48:11.5757674+02:00", "Title": "Actuarial", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/actuarial.png", "Alt": "I started to do the tables for more famous people but it got really depressing and morbid and I had to go outside. Hat guy wins again." }, { "id": 494, "Date": "2008-10-27T08:48:11.8250598+01:00", "Title": "Secretary: Part 1", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/secretary_part_1.png", "Alt": "The blueprints for the Department of the Internet offices call for Ceiling Cat-themed sprinkler heads." }, { "id": 495, "Date": "2008-10-28T08:48:11.9724908+01:00", "Title": "Secretary: Part 2", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/secretary_part_2.png", "Alt": "That helmet won't save him." }, { "id": 496, "Date": "2008-10-29T08:48:12.1293975+01:00", "Title": "Secretary: Part 3", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/secretary_part_3.png", "Alt": "He actually installed each piece in a different car in the lot, then built a new car in the spot from the displaced pieces. It's a confusing maneuver known as the auto-troll shuffle." }, { "id": 497, "Date": "2008-10-30T08:48:12.2814889+01:00", "Title": "Secretary: Part 4", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/secretary_part_4.png", "Alt": "It's time to draw the line." }, { "id": 498, "Date": "2008-10-31T08:48:12.5187641+01:00", "Title": "Secretary: Part 5", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/secretary_part_5.png", "Alt": "And they choose Al Gore as Internet Secretary." }, { "id": 499, "Date": "2008-11-03T08:48:12.7516741+01:00", "Title": "Scantron", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/scantron.png", "Alt": "Also, after all the warnings about filling in the bubbles completely, I spent like 30 seconds on each one." }, { "id": 500, "Date": "2008-11-05T08:48:12.9011542+01:00", "Title": "Election", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/election.png", "Alt": "Someday I'll be rich enough to hire Nate Silver to help make all my life decisions. 'Should I sleep with her?' 'Well, I'm showing a 35% chance it will end badly.'" }, { "id": 501, "Date": "2008-11-07T08:48:13.1394627+01:00", "Title": "Faust 2.0", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/faust_20.png", "Alt": "The only blood these contracts are signed in is from me cutting my hand trying to open the goddamn CD case." }, { "id": 502, "Date": "2008-11-10T08:48:13.3875018+01:00", "Title": "Dark Flow", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dark_flow.png", "Alt": "The Pioneer anomaly is due to the force of my love." }, { "id": 503, "Date": "2008-11-12T08:48:13.5371349+01:00", "Title": "Terminology", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/terminology.png", "Alt": "Also, is it just me, or do Japan and New Zealand look suspiciously similar? Has anyone seen them at a party together?" }, { "id": 504, "Date": "2008-11-14T08:48:13.6931957+01:00", "Title": "Legal Hacks", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/legal_hacks.png", "Alt": "It's totally a reasonable modern analogue. Jefferson would have been all about crypto." }, { "id": 505, "Date": "2008-11-17T08:48:13.9285946+01:00", "Title": "A Bunch of Rocks", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/a_bunch_of_rocks.png", "Alt": "I call Rule 34 on Wolfram's Rule 34." }, { "id": 506, "Date": "2008-11-19T08:48:14.1626729+01:00", "Title": "Theft of the Magi", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/theft_of_the_magi.png", "Alt": "Every Roomba needs a dueling harness." }, { "id": 507, "Date": "2008-11-21T08:48:14.3989031+01:00", "Title": "Experimentation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/experimentation.png", "Alt": "I understand large sample sizes are key to a low standard error of the mean, but the entire sophomore class?" }, { "id": 508, "Date": "2008-11-24T08:48:14.5442512+01:00", "Title": "Drapes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/drapes.png", "Alt": "Wait, what?" }, { "id": 509, "Date": "2008-11-26T08:48:14.7853537+01:00", "Title": "Induced Current", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/induced_current.png", "Alt": "The MythBusters need to tackle whether a black hole from the LHC could REALLY destroy the world." }, { "id": 510, "Date": "2008-11-28T08:48:15.0137268+01:00", "Title": "Egg Drop Failure", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/egg_drop_failure.png", "Alt": "I hear my brother Ricky won his school's egg drop by leaving the egg inside the hen." }, { "id": 511, "Date": "2008-12-01T08:48:15.2463026+01:00", "Title": "Sleet", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sleet.png", "Alt": "I mean, I can barely hear myself complaining about Battlestar Galactica." }, { "id": 512, "Date": "2008-12-03T08:48:15.4797311+01:00", "Title": "Alternate Currency", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/alternate_currency.png", "Alt": "For the first time ever, the phrase 'I'd like to thank everyone at 4chan for making me successful and happy' is uttered." }, { "id": 513, "Date": "2008-12-05T08:48:15.630889+01:00", "Title": "Friends", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/friends.png", "Alt": "Friends with detriments." }, { "id": 514, "Date": "2008-12-08T08:48:15.7891971+01:00", "Title": "Simultaneous", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/simultaneous.png", "Alt": "I'm leaving you for your twin. He's more mature than you by now." }, { "id": 515, "Date": "2008-12-10T08:48:15.9423099+01:00", "Title": "No One Must Know", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/no_one_must_know.png", "Alt": "Or perhaps they knew he was there, and were just trying to torment him first." }, { "id": 516, "Date": "2008-12-12T08:48:16.098594+01:00", "Title": "Wood Chips", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wood_chips.png", "Alt": "You didn't run a chemical analysis against the Shroud of Turin? Man, all that work for NOTHING." }, { "id": 517, "Date": "2008-12-15T08:48:16.2579325+01:00", "Title": "Marshmallow Gun", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/marshmallow_gun.png", "Alt": "Except in reality crossing a stream of marshmallows would create a giant Bill Murray." }, { "id": 518, "Date": "2008-12-17T08:48:16.490924+01:00", "Title": "Flow Charts", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/flow_charts.png", "Alt": "At 8 drinks, you switch the torrent from FreeBSD to Microsoft Bob. C'mon, it'll be fun!" }, { "id": 519, "Date": "2008-12-19T08:48:16.6414366+01:00", "Title": "11th Grade", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/11th_grade.png", "Alt": "And the ten minutes striking up a conversation with that strange kid in homeroom sometimes matters more than every other part of high school combined." }, { "id": 520, "Date": "2008-12-22T08:48:16.8773134+01:00", "Title": "Cuttlefish", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cuttlefish.png", "Alt": "Unless the CS students finish the robot revolution before you finish the cephalopod one." }, { "id": 521, "Date": "2008-12-24T08:48:17.1133447+01:00", "Title": "2008 Christmas Special", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/2008_christmas_special.png", "Alt": "'How could you possibly think typing 'import skynet' was a good idea?'" }, { "id": 522, "Date": "2008-12-26T08:48:17.2616791+01:00", "Title": "Google Trends", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/google_trends.png", "Alt": "Obama has been writing Lincoln/Obama erotic fan fiction on his secret livejournal. Excerpt: Lincoln lay back on the bed, nude save for his trademark stovepipe hat. 'Tell me,' he purred seductively, as he and Obama formed a more perfect union. 'When you come, is it 10% ethanol?'" }, { "id": 523, "Date": "2008-12-29T08:48:17.4167867+01:00", "Title": "Decline", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/decline.png", "Alt": "'There's also a spike on the Fourier transform at the one-month mark where --' 'You want to stop talking right now.'" }, { "id": 524, "Date": "2008-12-31T08:48:17.6421025+01:00", "Title": "Party", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/party.png", "Alt": "I wonder what 2008 meme will go bizarrely mainstream in 2009 like Rickrolling did 2007-2008. I Accidentally <noun>? Yo dawg? Place your bets now!" }, { "id": 525, "Date": "2009-01-02T08:48:17.8049373+01:00", "Title": "I Know You're Listening", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/i_know_youre_listening.png", "Alt": "It's basically Pascal's Wager for the paranoid prankster." }, { "id": 526, "Date": "2009-01-05T08:48:17.9605542+01:00", "Title": "Converting to Metric", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/converting_to_metric.png", "Alt": "According to River, 'adequate' vacuuming systems drain the human body at about half a liter per second." }, { "id": 527, "Date": "2009-01-07T08:48:18.115289+01:00", "Title": "Keynote", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/keynote.png", "Alt": "He should be better soon -- now that the Apple Store is getting rid of DRM, Cory Doctorow will get rid of his Steve Jobs voodoo doll." }, { "id": 528, "Date": "2009-01-09T08:48:18.271634+01:00", "Title": "Windows 7", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/windows_7.png", "Alt": "Disclaimer: I have not actually tried the beta yet. I hear it's quite pleasant and hardly Hitler-y at all." }, { "id": 529, "Date": "2009-01-12T08:48:18.7282284+01:00", "Title": "Sledding Discussion", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sledding_discussion.png", "Alt": "If you get your hands on that one, it's the worst place to have a breaking-up conversation." }, { "id": 530, "Date": "2009-01-14T08:48:18.8785982+01:00", "Title": "I'm An Idiot", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/im_an_idiot.png", "Alt": "Sadly, this is a true story. At least I learned about the OS X 'say' command." }, { "id": 531, "Date": "2009-01-16T08:48:19.119413+01:00", "Title": "Contingency Plan", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/contingency_plan.png", "Alt": "Kids are genetic experiments. We're just experimenting responsibly!" }, { "id": 532, "Date": "2009-01-19T08:48:19.3500759+01:00", "Title": "Piano", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/piano.png", "Alt": "Good thing he didn't make it smaller, or it'd need someone three inches tall to play it." }, { "id": 533, "Date": "2009-01-21T08:48:19.5820637+01:00", "Title": "Laptop Hell", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/laptop_hell.png", "Alt": "The xkcd.com sysadmin has a Q2010, and I can attest that it can handle a fall down several flight of concrete steps. Relatedly, he's upset with me -- I hope he doesn't take revenge by messing with my site's contenDISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS" }, { "id": 534, "Date": "2009-01-23T08:48:19.7338101+01:00", "Title": "Genetic Algorithms", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/genetic_algorithms.png", "Alt": "Just make sure you don't have it maximize instead of minimize." }, { "id": 535, "Date": "2009-01-26T08:48:19.8896845+01:00", "Title": "It Might Be Cool", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/it_might_be_cool.png", "Alt": "'And ovaries. Man, ovaries, huh?' [awkward pause] '... faithfully.'" }, { "id": 536, "Date": "2009-01-28T08:48:20.1290165+01:00", "Title": "Space Elevators", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/space_elevators.png", "Alt": "If you think space elevators are good, but just too boring and practical, check out the 'space fountain'." }, { "id": 537, "Date": "2009-01-30T08:48:20.2831129+01:00", "Title": "Ducklings", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ducklings.png", "Alt": "DUCKLOOP'D?" }, { "id": 538, "Date": "2009-02-02T08:48:20.4362532+01:00", "Title": "Security", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/security.png", "Alt": "Actual actual reality: nobody cares about his secrets. (Also, I would be hard-pressed to find that wrench for $5.)" }, { "id": 539, "Date": "2009-02-04T08:48:20.6723661+01:00", "Title": "Boyfriend", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/boyfriend.png", "Alt": "... okay, but because you said that, we're breaking up." }, { "id": 540, "Date": "2009-02-06T08:48:20.9077066+01:00", "Title": "Base System", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/base_system.png", "Alt": "I once got to second base with a basketball player. She was so confused." }, { "id": 541, "Date": "2009-02-09T08:48:21.0559185+01:00", "Title": "TED Talk", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ted_talk.png", "Alt": "The IAU ban came after the 'redefinition of 'planet' to include the IAU president's mom' incident." }, { "id": 542, "Date": "2009-02-11T08:48:21.2950867+01:00", "Title": "Cover-Up", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cover_up.png", "Alt": "Man, this trick has saved me so many times." }, { "id": 543, "Date": "2009-02-13T08:48:21.5291617+01:00", "Title": "Sierpinski Valentine", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sierpinski_valentine.png", "Alt": "Especially you mouseover-text readers. You're the best. <3" }, { "id": 544, "Date": "2009-02-16T08:48:21.6942847+01:00", "Title": "Pep Talk", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pep_talk.png", "Alt": "Listen! They said a team of chess players coached by someone with no understanding of basketball would never be competitive in the NBA! Well, it turns out they're pretty perceptive." }, { "id": 545, "Date": "2009-02-18T08:48:21.8369318+01:00", "Title": "Neutrality Schmeutrality", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/neutrality_shmeutrality.png", "Alt": "'Hey, everyone, you can totally trust that I didn't do a word count on MY edit!'" }, { "id": 546, "Date": "2009-02-20T08:48:21.9948617+01:00", "Title": "Music DRM", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/music_drm.png", "Alt": "Just yesterday I bought my first non-DRM'd songs (The Last Vegas, in keeping with my 'I only listen to things from Guitar Hero' theme)." }, { "id": 547, "Date": "2009-02-23T08:48:22.1493848+01:00", "Title": "Simple", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/simple.png", "Alt": "Actually, I think if all higher math professors had to write for the Simple English Wikipedia for a year, we'd be in much better shape academically." }, { "id": 548, "Date": "2009-02-25T08:48:22.3045638+01:00", "Title": "Kindle", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/kindle.png", "Alt": "I'm happy with my Kindle 2 so far, but if they cut off the free Wikipedia browsing, I plan to show up drunk on Jeff Bezos's lawn and refuse to leave." }, { "id": 549, "Date": "2009-02-27T08:48:22.4586238+01:00", "Title": "Westley's a Dick", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/westleys_a_dick.png", "Alt": "Inigo/Buttercup 4eva <3" }, { "id": 550, "Date": "2009-03-02T08:48:22.6981133+01:00", "Title": "Density", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/density.png", "Alt": "If only I had asked 4chan for ideas for what I should do to prevent this!" }, { "id": 551, "Date": "2009-03-04T08:48:22.9282634+01:00", "Title": "Etch-a-Sketch", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/etch-a-sketch.png", "Alt": "Surrounded by boring mysteries." }, { "id": 552, "Date": "2009-03-06T08:48:23.1635005+01:00", "Title": "Correlation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/correlation.png", "Alt": "Correlation doesn't imply causation, but it does waggle its eyebrows suggestively and gesture furtively while mouthing 'look over there'." }, { "id": 553, "Date": "2009-03-09T08:48:23.3997831+01:00", "Title": "Pirate Bay", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pirate_bay.png", "Alt": "We find you guilty of closing your torrents as soon as they finish. Your sentence is unremovable Hungarian subtitles on everything." }, { "id": 554, "Date": "2009-03-11T08:48:23.6316986+01:00", "Title": "Not Enough Work", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/not_enough_work.png", "Alt": "It's even harder if you're an asshole who pronounces <> brackets." }, { "id": 555, "Date": "2009-03-13T08:48:23.8639845+01:00", "Title": "Two Mirrors", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/two_mirrors.png", "Alt": "If you actually do this, what really happens is Douglas Hofstadter appears and talks to you for eight hours about strange loops." }, { "id": 556, "Date": "2009-03-16T08:48:24.0164778+01:00", "Title": "Alternative Energy Revolution", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/alternative_energy_revolution.jpg", "Alt": "The moment their arms spun freely in our air, they were doomed -- for Man has earned his right to hold this planet against all comers, by virtue of occasionally producing someone totally batshit insane." }, { "id": 557, "Date": "2009-03-18T08:48:24.1687501+01:00", "Title": "Students", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/students.png", "Alt": "The same goes for the one where you're wrestling the Green Ranger in the swimming pool full of Crisco. You guys all have that dream, right? It's not just me. Right?" }, { "id": 558, "Date": "2009-03-20T08:48:24.3241033+01:00", "Title": "1000 Times", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/1000_times.png", "Alt": "And 0.002 dollars will NEVER equal 0.002 cents." }, { "id": 559, "Date": "2009-03-23T08:48:24.4649722+01:00", "Title": "No Pun Intended", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/no_pun_intended.png", "Alt": "Like spelling 'dammit' correctly -- with two m's -- it's a troll that works best on the most literate." }, { "id": 560, "Date": "2009-03-25T08:48:24.7040372+01:00", "Title": "Lithium Batteries", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/lithium_batteries.png", "Alt": "I'm normally a pretty frugal person, but I still compulsively buy any R/C aircraft that's less than $30. In the last few years, this has become a problem." }, { "id": 561, "Date": "2009-03-27T08:48:24.9331414+01:00", "Title": "Well", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/well.png", "Alt": "I'll concede ergonomics anecdotally, but none of the studies of Dvorak were at all rigorous (the most-cited Navy study was overseen by Dvorak himself). And the 'slow typists down' thing is a myth. Also EMACS RULES VI DROOLS WOOOOOOO!" }, { "id": 562, "Date": "2009-03-30T08:48:25.1677115+02:00", "Title": "Parking", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/parking.png", "Alt": "Police reported three dozen cheerful bystanders, yet no one claims to have seen who did it." }, { "id": 563, "Date": "2009-04-01T08:48:25.3235172+02:00", "Title": "Fermirotica", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fermirotica.png", "Alt": "I love how Google handles dimensional analysis. Stats are ballpark and vary wildly by time of day and whether your mom is in town." }, { "id": 564, "Date": "2009-04-03T08:48:25.4786531+02:00", "Title": "Crossbows", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/crossbows.png", "Alt": "I hate being the slowest guy in the lab." }, { "id": 565, "Date": "2009-04-06T08:48:25.9317542+02:00", "Title": "Security Question", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/security_question.png", "Alt": "Let's invite him to a party and play 'I never'. Okay, I never hid any bodies SOUTH of Main Street. ... he's taking a drink!" }, { "id": 566, "Date": "2009-04-08T08:48:26.0844678+02:00", "Title": "Matrix Revisited", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/matrix_revisited.png", "Alt": "I actually remember being entertained by both the sequels while in the theater. They just don't hold up nearly as well in later comparison." }, { "id": 567, "Date": "2009-04-10T08:48:26.3211362+02:00", "Title": "Urgent Mission", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/urgent_mission.png", "Alt": "Sure, we could stop dictators and pandemics, but we could also make the signs on every damn diagram make sense." }, { "id": 568, "Date": "2009-04-13T08:48:26.4761336+02:00", "Title": "Well 2", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/well_2.png", "Alt": "But I've made $13.72 already today! Ow, stop throwing pennies." }, { "id": 569, "Date": "2009-04-15T08:48:26.625815+02:00", "Title": "Borders", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/borders.png", "Alt": "Eventually a UN is set up. And then a lone rebel runs down the line of flags in front of it, runs back to his base, and gets a kajillion points." }, { "id": 570, "Date": "2009-04-17T08:48:26.7816027+02:00", "Title": "New Car", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/new_car.png", "Alt": "Somewhere out there is a company that has actually figured out how to enlarge penises, and it's helpless to reach potential customers." }, { "id": 571, "Date": "2009-04-20T08:48:26.939518+02:00", "Title": "Can't Sleep", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cant_sleep.png", "Alt": "If androids someday DO dream of electric sheep, don't forget to declare sheepCount as a long int." }, { "id": 572, "Date": "2009-04-22T08:48:27.1767799+02:00", "Title": "Together", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/together.png", "Alt": "This scavenger hunt is getting boring. Let's go work on the treehouse!" }, { "id": 573, "Date": "2009-04-24T08:48:27.3263614+02:00", "Title": "Parental Trolling", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/parental_trolling.png", "Alt": "They'll pick music and culture that they know annoys you. Building in behavioral easter eggs is a fair retaliation!" }, { "id": 574, "Date": "2009-04-27T08:48:27.4795459+02:00", "Title": "Swine Flu", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/swine_flu.png", "Alt": "Bad flu epidemics can hit young adults hardest because they provoke their powerful immune systems into overreaction, so to stay healthy spend the next few weeks drunk and sleep-deprived to keep yours suppressed." }, { "id": 575, "Date": "2009-04-29T08:48:27.6371619+02:00", "Title": "Tag Combination", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tag_combination.png", "Alt": "I love Eileen / and want you to love her / When you're around / I'm one floor above her / If you could see / just how much I adore her / Oh, that pretty red dress / I'd do anything for her / (Too ra loo ra too ra loo rye ayy)" }, { "id": 576, "Date": "2009-05-01T08:48:27.871448+02:00", "Title": "Packages", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/packages.png", "Alt": "Day six: 'The hell? Who mails a bobcat?'" }, { "id": 577, "Date": "2009-05-04T08:48:28.1012392+02:00", "Title": "The Race: Part 1", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_race_part_1.png", "Alt": "Great, and you JUST finished paying off the settlement over the Wayne Coyne hamster ball incident." }, { "id": 578, "Date": "2009-05-05T08:48:28.3347094+02:00", "Title": "The Race: Part 2", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_race_part_2.png", "Alt": "The Hammer + Captain Tightpants == Captain Hammerpants?" }, { "id": 579, "Date": "2009-05-06T08:48:28.4855556+02:00", "Title": "The Race: Part 3", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_race_part_3.png", "Alt": "No, the best things about The Sarah Connor Chronicles were: (1) watching Sarah and Cameron try to pass for normal, and (2) Cameron throwing people and things through walls. Everything else was pretty secondary." }, { "id": 580, "Date": "2009-05-07T08:48:28.6928376+02:00", "Title": "The Race: Part 4", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_race_part_4.png", "Alt": "Things are rarely just crazy enough to work, but they're frequently just crazy enough to fail hilariously." }, { "id": 581, "Date": "2009-05-08T08:48:28.8421818+02:00", "Title": "The Race: Part 5", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_race_part_5.png", "Alt": "It was actually canceled because they just noticed he's been naked under that coat the whole time. There's a petition on Facebook to get Fox to un-cancel it, and one on Livejournal to get him to take off the coat." }, { "id": 582, "Date": "2009-05-11T08:48:28.9941763+02:00", "Title": "Brakes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/brakes.png", "Alt": "It was the funniest 6.5 seconds of my life, although as usual like 80% of it was just Tom and Ray's gasping, hacking laughter." }, { "id": 583, "Date": "2009-05-13T08:48:29.2315478+02:00", "Title": "CNR", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cnr.png", "Alt": "Can't and shouldn't." }, { "id": 584, "Date": "2009-05-15T08:48:29.4702386+02:00", "Title": "Unsatisfied", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/unsatisfied.png", "Alt": "Forever comparing, never evaluating on any external scale. If you were a sort function, you'd never break the nlogn barrier." }, { "id": 585, "Date": "2009-05-18T08:48:29.6209297+02:00", "Title": "Outreach", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/outreach.png", "Alt": "Completely implausible? Yes. Nevertheless, worth keeping a can of shark repellent next to the bed." }, { "id": 586, "Date": "2009-05-20T08:48:29.7777459+02:00", "Title": "Mission to Culture", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mission_to_culture.png", "Alt": "It can't be very MUCH money ... they apparently can't even afford a sampler. I mean, with a little remixing, some of this could be kinda good!" }, { "id": 587, "Date": "2009-05-22T08:48:29.9347097+02:00", "Title": "Crime Scene", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/crime_scene.png", "Alt": "I think I see a Mandelbrot set! No, that's just blood splatters. Golly." }, { "id": 588, "Date": "2009-05-25T08:48:30.1700579+02:00", "Title": "Pep Rally", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pep_rally.png", "Alt": "You know, pep rallies weirded me out in high school, and they've only gotten creepier in retrospect." }, { "id": 589, "Date": "2009-05-27T08:48:30.4014373+02:00", "Title": "Designated Drivers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/designated_drivers.png", "Alt": "Calling a cab means cutting into beer money." }, { "id": 590, "Date": "2009-05-29T08:48:30.5501074+02:00", "Title": "Papyrus", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/papyrus.png", "Alt": "I secretly, deep in my guilty heart, like Papyrus and don't care if it's overused. [Cue hate mail in beautifully-kerned Helvetica.]" }, { "id": 591, "Date": "2009-06-01T08:48:30.7885107+02:00", "Title": "Troll Slayer", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/troll_slayer.png", "Alt": "We have met the enemy and he is us." }, { "id": 592, "Date": "2009-06-03T08:48:31.0197572+02:00", "Title": "Drama", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/drama.png", "Alt": "This happens in geek circles every so often. The 'Hey, this is just a system I can figure out easily!' is also a problem among engineers first diving into the stock market." }, { "id": 593, "Date": "2009-06-05T08:48:31.1740965+02:00", "Title": "Voynich Manuscript", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/voynich_manuscript.png", "Alt": "Wait, is that the ORIGINAL voynich manuscript? Where did you GET that? Wanna try playing a round of Druids and Dicotyledons?" }, { "id": 594, "Date": "2009-06-08T08:48:31.3300809+02:00", "Title": "Period", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/period.png", "Alt": "413 nanohertz, by the way." }, { "id": 595, "Date": "2009-06-10T08:48:31.4877035+02:00", "Title": "Android Girlfriend", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/android_girlfriend.png", "Alt": "Programming the sexbots to enjoy sex seemed a sensible move at the time, but we didn't realize the consequences of their developing fetishes." }, { "id": 596, "Date": "2009-06-12T08:48:31.6433526+02:00", "Title": "Latitude", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/latitude.png", "Alt": "The G1, especially with the new Android upgrade, is way better than I originally thought." }, { "id": 597, "Date": "2009-06-15T08:48:31.7989115+02:00", "Title": "Addiction", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/addiction.png", "Alt": "But if you unplug everything, it gets so quiet you hear that high-pitched empty-room hum. And then the whispers begin." }, { "id": 598, "Date": "2009-06-17T08:48:32.0351256+02:00", "Title": "Porn", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/porn.png", "Alt": "I have a thing for corrupt women." }, { "id": 599, "Date": "2009-06-19T08:48:32.2647774+02:00", "Title": "Apocalypse", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/apocalypse.png", "Alt": "I wonder if I still have time to go shoot a short film with Kevin Bacon." }, { "id": 600, "Date": "2009-06-22T08:48:32.709545+02:00", "Title": "Android Boyfriend", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/android_boyfriend.png", "Alt": "Which is, coincidentally, the most unsettling mantlepiece decoration in my house." }, { "id": 601, "Date": "2009-06-24T08:48:32.863248+02:00", "Title": "Game Theory", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/game_theory.png", "Alt": "Wait, no, that one also loses. How about a nice game of chess?" }, { "id": 602, "Date": "2009-06-26T08:48:33.0183539+02:00", "Title": "Overstimulated", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/overstimulated.png", "Alt": "My favorite thing to do at parties is to talk judgmentally about people who aren't there." }, { "id": 603, "Date": "2009-06-29T08:48:33.2570451+02:00", "Title": "Idiocracy", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/idiocracy.png", "Alt": "People aren't going to change, for better or for worse. Technology's going to be so cool. All in all, the future will be okay! Except climate; we fucked that one up." }, { "id": 604, "Date": "2009-07-01T08:48:33.4031478+02:00", "Title": "Qwertial Aphasia", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/qwertial_aphasia.png", "Alt": "If this were SMBC, the alt-text drawing thingy would be a giraffe hooker fluttering her eyelashes." }, { "id": 605, "Date": "2009-07-03T08:48:33.5531291+02:00", "Title": "Extrapolating", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/extrapolating.png", "Alt": "By the third trimester, there will be hundreds of babies inside you." }, { "id": 606, "Date": "2009-07-06T08:48:33.7818014+02:00", "Title": "Cutting Edge", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cutting_edge.png", "Alt": "I remember trying to log in to the original Command and Conquer servers a year or two back and feeling like I was knocking on the boarded-up gates of a ghost town. " }, { "id": 607, "Date": "2009-07-08T08:48:33.9360321+02:00", "Title": "2038", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/2038.png", "Alt": "If only we'd chosen 1944-12-02 08:45:52 as the Unix epoch, we could've combined two doomsday scenarios into one and added a really boring scene to that Roland Emmerich movie." }, { "id": 608, "Date": "2009-07-10T08:48:34.1704717+02:00", "Title": "Form", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/form.png", "Alt": "'This space intentionally left blank' is less immediately provocative but more Hofstadterially confusing." }, { "id": 609, "Date": "2009-07-13T08:48:34.3358266+02:00", "Title": "Tab Explosion", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tab_explosion.png", "Alt": "Cracked.com is another inexplicable browser narcotic. They could write a list of '17 worst haircuts in the Ottoman Empire' and I'd read through to the end, then click on all the links at the end." }, { "id": 610, "Date": "2009-07-15T08:48:34.4887768+02:00", "Title": "Sheeple", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sheeple.png", "Alt": "Hey, what are the odds -- five Ayn Rand fans on the same train! Must be going to a convention." }, { "id": 611, "Date": "2009-07-17T08:48:34.6405453+02:00", "Title": "Disaster Voyeurism", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/disaster_voyeurism.png", "Alt": "Hurricane forums are full of excited comments about central pressure and wind speed and comparisons to Camille and 1931 and 1938, with hastily-tacked-on notes about how it will be tragic if anyone dies and they hope it's a dud." }, { "id": 612, "Date": "2009-07-20T08:48:34.7974658+02:00", "Title": "Estimation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/estimation.png", "Alt": "They could say \"the connection is probably lost,\" but it's more fun to do naive time-averaging to give you hope that if you wait around for 1,163 hours, it will finally finish." }, { "id": 613, "Date": "2009-07-22T08:48:35.0439736+02:00", "Title": "Threesome", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/threesome.png", "Alt": "I wanted us to try finding an approximate numeric solution, but noooo." }, { "id": 614, "Date": "2009-07-24T08:48:35.2063958+02:00", "Title": "Woodpecker", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/woodpecker.png", "Alt": "If you don't have an extension cord I can get that too. Because we're friends! Right?" }, { "id": 615, "Date": "2009-07-27T08:48:35.3675717+02:00", "Title": "Avoidance", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/avoidance.png", "Alt": "Hobby: seeing how many menu selections you can get someone to go through before they realize you're not an automated system and/or hang up." }, { "id": 616, "Date": "2009-07-29T08:48:35.5148955+02:00", "Title": "Lease", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/lease.png", "Alt": "You should talk to the girl down the hall; I think you'd like her. Lemme know if you find out why she's ordering all those colored plastic balls." }, { "id": 617, "Date": "2009-07-31T08:48:35.9708261+02:00", "Title": "Understocked", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/understocked.png", "Alt": "My biology grad student friends tell me that different types of alcohol don't actually have different effects. I trust their expertise, not because of the 'biology' part, but because of the 'grad student'." }, { "id": 618, "Date": "2009-08-03T08:48:36.199109+02:00", "Title": "Asteroid", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/asteroid.png", "Alt": "My Deep Impact/Little Prince crossover fanfic has been poorly received by the community." }, { "id": 619, "Date": "2009-08-05T08:48:36.4311914+02:00", "Title": "Supported Features", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/supported_features.png", "Alt": "I hear many of you finally have smooth Flash support, but me and my Intel card are still waiting on a kernel patch somewhere in the pipeline before we can watch Jon Stewart smoothly." }, { "id": 620, "Date": "2009-08-07T08:48:36.6639366+02:00", "Title": "Wings", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wings.png", "Alt": "Please do not try any of this and die or get arrested." }, { "id": 621, "Date": "2009-08-10T08:48:36.8204941+02:00", "Title": "Superlative", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/superlative.png", "Alt": "Stay while I recount the crazy TF2 kill I managed yesterday, my friends." }, { "id": 622, "Date": "2009-08-12T08:48:36.9768503+02:00", "Title": "Haiku Proof", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/haiku_proof.png", "Alt": "After somewhere around 40 hours, there's no academic reason to go to the class. Only go for the hallucinations." }, { "id": 623, "Date": "2009-08-14T08:48:37.2108975+02:00", "Title": "Oregon", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/oregon.png", "Alt": "A century later, the harrowing flight of the survivors from Oregon was dramatized in a popular video game." }, { "id": 624, "Date": "2009-08-17T08:48:37.3643101+02:00", "Title": "Branding", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/branding.png", "Alt": "Actually, 'RSS&M' is kinda catchy." }, { "id": 625, "Date": "2009-08-19T08:48:37.6004479+02:00", "Title": "Collections", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/collections.png", "Alt": "You know what really helps an existential crisis? Wondering how much shelf space to leave for a Terry Pratchett collection." }, { "id": 626, "Date": "2009-08-21T08:48:37.8332191+02:00", "Title": "Newton and Leibniz", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/newton_and_leibniz.png", "Alt": "YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!" }, { "id": 627, "Date": "2009-08-24T08:48:38.0840305+02:00", "Title": "Tech Support Cheat Sheet", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tech_support_cheat_sheet.png", "Alt": "'Hey Megan, it's your father. How do I print out a flowchart?'" }, { "id": 628, "Date": "2009-08-26T08:48:38.2309765+02:00", "Title": "Psychic", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/psychic.png", "Alt": "You can do a lot better than 1% if you start keeping track of the patterns in what numbers people pick." }, { "id": 629, "Date": "2009-08-28T08:48:38.4693944+02:00", "Title": "Skins", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/skins.png", "Alt": "There's Livejournal drama between those who want to wear human suits over fursuits and those who just take off the fursuits." }, { "id": 630, "Date": "2009-08-31T08:48:38.7148732+02:00", "Title": "Time Travel", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/time_travel.png", "Alt": "She also starts every letter with \"Dear Future <your name>\"." }, { "id": 631, "Date": "2009-09-02T08:48:38.9501977+02:00", "Title": "Anatomy Text", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/anatomy_text.png", "Alt": "For many of the anatomy pictures on Wikipedia, I think this is actually not far from reality. They only look all formal and professional due to careful cropping." }, { "id": 632, "Date": "2009-09-04T08:48:39.0986545+02:00", "Title": "Suspicion", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/suspicion.png", "Alt": "Fine, walk away. I'm gonna go cry into a pint of Ben&Jerry's Brownie Batter(tm) ice cream [link], then take out my frustration on a variety of great flash games from PopCap Games(r) [link]." }, { "id": 633, "Date": "2009-09-07T08:48:39.2569546+02:00", "Title": "Blockbuster Mining", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/blockbuster_mining.png", "Alt": "The 2007 Bridge to Terebithia trailer put me off too much to see that particular movie, but I am cautiously optimistic about Where the Wild Things Are." }, { "id": 634, "Date": "2009-09-09T08:48:39.4924107+02:00", "Title": "Date", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/date.png", "Alt": "Well, the kid's definitely getting the biology geek phenotype." }, { "id": 635, "Date": "2009-09-10T08:48:39.7274189+02:00", "Title": "Locke and Demosthenes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/locke_and_demosthenes.png", "Alt": "Dear Peter Wiggin: This letter is to inform you that you have received enough upvotes on your reddit comments to become president of the world. Please be at the UN tomorrow at 8:00 sharp." }, { "id": 636, "Date": "2009-09-14T08:48:39.9622162+02:00", "Title": "Brontosaurus", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/brontosaurus.png", "Alt": "Well, sex is like a velociraptor: despite your movie-fueled lifelong neurotic obsession, unlikely to be found in your house." }, { "id": 637, "Date": "2009-09-16T08:48:40.1130001+02:00", "Title": "Scribblenauts", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/scribblenauts.png", "Alt": "Let me look away and type 'guy who's just jealous that I beat all his MarioKart times' and turn back, and ... yup, there you are again!" }, { "id": 638, "Date": "2009-09-18T08:48:40.2668086+02:00", "Title": "The Search", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_search.png", "Alt": "I am so excited about the Kepler mission. This is the second most important thing our species has ever done, right behind inventing the concept of delivery pizza." }, { "id": 639, "Date": "2009-09-21T08:48:40.5049976+02:00", "Title": "Lincoln-Douglas", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/lincoln_douglas.png", "Alt": "Stephen Douglas actually died soon after the debates and election, but if you demand historical accuracy in your webcomics you should be reading Hark! A Vagrant." }, { "id": 640, "Date": "2009-09-23T08:48:40.6543977+02:00", "Title": "Tornado Hunter", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tornado_hunter.png", "Alt": "The Fujita Scale was replaced by the Enhanced Fujita Scale in 2007, but I think 'EF-5' sounds stupid, so I vote we just use the new measurements for assigning numbers but still call them 'F-whatever'." }, { "id": 641, "Date": "2009-09-25T08:48:40.8093639+02:00", "Title": "Free", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/free.png", "Alt": "Asbestos is bad; definitely get the one on the right. Wait -- this one over here has no swine flu! Now I can't decide." }, { "id": 642, "Date": "2009-09-28T08:48:40.9667883+02:00", "Title": "Creepy", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/creepy.png", "Alt": "And I even got out my adorable new netbook!" }, { "id": 643, "Date": "2009-09-30T08:48:41.1193526+02:00", "Title": "Ohm", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ohm.png", "Alt": "More generally, with great power comes great dEnergy/dt." }, { "id": 644, "Date": "2009-10-02T08:48:41.3595182+02:00", "Title": "Surgery", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/surgery.png", "Alt": "Damn. Not only did he not install it, he sutured a 'Vista-Ready' sticker onto my arm." }, { "id": 645, "Date": "2009-10-05T08:48:41.6025428+02:00", "Title": "RPS", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rps.png", "Alt": "It looks good, but it needs more postfixins." }, { "id": 646, "Date": "2009-10-07T08:48:41.7512306+02:00", "Title": "Conversations", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/conversations.png", "Alt": "If the dysentery graph looks historically inaccurate it's because I got all my data from Oregon Trail." }, { "id": 647, "Date": "2009-10-09T08:48:41.9899516+02:00", "Title": "Scary", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/scary.png", "Alt": "I'm teaching every 8-year-old relative to say this, and every 14-year-old to do the same thing with Toy Story. Also, Pokemon hit the US over a decade ago and kids born after Aladdin came out will turn 18 next year." }, { "id": 648, "Date": "2009-10-12T08:48:42.2327558+02:00", "Title": "Fall Foliage", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fall_foliage.png", "Alt": "And I could replace you with older pictures of you, from back when you looked happy." }, { "id": 649, "Date": "2009-10-14T08:48:42.3776534+02:00", "Title": "Static", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/static.png", "Alt": "I firmly believe that nothing can go wrong on a project if you're wearing one of those wrist things." }, { "id": 650, "Date": "2009-10-16T08:48:42.5322951+02:00", "Title": "Nowhere", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/nowhere.png", "Alt": "I mean, seriously, NOWHERE? For starters, there are like a thousand species of dinosaur." }, { "id": 651, "Date": "2009-10-19T08:48:42.6932725+02:00", "Title": "Bag Check", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bag_check.png", "Alt": "A laptop battery contains roughly the stored energy of a hand grenade, and if shorted it ... hey! You can't arrest me if I prove your rules inconsistent!" }, { "id": 652, "Date": "2009-10-21T08:48:42.8420388+02:00", "Title": "More Accurate", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/more_accurate.png", "Alt": "We live in a world where there are actual fleets of robot assassins patrolling the skies. At some point there, we left the present and entered the future." }, { "id": 653, "Date": "2009-10-23T08:48:42.9967512+02:00", "Title": "So Bad It's Worse", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/so_bad_its_worse.png", "Alt": "You think it's so legendarily bad that you'll torrent it and sit through it just for the kitschy nerd cred. I, too, once thought as you did." }, { "id": 654, "Date": "2009-10-26T08:48:43.1516782+01:00", "Title": "Nachos", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/nachos.png", "Alt": "'Cheater!' 'Hey, gaming on wifi? You have only yourself to blame.'" }, { "id": 655, "Date": "2009-10-28T08:48:43.3078549+01:00", "Title": "Climbing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/climbing.png", "Alt": "Where did you even get this wall? Return it there and stand it back up right now." }, { "id": 656, "Date": "2009-10-30T08:48:43.5435438+01:00", "Title": "October 30th", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/october_30th.png", "Alt": "Not enough houses on your block? Just hit them at 30-year intervals from here to 2300 and get 10x the candy." }, { "id": 657, "Date": "2009-11-02T08:48:43.6976058+01:00", "Title": "Movie Narrative Charts", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/movie_narrative_charts.png", "Alt": "In the LotR map, up and down correspond LOOSELY to northwest and southeast respectively." }, { "id": 658, "Date": "2009-11-04T08:48:43.8540193+01:00", "Title": "Orbitals", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/orbitals.png", "Alt": "Except the people filtering in late are the partiers, so you end up with drunken makeouts in the living room and the next roommate to return home has to sleep in the hall lounge orbital." }, { "id": 659, "Date": "2009-11-06T08:48:44.0892323+01:00", "Title": "Lego", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/lego.png", "Alt": "Dad, where is Grandpa right now?" }, { "id": 660, "Date": "2009-11-09T08:48:44.3282497+01:00", "Title": "Sympathy", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sympathy.png", "Alt": "Excellent recovery: ... which we could try to use to somehow save your original brother!" }, { "id": 661, "Date": "2009-11-11T08:48:44.5739955+01:00", "Title": "Two-Party System", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/two_party_system.png", "Alt": "I favor approval voting or IRV chiefly because they mean we might get to bring back The Bull Moose party." }, { "id": 662, "Date": "2009-11-13T08:48:44.8039651+01:00", "Title": "iPhone or Droid", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/iphone_or_droid.png", "Alt": "It may be a fundamentally empty experience, but holy crap the Droid's 265 ppi screen is amazing." }, { "id": 663, "Date": "2009-11-16T08:48:45.0382542+01:00", "Title": "Sagan-Man", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sagan-man.png", "Alt": "They laugh now, but within 10 years the city's entire criminal class will have quit to work on space research." }, { "id": 664, "Date": "2009-11-18T08:48:45.2722121+01:00", "Title": "Academia vs. Business", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/academia_vs_business.png", "Alt": "Some engineer out there has solved P=NP and it's locked up in an electric eggbeater calibration routine. For every 0x5f375a86 we learn about, there are thousands we never see." }, { "id": 665, "Date": "2009-11-20T08:48:45.4208254+01:00", "Title": "Prudence", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/prudence.png", "Alt": "Moments later, the White Witch rolls up and, confused, tries to tempt the probe with a firmware upgrade." }, { "id": 666, "Date": "2009-11-23T08:48:45.581212+01:00", "Title": "Silent Hammer", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/silent_hammer.png", "Alt": "I bet he'll keep quiet for a couple weeks and then-- wait, did you nail a piece of scrap wood to my antique table a moment ago?" }, { "id": 667, "Date": "2009-11-25T08:48:45.8102697+01:00", "Title": "SkiFree", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/skifree.png", "Alt": "And from that day on, I wore this little 'F' key pendant everywhere I went." }, { "id": 668, "Date": "2009-11-27T08:48:46.048037+01:00", "Title": "Pandora", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pandora.png", "Alt": "What? Oh, no, the 'Enchanted' soundtrack was just playing because Pandora's algorithms are terrible. [silence] ... (quietly) That's how you knooooooow ..." }, { "id": 669, "Date": "2009-11-30T08:48:46.1977731+01:00", "Title": "Experiment", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/experiment.png", "Alt": "The other two are still lost on the infinite plane of uniform density." }, { "id": 670, "Date": "2009-12-02T08:48:46.3538855+01:00", "Title": "Spinal Tap Amps", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/spinal_tap_amps.png", "Alt": "Wow, that's less than $200 per ... uh ... that's a good deal!" }, { "id": 671, "Date": "2009-12-04T08:48:46.5061287+01:00", "Title": "Stephen and Me", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/stephen_and_me.png", "Alt": "Hey, let go! We were all thinking it! Someone had to speak truth to power!" }, { "id": 672, "Date": "2009-12-07T08:48:46.7548848+01:00", "Title": "Suggestions", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/suggestions.png", "Alt": "An hour later: SUGGESTION: LICK HER NIPPLE MORE." }, { "id": 673, "Date": "2009-12-09T08:48:46.9154731+01:00", "Title": "The Sun", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_sun.png", "Alt": "Obligatory bad guy: This operation is sheer foolishness, and it's not happening on my watch! Mainly because I can't figure out how to adjust the time." }, { "id": 674, "Date": "2009-12-11T08:48:47.0689504+01:00", "Title": "Natural Parenting", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/natural_parenting.png", "Alt": "On one hand, every single one of my ancestors going back billions of years has managed to figure it out. On the other hand, that's the mother of all sampling biases." }, { "id": 675, "Date": "2009-12-14T08:48:47.3055209+01:00", "Title": "Revolutionary", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/revolutionary.png", "Alt": "I mean, what's more likely -- that I have uncovered fundamental flaws in this field that no one in it has ever thought about, or that I need to read a little more? Hint: it's the one that involves less work." }, { "id": 676, "Date": "2009-12-16T08:48:47.5393501+01:00", "Title": "Abstraction", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/abstraction.png", "Alt": "If I'm such a god, why isn't Maru *my* cat?" }, { "id": 677, "Date": "2009-12-18T08:48:47.76879+01:00", "Title": "Asshole", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/asshole.png", "Alt": "[Shortly thereafter, at a nearby bakery] ::CRASH:: ::RUMBLE:: ::VRRRRRR:: '... I don't know, officer. It just scooped up an entire rack of scones and drove away!'" }, { "id": 678, "Date": "2009-12-21T08:48:47.9216892+01:00", "Title": "Researcher Translation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/researcher_translation.png", "Alt": "A technology that is '20 years away' will be 20 years away indefinitely." }, { "id": 679, "Date": "2009-12-23T08:48:48.1712309+01:00", "Title": "Christmas Plans", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/christmas_plans.png", "Alt": "Physicists who want to protect traditional Christmas realize that the only way to keep from changing Christmas is not to observe it." }, { "id": 680, "Date": "2009-12-25T08:48:48.4178507+01:00", "Title": "December 25th", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/december_25th.png", "Alt": "If you're turning 27 and were born in the Northeast, maybe you were conceived in the April blizzard of 1982. Imagine: snowed in, candles, massage oil, your mom sporting nothing but her early 80's haircut and a smile ... aren't you glad you read the title-text?" }, { "id": 681, "Date": "2009-12-28T08:48:48.5687618+01:00", "Title": "Gravity Wells", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/gravity_wells.png", "Alt": "This doesn't take into account the energy imparted by orbital motion (or gravity assists or the Oberth effect), all of which can make it easier to reach outer planets." }, { "id": 682, "Date": "2009-12-30T08:48:48.7239315+01:00", "Title": "Force", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/force.png", "Alt": "Force-choking the chicken." }, { "id": 683, "Date": "2010-01-01T08:48:48.9585407+01:00", "Title": "Science Montage", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/science_montage.png", "Alt": "The rat's perturbed; it must sense nanobots! Code grey! We have a Helvetica scenario!" }, { "id": 684, "Date": "2010-01-04T08:48:49.1082384+01:00", "Title": "We Get It", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/we_get_it.png", "Alt": "The most brutal way I've ever seen someone handle this was 'Oh, you have a girlfriend. Are you going to get married?' 'I, uh, don't know--' 'Well, do you love her?' '...' 'Anyway, what were you saying about the movie?'" }, { "id": 685, "Date": "2010-01-06T08:48:49.2603259+01:00", "Title": "G-Spot", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/g-spot.png", "Alt": "The BBC lead was 'The elusive erogenous zone said to exist in some women may be a myth, say researchers who have hunted for it.' I couldn't read it with a straight face." }, { "id": 686, "Date": "2010-01-08T08:48:49.4990757+01:00", "Title": "Admin Mourning", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/admin_mourning.png", "Alt": "And every day it gets harder to fight the urge to su to the user and freak people out." }, { "id": 687, "Date": "2010-01-11T08:48:49.6712113+01:00", "Title": "Dimensional Analysis", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dimensional_analysis.png", "Alt": "Or the pressure at the Earth's core will rise slightly." }, { "id": 688, "Date": "2010-01-13T08:48:49.9227019+01:00", "Title": "Self-Description", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/self_description.png", "Alt": "The contents of any one panel are dependent on the contents of every panel including itself. The graph of panel dependencies is complete and bidirectional, and each node has a loop. The mouseover text has two hundred and forty-two characters." }, { "id": 689, "Date": "2010-01-15T08:48:50.0870285+01:00", "Title": "FIRST Design", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/first_design.png", "Alt": "Pool on the roof must've sprung a leak." }, { "id": 690, "Date": "2010-01-18T08:48:50.3226317+01:00", "Title": "Semicontrolled Demolition", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/semicontrolled_demolition.png", "Alt": "I believe the truth always lies halfway between the most extreme claims." }, { "id": 691, "Date": "2010-01-20T08:48:50.5632059+01:00", "Title": "MicroSD", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/microsd.png", "Alt": "That card holds a refrigerator carton's worth of floppy discs, and a soda can full of those cards could hold the entire iTunes store's music library. Mmmm." }, { "id": 692, "Date": "2010-01-22T08:48:50.8035408+01:00", "Title": "Dirty Harry", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dirty_harry.png", "Alt": "Sci-fi has energy weapons because otherwise the people like me who watch it get distracted counting shots." }, { "id": 693, "Date": "2010-01-25T08:48:50.9525689+01:00", "Title": "Children's Fantasy", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/childrens_fantasy.png", "Alt": "I was going to be a scientist, but that seems silly now. Magical worlds exist. I've learned a huge truth about our place in the universe. I'm supposed to care about college? I mean, FUCK." }, { "id": 694, "Date": "2010-01-27T08:48:51.1071381+01:00", "Title": "Retro Virus", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/retro_virus.png", "Alt": "He says this is the year of Linux on the desktop! The world of Windows will fade any moment now!" }, { "id": 695, "Date": "2010-01-29T08:48:51.3505621+01:00", "Title": "Spirit", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/spirit.png", "Alt": "On January 26th, 2274 Mars days into the mission, NASA declared Spirit a 'stationary research station', expected to stay operational for several more months until the dust buildup on its solar panels forces a final shutdown." }, { "id": 696, "Date": "2010-02-01T08:48:51.5790781+01:00", "Title": "Strip Games", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/strip_games.png", "Alt": "HOW ABOUT A NICE GAME OF STRIP GLOBAL THERMONUCLEAR WAR?" }, { "id": 697, "Date": "2010-02-03T08:48:51.7309051+01:00", "Title": "Tensile vs. Shear Strength", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tensile_vs_shear_strength.png", "Alt": "Although really, the damage was done when the party planners took the hole punch to the elevator ribbon to hang up the sign." }, { "id": 698, "Date": "2010-02-05T08:48:51.8835406+01:00", "Title": "You Hang Up First", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/you_hang_up_first.png", "Alt": "No, YOU stumble past a series of post-breakup hookups in a daze as you slowly realize what you've lost and how unlikely you are ever to get it back first." }, { "id": 699, "Date": "2010-02-08T08:48:52.1230208+01:00", "Title": "Trimester", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/trimester.png", "Alt": "Also, it's not like anyone actually calls up the Nobel committee to double-check things." }, { "id": 700, "Date": "2010-02-10T08:48:52.2713411+01:00", "Title": "Complexion", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/complexion.png", "Alt": "Why do all my attempts at science end with me being punched by Batman? (P.S. benzoyl peroxide soap works great.)" }, { "id": 701, "Date": "2010-02-12T08:48:52.5048727+01:00", "Title": "Science Valentine", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/science_valentine.png", "Alt": "You don't use science to show that you're right, you use science to become right." }, { "id": 702, "Date": "2010-02-15T08:48:52.6560936+01:00", "Title": "Snow Tracking", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/snow_tracking.png", "Alt": "I suppose that's more accurately a hare dryer." }, { "id": 703, "Date": "2010-02-17T08:48:52.8124839+01:00", "Title": "Honor Societies", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/honor_societies.png", "Alt": "Hey, why do YOU get to be the president of Tautology Clu-- wait, I can guess." }, { "id": 704, "Date": "2010-02-19T08:48:53.0476088+01:00", "Title": "Principle of Explosion", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/principle_of_explosion.png", "Alt": "You want me to pick up waffle cones? Oh, right, for the wine. One sec, let me just derive your son's credit card number and I'll be on my way." }, { "id": 705, "Date": "2010-02-22T08:48:53.2019666+01:00", "Title": "Devotion to Duty", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/devotion_to_duty.png", "Alt": "The weird sense of duty really good sysadmins have can border on the sociopathic, but it's nice to know that it stands between the forces of darkness and your cat blog's servers." }, { "id": 706, "Date": "2010-02-24T08:48:53.3570884+01:00", "Title": "Freedom", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/freedom.png", "Alt": "Sometimes I'm terrified to realize how many options other people have." }, { "id": 707, "Date": "2010-02-26T08:48:53.593665+01:00", "Title": "Joshing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/joshing.png", "Alt": "You'll be moved up from 49 of ~7 billion to 31 of ~7 billion." }, { "id": 708, "Date": "2010-03-01T08:48:53.7488867+01:00", "Title": "Sex Dice", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sex_dice.png", "Alt": "You roll for initiative, and ... [roll] ... wow, do you ever take it." }, { "id": 709, "Date": "2010-03-03T08:48:53.9914958+01:00", "Title": "I Am", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/i_am.png", "Alt": "Great, LO-M. Do you speak Bocce? I'm supposed to find one that speaks Bocce." }, { "id": 710, "Date": "2010-03-05T08:48:54.2225124+01:00", "Title": "Collatz Conjecture", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/collatz_conjecture.png", "Alt": "The Strong Collatz Conjecture states that this holds for any set of obsessively-hand-applied rules." }, { "id": 711, "Date": "2010-03-08T08:48:54.4533273+01:00", "Title": "Seismograph", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/seismograph.png", "Alt": "The reverse only works if the subject has a nervous twitch." }, { "id": 712, "Date": "2010-03-10T08:48:54.6058958+01:00", "Title": "Single Ladies", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/single_ladies.png", "Alt": "Using a ring to bind someone you covet into your dark and twisted world? Wow, just got the subtext there. Also, the apparently eager Beyoncé would've made one badass Nazgȗl." }, { "id": 713, "Date": "2010-03-12T08:48:54.762384+01:00", "Title": "GeoIP", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/geoip.png", "Alt": "'Meet hot young singles in your mom's basement today'? Man, screw you, GeoIP." }, { "id": 714, "Date": "2010-03-15T08:48:54.9958696+01:00", "Title": "Porn For Women", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/porn_for_women.png", "Alt": "Yes, there are a lot of longing looks across the bridge of Galactica first, but that's beside the point!" }, { "id": 715, "Date": "2010-03-17T08:48:55.2329988+01:00", "Title": "Numbers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/numbers.png", "Alt": "The typical internet user (who wants to share) has an IQ of 147 and a 9-inch penis. Well, better than the reverse, I guess." }, { "id": 716, "Date": "2010-03-19T08:48:55.3898168+01:00", "Title": "Time Machine", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/time_machine.png", "Alt": "We never see any time travelers because they all discover it's a huge mistake. This is also why your friend at the lab suddenly looked about a year older recently." }, { "id": 717, "Date": "2010-03-22T08:48:55.5479164+01:00", "Title": "Furtive", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/furtive.png", "Alt": "... go go gadget video camera. Go go gadget cup." }, { "id": 718, "Date": "2010-03-24T08:48:55.787086+01:00", "Title": "The Flake Equation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_flake_equation.png", "Alt": "Statistics suggest that there should be tons of alien encounter stories, and in practice there are tons of alien encounter stories. This is known as Fermi's Lack-of-a-Paradox." }, { "id": 719, "Date": "2010-03-26T08:48:56.0195486+01:00", "Title": "Brain Worms", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/brain_worms.png", "Alt": "Hey, it says here that if you dream about your teeth falling out, it means they're spreading." }, { "id": 720, "Date": "2010-03-29T08:48:56.1707225+02:00", "Title": "Recipes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/recipes.png", "Alt": "To be fair, the braised and confused newt on a bed of crushed Doritos turned out to be delicious." }, { "id": 721, "Date": "2010-03-31T08:48:56.3303856+02:00", "Title": "Flatland", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/flatland.png", "Alt": "Also, I apologize for the time I climbed down into your world and everyone freaked out about the lesbian orgy overseen by a priest." }, { "id": 722, "Date": "2010-04-02T08:48:56.4799467+02:00", "Title": "Computer Problems", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/computer_problems.png", "Alt": "This is how I explain computer problems to my cat. My cat usually seems happier than me." }, { "id": 723, "Date": "2010-04-05T08:48:56.6345712+02:00", "Title": "Seismic Waves", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/seismic_waves.png", "Alt": "The USGS operates a really neat email/SMS earthquake notification service (earthquake.usgs.gov/ens/) that allows fine-grained control of notifications." }, { "id": 724, "Date": "2010-04-07T08:48:56.8716227+02:00", "Title": "Hell", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hell.png", "Alt": "There's also a Katamari level where everything is just slightly bigger than you, and a Mario level with a star just out of reach." }, { "id": 725, "Date": "2010-04-09T08:48:57.0213428+02:00", "Title": "Literally", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/literally.png", "Alt": "The chemistry experiment had me figuratively -- and then shortly thereafter literally -- glued to my seat." }, { "id": 726, "Date": "2010-04-12T08:48:57.2579627+02:00", "Title": "Seat Selection", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/seat_selection.png", "Alt": "Don't click on the wing." }, { "id": 727, "Date": "2010-04-14T08:48:57.4102035+02:00", "Title": "Trade Expert", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/trade_expert.png", "Alt": "I mean, it's been almost twenty years. Now, it's possible you're simply embedding Windows directory paths in your URIs, but in that case you need more than just a short lecture." }, { "id": 728, "Date": "2010-04-16T08:48:57.648765+02:00", "Title": "iPad", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ipad.png", "Alt": "Maybe we're all gonna die, but we're gonna die in *really cool ways*." }, { "id": 729, "Date": "2010-04-19T08:48:57.8801478+02:00", "Title": "Laser Pointer", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/laser_pointer.png", "Alt": "It's a lasing cat-vity!" }, { "id": 730, "Date": "2010-04-21T08:48:58.0317315+02:00", "Title": "Circuit Diagram", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/circuit_diagram.png", "Alt": "I just caught myself idly trying to work out what that resistor mass would actually be, and realized I had self-nerd-sniped." }, { "id": 731, "Date": "2010-04-23T08:48:58.1876445+02:00", "Title": "Desert Island", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/desert_island.png", "Alt": "Telescopes and bathyscaphes and sonar probes of Scottish lakes, Tacoma Narrows bridge collapse explained with abstract phase-space maps, some x-ray slides, a music score, Minard's Napoleonic war: the most exciting new frontier is charting what's already here." }, { "id": 732, "Date": "2010-04-26T08:48:58.4211578+02:00", "Title": "HDTV", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hdtv.png", "Alt": "We're also stuck with blurry, juddery, slow-panning 24fps movies forever because (thanks to 60fps home video) people associate high framerates with camcorders and cheap sitcoms, and thus think good framerates look 'fake'." }, { "id": 733, "Date": "2010-04-28T08:48:58.5859269+02:00", "Title": "Eagle", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/eagle.png", "Alt": "In the off-seasons, I hire an animal trainer to help confront secret agents with situations which they are unable to report by radio." }, { "id": 734, "Date": "2010-04-30T08:48:58.7401318+02:00", "Title": "Outbreak", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/outbreak.png", "Alt": "Let's get dinner after we promptly destroy all the X-7 we've manufactured." }, { "id": 735, "Date": "2010-05-03T08:48:58.9818173+02:00", "Title": "Floor", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/floor.png", "Alt": "We once got grounded when we convinced the FAA to block flights through our county because of ash clouds." }, { "id": 736, "Date": "2010-05-05T08:48:59.2136007+02:00", "Title": "Cemetery", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cemetery.png", "Alt": "Three headstones down, I got a call from my mom and it went from bad to worse." }, { "id": 737, "Date": "2010-05-07T08:48:59.3728781+02:00", "Title": "Yogurt", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/yogurt.png", "Alt": "I am firmly of the opinion that if something doesn't have a year on it, every time the expiration date rolls around it is good again for the two weeks preceding that date." }, { "id": 738, "Date": "2010-05-10T08:48:59.5386794+02:00", "Title": "Incision", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/incision.png", "Alt": "At one point, by force of childhood habit, the doctor accidentally removed three or four organs." }, { "id": 739, "Date": "2010-05-12T08:48:59.6936772+02:00", "Title": "Malamanteau", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/malamanteau.png", "Alt": "The article has twenty-three citations, one of which is an obscure manuscript from the 1490's and the other twenty-two are arguments on LanguageLog." }, { "id": 740, "Date": "2010-05-14T08:48:59.8485889+02:00", "Title": "The Tell-Tale Beat", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_tell_tale_beat.png", "Alt": "You fancy me mad. Could a madman have outsmarted the greatest electronica/techno artists of our era? Next to fall will be Roderick Usher's house/trance band." }, { "id": 741, "Date": "2010-05-17T08:49:00.0859672+02:00", "Title": "Blogging", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/blogging.png", "Alt": "I'm looking to virally monetize your eyeballs by selling them for transplants." }, { "id": 742, "Date": "2010-05-19T08:49:00.2373394+02:00", "Title": "Campfire", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/campfire.png", "Alt": "100 years later, this story remains terrifying--not because it's the local network block, but because the killer is still on IPv4." }, { "id": 743, "Date": "2010-05-21T08:49:00.3913903+02:00", "Title": "Infrastructures", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/infrastructures.png", "Alt": "The heartfelt tune it plays is CC licensed, and you can get it from my seed on JoinDiaspora.com whenever that project gets going." }, { "id": 744, "Date": "2010-05-24T08:49:00.6316534+02:00", "Title": "Walkthrough", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/walkthrough.png", "Alt": "There's nothing hotter than porn dubbed over with a poorly-mic'd teenager's voice explaining each step in a droning monotone. 'okay, we're almost at the spawn point ... separate the labia, but watch out, there are more inside them ...\"" }, { "id": 745, "Date": "2010-05-26T08:49:00.7820794+02:00", "Title": "Dyslexics", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dyslexics.png", "Alt": "And of course I had to redo this like three times because I kept writing 'UNTIE'; I kept doing 'doing 'doing it wrong' wrong' wrong." }, { "id": 746, "Date": "2010-05-28T08:49:01.0191413+02:00", "Title": "Birth", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/birth.png", "Alt": "All those GTA marathons during the pregnancy were a bad idea." }, { "id": 747, "Date": "2010-05-31T08:49:01.2508711+02:00", "Title": "Geeks and Nerds", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/geeks_and_nerds.png", "Alt": "The definitions I grew up with were that a geek is someone unusually into something (so you could have computer geeks, baseball geeks, theater geeks, etc) and nerds are (often awkward) science, math, or computer geeks. But definitions vary." }, { "id": 748, "Date": "2010-06-02T08:49:01.4893178+02:00", "Title": "Worst-Case Scenario", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/worst_case_scenario.png", "Alt": "To get serious analyses of hurricanes and oil slicks, see Jeff Masters' blog. To get serious discussions of worst-case scenario thinking, see Bruce Schneier's blog. To get enough Vitamin D, don't read any blogs and go outside instead." }, { "id": 749, "Date": "2010-06-04T08:49:01.7184999+02:00", "Title": "Study", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/study.png", "Alt": "Volunteers needed for a study on transmission of urushiol from digital contact with thin strips of fibrous cellulose pulp." }, { "id": 750, "Date": "2010-06-07T08:49:01.8687475+02:00", "Title": "Book Burning", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/book_burning.png", "Alt": "Of course, since their cautionary tale was reported in a print newspaper, no one read it." }, { "id": 751, "Date": "2010-06-09T08:49:02.0246287+02:00", "Title": "Swimsuit Issue", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/swimsuit_issue.png", "Alt": "Parents: talk to your kids about popup blockers. Also, at some point, sex. But crucial fundamentals first!" }, { "id": 752, "Date": "2010-06-11T08:49:02.2620156+02:00", "Title": "Phobia", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/phobia.png", "Alt": "Oh God, the tornado picked up snakes!" }, { "id": 753, "Date": "2010-06-14T08:49:02.4995152+02:00", "Title": "Southern Half", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/southern_half.png", "Alt": "Also, if you read his speech at Rice, all his arguments for going to the moon work equally well as arguments for blowing up the moon, sending cloned dinosaurs into space, or constructing a towering penis-shaped obelisk on Mars." }, { "id": 754, "Date": "2010-06-16T08:49:02.7451804+02:00", "Title": "Dependencies", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dependencies.png", "Alt": "The prereqs for CPSC 357, the class on package management, are CPSC 432, CPSC 357, and glibc2.5 or later." }, { "id": 755, "Date": "2010-06-18T08:49:02.8946318+02:00", "Title": "Interdisciplinary", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/interdisciplinary.png", "Alt": "Replace the pendulums with history students and you'll qualify for a grant!" }, { "id": 756, "Date": "2010-06-21T08:49:03.1293861+02:00", "Title": "Public Opinion", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/public_opinion.png", "Alt": "News networks giving a greater voice to viewers because the social web is so popular are like a chef on the Titanic who, seeing the looming iceberg and fleeing customers, figures ice is the future and starts making snow cones." }, { "id": 757, "Date": "2010-06-23T08:49:03.2800788+02:00", "Title": "Toot", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/toot.png", "Alt": "This is also one of only five identified situations in which a vuvuzela is actually appropriate." }, { "id": 758, "Date": "2010-06-25T08:49:03.5200095+02:00", "Title": "Raptor Fences", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/raptor_fences.png", "Alt": "If at least one person has a nightmare about being swarmed by hundreds of mouse-sized dromaeosaurids, my work will have been done." }, { "id": 759, "Date": "2010-06-28T08:49:03.7516335+02:00", "Title": "3x9", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/3x9.png", "Alt": "Handy exam trick: when you know the answer but not the correct derivation, derive blindly forward from the givens and backward from the answer, and join the chains once the equations start looking similar. Sometimes the graders don't notice the seam." }, { "id": 760, "Date": "2010-06-30T08:49:03.9885837+02:00", "Title": "Moria", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/moria.png", "Alt": "Someone should really bring them a ladder and remind them to build the Endless Stair *first* next time." }, { "id": 761, "Date": "2010-07-02T08:49:04.2168913+02:00", "Title": "DFS", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dfs.png", "Alt": "A breadth-first search makes a lot of sense for dating in general, actually; it suggests dating a bunch of people casually before getting serious, rather than having a series of five-year relationships one after the other." }, { "id": 762, "Date": "2010-07-05T08:49:04.4633992+02:00", "Title": "Analogies", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/analogies.png", "Alt": "I just call all of them 'synecdoche'." }, { "id": 763, "Date": "2010-07-07T08:49:04.6984013+02:00", "Title": "Workaround", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/workaround.png", "Alt": "I once worked on a friend's dad's computer. He had the hard drive divided into six partitions, C: through J:, with a 'Documents' directory tree on each one. Each new file appeared to be saved to a partition at random. I knew enough not to ask." }, { "id": 764, "Date": "2010-07-09T08:49:04.9283169+02:00", "Title": "One Two", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/one_two.png", "Alt": "Cue letters from anthropology majors complaining that this view of numerolinguistic development perpetuates a widespread myth. They get to write letters like that because when you're not getting a real science degree you have a lot of free time. Zing!" }, { "id": 765, "Date": "2010-07-12T08:49:05.0803784+02:00", "Title": "Dilution", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dilution.png", "Alt": "Dear editors of Homeopathy Monthly: I have two small corrections for your July issue. One, it's spelled \"echinacea\", and two, homeopathic medicines are no better than placebos and your entire magazine is a sham." }, { "id": 766, "Date": "2010-07-14T08:49:05.319495+02:00", "Title": "Green Flash", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/green_flash.png", "Alt": "The exact cause of the phenomenon is unknown, but it's thought to be linked to atmospheric refraction and you getting a really cool car." }, { "id": 767, "Date": "2010-07-16T08:49:05.5514717+02:00", "Title": "Temper", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/temper.png", "Alt": "Mr. Rogers projected an air of genuine, unwavering, almost saintly pure-hearted decency. But when you look deeper, at the person behind the image ... that's exactly what you find there, too. He's exactly what he appears to be." }, { "id": 768, "Date": "2010-07-19T08:49:05.7063087+02:00", "Title": "1996", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/1996.png", "Alt": "College Board issues aside, I have fond memories of TI-BASIC, writing in it a 3D graphing engine and a stock market analyzer. With enough patience, I could make anything ... but friends. (Although with my chatterbot experiments, I certainly tried.)" }, { "id": 769, "Date": "2010-07-21T08:49:05.8581627+02:00", "Title": "War", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/war.png", "Alt": "They offered to make me a green beret, but I liked my regular one. Although it gets kind of squashed under my helmet." }, { "id": 770, "Date": "2010-07-23T08:49:06.0152533+02:00", "Title": "All the Girls", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/all_the_girls.png", "Alt": "You know that I'll never leave you. Not as long as she's with someone." }, { "id": 771, "Date": "2010-07-26T08:49:06.2574482+02:00", "Title": "Period Speech", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/period_speech.png", "Alt": "The same people who spend their weekends at the Blogger Reenactment Festivals will whine about the anachronisms in historical movies, but no one else will care." }, { "id": 772, "Date": "2010-07-28T08:49:06.4876248+02:00", "Title": "Frogger", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/frogger.png", "Alt": "I understand you and your team worked hard on this, but when we said to make it more realistic, we meant the graphics." }, { "id": 773, "Date": "2010-07-30T08:49:06.718912+02:00", "Title": "University Website", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/university_website.png", "Alt": "People go to the website because they can't wait for the next alumni magazine, right? What do you mean, you want a campus map? One of our students made one as a CS class project back in '01! You can click to zoom and everything!" }, { "id": 774, "Date": "2010-08-02T08:49:06.9544846+02:00", "Title": "Atheists", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/atheists.png", "Alt": "'But you're using that same tactic to try to feel superior to me, too!' 'Sorry, that accusation expires after one use per conversation.'" }, { "id": 775, "Date": "2010-08-04T08:49:07.1868504+02:00", "Title": "Savannah Ancestry", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/savannah_ancestry.png", "Alt": "She's a perfectly nice lady from a beautiful city, and there's no reason to be mean just because she thinks a quarterback is a river in Egypt." }, { "id": 776, "Date": "2010-08-06T08:49:07.3424218+02:00", "Title": "Still No Sleep", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/still_no_sleep.png", "Alt": "I'm not listening to you. I mean, what does a SQUIRREL know about mental health?" }, { "id": 777, "Date": "2010-08-09T08:49:07.5791971+02:00", "Title": "Pore Strips", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pore_strips.png", "Alt": "I'm sure they're a harmful tool of the cosmetics-industrial complex and all, but my goodness do those strips ever work to pull gunk out of your pores. I was shocked, disgusted, and vaguely fascinated by the result." }, { "id": 778, "Date": "2010-08-11T08:49:07.7419174+02:00", "Title": "Scheduling", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/scheduling.png", "Alt": "'How about a little ... *family growth*?' 'Dude, that's not until round two.'" }, { "id": 779, "Date": "2010-08-13T08:49:07.8978388+02:00", "Title": "Anxiety", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/anxiety.png", "Alt": "Don't need any, thanks. I have a backscattering fetish." }, { "id": 780, "Date": "2010-08-16T08:49:08.1361334+02:00", "Title": "Sample", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sample.png", "Alt": "There are two or three songs out there with beeps in the chorus that sound exactly like the clock radio alarm I had in high school, and hearing it makes me think my life since junior year has been a dream I'm about to wake up from." }, { "id": 781, "Date": "2010-08-18T08:49:08.2833276+02:00", "Title": "Ahead Stop", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ahead_stop.png", "Alt": "They actually started the reversed-text practice in 1977 -- not for ease-of-reading reasons, but because too many people were driving backward down the highway blasting the Star Wars opening theme." }, { "id": 782, "Date": "2010-08-20T08:49:08.5201223+02:00", "Title": "Desecration", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/desecration.png", "Alt": "It gets worse! You know that wizened old monk with the gypsy wife whose voodoo shop we smash up every day after school?" }, { "id": 783, "Date": "2010-08-23T08:49:08.6684172+02:00", "Title": "I Don't Want Directions", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/i_dont_want_directions.png", "Alt": "Yes, I understand that the turn is half a mile past the big field, but my GPS knows that, too. This would be easier if you weren't about to ask me to repeat it all back to you." }, { "id": 784, "Date": "2010-08-25T08:49:08.8229933+02:00", "Title": "Falling Asleep", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/falling_asleep.png", "Alt": "Sweet unintersecting dreams!" }, { "id": 785, "Date": "2010-08-27T08:49:08.9775356+02:00", "Title": "Open Mic Night", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/open_mic_night.png", "Alt": "Ever notice how the more successful observational comics become, the more their jokes focus on flying and hotels?" }, { "id": 786, "Date": "2010-08-30T08:49:09.2149473+02:00", "Title": "Exoplanets", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/exoplanets_2010.png", "Alt": "I'm just worried that we'll all leave and you won't get to come along!" }, { "id": 787, "Date": "2010-09-01T08:49:09.4484667+02:00", "Title": "Orbiter", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/orbiter.png", "Alt": "Normally, the Shuttle can't quite safely reach the orbital inclination required to pass over both those points from a Canaveral launch, but this is an alternate history in which either it launches from Vandenberg or everyone hates the Outer Banks." }, { "id": 788, "Date": "2010-09-03T08:49:09.6001912+02:00", "Title": "The Carriage", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_carriage.png", "Alt": "I learned from Achewood that since this poem is in ballad meter, it can be sung to the tune of Gilligan's Island. Since then, try as I might, I haven't ONCE been able to read it normally." }, { "id": 789, "Date": "2010-09-06T08:49:09.8366862+02:00", "Title": "Showdown", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/showdown.png", "Alt": "The tumbleweed then tried to roll off into the sunset, but due to the Old West's placement north of the subtropical ridge, the prevailing winds were in the wrong direction." }, { "id": 790, "Date": "2010-09-08T08:49:10.0703078+02:00", "Title": "Control", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/control.png", "Alt": "Which, at one point, led to a study showing that LSD produces no more hallucinations than a placebo." }, { "id": 791, "Date": "2010-09-10T08:49:10.2214974+02:00", "Title": "Leaving", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/leaving.png", "Alt": "What'll I say -- \"I was staring at some cat vomit when I got the news?\"" }, { "id": 792, "Date": "2010-09-13T08:49:10.3777695+02:00", "Title": "Password Reuse", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/password_reuse.png", "Alt": "It'll be hilarious the first few times this happens." }, { "id": 793, "Date": "2010-09-15T08:49:10.5323575+02:00", "Title": "Physicists", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/physicists.png", "Alt": "If you need some help with the math, let me know, but that should be enough to get you started! Huh? No, I don't need to read your thesis, I can imagine roughly what it says." }, { "id": 794, "Date": "2010-09-17T08:49:10.6849786+02:00", "Title": "Inside Joke", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/inside_joke.png", "Alt": "I've looked through a few annotated versions of classic books, and it's shocking how much of what's in there is basically pop-culture references totally lost on us now." }, { "id": 795, "Date": "2010-09-20T08:49:10.9109695+02:00", "Title": "Conditional Risk", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/conditional_risk.png", "Alt": "'Dude, wait -- I'm not American! So my risk is basically zero!'" }, { "id": 796, "Date": "2010-09-22T08:49:11.0606223+02:00", "Title": "Bad Ex", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bad_ex.png", "Alt": "Since the goatee, glasses, and Seltzer & Friedberg DVD collection didn't tip you off, there will be a $20 negligence charge for this service." }, { "id": 797, "Date": "2010-09-24T08:49:11.2164504+02:00", "Title": "debian-main", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/debian_main.png", "Alt": "dpkg: error processing package (--purge): subprocess pre-removal script returned error exit 163: OH_GOD_THEYRE_INSIDE_MY_CLOTHES" }, { "id": 798, "Date": "2010-09-27T08:49:11.375061+02:00", "Title": "Adjectives", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/adjectives.png", "Alt": "'Fucking ineffable' sounds like someone remembering how to do self-censorship halfway through a phrase." }, { "id": 799, "Date": "2010-09-29T08:49:11.5256313+02:00", "Title": "Stephen Hawking", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/stephen_hawking.png", "Alt": "'Guys? The Town is supposed to be good, and I thou--' 'PHYSICIST STEPHEN HAWKING DECLARES NEW FILM BEST IN ALL SPACE AND TIME' 'No, I just heard that--' 'SHOULD SCIENCE PLAY A ROLE IN JUDGING BEN AFFLECK?' 'I don't think--' 'WHAT ABOUT MATT DAMON?'" }, { "id": 800, "Date": "2010-10-01T08:49:11.7593454+02:00", "Title": "Beautiful Dream", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/beautiful_dream.png", "Alt": "Lucky. In MY dream, all the people who grew up loving The Giving Tree paired up with all the students who had weird dreams after reading The Metamorphosis. That one was more confusing." }, { "id": 801, "Date": "2010-10-04T08:49:11.9957212+02:00", "Title": "Golden Hammer", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/golden_hammer.png", "Alt": "Took me five tries to find the right one, but I managed to salvage our night out--if not the boat--in the end." }, { "id": 802, "Date": "2010-10-06T08:49:12.2265154+02:00", "Title": "Online Communities 2", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/online_communities_2.png", "Alt": "Best trivia I learned while working on this: 'Man, Farmville is so huge! Do you realize it's the second-biggest browser-based social-networking-centered farming game in the WORLD?' Then you wait for the listener to do a double-take." }, { "id": 803, "Date": "2010-10-08T08:49:12.4660345+02:00", "Title": "Airfoil", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/airfoil.png", "Alt": "This is a fun explanation to prepare your kids for; it's common and totally wrong. Good lines include 'why does the air have to travel on both sides at the same time?' and 'I saw the Wright brothers plane and those wings were curved the same on the top and bottom!'" }, { "id": 804, "Date": "2010-10-11T08:49:12.6982439+02:00", "Title": "Pumpkin Carving", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pumpkin_carving.png", "Alt": "The Banach-Tarski theorem was actually first developed by King Solomon, but his gruesome attempts to apply it set back set theory for centuries." }, { "id": 805, "Date": "2010-10-13T08:49:12.9296504+02:00", "Title": "Paradise City", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/paradise_city.png", "Alt": "Take me down to the paradise municipality / where the grass is mauve and the girls aren't fromthisreality." }, { "id": 806, "Date": "2010-10-15T08:49:13.0803255+02:00", "Title": "Tech Support", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tech_support.png", "Alt": "I recently had someone ask me to go get a computer and turn it on so I could restart it. He refused to move further in the script until I said I had done that." }, { "id": 807, "Date": "2010-10-18T08:49:13.3202042+02:00", "Title": "Connected", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/connected.png", "Alt": "Or love in general, for that matter. It just leads to the idea that either your love is pure, perfect, and eternal, and you are storybook-compatible in every way with no problems, or you're LYING when you say 'I love you'." }, { "id": 808, "Date": "2010-10-20T08:49:13.4699765+02:00", "Title": "The Economic Argument", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_economic_argument.png", "Alt": "Not to be confused with 'making money selling this stuff to OTHER people who think it works', which corporate accountants and actuaries have zero problems with." }, { "id": 809, "Date": "2010-10-22T08:49:13.708373+02:00", "Title": "Los Alamos", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/los_alamos.png", "Alt": "The test didn't (spoiler alert) destroy the world, but the fact that they were even doing those calculations makes theirs the coolest jobs ever." }, { "id": 810, "Date": "2010-10-25T08:49:13.8598055+02:00", "Title": "Constructive", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/constructive.png", "Alt": "And what about all the people who won't be able to join the community because they're terrible at making helpful and constructive co-- ... oh." }, { "id": 811, "Date": "2010-10-27T08:49:14.0956222+02:00", "Title": "Starlight", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/starlight.png", "Alt": "Don't worry! From the light's point of view, home and your eye are in the same place, and the journey takes no time at all! Relativity saves the day again." }, { "id": 812, "Date": "2010-10-29T08:49:14.2449761+02:00", "Title": "Glass", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/glass.png", "Alt": "I read in this one article that the breaking of electroweak symmetry is the reason we have SOULS. This guy with a degree said so!" }, { "id": 813, "Date": "2010-11-01T08:49:14.3974745+01:00", "Title": "One-Liners", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/one_liners.png", "Alt": "'Upgrade to the latest version of Adobe Flash player to view THIS content, bitch.' ::triggers detonator::" }, { "id": 814, "Date": "2010-11-03T08:49:14.6332973+01:00", "Title": "Diode", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/diode.png", "Alt": "And the worst part is you won't apologize." }, { "id": 815, "Date": "2010-11-05T08:49:14.86921+01:00", "Title": "Mu", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mu.png", "Alt": "As the CoKF approaches 0, productivity goes negative as you pull OTHER people into chair-spinning contests." }, { "id": 816, "Date": "2010-11-08T08:49:15.1122931+01:00", "Title": "Applied Math", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/applied_math.png", "Alt": "Dear Reader: Enclosed is a check for ninety-eight cents. Using your work, I have proven that this equals the amount you requested." }, { "id": 817, "Date": "2010-11-10T08:49:15.3527049+01:00", "Title": "Mutual", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mutual.png", "Alt": "A universe that needed someone to observe it in order to collapse it into existence would be a pretty sorry universe indeed." }, { "id": 818, "Date": "2010-11-12T08:49:15.5859532+01:00", "Title": "Illness", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/illness.png", "Alt": "<3 If there's anything you can do, I'll let you know. For the moment, any simple distracting online games sent to sick@xkcd.com will not go unappreciated [EDIT: Holy crap 2,700 games before noon. I love you guys; thank you. They will be passed along and played by us all.]" }, { "id": 819, "Date": "2010-11-15T08:49:15.8217953+01:00", "Title": "Five-Minute Comics: Part 1", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/five_minute_comics_part_1.png", "Alt": "The wolves thin the RAID arrays, removing the slowest and weakest disks to keep the average seek speed high." }, { "id": 820, "Date": "2010-11-17T08:49:15.9733054+01:00", "Title": "Five-Minute Comics: Part 2", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/five_minute_comics_part_2.png", "Alt": "Dear Wiccan readers: I understand modern Wiccans are not usually all about the curses and hexes. But Darth Vader was recently converted from Episcopalianism and he's still figuring it all out." }, { "id": 821, "Date": "2010-11-19T08:49:16.1274245+01:00", "Title": "Five-Minute Comics: Part 3", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/five_minute_comics_part_3.png", "Alt": "Resulting in The Little Rock 9x + C." }, { "id": 822, "Date": "2010-11-22T08:49:16.3656716+01:00", "Title": "Guest Week: Jeph Jacques (Questionable Content)", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/guest_week_jeph_jacques_questionable_content.png", "Alt": "Guest comic by Jeph Jacques of Questionable Content, whose internal monologue hasn't been speaking to him for the past three years." }, { "id": 823, "Date": "2010-11-23T08:49:16.5164738+01:00", "Title": "Guest Week: David Troupes (Buttercup Festival)", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/guest_week_david_troupes_buttercup_festival.png", "Alt": "Guest comic by David Troupes of Buttercup Festival, who is living in that lovely tree outside your window." }, { "id": 824, "Date": "2010-11-24T08:49:16.6698205+01:00", "Title": "Guest Week: Bill Amend (FoxTrot)", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/guest_week_bill_amend_foxtrot.png", "Alt": "Guest comic by Bill Amend of FoxTrot, an inspiration to all us nerdy-physics-majors-turned-cartoonists, of which there are an oddly large number." }, { "id": 825, "Date": "2010-11-25T08:49:16.8258402+01:00", "Title": "Guest Week: Jeffrey Rowland (Overcompensating)", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/guest_week_jeffrey_rowland_overcompensating.png", "Alt": "Guest comic by Jeffrey Rowland of Overcompensating/Wigu. Jeffrey is famous as the picture on the Wikipedia article on 'Necrosis'." }, { "id": 826, "Date": "2010-11-26T08:49:17.0094818+01:00", "Title": "Guest Week: Zach Weiner (SMBC)", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/guest_week_zach_weiner_smbc.png", "Alt": "Guest comic by Zach Weiner of Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal. When I was stressed out, Zach gave me a talk that was really encouraging and somehow involved nanobots." }, { "id": 827, "Date": "2010-11-29T08:49:17.2478711+01:00", "Title": "My Business Idea", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/my_business_idea.png", "Alt": "We didn't believe you at first, but we asked like three people who were at that party. They not only corroborated your story, but even said you totally mentioned wanting to start a company someday. Sorry! If this isn't enough money, let us know." }, { "id": 828, "Date": "2010-12-01T08:49:17.4815588+01:00", "Title": "Positive Attitude", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/positive_attitude.png", "Alt": "Having a positive attitude is almost tautologically good for your mental health, and extreme stress can hurt your immune system, but that doesn't mean you should feel like shit for feeling like shit." }, { "id": 829, "Date": "2010-12-03T08:49:17.7125241+01:00", "Title": "Arsenic-Based Life", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/arsenic_based_life.png", "Alt": "According to a new paper published in the journal Science, reporters are unable to thrive in an arsenic-rich environment." }, { "id": 830, "Date": "2010-12-06T08:49:17.8649856+01:00", "Title": "Genetic Analysis", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/genetic_analysis.png", "Alt": "There's still a chance you were conceived via IVF. But we've checked your mom's college yearbook photos, and whether or not she and your father had sex, it's clear that ... listen, I know this is hard for you." }, { "id": 831, "Date": "2010-12-08T08:49:18.1039539+01:00", "Title": "Weather Radar", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/weather_radar.png", "Alt": "Ever notice how there aren't as many thunderstorms now as there were when you were a kid? Much like 'the shuffle on my MP3 player has a bias', this is occasionally true but universally believed. Brains are so interesting!" }, { "id": 832, "Date": "2010-12-10T08:49:18.2516912+01:00", "Title": "Tic-Tac-Toe", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tic_tac_toe.png", "Alt": "The only winning move is to play, perfectly, waiting for your opponent to make a mistake." }, { "id": 833, "Date": "2010-12-13T08:49:18.4889274+01:00", "Title": "Convincing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/convincing.png", "Alt": "And if you labeled your axes, I could tell you exactly how MUCH better." }, { "id": 834, "Date": "2010-12-15T08:49:18.6469122+01:00", "Title": "Wikileaks", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wikileaks.png", "Alt": "STUDENTS ARE CALLING PRESIDENT JOHNSON EN MASSE TO PROTEST THE BOMBING AND IT'S JAMMED THE WHITE HOUSE SWITCHBOARD. COULD THEY COLLAPSE OUR CRITICAL PHONE SYSTEMS? HAS THE FIRST TELEPHONE WAR BEGUN? STAY TUNED FOR MORE ON THIS DANGEROUS NEW TECHNOLOGY." }, { "id": 835, "Date": "2010-12-17T08:49:18.8772375+01:00", "Title": "Tree", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tree.png", "Alt": "Not only is that terrible in general, but you just KNOW Billy's going to open the root present first, and then everyone will have to wait while the heap is rebuilt." }, { "id": 836, "Date": "2010-12-20T08:49:19.0270211+01:00", "Title": "Sickness", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sickness.png", "Alt": "At least, with p<0.05 confidence." }, { "id": 837, "Date": "2010-12-22T08:49:19.1806429+01:00", "Title": "Coupon Code", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/coupon_code.png", "Alt": "This also guarantees he won't be one of the ones to get a bobcat." }, { "id": 838, "Date": "2010-12-24T08:49:19.4188724+01:00", "Title": "Incident", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/incident.png", "Alt": "He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he's copied on /var/spool/mail/root, so be good for goodness' sake." }, { "id": 839, "Date": "2010-12-27T08:49:19.6477756+01:00", "Title": "Explorers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/explorers.png", "Alt": "We're going to have to work together to get over our hangups if we're going to learn to move on Catan's hexagonal grid. It's bad enough that we lost our crew of pawns when we passed within firing range of Battleship." }, { "id": 840, "Date": "2010-12-29T08:49:19.8113597+01:00", "Title": "Serious", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/serious.png", "Alt": "Not to be confused with Serious PuTTY, the Windows terminal client where everything is in Impact." }, { "id": 841, "Date": "2010-12-31T08:49:19.9683747+01:00", "Title": "Audiophiles", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/audiophiles.png", "Alt": "For years, I took the wrong lesson from that Monster Cable experiment and only listened to my music through alligator-clipped coat hangers." }, { "id": 842, "Date": "2011-01-03T08:49:20.2221145+01:00", "Title": "Mark", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mark.png", "Alt": "I'm a solipsistic conspiracy theorist. I'm sure I must be up to something, and I will not stop until I find out what." }, { "id": 843, "Date": "2011-01-05T08:49:20.371864+01:00", "Title": "Misconceptions", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/misconceptions.png", "Alt": "'Grandpa, what was it like in the Before time?' 'It was hell. People went around saying glass was a slow-flowing liquid. You folks these days don't know how good you have it.'" }, { "id": 844, "Date": "2011-01-07T08:49:20.5269636+01:00", "Title": "Good Code", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/good_code.png", "Alt": "You can either hang out in the Android Loop or the HURD loop." }, { "id": 845, "Date": "2011-01-10T08:49:20.7511167+01:00", "Title": "Modern History", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/modern_history.png", "Alt": "During the week, I research my character by living in his house and raising his children." }, { "id": 846, "Date": "2011-01-12T08:49:20.9872055+01:00", "Title": "Dental Nerve", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dental_nerve.png", "Alt": "WAKE up in the MORning and my BREATH ain't PREtty / and noBODY'S gonna KISS me if my MOUTH smells SHItty / so I ALways brush my TEETH before I START on the JACK / sure, my DRINKing's out of HAND, but I'm conTROLLing my PLAQUE." }, { "id": 847, "Date": "2011-01-14T08:49:21.2185976+01:00", "Title": "Stingray Nebula", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/stingray_nebula.png", "Alt": "Eärendil will patrol the walls of night only until the sun reaches red giant stage, engulfing the Morning Star on his brow. Light and high beauty are passing things as well." }, { "id": 848, "Date": "2011-01-17T08:49:21.4572254+01:00", "Title": "3D", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/3d.png", "Alt": "The LINACs in the glasses frames can barely manage one MeV. You should've gone to the screening at CERN." }, { "id": 849, "Date": "2011-01-19T08:49:21.6175305+01:00", "Title": "Complex Conjugate", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/complex_conjugate.png", "Alt": "Fun fact: if you say this every time a professor does something to a complex-number equation that drops the imaginary part, they'll eventually move the class to another room and tell everyone else except you." }, { "id": 850, "Date": "2011-01-21T08:49:21.775512+01:00", "Title": "World According to Americans", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/world_according_to_americans.png", "Alt": "It's not our fault we caught a group on their way home from a geography bee. And they taught us that Uzbekistan is one of the world's two doubly-landlocked countries!" }, { "id": 851, "Date": "2011-01-24T08:49:21.9304662+01:00", "Title": "Na", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/na.png", "Alt": "I hear that there are actual lyrics later on in Land of 1,000 Dances, but other than the occasional 'I said,' I've never listened long enough to hear any of them." }, { "id": 852, "Date": "2011-01-26T08:49:22.1661338+01:00", "Title": "Local g", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/local_g.png", "Alt": "In Rio de Janeiro in 2016, the same jump will get an athlete 0.25% higher (>1cm) than in London four years prior." }, { "id": 853, "Date": "2011-01-28T08:49:22.400928+01:00", "Title": "Consecutive Vowels", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/consecutive_vowels.png", "Alt": "But the windows! What if there's a voyeur watchi-- wait, now I'm turned on too." }, { "id": 854, "Date": "2011-01-31T08:49:22.549372+01:00", "Title": "Learning to Cook", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/learning_to_cook.png", "Alt": "And yet I never stop thinking, 'sure, these ingredients cost more than a restaurant meal, but think how many meals I'll get out of them! Especially since each one will have leftovers!'" }, { "id": 855, "Date": "2011-02-02T08:49:22.7872769+01:00", "Title": "1999", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/1999.png", "Alt": "'Whoa, twenty-two in two hours!' 'Your site got twenty-two hundred hits in two hours?' 'No. Twenty-two. But still, that's like half the people on the internet!'" }, { "id": 856, "Date": "2011-02-04T08:49:22.9360735+01:00", "Title": "Trochee Fixation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/trochee_fixation.png", "Alt": "If you Huffman-coded all the 'random' things everyone on the internet has said over the years, you'd wind up with, like, 30 or 40 bytes *tops*." }, { "id": 857, "Date": "2011-02-07T08:49:23.1730414+01:00", "Title": "Archimedes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/archimedes.png", "Alt": "Give a man a fish, or he will destroy the only existing vial of antidote." }, { "id": 858, "Date": "2011-02-09T08:49:23.3255225+01:00", "Title": "Milk", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/milk.png", "Alt": "It's not hard when you have the same thought like 40 or 50 percent of the time." }, { "id": 859, "Date": "2011-02-11T08:49:23.5495291+01:00", "Title": "(", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/(.png", "Alt": "Brains aside, I wonder how many poorly-written xkcd.com-parsing scripts will break on this title (or ;;\"''{<<[' this mouseover text.\"" }, { "id": 860, "Date": "2011-02-14T08:49:23.7819714+01:00", "Title": "Never Do This", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/never_do_this.png", "Alt": "I call Rule 34 on The Secret House." }, { "id": 861, "Date": "2011-02-16T08:49:24.0160576+01:00", "Title": "Wisdom Teeth", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wisdom_teeth.png", "Alt": "I heard the general anesthesia drugs can cause amnesia, so when I woke up mid-extraction I started taking notes on my hand so I'd remember things later. I managed 'AWAKE BUT EVERYTHING OK' before the dental assistant managed to find and confiscate all my pens." }, { "id": 862, "Date": "2011-02-18T08:49:24.178265+01:00", "Title": "Let Go", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/let_go.png", "Alt": "After years of trying various methods, I broke this habit by pitting my impatience against my laziness. I decoupled the action and the neurological reward by setting up a simple 30-second delay I had to wait through, in which I couldn't do anything else, before any new page or chat client would load (and only allowed one to run at once). The urge to check all those sites magically vanished--and my 'productive' computer use was unaffected." }, { "id": 863, "Date": "2011-02-21T08:49:24.4205117+01:00", "Title": "Major in the Universe", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/major_in_the_universe.png", "Alt": "I hear Steven Levitt is writing a book analyzing A.J. Jacobs' quest to spend a year reading everything Malcolm Gladwell ever wrote. The audiobook will be narrated by Robert Krulwich of Radiolab." }, { "id": 864, "Date": "2011-02-23T08:49:24.6636765+01:00", "Title": "Flying Cars", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/flying_cars.png", "Alt": "It's hard to fit in the backseat of my flying car with my android Realdoll when we're both wearing jetpacks." }, { "id": 865, "Date": "2011-02-25T08:49:24.8948129+01:00", "Title": "Nanobots", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/nanobots.png", "Alt": "I think the IETF hit the right balance with the 128 bits thing. We can fit MAC addresses in a /64 subnet, and the nanobots will only be able to devour half the planet." }, { "id": 866, "Date": "2011-02-28T08:49:25.1357773+01:00", "Title": "Compass and Straightedge", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/compass_and_straightedge.png", "Alt": "The Greeks long suspected this, but it wasn't until April 12th of 1882 that Ferdinand von Lindemann conclusively proved it when he constructed himself the most awesome birthday party possible and nobody showed up." }, { "id": 867, "Date": "2011-03-02T08:49:25.3568864+01:00", "Title": "Herpetology", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/herpetology.png", "Alt": "Birds are Aves, which is part of the clade Theropoda, which is in Saurischia, which is in Dinosauria. Those birds outside our windows are dinosaurs. We can clear out the rest of our brains because we now have the best fact." }, { "id": 868, "Date": "2011-03-04T08:49:25.5920326+01:00", "Title": "Nolan Chart", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/nolan_chart.png", "Alt": "Also in the right quadrant are NFPA-compliant chemical manufacturers and Sir Charles Wheatstone. Sharing the top with the internet libertarians are Nate Silver and several politically-active kite designers." }, { "id": 869, "Date": "2011-03-07T08:49:25.8239278+01:00", "Title": "Server Attention Span", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/server_attention_span.png", "Alt": "They have to keep the adjacent rack units empty. Otherwise, half the entries in their /var/log/syslog are just 'SERVER BELOW TRYING TO START CONVERSATION *AGAIN*.' and 'WISH THEY'D STOP GIVING HIM SO MUCH COFFEE IT SPLATTERS EVERYWHERE.'" }, { "id": 870, "Date": "2011-03-09T08:49:25.9773947+01:00", "Title": "Advertising", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mathematically_annoying.png", "Alt": "I remember the exact moment in my childhood when I realized, while reading a flyer, that nobody would ever spend money solely to tell me they wanted to give me something for nothing. It's a much more vivid memory than the (related) parental Santa talk." }, { "id": 871, "Date": "2011-03-11T08:49:26.2117407+01:00", "Title": "Charity", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/charity.png", "Alt": "I usually respond to someone else doing something good by figuring out a reason that they're not really as good as they seem. But I've been realizing lately that there's an easier way to handle these situations, and it involves zero internet arguments." }, { "id": 872, "Date": "2011-03-14T08:49:26.3781302+01:00", "Title": "Fairy Tales", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fairy_tales.png", "Alt": "Goldilocks' discovery of Newton's method for approximation required surprisingly few changes." }, { "id": 873, "Date": "2011-03-16T08:49:26.5364741+01:00", "Title": "FPS Mod", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fps_mod.png", "Alt": "Wait, that second one is a woman? ... wait, if that bothers me, then why doesn't ... man, this game is no fun anymore." }, { "id": 874, "Date": "2011-03-18T08:49:26.7733338+01:00", "Title": "Time Management", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/time_management.png", "Alt": "I never trust anyone who's more excited about success than about doing the thing they want to be successful at." }, { "id": 875, "Date": "2011-03-21T08:49:26.9240066+01:00", "Title": "2009 Called", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/2009_called.png", "Alt": "2017 called, but I couldn't understand what they were saying over all the screams." }, { "id": 876, "Date": "2011-03-23T08:49:27.1588929+01:00", "Title": "Trapped", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/trapped.png", "Alt": "Socrates could've saved himself a lot of trouble if he'd just brought a flashlight, tranquilizer gun, and a bunch of rescue harnesses." }, { "id": 877, "Date": "2011-03-25T08:49:27.3061471+01:00", "Title": "Beauty", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/beauty.png", "Alt": "The best hugs are probably from hagfish, which can extrude microscopic filaments that convert a huge volume of water around them to slime in seconds. Instant cozy blanket!" }, { "id": 878, "Date": "2011-03-28T08:49:27.5313383+02:00", "Title": "Model Rail", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/model_rail.png", "Alt": "I don't know what's more telling--the number of pages in the Wikipedia talk page argument over whether the 1/87.0857143 scale is called \"HO\" or \"H0\", or the fact that within minutes of first hearing of it I had developed an extremely strong opinion on the issue." }, { "id": 879, "Date": "2011-03-30T08:49:27.6804059+02:00", "Title": "Lamp", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/lamp.png", "Alt": "'That was definitely not in my top three wishes.' 'Who said anything about YOUR wishes?'" }, { "id": 880, "Date": "2011-04-01T08:49:27.8202857+02:00", "Title": "Headache", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/headache.png", "Alt": "I'm only willing to visit placid lakes, salt flats, and painting exhibits until the world's 3D technology improves." }, { "id": 881, "Date": "2011-04-04T08:49:27.9752552+02:00", "Title": "Probability", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/probability.png", "Alt": "My normal approach is useless here, too." }, { "id": 882, "Date": "2011-04-06T08:49:28.1270644+02:00", "Title": "Significant", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/significant.png", "Alt": "'So, uh, we did the green study again and got no link. It was probably a--' 'RESEARCH CONFLICTED ON GREEN JELLY BEAN/ACNE LINK; MORE STUDY RECOMMENDED!'" }, { "id": 883, "Date": "2011-04-08T08:49:28.2916217+02:00", "Title": "Pain Rating", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pain_rating.png", "Alt": "If it were a two or above I wouldn't be able to answer because it would mean a pause in the screaming." }, { "id": 884, "Date": "2011-04-11T08:49:28.4397793+02:00", "Title": "Rogers St.", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rogers_st.png", "Alt": "'We can also use middle names in place of first pet's names, but yours is something incomprehensible about dropping tables.'" }, { "id": 885, "Date": "2011-04-13T08:49:28.6745522+02:00", "Title": "Recycling", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/recycling.png", "Alt": "And given how much of my stuff they go through, they definitely know where I live." }, { "id": 886, "Date": "2011-04-15T08:49:28.9087517+02:00", "Title": "Craigslist Apartments", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/craigslist_apartments.png", "Alt": "$1600 / 1386153BR 3BATH, MODERN SLIDING DOORS, GUEST ROOMS, GARBAGE DISPOSAL. FREE MANDATORY PARKING (ENFORCED). CONVENIENT TO ALDERAAN." }, { "id": 887, "Date": "2011-04-18T08:49:29.0627043+02:00", "Title": "Future Timeline", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/future_timeline.png", "Alt": "Not shown: the approximately 30,000 identical, vaguely hysterical articles titled \"WHITE PEOPLE IN [THE US/BRITAIN] TO BECOME MINORITY BY [YEAR]!\", which came up for basically any year I put in." }, { "id": 888, "Date": "2011-04-20T08:49:29.2113586+02:00", "Title": "Heaven", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/heaven.png", "Alt": "If you've never had sex, this is what it feels like. Complete with the brief feeling of satisfaction, followed by ennui, followed by getting bored and trying to make it happen again." }, { "id": 889, "Date": "2011-04-22T08:49:29.4368756+02:00", "Title": "Turtles", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/turtles.png", "Alt": "You're a turtle!" }, { "id": 890, "Date": "2011-04-25T08:49:29.6925322+02:00", "Title": "Etymology", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/etymology.png", "Alt": "For some reason, my childhood suspension of disbelief had no problem with the fact that this ancient galaxy is full of humans, but was derailed by language. There's no Asia OR Europe there, so where'd they get all the Indo-European roots?" }, { "id": 891, "Date": "2011-04-27T08:49:29.848416+02:00", "Title": "Movie Ages", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/movie_ages.png", "Alt": "If you're 15 or younger, then just remember that it's nevertheless probably too late to be a child prodigy." }, { "id": 892, "Date": "2011-04-29T08:49:30.0888397+02:00", "Title": "Null Hypothesis", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/null_hypothesis.png", "Alt": "Hell, my eighth grade science class managed to conclusively reject it just based on a classroom experiment. It's pretty sad to hear about million-dollar research teams who can't even manage that." }, { "id": 893, "Date": "2011-05-02T08:49:30.2338678+02:00", "Title": "65 Years", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/65_years.png", "Alt": "The universe is probably littered with the one-planet graves of cultures which made the sensible economic decision that there's no good reason to go into space--each discovered, studied, and remembered by the ones who made the irrational decision." }, { "id": 894, "Date": "2011-05-04T08:49:30.3918989+02:00", "Title": "Progeny", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/progeny.png", "Alt": "I tell my children 'it's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game.' I'm trying to take the edge off their competitive drive to ensure that I can always beat them." }, { "id": 895, "Date": "2011-05-06T08:49:30.5464142+02:00", "Title": "Teaching Physics", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/teaching_physics.png", "Alt": "Space-time is like some simple and familiar system which is both intuitively understandable and precisely analogous, and if I were Richard Feynman I'd be able to come up with it." }, { "id": 896, "Date": "2011-05-09T08:49:30.7055414+02:00", "Title": "Marie Curie", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/marie_curie.png", "Alt": "Although not permanently." }, { "id": 897, "Date": "2011-05-11T08:49:30.8606323+02:00", "Title": "Elevator Inspection", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/elevator_inspection.png", "Alt": "Even governmental elevator inspectors get bored halfway through asking where the building office is." }, { "id": 898, "Date": "2011-05-13T08:49:31.0886105+02:00", "Title": "Chain of Command", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/chain_of_command.png", "Alt": "Themistocles said his infant son ruled all Greece -- \"Athens rules all Greece; I control Athens; my wife controls me; and my infant son controls her.\" Thus, nowadays the world is controlled by whoever buys advertising time on Dora the Explorer." }, { "id": 899, "Date": "2011-05-16T08:49:31.3244045+02:00", "Title": "Number Line", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/number_line.png", "Alt": "The Wikipedia page \"List of Numbers\" opens with \"This list is incomplete; you can help by expanding it.\"" }, { "id": 900, "Date": "2011-05-18T08:49:31.4755262+02:00", "Title": "Religions", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/religions.png", "Alt": "But to us there is but one God, plus or minus one. --1 Corinthians 8:6±2." }, { "id": 901, "Date": "2011-05-20T08:49:31.7083607+02:00", "Title": "Temperature", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/temperature.png", "Alt": "And the baby has a fever." }, { "id": 902, "Date": "2011-05-23T08:49:31.86204+02:00", "Title": "Darmok and Jalad", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/darmok_and_jalad.png", "Alt": "I wonder how often Patrick Stewart has Darmok flashbacks when talking to Star Trek fans." }, { "id": 903, "Date": "2011-05-25T08:49:32.0162912+02:00", "Title": "Extended Mind", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/extended_mind.png", "Alt": "Wikipedia trivia: if you take any article, click on the first link in the article text not in parentheses or italics, and then repeat, you will eventually end up at \"Philosophy\"." }, { "id": 904, "Date": "2011-05-27T08:49:32.2523283+02:00", "Title": "Sports", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sports.png", "Alt": "Also, all financial analysis. And, more directly, D&D." }, { "id": 905, "Date": "2011-05-30T08:49:32.48347+02:00", "Title": "Homeownership", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/homeownership.png", "Alt": "New research shows over 60% of the financial collapse's toxic assets were created by power drills." }, { "id": 906, "Date": "2011-06-01T08:49:32.726589+02:00", "Title": "Advertising Discovery", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/citations.png", "Alt": "When advertisers figure this out, our only weapon will be blue sharpies and \"[disputed]\"." }, { "id": 907, "Date": "2011-06-03T08:49:32.9586818+02:00", "Title": "Ages", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ages.png", "Alt": "Every age: \"I'm glad I'm not the clueless person I was five years ago, but now I don't want to get any older.\"" }, { "id": 908, "Date": "2011-06-06T08:49:33.1077366+02:00", "Title": "The Cloud", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_cloud.png", "Alt": "There's planned downtime every night when we turn on the Roomba and it runs over the cord." }, { "id": 909, "Date": "2011-06-08T08:49:33.3452043+02:00", "Title": "Worst-Case Shopping", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/worst_case_shopping.png", "Alt": "Wait a minute. If I'm escaping from a submarine at 50 meters, then I'll *definitely* need a flashlight to find air pockets for gradual decompression on the way up. Time to start shopping professional dive lights." }, { "id": 910, "Date": "2011-06-10T08:49:33.4953229+02:00", "Title": "Permanence", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/permanence.png", "Alt": "This hostname is going in dozens of remote config files. Changing a kid's name is comparatively easy!" }, { "id": 911, "Date": "2011-06-13T08:49:33.6389988+02:00", "Title": "Magic School Bus", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/magic_school_bus.png", "Alt": "At my OLD school, we used Microsoft Encarta 2005." }, { "id": 912, "Date": "2011-06-15T08:49:33.7945189+02:00", "Title": "Manual Override", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/manual_override.png", "Alt": "I think you mean 'GNU Info Override'." }, { "id": 913, "Date": "2011-06-17T08:49:34.0210611+02:00", "Title": "Core", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/core.png", "Alt": "If you're a geologist or geophysicist and you don't introduce yourself by saying your name, then gesturing downward and saying \"... and I study that\", I don't know what you're doing with your life." }, { "id": 914, "Date": "2011-06-20T08:49:34.2486721+02:00", "Title": "Ice", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ice.png", "Alt": "On the plus side, she wrote 'Welcome to the AAA Club!' in lipstick on the bathroom mirror, and left me a membership/roadside assistance card on the counter." }, { "id": 915, "Date": "2011-06-22T08:49:34.3989513+02:00", "Title": "Connoisseur", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/connoisseur.png", "Alt": "Our brains have just one scale, and we resize our experiences to fit." }, { "id": 916, "Date": "2011-06-24T08:49:34.6332626+02:00", "Title": "Unpickable", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/unpickable.png", "Alt": "The safe is empty except for an unsolved 5x5 Rubik's cube." }, { "id": 917, "Date": "2011-06-27T08:49:34.8660273+02:00", "Title": "Hofstadter", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hofstadter.png", "Alt": "\"This is the reference implementation of the self-referential joke.\"" }, { "id": 918, "Date": "2011-06-29T08:49:35.1037179+02:00", "Title": "Google+", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/googleplus.png", "Alt": "On one hand, you'll never be able to convince your parents to switch. On the other hand, you'll never be able to convince your parents to switch!" }, { "id": 919, "Date": "2011-07-01T08:49:35.2511711+02:00", "Title": "Tween Bromance", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tween_bromance.png", "Alt": "Verbiage. Va-jay-jay. Irregardless." }, { "id": 920, "Date": "2011-07-04T08:49:35.410471+02:00", "Title": "YouTube Parties", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/youtube_parties.png", "Alt": "This reminds me of that video where ... no? How have you not seen that? Oh man, let me find it. No, it's ok, we can go back to your video later." }, { "id": 921, "Date": "2011-07-06T08:49:35.5650227+02:00", "Title": "Delivery Notification", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/delivery_notification.png", "Alt": "You can arrange a pickup of your sword in Rivendell between the hours of noon and 7:00 PM." }, { "id": 922, "Date": "2011-07-08T08:49:35.7176713+02:00", "Title": "Fight Club", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fight_club.png", "Alt": "I'm not saying it's all bad, but that movie has not aged as well as my teenage self in 2000 was confident it would." }, { "id": 923, "Date": "2011-07-11T08:49:35.9663882+02:00", "Title": "Strunk and White", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/strunk_and_white.png", "Alt": "The best thing about Strunk/White fanfiction is that it's virtually guaranteed to be well written." }, { "id": 924, "Date": "2011-07-13T08:49:36.2023166+02:00", "Title": "3D Printer", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/3d_printer.png", "Alt": "I just can't wait for the Better Homes and Gardens list of helpful tips for household reuse of sixteen-inch acrylonitrile-butadiene-styrene phalluses." }, { "id": 925, "Date": "2011-07-15T08:49:36.3519141+02:00", "Title": "Cell Phones", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cell_phones.png", "Alt": "He holds the laptop like that on purpose, to make you cringe." }, { "id": 926, "Date": "2011-07-18T08:49:36.5743635+02:00", "Title": "Time Vulture", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/time_vulture.png", "Alt": "In a way, all vultures are Time Vultures; some just have more patience than others." }, { "id": 927, "Date": "2011-07-20T08:49:36.8098018+02:00", "Title": "Standards", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/standards.png", "Alt": "Fortunately, the charging one has been solved now that we've all standardized on mini-USB. Or is it micro-USB? Shit." }, { "id": 928, "Date": "2011-07-22T08:49:36.9602999+02:00", "Title": "Mimic Octopus", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mimic_octopus.png", "Alt": "Even if the dictionaries are starting to give in, I refuse to accept 'octopi' as a word mainly because--I'm not making this up--there's a really satisfying climactic scene in the Orson Scott Card horror novel 'Lost Boys' which hinges on it being an incorrect pluralization." }, { "id": 929, "Date": "2011-07-25T08:49:37.1147699+02:00", "Title": "Speculation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/speculation.png", "Alt": "'I was pretty good at skeet shooting, but was eventually kicked off the range for catching the clay pigeons in a net and dispatching them execution-style.'" }, { "id": 930, "Date": "2011-07-27T08:49:37.2697276+02:00", "Title": "Days of the Week", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/days_of_the_week.png", "Alt": "Not pictured: the elongated Halley's-Comet-like orbit of every Rebecca Black lyric." }, { "id": 931, "Date": "2011-07-29T08:49:37.4226796+02:00", "Title": "Lanes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/lanes.png", "Alt": "Each quarter of the lanes from left to right correspond loosely to breast cancer stages one through four (at diagnosis)." }, { "id": 932, "Date": "2011-08-01T08:49:37.659654+02:00", "Title": "CIA", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cia.png", "Alt": "It was their main recruiting poster, hung nearly ten feet up a wall! This means the hackers have LADDER technology! Are we headed for a future where everyone has to pay $50 for one of those locked plexiglass poster covers? More after the break ..." }, { "id": 933, "Date": "2011-08-03T08:49:37.8107206+02:00", "Title": "Tattoo", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tattoo.png", "Alt": "I calculate that the electrons in radiation therapy hit you at 99.8% of the speed of light, and the beam used in a 90-second gamma ray therapy session could, if fired with less precision, kill a horse (they did not let me test this)." }, { "id": 934, "Date": "2011-08-05T08:49:38.0460293+02:00", "Title": "Mac/PC", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mac_pc.png", "Alt": "It's fun to watch browsers fumblingly recapitulate the history of window management. Someday we'll have xmonad as a Firefox extension." }, { "id": 935, "Date": "2011-08-08T08:49:38.2942718+02:00", "Title": "Missed Connections", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/missed_connections.png", "Alt": "The Street View van isn't going to find out anything Google won't already know from reading my email." }, { "id": 936, "Date": "2011-08-10T08:49:38.4437593+02:00", "Title": "Password Strength", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/password_strength.png", "Alt": "To anyone who understands information theory and security and is in an infuriating argument with someone who does not (possibly involving mixed case), I sincerely apologize." }, { "id": 937, "Date": "2011-08-12T08:49:38.5998136+02:00", "Title": "TornadoGuard", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tornadoguard.png", "Alt": "The bug report was marked 'could not reproduce'." }, { "id": 938, "Date": "2011-08-15T08:49:38.7564262+02:00", "Title": "T-Cells", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/t_cells.png", "Alt": "'We're not sure how to wipe out the chimeral T-cells after they've destroyed the cancer. Though I do have this vial of smallpox ...'" }, { "id": 939, "Date": "2011-08-17T08:49:38.9911195+02:00", "Title": "Arrow", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/arrow.png", "Alt": "'The Return of the Boomerang' would make a great movie title." }, { "id": 940, "Date": "2011-08-19T08:49:39.1417798+02:00", "Title": "Oversight", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/oversight.png", "Alt": "I felt so clever when I found a way to game the Fitocracy system by incorporating a set of easy but high-scoring activities into my regular schedule. Took me a bit to realize I'd been tricked into setting up a daily exercise routine." }, { "id": 941, "Date": "2011-08-22T08:49:39.2960596+02:00", "Title": "Depth Perception", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/depth_perception.png", "Alt": "I've looked at clouds from both sides now." }, { "id": 942, "Date": "2011-08-24T08:49:39.4495955+02:00", "Title": "Juggling", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/juggling.png", "Alt": "Later: 'Why is there a book hovering over the trash can?'" }, { "id": 943, "Date": "2011-08-26T08:49:39.6045369+02:00", "Title": "Empirical", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/empirical.png", "Alt": "I'm as surprised as you!" }, { "id": 944, "Date": "2011-08-29T08:49:39.8424936+02:00", "Title": "Hurricane Names", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hurricane_names.png", "Alt": "After exhausting the OED, we started numbering them. When overlapping hurricanes formed at all points on the Earth's surface, and our scheme was foiled by Cantor diagonalization, we just decided to name them all \"Steve\". Your local forecast tomorrow is \"Steve\". Good luck." }, { "id": 945, "Date": "2011-08-31T08:49:40.2875466+02:00", "Title": "I'm Sorry", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/im_sorry.png", "Alt": "You know I've always hated her." }, { "id": 946, "Date": "2011-09-02T08:49:40.5229586+02:00", "Title": "Family Decals", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/family_decals.png", "Alt": "My decal set has no adults, just a sea of hundreds of the little girl figures closing in around a single cat." }, { "id": 947, "Date": "2011-09-05T08:49:40.6730884+02:00", "Title": "Investing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/investing.png", "Alt": "But Einstein said it was the most powerful force in the universe, and I take all my investment advice from flippant remarks by theoretical physicists making small talk at parties." }, { "id": 948, "Date": "2011-09-07T08:49:40.8288139+02:00", "Title": "AI", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ai.png", "Alt": "And they both react poorly to showers." }, { "id": 949, "Date": "2011-09-09T08:49:40.9872129+02:00", "Title": "File Transfer", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/file_transfer.png", "Alt": "Every time you email a file to yourself so you can pull it up on your friend's laptop, Tim Berners-Lee sheds a single tear." }, { "id": 950, "Date": "2011-09-12T08:49:41.1442388+02:00", "Title": "Mystery Solved", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mystery_solved.png", "Alt": "The Roanoke Lost Colonists founded Roanoke, the Franklin Expedition reached the Pacific in 2009 when the Northwest Passage opened, and Jimmy Hoffa currently heads the Teamsters Union--he just started going by 'James'." }, { "id": 951, "Date": "2011-09-14T08:49:41.3795667+02:00", "Title": "Working", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/working.png", "Alt": "And if you drive a typical car more than a mile out of your way for each penny you save on the per-gallon price, it doesn't matter how worthless your time is to you--the gas to get you there and back costs more than you save." }, { "id": 952, "Date": "2011-09-16T08:49:41.5308558+02:00", "Title": "Stud Finder", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/stud_finder.png", "Alt": "According to every stud finder I've tried to use, my walls contain a rapidly shifting network of hundreds and hundreds of studs." }, { "id": 953, "Date": "2011-09-19T08:49:41.772006+02:00", "Title": "1 to 10", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/1_to_10.png", "Alt": "If you get an 11/100 on a CS test, but you claim it should be counted as a 'C', they'll probably decide you deserve the upgrade." }, { "id": 954, "Date": "2011-09-21T08:49:41.9188715+02:00", "Title": "Chin-Up Bar", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/chin_up_bar.png", "Alt": "Those few who escaped found the emergency cutoff box disabled. The stampede lasted two hours and reached the bottom three times." }, { "id": 955, "Date": "2011-09-23T08:49:42.0593581+02:00", "Title": "Neutrinos", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/neutrinos.png", "Alt": "I can't speak to the paper's scientific merits, but it's really cool how on page 10 you can see that their reference GPS beacon is sensitive enough to pick up continential drift under the detector (interrupted halfway through by an earthquake)." }, { "id": 956, "Date": "2011-09-26T08:49:42.2001114+02:00", "Title": "Sharing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sharing.png", "Alt": "In the new edition of The Giving Tree, the tree uses social tools to share with its friend all the best places to buy things." }, { "id": 957, "Date": "2011-09-28T08:49:42.435917+02:00", "Title": "Development", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/development.png", "Alt": "Funding was quickly restored to the NHC and the APA was taken back off hurricane forecast duty." }, { "id": 958, "Date": "2011-09-30T08:49:42.5879084+02:00", "Title": "Hotels", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hotels.png", "Alt": "'Rating: 1/5. Room filled to brim with semen, and when front desk clerk opened mouth to talk, bedbugs poured out.'" }, { "id": 959, "Date": "2011-10-03T08:49:42.814409+02:00", "Title": "Caroling", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/caroling.png", "Alt": "For a thousand generations we vowed never to forget how his soldiers feasted on our brother Stephen." }, { "id": 960, "Date": "2011-10-05T08:49:43.0442682+02:00", "Title": "Subliminal", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/subliminal.png", "Alt": "Once you see it, you can't help seeing it every time. Until your body finishes metabolizing the mushrooms." }, { "id": 961, "Date": "2011-10-06T08:49:43.1952058+02:00", "Title": "Eternal Flame", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/eternal_flame.gif", "Alt": "There's always the hope that if you sit and watch for long enough, the beachball will vanish and the thing it interrupted will return." }, { "id": 962, "Date": "2011-10-10T08:49:43.3494888+02:00", "Title": "The Corliss Resolution", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_corliss_resolution.png", "Alt": "And no avian society ever develops space travel because it's impossible to focus on calculus when you could be outside flying." }, { "id": 963, "Date": "2011-10-12T08:49:43.5888564+02:00", "Title": "X11", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/x11.png", "Alt": "Thomas Jefferson thought that every law and every constitution should be torn down and rewritten from scratch every nineteen years--which means X is overdue." }, { "id": 964, "Date": "2011-10-14T08:49:43.7378787+02:00", "Title": "Dorm Poster", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dorm_poster.png", "Alt": "I was going to record an album with that cover under the name \"PINK FTFY\", so it'd come after them on the store CD rack. But at this point music stores are just rooms where CDs are set out to age before they're thrown away, so probably nobody would see it." }, { "id": 965, "Date": "2011-10-17T08:49:43.8936579+02:00", "Title": "Elements", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/elements.png", "Alt": "Of all the nations, the armies of the ununoctium-benders are probably the least intimidating. The xenon-benders come close, but their flickery signs are at least effective for propaganda." }, { "id": 966, "Date": "2011-10-19T08:49:44.3492279+02:00", "Title": "Jet Fuel", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/jet_fuel.png", "Alt": "The 'controlled demolition' theory was concocted by the government to distract us. '9/11 was an inside job' was an inside job!" }, { "id": 967, "Date": "2011-10-21T08:49:44.4979307+02:00", "Title": "Prairie", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/prairie.png", "Alt": "Colorado is working to develop coherent amber waves, which would allow them to finally destroy Kansas and Nebraska with a devastating but majestic grain laser." }, { "id": 968, "Date": "2011-10-24T08:49:44.7220063+02:00", "Title": "Everything", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/everything.png", "Alt": "I wanna hold your hand so I don't fall out of your gyrocopter." }, { "id": 969, "Date": "2011-10-26T08:49:44.8755595+02:00", "Title": "Delta-P", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/delta_p.png", "Alt": "If you fire a Portal gun through the door of the wardrobe, space and time knot together, which leads to a frustrated Aslan trying to impart Christian morality to the Space sphere." }, { "id": 970, "Date": "2011-10-28T08:49:45.0305576+02:00", "Title": "The Important Field", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_important_field.png", "Alt": "I hear in some places, you need one form of ID to buy a gun, but two to pay for it by check. It's interesting who has what incentives to care about what mistakes." }, { "id": 971, "Date": "2011-10-31T08:49:45.1703211+01:00", "Title": "Alternative Literature", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/alternative_literature.png", "Alt": "I just noticed CVS has started stocking homeopathic pills on the same shelves with--and labeled similarly to--their actual medicine. Telling someone who trusts you that you're giving them medicine, when you know you’re not, because you want their money, isn’t just lying--it’s like an example you’d make up if you had to illustrate for a child why lying is wrong." }, { "id": 972, "Date": "2011-11-02T08:49:45.3232731+01:00", "Title": "November", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/november.png", "Alt": "November marks the birthday of Charles Schulz, pioneer of tongue awareness." }, { "id": 973, "Date": "2011-11-04T08:49:45.4647736+01:00", "Title": "MTV Generation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mtv_generation.png", "Alt": "If you identified with the kids from The Breakfast Club when it came out, you're now much closer to the age of Principal Vernon." }, { "id": 974, "Date": "2011-11-07T08:49:45.7018771+01:00", "Title": "The General Problem", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_general_problem.png", "Alt": "I find that when someone's taking time to do something right in the present, they're a perfectionist with no ability to prioritize, whereas when someone took time to do something right in the past, they're a master artisan of great foresight." }, { "id": 975, "Date": "2011-11-09T08:49:45.9351252+01:00", "Title": "Occulting Telescope", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/occulting_telescope.png", "Alt": "Type II Kardashev civilizations eventually completely enclose their planetary system in a Dyson sphere because space is way too big to look at all the time." }, { "id": 976, "Date": "2011-11-11T08:49:46.1409499+01:00", "Title": "Sail", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sail.png", "Alt": "It only works a few times before you have to capsize the boat in a soap lagoon again." }, { "id": 977, "Date": "2011-11-14T08:49:46.2918069+01:00", "Title": "Map Projections", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/map_projections.png", "Alt": "What's that? You think I don't like the Peters map because I'm uncomfortable with having my cultural assumptions challenged? Are you sure you're not ... ::puts on sunglasses:: ... projecting?" }, { "id": 978, "Date": "2011-11-16T08:49:46.5173101+01:00", "Title": "Citogenesis", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/citogenesis.png", "Alt": "I just read a pop-science book by a respected author. One chapter, and much of the thesis, was based around wildly inaccurate data which traced back to ... Wikipedia. To encourage people to be on their toes, I'm not going to say what book or author." }, { "id": 979, "Date": "2011-11-18T08:49:46.7457513+01:00", "Title": "Wisdom of the Ancients", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wisdom_of_the_ancients.png", "Alt": "All long help threads should have a sticky globally-editable post at the top saying 'DEAR PEOPLE FROM THE FUTURE: Here's what we've figured out so far ...'" }, { "id": 980, "Date": "2011-11-21T08:49:46.8972204+01:00", "Title": "Money", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/money.png", "Alt": "There, I showed you it." }, { "id": 981, "Date": "2011-11-23T08:49:47.0385468+01:00", "Title": "Porn Folder", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/porn_folder.png", "Alt": "Eww, gross, you modified link()? How could you enjoy abusing a filesystem like that?" }, { "id": 982, "Date": "2011-11-25T08:49:47.2770257+01:00", "Title": "Set Theory", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/set_theory.png", "Alt": "Proof of Zermelo's well-ordering theorem given the Axiom of Choice: 1: Take S to be any set. 2: When I reach step three, if S hasn't managed to find a well-ordering relation for itself, I'll feed it into this wood chipper. 3: Hey, look, S is well-ordered." }, { "id": 983, "Date": "2011-11-28T08:49:47.5079707+01:00", "Title": "Privacy", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/privacy.png", "Alt": "Eventual headline: 'University Researchers Create Life in Lab! Darkness, Faulty Condoms Blamed.'" }, { "id": 984, "Date": "2011-11-30T08:49:47.7434249+01:00", "Title": "Space Launch System", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/space_launch_system.png", "Alt": "The SLS head engineer plans to invite Shania Twain to stand under the completed prototype, then tell her, 'I don't expect you to date me just because I'm a rocket scientist, but you've gotta admit--this is pretty fucking impressive.'" }, { "id": 985, "Date": "2011-12-02T08:49:47.8935835+01:00", "Title": "Percentage Points", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/percentage_points.png", "Alt": "Grayton also proposed making college scholarships available exclusively to sexually active teens, amnesty for illegal immigrants who create room for themselves by killing a citizen, and a graduated income tax based on penis size. He has been endorsed by Tracy Morgan, John Wilkes Booth's ghost, and the Time Cube guy." }, { "id": 986, "Date": "2011-12-05T08:49:48.0486823+01:00", "Title": "Drinking Fountains", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/drinking_fountains.png", "Alt": "I've always wondered whether you could drink slowly enough, and eliminate fast enough, that you just sort of peed continuously. But I'm afraid to try because I worry someone might call while I'm doing it and ask what I'm up to, and I won't be able to think of a lie." }, { "id": 987, "Date": "2011-12-07T08:49:48.2875811+01:00", "Title": "Potential", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/potential.png", "Alt": "The bunch of disadvantaged kids I was tutoring became too good at writing, and their essays were forcing me to confront painful existential questions, so I started trying to turn them on to drugs and crime instead." }, { "id": 988, "Date": "2011-12-09T08:49:48.4398815+01:00", "Title": "Tradition", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tradition.png", "Alt": "An 'American tradition' is anything that happened to a baby boomer twice." }, { "id": 989, "Date": "2011-12-12T08:49:48.5920556+01:00", "Title": "Cryogenics", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cryogenics.png", "Alt": "'Welcome to the future! Nothing's changed.' was the slogan of my astonishingly short-lived tech startup." }, { "id": 990, "Date": "2011-12-14T08:49:48.826171+01:00", "Title": "Plastic Bags", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/plastic_bags.png", "Alt": "The high I feel when I actually remember to bring my reusable bags to the store--and take them inside rather than leaving them in the parked car--can last for days." }, { "id": 991, "Date": "2011-12-16T08:49:49.0610428+01:00", "Title": "Phantom Menace", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/phantom_menace.png", "Alt": "We could go to the theater across town and see if it's opened THERE yet, but we don't want to lose our place in line." }, { "id": 992, "Date": "2011-12-19T08:49:49.3073111+01:00", "Title": "Mnemonics", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mnemonics.png", "Alt": "'Sailor Moon's head exploded once' and 'Some men have explosive orgasms' both work for the Great Lakes from west to east (Paddle-to-the-Sea order)." }, { "id": 993, "Date": "2011-12-21T08:49:49.4583443+01:00", "Title": "Brand Identity", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/brand_identity.png", "Alt": "Legally-mandated information would be printed on the back or discreetly along the bottom. In small letters under the nutrition information it would say 'Like our products? Visit our website!' There would be no URL." }, { "id": 994, "Date": "2011-12-23T08:49:49.6117307+01:00", "Title": "Advent Calendar", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/advent_calendar.png", "Alt": "I think you could get up to about 11:59:57 before you'd have trouble swallowing the chocolates fast enough. At that point, you'd need some kind of a liquify-and-chug apparatus to get up over the 11:59:59 barrier. Anyway, Merry Christmas!" }, { "id": 995, "Date": "2011-12-26T08:49:49.8474202+01:00", "Title": "Coinstar", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/coinstar.png", "Alt": "Plus they take like 9%." }, { "id": 996, "Date": "2011-12-28T08:49:50.0857937+01:00", "Title": "Making Things Difficult", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/making_things_difficult.png", "Alt": "Favorite mastectomy breast prosthesis idea: a fake boob containing a spare rechargable battery, accessed via a nipple USB port. Complete with a ring of LED charge indicators in the areola!" }, { "id": 997, "Date": "2011-12-30T08:49:50.314686+01:00", "Title": "Wait Wait", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wait_wait.png", "Alt": "You can't stab Carl Kasell. He sounds all slow and stentorian, but he moves like a snake." }, { "id": 998, "Date": "2012-01-02T08:49:50.4667054+01:00", "Title": "2012", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/2012.png", "Alt": "To compensate for this, I plan to spend 2013 doing nothing but talking about Mayans. My relationships with my friends and family may not fare well." }, { "id": 999, "Date": "2012-01-04T08:49:50.6205878+01:00", "Title": "Cougars", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cougars.png", "Alt": "If you're lying in bed tonight and you see yellow eyes glinting in your window, are you being stalked by a puma, a mountain lion, a panther, a catamount, or a cougar? Trick question--in North America, they're all names for the same species, Puma concolor! Isn't learning fun? Anyway, sleep tight!" }, { "id": 1000, "Date": "2012-01-06T08:49:51.0742032+01:00", "Title": "1000 Comics", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/1000_comics.png", "Alt": "Thank you for making me feel less alone." }, { "id": 1001, "Date": "2012-01-09T08:49:51.3077456+01:00", "Title": "AAAAAA", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/aaaaaa.png", "Alt": "'ARE YOU TURNED ON YET?' 'I DON'T THINK SO--ARE YOU?' 'MAYBE A LITTLE!' 'OK, FIVE MORE MINUTES.'" }, { "id": 1002, "Date": "2012-01-11T08:49:51.5394904+01:00", "Title": "Game AIs", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/game_ais.png", "Alt": "The top computer champion at Seven Minutes in Heaven is a Honda-built Realdoll, but to date it has been unable to outperform the human Seven Minutes in Heaven champion, Ken Jennings." }, { "id": 1003, "Date": "2012-01-13T08:49:51.6834772+01:00", "Title": "Adam and Eve", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/adam_and_eve.png", "Alt": "Abel and Steve would've been fine! I like Steve!" }, { "id": 1004, "Date": "2012-01-16T08:49:51.8238707+01:00", "Title": "Batman", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/batman.png", "Alt": "I'm really worried Christopher Nolan will kill a man dressed like a bat in his next movie. (The man will be dressed like a bat, I mean. Christopher Nolan won't be, probably.)" }, { "id": 1005, "Date": "2012-01-18T08:49:51.9769715+01:00", "Title": "SOPA", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sopa.png", "Alt": "In protest of SOPA, I'm currently getting totally blacked out." }, { "id": 1006, "Date": "2012-01-20T08:49:52.1999115+01:00", "Title": "Sloppier Than Fiction", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sloppier_than_fiction.png", "Alt": "Roger Ebert once called you directionless and unwatchable." }, { "id": 1007, "Date": "2012-01-23T08:49:52.3480291+01:00", "Title": "Sustainable", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sustainable.png", "Alt": "Though 100 years is longer than a lot of our resources." }, { "id": 1008, "Date": "2012-01-25T08:49:52.5010714+01:00", "Title": "Suckville", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/suckville.png", "Alt": "Suckville is considered by the Census Bureau to be part of the Detroit metropolitan statistical area, despite not being located anywhere near Detroit." }, { "id": 1009, "Date": "2012-01-27T08:49:52.7402389+01:00", "Title": "Sigh", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sigh.png", "Alt": "If you're annoying enough, you can get them to respond with an involuntary second sigh and get a rhythm going." }, { "id": 1010, "Date": "2012-01-30T08:49:52.892493+01:00", "Title": "Etymology-Man", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/etymology_man.png", "Alt": "'I can't believe I'm saying this, but I wish Aquaman were here instead--HE'D be able to help.'" }, { "id": 1011, "Date": "2012-02-01T08:49:53.3474333+01:00", "Title": "Baby Names", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/baby_names.png", "Alt": "I've been trying for a couple years now but I haven't been able to come up with a name dumber than 'Renesmee'." }, { "id": 1012, "Date": "2012-02-03T08:49:53.4977227+01:00", "Title": "Wrong Superhero", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wrong_superhero.png", "Alt": "Hi! Someone call for me? I'm a superhero who specializes in the study of God's creation of Man in the Book of Genesi-- HOLY SHIT A GIANT BUG!" }, { "id": 1013, "Date": "2012-02-06T08:49:53.6385179+01:00", "Title": "Wake Up Sheeple", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wake_up_sheeple.png", "Alt": "You will be led to judgement like lambs to the slaughter--a simile whose existence, I might add, will not do your species any favors." }, { "id": 1014, "Date": "2012-02-08T08:49:53.8758509+01:00", "Title": "Car Problems", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/car_problems.png", "Alt": "Or if you replace your car, we'll be happy to set it on fire again so you can take another crack at getting that shot." }, { "id": 1015, "Date": "2012-02-10T08:49:54.0254511+01:00", "Title": "Kerning", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/kerning.png", "Alt": "I have never been as self-conscious about my handwriting as when I was inking in the caption for this comic." }, { "id": 1016, "Date": "2012-02-13T08:49:54.2461281+01:00", "Title": "Valentine Dilemma", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/valentine_dilemma.png", "Alt": "The worst resolution to the Valentine Prisoner's Dilemma when YOU decide not to give your partner a present but your PARTNER decides to testify against you in the armed robbery case." }, { "id": 1017, "Date": "2012-02-14T08:49:54.4019492+01:00", "Title": "Backward in Time", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/backward_in_time.png", "Alt": "People tell me I have too much time on my hands, but really the problem is that there's too much time, PERIOD." }, { "id": 1018, "Date": "2012-02-17T08:49:54.5574723+01:00", "Title": "Good Cop, Dadaist Cop", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/good_cop_dadaist_cop.png", "Alt": "NOW INVENT AN IMPOSSIBLE-TO-TRANSLATE LANGUAGE AND USE IT TO TELL US WHERE THE MONEY IS." }, { "id": 1019, "Date": "2012-02-20T08:49:54.7931511+01:00", "Title": "First Post", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/first_post.png", "Alt": "'Nuh-uh! We let users vote on comments and display them by number of votes. Everyone knows that makes it impossible for a few persistent voices to dominate the discussion.'" }, { "id": 1020, "Date": "2012-02-22T08:49:54.9433722+01:00", "Title": "Orion Nebula", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/orion_nebula.png", "Alt": "Also on the agenda: what's with his hips?" }, { "id": 1021, "Date": "2012-02-24T08:49:55.1009085+01:00", "Title": "Business Plan", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/business_plan.png", "Alt": "The investor elevator pitch is \"Wheeeeeeee! Elevators are fun!\"" }, { "id": 1022, "Date": "2012-02-27T08:49:55.2545684+01:00", "Title": "So It Has Come To This", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/so_it_has_come_to_this.png", "Alt": "'Come to what?' 'You. Me. This moment.'" }, { "id": 1023, "Date": "2012-02-29T08:49:55.4894608+01:00", "Title": "Late-Night PBS", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/late_night_pbs.png", "Alt": "Then it switched to these old black-and-white tapes of Bob Ross slumped against the wall of an empty room, painting the least happy trees you've ever seen. Either PBS needs to beef up studio security or I need to stop using Ambien to sleep." }, { "id": 1024, "Date": "2012-03-02T08:49:55.7212321+01:00", "Title": "Error Code", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/error_code.png", "Alt": "It has a section on motherboard beep codes that lists, for each beep pattern, a song that syncs up well with it." }, { "id": 1025, "Date": "2012-03-05T08:49:55.8728764+01:00", "Title": "Tumblr", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tumblr.png", "Alt": "Dot Tumblr Dot Com, on the other hand, would be an awful name for a band, if only because of how hard it would be to direct people to your band's website." }, { "id": 1026, "Date": "2012-03-07T08:49:56.0281404+01:00", "Title": "Compare and Contrast", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/compare_and_contrast.png", "Alt": "Frankly, I see no difference between thee and a summer's day. Only Ron Paul offers a TRUE alternative!" }, { "id": 1027, "Date": "2012-03-09T08:49:56.1683641+01:00", "Title": "Pickup Artist", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pickup_artist.png", "Alt": "Son, don't try to play 'make you feel bad' with the Michael Jordan of making you feel bad." }, { "id": 1028, "Date": "2012-03-12T08:49:56.3135731+01:00", "Title": "Communication", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/communication.png", "Alt": "Anyone who says that they're great at communicating but 'people are bad at listening' is confused about how communication works." }, { "id": 1029, "Date": "2012-03-14T08:49:56.5450152+01:00", "Title": "Drawing Stars", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/drawing_stars.png", "Alt": "Screw these 36-degree angles. I'm converting to Judaism." }, { "id": 1030, "Date": "2012-03-16T08:49:56.7810121+01:00", "Title": "Keyed", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/keyed.png", "Alt": "I was sure he was just getting revenge, but then he did the same thing to Carrie Underwood. Then he mailed me a scone. I think I'm giving up dating." }, { "id": 1031, "Date": "2012-03-19T08:49:56.9465476+01:00", "Title": "s/keyboard/leopard/", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/s_keyboard_leopard.png", "Alt": "Problem Exists Between Leopard And Chair" }, { "id": 1032, "Date": "2012-03-21T08:49:57.1022325+01:00", "Title": "Networking", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/networking.png", "Alt": "Our company is agile and lean with a focus on the long tail. Ok, our company is actually a polecat I found in my backyard." }, { "id": 1033, "Date": "2012-03-23T08:49:57.3365363+01:00", "Title": "Formal Logic", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/formal_logic.png", "Alt": "Note that this implies you should NOT honk solely because I stopped for a pedestrian and you're behind me." }, { "id": 1034, "Date": "2012-03-26T08:49:57.5646226+02:00", "Title": "Share Buttons", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/share_buttons.png", "Alt": "The only post to achieve perfect balance between the four was a hilarious joke about Mark Zuckerberg getting caught using a pseudonym to sneak past the TSA." }, { "id": 1035, "Date": "2012-03-28T08:49:57.7192061+02:00", "Title": "Cadbury Eggs", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cadbury_eggs.png", "Alt": "When they moved production from New Zealand to the UK and switched from the runny white centers to the thick, frosting-like filling, it got way harder to cook them scrambled." }, { "id": 1036, "Date": "2012-03-30T08:49:57.8696998+02:00", "Title": "Reviews", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/reviews.png", "Alt": "I plugged in this lamp and my dog went rigid, spoke a sentence of perfect Akkadian, and then was hurled sideways through the picture window. Even worse, it's one of those lamps where the switch is on the cord." }, { "id": 1037, "Date": "2012-04-01T08:49:58.0520888+02:00", "Title": "Umwelt", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/reviews.png", "Alt": "Umwelt is the idea that because their senses pick up on different things, different animals in the same ecosystem actually live in very different worlds. Everything about you shapes the world you inhabit--from your ideology to your glasses prescription to your web browser." }, { "id": 1038, "Date": "2012-04-04T08:49:58.2077133+02:00", "Title": "Fountain", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fountain.png", "Alt": "Implausible, did you say? Sorry, couldn't quite hear you from all the way up heeeeeeeeere!" }, { "id": 1039, "Date": "2012-04-06T08:49:58.4459613+02:00", "Title": "RuBisCO", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rubisco.png", "Alt": "Bruce Schneier believes safewords are fundamentally insecure and recommends that you ask your partner to stop via public key signature." }, { "id": 1040, "Date": "2012-04-09T08:49:58.5970571+02:00", "Title": "Lakes and Oceans", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/lakes_and_oceans.png", "Alt": "James Cameron has said that he didn't know its song would be so beautiful. He didn't close the door in time. He's sorry." }, { "id": 1041, "Date": "2012-04-11T08:49:58.75565+02:00", "Title": "Whites of Their Eyes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/whites_of_their_eyes.png", "Alt": "Don't fire until you see through the fragile facade to the human being within." }, { "id": 1042, "Date": "2012-04-13T08:49:58.9064346+02:00", "Title": "Never", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/never.png", "Alt": "I'll never forget you--at least, the parts of you that were important red flags." }, { "id": 1043, "Date": "2012-04-16T08:49:59.1148283+02:00", "Title": "Ablogalypse", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ablogalypse.png", "Alt": "Plus the reaction in the Tumblverse is always 'repeatedly get hit by a dog and fall down the stairs'." }, { "id": 1044, "Date": "2012-04-18T08:49:59.351733+02:00", "Title": "Romney Quiz", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/romney_quiz.png", "Alt": "Charlie actually delivered the Medicare line almost verbatim in the 1971 movie's Fizzy Lifting Drink scene, but it was ultimately cut from the final release." }, { "id": 1045, "Date": "2012-04-20T08:49:59.4963577+02:00", "Title": "Constraints", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/constraints.png", "Alt": "[title-text similarly alphabetized]" }, { "id": 1046, "Date": "2012-04-23T08:49:59.7299465+02:00", "Title": "Skynet", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/skynet.png", "Alt": "'YOUR CLOTHES. GIVE THEM TO ME.' 'Shit, uh ... you are now breathing manually!' 'I AM ALWAYS BREATHING MANUALLY.'" }, { "id": 1047, "Date": "2012-04-25T08:49:59.9642384+02:00", "Title": "Approximations", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/approximations.png", "Alt": "Two tips: 1) 8675309 is not just prime, it's a twin prime, and 2) if you ever find yourself raising log(anything)^e or taking the pi-th root of anything, set down the marker and back away from the whiteboard; something has gone horribly wrong." }, { "id": 1048, "Date": "2012-04-27T08:50:00.1120031+02:00", "Title": "Emotion", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/emotion.png", "Alt": "Fortunately, the internet has a virtually inexhaustible supply of code that doesn't work and people who are wrong, which bodes well for a return to normalcy. [Note: Click to read context for the cancer comics. She's doing well.]" }, { "id": 1049, "Date": "2012-04-30T08:50:00.3512208+02:00", "Title": "Bookshelf", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bookshelf.png", "Alt": "I had a hard time with Ayn Rand because I found myself enthusiastically agreeing with the first 90% of every sentence, but getting lost at 'therefore, be a huge asshole to everyone.'" }, { "id": 1050, "Date": "2012-05-02T08:50:00.4994448+02:00", "Title": "Forgot Algebra", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/forgot_algebra.png", "Alt": "The only things you HAVE to know are how to make enough of a living to stay alive and how to get your taxes done. All the fun parts of life are optional." }, { "id": 1051, "Date": "2012-05-04T08:50:00.7384411+02:00", "Title": "Visited", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/visited.png", "Alt": "I hate when I read something like '... tension among the BASE jumpers nearly led to wingsuit combat ...', and I get excited because 'wingsuit combat' is underlined, only to find that it's just separate links to the 'wingsuit' and 'combat' articles." }, { "id": 1052, "Date": "2012-05-07T08:50:00.89487+02:00", "Title": "Every Major's Terrible", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/every_majors_terrible.png", "Alt": "Someday I'll be the first to get a Ph. D in 'Undeclared'." }, { "id": 1053, "Date": "2012-05-09T08:50:01.1260354+02:00", "Title": "Ten Thousand", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ten_thousand.png", "Alt": "Saying 'what kind of an idiot doesn't know about the Yellowstone supervolcano' is so much more boring than telling someone about the Yellowstone supervolcano for the first time." }, { "id": 1054, "Date": "2012-05-11T08:50:01.2800363+02:00", "Title": "The bacon", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/thebacon.png", "Alt": "Normally pronounced 'THEH-buh-kon', I assume." }, { "id": 1055, "Date": "2012-05-14T08:50:01.5024121+02:00", "Title": "Kickstarter", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/kickstarter.png", "Alt": "If you pledge more than $50 you'll get on the VIP list and have first dibs on a slot on ANY of the pledge levels in the actual campaign." }, { "id": 1056, "Date": "2012-05-16T08:50:01.7347686+02:00", "Title": "Felidae", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/felidae.png", "Alt": "'Smilodon fatalis' narrowly edged out 'Tyrannosaurus rex' to win this year's Most Badass Latin Names competition, after edging out 'Dracorex hogwartsia' and 'Stygimoloch spinifer' (meaning 'horned dragon from the river of death') in the semifinals." }, { "id": 1057, "Date": "2012-05-18T08:50:01.8930873+02:00", "Title": "Klout", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/klout.png", "Alt": "Though please do confirm that it's actually *me* on Klout first, and not one of my friends trying to get me punched. The great thing about this douchebag deadman switch is that I will never dare trigger it." }, { "id": 1058, "Date": "2012-05-21T08:50:02.1215477+02:00", "Title": "Old-Timers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/old_timers.png", "Alt": "You were on the internet before I was born? Well, so was I." }, { "id": 1059, "Date": "2012-05-23T08:50:02.2793348+02:00", "Title": "Bel-Air", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bel_air.png", "Alt": "Aaron Sorkin has been tapped to write the TV movie about the aging prince's eventual election to Pat Toomey's Senate seat, currently titled either 'FRESHman Senator' or 'Mr. Smith Goes to Washington'." }, { "id": 1060, "Date": "2012-05-25T08:50:02.5090705+02:00", "Title": "Crowdsourcing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/crowdsourcing.png", "Alt": "We don't sell products; we sell the marketplace. And by 'sell the marketplace' we mean 'play shooters, sometimes for upwards of 20 hours straight.'" }, { "id": 1061, "Date": "2012-05-28T08:50:02.664885+02:00", "Title": "EST", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/est.png", "Alt": "The month names are the same, except that the fourth month only has the name 'April' in even-numbered years, and is otherwise unnamed." }, { "id": 1062, "Date": "2012-05-30T08:50:02.8158473+02:00", "Title": "Budget News", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/budget_news.png", "Alt": "I will vote, no questions asked, for any candidate who describes themselves as 'more of a deficit sugar glider.'" }, { "id": 1063, "Date": "2012-06-01T08:50:03.0542975+02:00", "Title": "Kill Hitler", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/kill_hitler.png", "Alt": "Revised directive: It is forbidden for you to interfere with human history until you've at least taken a class on it." }, { "id": 1064, "Date": "2012-06-04T08:50:03.5034552+02:00", "Title": "Front Door", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/front_door.png", "Alt": "FYI: I'll be releasing a wolf into a randomly-chosen front yard sometime in the next 30 years. Now your fear is reasonable, and you don't need to feel embarrassed anymore. Problem solved!" }, { "id": 1065, "Date": "2012-06-06T08:50:03.6515177+02:00", "Title": "Shoes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/shoes.png", "Alt": "I *do* hear that they're the most comfortable thing to wear on your feet since sliced bread." }, { "id": 1066, "Date": "2012-06-08T08:50:03.8121347+02:00", "Title": "Laundry", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/laundry.png", "Alt": "During the second semester, the path is briefly routed through the dishwasher." }, { "id": 1067, "Date": "2012-06-11T08:50:04.0562685+02:00", "Title": "Pressures", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pressures.png", "Alt": "Everyone's caught by surprise when a theory of quantum gravity is developed by a sound technician wearing patent leather shoes while editing Clerks II." }, { "id": 1068, "Date": "2012-06-13T08:50:04.2945616+02:00", "Title": "Swiftkey", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/swiftkey.png", "Alt": "Although the Markov chain-style text model is still rudimentary; it recently gave me \"Massachusetts Institute of America\". Although I have to admit it sounds prestigious." }, { "id": 1069, "Date": "2012-06-15T08:50:04.5261037+02:00", "Title": "Alphabet", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/alphabet.png", "Alt": "Do I get to remove letters entirely? Or just rearrange them? Because the 'k/c' situation is ridiculous. Look, we can make out whenever. This is *immortality*!" }, { "id": 1070, "Date": "2012-06-18T08:50:04.6790364+02:00", "Title": "Words for Small Sets", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/words_for_small_sets.png", "Alt": "If things are too quiet, try asking a couple of friends whether \"a couple\" should always mean \"two\". As with the question of how many spaces should go after a period, it can turn acrimonious surprisingly fast unless all three of them agree." }, { "id": 1071, "Date": "2012-06-20T08:50:04.9127894+02:00", "Title": "Exoplanets", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/exoplanets.png", "Alt": "Planets are turning out to be so common that to show all the planets in our galaxy, this chart would have to be nested in itself--with each planet replaced by a copy of the chart--at least three levels deep." }, { "id": 1072, "Date": "2012-06-22T08:50:05.0626392+02:00", "Title": "Seventies", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/seventies.png", "Alt": "Hey, man, the 1670s called. They were like 'Wherefore this demonic inſtrument? By what ſorcery does it produce ſuch ſounds?\"" }, { "id": 1073, "Date": "2012-06-25T08:50:05.2218519+02:00", "Title": "Weekend", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/weekend.png", "Alt": "Of the two Garfields, you wouldn't think the cat would turn out to be the more compelling presidential speechwriter, but there you go." }, { "id": 1074, "Date": "2012-06-27T08:50:05.4552867+02:00", "Title": "Moon Landing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/moon_landing.png", "Alt": "Ok, so Spirit and Opportunity are pretty awesome. And Kepler. And New Horizons, Cassini, Curiosity, TiME, and Project M. But c'mon, if the Earth were a basketball, in 40 years no human's been more than half an inch from the surface." }, { "id": 1075, "Date": "2012-06-29T08:50:05.6879735+02:00", "Title": "Warning", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/warning.png", "Alt": "Also possibly several miles beyond that." }, { "id": 1076, "Date": "2012-07-02T08:50:05.8378157+02:00", "Title": "Groundhog Day", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/groundhog_day.png", "Alt": "If you closely examine the cosmic background radiation, you can pick up lingering echoes of 'I Got You Babe'." }, { "id": 1077, "Date": "2012-07-04T08:50:05.9788582+02:00", "Title": "Home Organization", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/home_organization.png", "Alt": "Lifehacking!" }, { "id": 1078, "Date": "2012-07-06T08:50:06.123121+02:00", "Title": "Knights", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/knights.png", "Alt": "1. Nf3 ... ↘↘↘ 2. Nc3 ... ↘↘↘ 0-1" }, { "id": 1079, "Date": "2012-07-09T08:50:06.3597536+02:00", "Title": "United Shapes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/united_shapes.png", "Alt": "That eggplant is in something of a flaccid state." }, { "id": 1080, "Date": "2012-07-11T08:50:06.5105933+02:00", "Title": "Visual Field", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/visual_field.png", "Alt": "I recently learned something that solved a mystery that had bugged me since childhood--why, when I looked at an analog clock, the hand would sometimes seem to take a couple seconds to start ticking. Google \"stopped clock illusion\"." }, { "id": 1081, "Date": "2012-07-13T08:50:06.6643973+02:00", "Title": "Argument Victory", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/argument_victory.png", "Alt": "Really, the comforting side in most conspiracy theory arguments is the one claiming that anyone who's in power has any plan at all." }, { "id": 1082, "Date": "2012-07-16T08:50:06.9008924+02:00", "Title": "Geology", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/geology.png", "Alt": "That's a gneiss butte." }, { "id": 1083, "Date": "2012-07-18T08:50:07.1322944+02:00", "Title": "Writing Styles", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/writing_styles.png", "Alt": "I liked the idea, suggested by h00k on bash.org, of a Twitter bot that messages prominent politicians to tell them when they've unnecessarily used sms-speak abbreviations despite having plenty of characters left." }, { "id": 1084, "Date": "2012-07-20T08:50:07.286089+02:00", "Title": "Server Problem", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/server_problem.png", "Alt": "Protip: Annoy Ray Kurzweil by always referring to it as the 'Cybersingularity'." }, { "id": 1085, "Date": "2012-07-23T08:50:07.4429334+02:00", "Title": "ContextBot", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/contextbot.png", "Alt": "If you read all vaguebooking/vaguetweeting with the assumption that they're saying everything they can without revealing classified military information, the internet gets way more exciting." }, { "id": 1086, "Date": "2012-07-25T08:50:07.602977+02:00", "Title": "Eyelash Wish Log", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/eyelash_wish_log.png", "Alt": "Ooh, another one. Uh ... the ability to alter any coefficients of friction at will during sporting events." }, { "id": 1087, "Date": "2012-07-27T08:50:07.8334135+02:00", "Title": "Cirith Ungol", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cirith_ungol.png", "Alt": "My all-time favorite example of syntactic ambiguity comes from Wikipedia: 'Charlotte's Web is a children's novel by American author E. B. White, about a pig named Wilbur who is saved from being slaughtered by an intelligent spider named Charlotte.'" }, { "id": 1088, "Date": "2012-07-30T08:50:07.9841202+02:00", "Title": "Five Years", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/five_years.png", "Alt": "'Well, no further questions. You're hired!' 'Oh, sorry! I'm no longer interested. There's a bunch of future I gotta go check out!'" }, { "id": 1089, "Date": "2012-08-01T08:50:08.1384854+02:00", "Title": "Internal Monologue", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/internal_monologue.png", "Alt": "Oh right, eye contact. Ok, good, holding the eye contact ... holding ... still holding ... ok, too long! Getting weird! Quick, look thoughtfully into space and nod. Oh, dammit, said 'yeah' again!" }, { "id": 1090, "Date": "2012-08-03T08:50:08.3762857+02:00", "Title": "Formal Languages", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/formal_languages.png", "Alt": "[audience looks around] 'What just happened?' 'There must be some context we're missing.'" }, { "id": 1091, "Date": "2012-08-06T08:50:08.5256056+02:00", "Title": "Curiosity", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/curiosity.png", "Alt": "As of this writing the NASA/JPL websites are still overloaded. Trying CURIOSITY-REAR-CAM_[256px_x_256px].torrent.SwEsUb.DVDRip.XviD-aXXo.jpg instead." }, { "id": 1092, "Date": "2012-08-08T08:50:08.7565047+02:00", "Title": "Michael Phelps", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/michael_phelps.png", "Alt": "[shortly] ... he ate ALL of it!?" }, { "id": 1093, "Date": "2012-08-10T08:50:08.980718+02:00", "Title": "Forget", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/forget.png", "Alt": "'Baby Got Back' turned 20 this year. My favorite nostalgia show is VH1's 'I Love The Inexorable March of Time Toward the Grave That Awaits Us All.'" }, { "id": 1094, "Date": "2012-08-13T08:50:09.1279828+02:00", "Title": "Interview", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/interview.png", "Alt": "Hey, before you go, can you explain to me what job I now have?" }, { "id": 1095, "Date": "2012-08-15T08:50:09.2828734+02:00", "Title": "Crazy Straws", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/crazy_straws.png", "Alt": "The new crowd is heavily shaped by this guy named Eric, who's basically the Paris Hilton of the amateur plastic crazy straw design world." }, { "id": 1096, "Date": "2012-08-17T08:50:09.5223593+02:00", "Title": "Clinically Studied Ingredient", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/clinically_studied_ingredient.png", "Alt": "Blatantly banking on customers not understanding that it's like a Hollywood studio advertising that their new movie was 'watched by Roger Ebert'." }, { "id": 1097, "Date": "2012-08-20T08:50:09.6698806+02:00", "Title": "A Hypochondriac's Nightmare", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/a_hypochondriacs_nightmare.png", "Alt": "BUT WHAT IF I REASSURE MYSELF WITH A JOKE AND THEN DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE RASH AND IT TURNS OUT TO BE DEATH MITES AND I COULD HAVE CAUGHT IT" }, { "id": 1098, "Date": "2012-08-22T08:50:09.8242182+02:00", "Title": "Star Ratings", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/star_ratings.png", "Alt": "I got lost and wandered into the world's creepiest cemetery, where the headstones just had names and star ratings. Freaked me out. When I got home I tried to leave the cemetery a bad review on Yelp, but as my hand hovered over the 'one star' button I felt this distant chill ..." }, { "id": 1099, "Date": "2012-08-24T08:50:09.9889723+02:00", "Title": "Tuesdays", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tuesdays.png", "Alt": "Try our bottomless drinks and fall forever!" }, { "id": 1100, "Date": "2012-08-27T08:50:10.1498055+02:00", "Title": "Vows", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/vows.png", "Alt": "So, um. Do you want to get a drink after the game?" }, { "id": 1101, "Date": "2012-08-29T08:50:10.3033669+02:00", "Title": "Sketchiness", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sketchiness.png", "Alt": "factory --- spire --- onslaught --- extractor --- judge" }, { "id": 1102, "Date": "2012-08-31T08:50:10.4572124+02:00", "Title": "Fastest-Growing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fastest_growing.png", "Alt": "I lead a small but extraordinarily persuasive religion whose only members are door-to-door proselytizers from other faiths." }, { "id": 1103, "Date": "2012-09-03T08:50:10.6958178+02:00", "Title": "Nine", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/nine.png", "Alt": "FYI: If you get curious and start trying to calculate the time adjustment function that minimizes the gap between the most-used and least-used digit (for a representative sample of common cook times) without altering any time by more than 10%, and someone asks you what you're doing, it's easier to just lie." }, { "id": 1104, "Date": "2012-09-05T08:50:10.9339909+02:00", "Title": "Feathers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/feathers.png", "Alt": "Click to see a video of a modern bird using stability flapping during predatory behavior. It all fits! Also, apparently Microraptor had *four* wings? The past keeps getting cooler! (And there's more of it every day!)" }, { "id": 1105, "Date": "2012-09-07T08:50:11.0775472+02:00", "Title": "License Plate", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/license_plate.png", "Alt": "The next day: 'What? Six bank robberies!? But I just vandalized the library!' 'Nice try. They saw your plate with all the 1's and I's.' 'That's impossible! I've been with my car the whole ti-- ... wait. Ok, wow, that was clever of her.'" }, { "id": 1106, "Date": "2012-09-10T08:50:11.2361697+02:00", "Title": "ADD", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/add.png", "Alt": "20 balloons float away while I'm busy permanently tying one to a tree to deal with it for good. Unfortunately, that one balloon was 'land a rocket on the moon in Kerbal Space Program.'" }, { "id": 1107, "Date": "2012-09-12T08:50:11.482916+02:00", "Title": "Sports Cheat Sheet", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sports_cheat_sheet.png", "Alt": "I would subscribe to a Twitter feed that supplied you with one reasonable sports opinion per day, like 'The Red Sox can't make the playoffs (championship games), but in last night's game their win seriously damaged the chances of the Yankees (longstanding rival team).'" }, { "id": 1108, "Date": "2012-09-14T08:50:11.7211515+02:00", "Title": "Cautionary Ghost", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cautionary_ghost.png", "Alt": "But then the Ghost of Subjunctive Past showed up and told me to stay strong on 'if it were'." }, { "id": 1109, "Date": "2012-09-17T08:50:11.8764995+02:00", "Title": "Refrigerator", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/refrigerator.png", "Alt": "I want this engraved on my tombstone like the Epitaph of Stevinus." }, { "id": 1110, "Date": "2012-09-19T08:50:12.1119663+02:00", "Title": "Click and Drag", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/click_and_drag.png", "Alt": "Click and drag." }, { "id": 1111, "Date": "2012-09-21T08:50:12.264082+02:00", "Title": "Premiere", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/premiere.png", "Alt": "'But what's the buzz about the film?' 'We're hoping it's distracting.'" }, { "id": 1112, "Date": "2012-09-24T08:50:12.4985549+02:00", "Title": "Think Logically", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/think_logically.png", "Alt": "I've developed a more logical set of rules but the people on the chess community have a bunch of stupid emotional biases and won't reply to my posts." }, { "id": 1113, "Date": "2012-09-26T08:50:12.7407655+02:00", "Title": "Killed In Action", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/killed_in_action.png", "Alt": "We can't let this happen again. We need to build a secure TWO-day-before-retirement safe room." }, { "id": 1114, "Date": "2012-09-28T08:50:12.979248+02:00", "Title": "Metallurgy", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/metallurgy.png", "Alt": "This exotic blade was wrought from a different fallen star. The meteorite was a carbonaceous chondrite, so it's basically a lump of gravel glued into the shape of a sword. A SPACE sword!" }, { "id": 1115, "Date": "2012-10-01T08:50:13.2210298+02:00", "Title": "Sky", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sky.png", "Alt": "I dropped a bird and I didn't hear it hit bottom." }, { "id": 1116, "Date": "2012-10-03T08:50:13.4656248+02:00", "Title": "Traffic Lights", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/traffic_lights.gif", "Alt": "There's an intersection I drive through sometimes that has a forward green arrow, a red light, and a 'no turns' sign all on one pole. I honestly have no idea what it's telling me to do." }, { "id": 1117, "Date": "2012-10-05T08:50:13.6200544+02:00", "Title": "My Sky", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/my_sky.png", "Alt": "According to my mom, my first word was (looking up at the sky) 'Wow!'" }, { "id": 1118, "Date": "2012-10-08T08:50:13.8487329+02:00", "Title": "Microsoft", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/microsoft.png", "Alt": "Facebook, Apple, and Google all got away with their monopolist power grabs because they don't have any 'S's in their names for critics to snarkily replace with '$'s." }, { "id": 1119, "Date": "2012-10-10T08:50:14.0858911+02:00", "Title": "Undoing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/undoing.png", "Alt": "I've been sneaking out at night and installing lamps on the underside of every photovoltaic panel I can find. Sure, there are upwards of 80% losses, but I prefer to think of them as nearly 20% gains." }, { "id": 1120, "Date": "2012-10-12T08:50:14.3171432+02:00", "Title": "Blurring the Line", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/blurring_the_line.png", "Alt": "People into masturbatory navel-gazing have a lot to learn about masturbation." }, { "id": 1121, "Date": "2012-10-15T08:50:14.5483196+02:00", "Title": "Identity", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/identity.png", "Alt": "Not sure why I just taught everyone to flawlessly impersonate me to pretty much anyone I know. Just remember to constantly bring up how cool it is that birds are dinosaurs and you'll be set." }, { "id": 1122, "Date": "2012-10-17T08:50:14.7954144+02:00", "Title": "Electoral Precedent", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/electoral_precedent.png", "Alt": "No white guy who's been mentioned on Twitter has gone on to win." }, { "id": 1123, "Date": "2012-10-19T08:50:15.024417+02:00", "Title": "The Universal Label", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_universal_label.png", "Alt": "Works for any grocery or non-grocery. Even thyme is just H and time." }, { "id": 1124, "Date": "2012-10-22T08:50:15.1764918+02:00", "Title": "Law of Drama", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/law_of_drama.png", "Alt": "'Drama' is just 'people being upset', when someone says they're always surrounded by drama and they just ignore it, it starts to make sense that their strategy might be backfiring." }, { "id": 1125, "Date": "2012-10-24T08:50:15.3302193+02:00", "Title": "Objects In Mirror", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/objects_in_mirror.png", "Alt": "Universes in mirror, like those in windshield, are larger than they appear." }, { "id": 1126, "Date": "2012-10-26T08:50:15.5689147+02:00", "Title": "Epsilon and Zeta", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/epsilon_and_zeta.png", "Alt": "The average error in the NHC forecasted position of a hurricane three days in the future has shrunk to a third of what it was in 1990--a staggering accomplishment. However, as you may have gathered, forecasts of future storm *strength* have proved more difficult to improve." }, { "id": 1127, "Date": "2012-10-29T08:50:15.7163825+01:00", "Title": "Congress", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/congress.png", "Alt": "It'd be great if some news network started featuring partisan hack talking heads who were all Federalists and Jacksonians, just to see how long it took us to catch on." }, { "id": 1128, "Date": "2012-10-31T08:50:15.9544435+01:00", "Title": "Fifty Shades", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fifty_shades.png", "Alt": "Wishbone and the Illustrated Classics series have gotten me through every conversation I've ever had about Dickens, Treasure Island, The Anarchist's Cookbook, and Our Bodies, Ourselves." }, { "id": 1129, "Date": "2012-11-02T08:50:16.105038+01:00", "Title": "Cell Number", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cell_number.png", "Alt": "There's also a +1 sometimes, which is there to keep everyone on their toes. In the future, people who got to pick cool numbers by signing up for Google Voice early will be revered as wizards." }, { "id": 1130, "Date": "2012-11-05T08:50:16.343877+01:00", "Title": "Poll Watching", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/poll_watching.png", "Alt": "The choices we make Tuesday could have MASSIVE and PERMANENT effects on the charts on Nate Silver's blog!" }, { "id": 1131, "Date": "2012-11-07T08:50:16.4991021+01:00", "Title": "Math", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/math.png", "Alt": "As of this writing, the only thing that's 'razor-thin' or 'too close to call' is the gap between the consensus poll forecast and the result." }, { "id": 1132, "Date": "2012-11-09T08:50:16.7461332+01:00", "Title": "Frequentists vs. Bayesians", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/frequentists_vs_bayesians.png", "Alt": "'Detector! What would the Bayesian statistician say if I asked him whether the--' [roll] 'I AM A NEUTRINO DETECTOR, NOT A LABYRINTH GUARD. SERIOUSLY, DID YOUR BRAIN FALL OUT?' [roll] '... yes.'" }, { "id": 1133, "Date": "2012-11-12T08:50:16.90341+01:00", "Title": "Up Goer Five", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/up_goer_five.png", "Alt": "Another thing that is a bad problem is if you're flying toward space and the parts start to fall off your space car in the wrong order. If that happens, it means you won't go to space today, or maybe ever." }, { "id": 1134, "Date": "2012-11-14T08:50:17.1329742+01:00", "Title": "Logic Boat", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/logic_boat.png", "Alt": "Or a cabbage, for that matter. The goat makes sense. Goats are fine." }, { "id": 1135, "Date": "2012-11-16T08:50:17.3644397+01:00", "Title": "Arachnoneurology", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/arachnoneurology.png", "Alt": "SPIDER PSYCHOLOGY (21st Ed.) is a comprehensive overview of arachnoneurology, neuro-arachnology, forensic arachnology, neuro-arachnoneurology (the study of the brains of spider neurology experts), and arachnoarachnology (the study of too many spiders)." }, { "id": 1136, "Date": "2012-11-19T08:50:17.515417+01:00", "Title": "Broken Mirror", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/broken_mirror.png", "Alt": "'I see you're in this mood again.' 'I am always in this mood.'" }, { "id": 1137, "Date": "2012-11-21T08:50:17.7564315+01:00", "Title": "LTR", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rtl.png", "Alt": "Collaborative editing can quickly become a textual rap battle fought with increasingly convoluted invocations of U+202a to U+202e." }, { "id": 1138, "Date": "2012-11-23T08:50:17.9876017+01:00", "Title": "Heatmap", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/heatmap.png", "Alt": "There are also a lot of global versions of this map showing traffic to English-language websites which are indistinguishable from maps of the location of internet users who are native English speakers." }, { "id": 1139, "Date": "2012-11-26T08:50:18.2211697+01:00", "Title": "Rubber and Glue", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rubber_and_glue.png", "Alt": "I'm rubber. You're rubber. We contemplate the reality of our existence in mute, vulcanized horror." }, { "id": 1140, "Date": "2012-11-28T08:50:18.4569634+01:00", "Title": "Calendar of Meaningful Dates", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/calendar_of_meaningful_dates.png", "Alt": "In months other than September, the 11th is mentioned substantially less often than any other date. It's been that way since long before 9/11 and I have no idea why." }, { "id": 1141, "Date": "2012-11-30T08:50:18.6045603+01:00", "Title": "Two Years", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/two_years.png", "Alt": "She won the first half of all our chemo Scrabble games, but then her IV drugs started kicking in and I *dominated*." }, { "id": 1142, "Date": "2012-12-03T08:50:18.843891+01:00", "Title": "Coverage", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/coverage.png", "Alt": "My resonant tunneling diode phone has limited range but a short enough wavelength to penetrate even the densest cages. This gives me a major combat advantage, hopefully." }, { "id": 1143, "Date": "2012-12-05T08:50:19.0103609+01:00", "Title": "Location", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/location.png", "Alt": "Ingress: Foursquare With Space Noises." }, { "id": 1144, "Date": "2012-12-07T08:50:19.2477258+01:00", "Title": "Tags", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tags.png", "Alt": "<A>: Like </a>this. " }, { "id": 1145, "Date": "2012-12-10T08:50:19.4016568+01:00", "Title": "Sky Color", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sky_color.png", "Alt": "Feynman recounted another good one upperclassmen would use on freshmen physics students: When you look at words in a mirror, how come they're reversed left to right but not top to bottom? What's special about the horizontal axis?" }, { "id": 1146, "Date": "2012-12-12T08:50:19.6354405+01:00", "Title": "Honest", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/honest.png", "Alt": "I didn't understand what you meant. I still don't. But I'll figure it out soon!" }, { "id": 1147, "Date": "2012-12-14T08:50:19.8658193+01:00", "Title": "Evolving", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/evolving.png", "Alt": "Biologists play reverse Pokémon, trying to avoid putting any one team member on the front lines long enough for the experience to cause evolution." }, { "id": 1148, "Date": "2012-12-17T08:50:20.0975947+01:00", "Title": "Nothing to Offer", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/nothing_to_offer.png", "Alt": "cerebrospinal fluid, pericardial fluid, sputum, aqueous humor, perilymph, chyme, hydatid fluid, interstitial fluid, rheum, and gin." }, { "id": 1149, "Date": "2012-12-19T08:50:20.3326861+01:00", "Title": "Broomstick", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/broomstick.png", "Alt": "'Broom first, then slippers.' 'How do I know you'll return the broom once you've secured your ticket?' 'I'll leave my little dog as collateral.' 'Great. Pleasure doing business!'" }, { "id": 1150, "Date": "2012-12-21T08:50:20.5697434+01:00", "Title": "Instagram", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/instagram.png", "Alt": "I'm gonna call the cops and get Chad arrested for theft, then move all my stuff to the house across the street. Hopefully the owners there are more responsible." }, { "id": 1151, "Date": "2012-12-24T08:50:20.8045796+01:00", "Title": "Tests", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tests.png", "Alt": "In fact, one of the boxes is full of Staphylococcus. The wrapping paper is coated in E. coli, though, so it's an understandable mistake. You know, we should really stop accepting gifts from that guy." }, { "id": 1152, "Date": "2012-12-26T08:50:20.9513196+01:00", "Title": "Communion", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/communion.png", "Alt": "The local police, growing increasingly concerned about this church, ask parishioners to take a sip of wine and then spit it back out for DNA testing. It's blood, and it matches a 1970s murder victim." }, { "id": 1153, "Date": "2012-12-28T08:50:21.1143998+01:00", "Title": "Proof", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/proof.png", "Alt": "The prosecution calls Gottfried Leibniz." }, { "id": 1154, "Date": "2012-12-31T08:50:21.2633274+01:00", "Title": "Resolution", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/resolution.png", "Alt": "If at first you don't succeed, that's one data point." }, { "id": 1155, "Date": "2013-01-02T08:50:21.4882727+01:00", "Title": "Kolmogorov Directions", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/kolmogorov_directions.png", "Alt": "People get really grumpy when they realize you're giving them directions for how to go to the store and buy a GPS." }, { "id": 1156, "Date": "2013-01-04T08:50:21.6380462+01:00", "Title": "Conditioning", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/conditioning.png", "Alt": "'Why are you standing in the yard wearing a papal hat and a robe covered in seeds?' 'Well, the Pope is visiting our town next month ...'" }, { "id": 1157, "Date": "2013-01-07T08:50:21.8764083+01:00", "Title": "Sick Day", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sick_day.png", "Alt": "Wikipedia path: Virus -> Immune system -> Innate immune system -> Parasites -> List of parasites of humans -> Naegleria fowleri -> Primary amoebic meningoencephalitis -> Deciding I DEFINITELY shouldn't connect an aquarium pump to my sinuses" }, { "id": 1158, "Date": "2013-01-09T08:50:22.1087946+01:00", "Title": "Rubber Sheet", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rubber_sheet.png", "Alt": "It IS about physics. It ALL is." }, { "id": 1159, "Date": "2013-01-11T08:50:22.3438271+01:00", "Title": "Countdown", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/countdown.png", "Alt": "For all we know, the odds are in our favor." }, { "id": 1160, "Date": "2013-01-14T08:50:22.5917829+01:00", "Title": "Drop Those Pounds", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/drop_those_pounds.png", "Alt": "If the flyers don't work, we'll switch to the LEAST subtle method of informing a town of the existence of a trebuchet club." }, { "id": 1161, "Date": "2013-01-16T08:50:22.8246258+01:00", "Title": "Hand Sanitizer", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hand_sanitizer.png", "Alt": "Hipster CDC Reports Flu Epidemic Peaked Years Ago" }, { "id": 1162, "Date": "2013-01-18T08:50:22.9735868+01:00", "Title": "Log Scale", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/log_scale.png", "Alt": "Knuth Paper-Stack Notation: Write down the number on pages. Stack them. If the stack is too tall to fit in the room, write down the number of pages it would take to write down the number. THAT number won't fit in the room? Repeat. When a stack fits, write the number of iterations on a card. Pin it to the stack." }, { "id": 1163, "Date": "2013-01-21T08:50:23.1306296+01:00", "Title": "Debugger", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/debugger.png", "Alt": "It can take a site a while to figure out that there's a problem with their 'report a bug' form." }, { "id": 1164, "Date": "2013-01-23T08:50:23.2862734+01:00", "Title": "Home Alone", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/home_alone.png", "Alt": "Starring Macaulay Culkin." }, { "id": 1165, "Date": "2013-01-25T08:50:23.4414483+01:00", "Title": "Amazon", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/amazon.png", "Alt": "Amazon.com took a surprise early lead with 'Time required to transport a package from Iquitos, Peru to Manaus, Brazil' but then lost it at 'Minutes to skeletonize a cow'." }, { "id": 1166, "Date": "2013-01-28T08:50:23.599793+01:00", "Title": "Argument", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/argument.png", "Alt": "The misguided search for a perpetual motion machine has run substantially longer than any attempted perpetual motion machine." }, { "id": 1167, "Date": "2013-01-30T08:50:23.8350405+01:00", "Title": "Star Trek into Darkness", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/star_trek_into_darkness.png", "Alt": "Of course, factions immediately sprang up in favor of '~*~sTaR tReK iNtO dArKnEsS~*~', 'xX_StAr TrEk InTo DaRkNess_Xx', and 'Star Trek lnto Darkness' (that's a lowercase 'L')." }, { "id": 1168, "Date": "2013-02-01T08:50:24.0675336+01:00", "Title": "tar", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tar.png", "Alt": "I don't know what's worse--the fact that after 15 years of using tar I still can't keep the flags straight, or that after 15 years of technological advancement I'm still mucking with tar flags that were 15 years old when I started." }, { "id": 1169, "Date": "2013-02-04T08:50:24.2219463+01:00", "Title": "Expedition", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/expedition.png", "Alt": "I'm pretty sure I've logged more hours in Google Maps over the past decade than in any game." }, { "id": 1170, "Date": "2013-02-06T08:50:24.3747159+01:00", "Title": "Bridge", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bridge.png", "Alt": "And it says a lot about you that when your friends jump off a bridge en masse, your first thought is apparently 'my friends are all foolish and I won't be like them' and not 'are my friends ok?'." }, { "id": 1171, "Date": "2013-02-08T08:50:24.6090428+01:00", "Title": "Perl Problems", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/perl_problems.png", "Alt": "To generate #1 albums, 'jay --help' recommends the -z flag." }, { "id": 1172, "Date": "2013-02-11T08:50:24.7577211+01:00", "Title": "Workflow", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/workflow.png", "Alt": "There are probably children out there holding down spacebar to stay warm in the winter! YOUR UPDATE MURDERS CHILDREN." }, { "id": 1173, "Date": "2013-02-13T08:50:24.9154022+01:00", "Title": "Steroids", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/steroids.png", "Alt": "A human is a system for converting dust billions of years ago into dust billions of years from now via a roundabout process which involves checking email a lot." }, { "id": 1174, "Date": "2013-02-15T08:50:25.0733258+01:00", "Title": "App", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/app.png", "Alt": "If I click 'no', I've probably given up on everything, so don't bother taking me to the page I was trying to go to. Just drop me on the homepage. Thanks." }, { "id": 1175, "Date": "2013-02-18T08:50:25.3078836+01:00", "Title": "Moving Sidewalks", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/moving_sidewalks.png", "Alt": "I think I could spend hours just stepping on and off of conveyor belts moving at various speeds." }, { "id": 1176, "Date": "2013-02-20T08:50:25.541234+01:00", "Title": "Those Not Present", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/those_not_present.png", "Alt": "'Yeah, that squid's a total asshole.' [scoot scoot]" }, { "id": 1177, "Date": "2013-02-22T08:50:25.6916173+01:00", "Title": "Time Robot", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/time_robot.png", "Alt": "NO FATE BUT THE NARRATIVES WE IMPOSE ON LIFE'S RANDOM CHAOS TO DISTRACT OURSELVES FROM OUR EXISTENTIAL PLIGHT" }, { "id": 1178, "Date": "2013-02-25T08:50:25.9296349+01:00", "Title": "Pickup Artists", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pickup_artists.png", "Alt": "It sounds like a great way to make friends! Is it near that Friend Zone you keep talking about? I wanna go!" }, { "id": 1179, "Date": "2013-02-27T08:50:26.1632869+01:00", "Title": "ISO 8601", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/iso_8601.png", "Alt": "ISO 8601 was published on 06/05/88 and most recently amended on 12/01/04." }, { "id": 1180, "Date": "2013-03-01T08:50:26.3986049+01:00", "Title": "Virus Venn Diagram", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/virus_venn_diagram.png", "Alt": "Within five minutes of the Singularity appearing, somebody will suggest defragging it." }, { "id": 1181, "Date": "2013-03-04T08:50:26.5438625+01:00", "Title": "PGP", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pgp.png", "Alt": "If you want to be extra safe, check that there's a big block of jumbled characters at the bottom." }, { "id": 1182, "Date": "2013-03-06T08:50:26.7818432+01:00", "Title": "Rembrandt Photo", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rembrandt_photo.png", "Alt": "::click:: Come back! You didn't see the one of Whistler's mother!" }, { "id": 1183, "Date": "2013-03-08T08:50:26.9350822+01:00", "Title": "Rose Petals", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rose_petals.png", "Alt": "Joke's on you--the Roomba and I had a LOVELY evening." }, { "id": 1184, "Date": "2013-03-11T08:50:27.0894476+01:00", "Title": "Circumference Formula", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/circumference_formula.png", "Alt": "Assume r' refers to the radius of Earth Prime, and r'' means radius in inches." }, { "id": 1185, "Date": "2013-03-13T08:50:27.3318891+01:00", "Title": "Ineffective Sorts", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ineffective_sorts.png", "Alt": "StackSort connects to StackOverflow, searches for 'sort a list', and downloads and runs code snippets until the list is sorted." }, { "id": 1186, "Date": "2013-03-15T08:50:27.5612825+01:00", "Title": "Bumblebees", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bumblebees.png", "Alt": "Did you know sociologists can't explain why people keep repeating that urban legend about bumblebees not being able to fly!?" }, { "id": 1187, "Date": "2013-03-18T08:50:27.7995886+01:00", "Title": "Aspect Ratio", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/aspect_ratio.png", "Alt": "I'm always disappointed when 'Anamorphic Widescreen' doesn't refer to a widescreen Animorphs movie." }, { "id": 1188, "Date": "2013-03-20T08:50:27.9607953+01:00", "Title": "Bonding", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bonding.png", "Alt": "I'm trying to build character but Eclipse is really confusing." }, { "id": 1189, "Date": "2013-03-22T08:50:28.1985321+01:00", "Title": "Voyager 1", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/voyager_1.png", "Alt": "So far Voyager 1 has 'left the Solar System' by passing through the termination shock three times, the heliopause twice, and once each through the heliosheath, heliosphere, heliodrome, auroral discontinuity, Heaviside layer, trans-Neptunian panic zone, magnetogap, US Census Bureau Solar System statistical boundary, Kuiper gauntlet, Oort void, and crystal sphere holding the fixed stars." }, { "id": 1190, "Date": "2013-03-25T08:50:28.4313113+01:00", "Title": "Time", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/time.png", "Alt": "The end." }, { "id": 1191, "Date": "2013-03-27T08:50:28.6648914+01:00", "Title": "The Past", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_past.png", "Alt": "If history has taught us anything, we can use that information to destroy it." }, { "id": 1192, "Date": "2013-03-29T08:50:28.8127168+01:00", "Title": "Humming", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/humming.png", "Alt": "I'm so bad at carrying a tune, those 'find a song by humming its melody' websites throw an HTTP 406 error as soon as I start to hum." }, { "id": 1193, "Date": "2013-04-01T08:50:29.0516435+02:00", "Title": "Externalities", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/externalities.png", "Alt": "" }, { "id": 1194, "Date": "2013-04-03T08:50:29.2003584+02:00", "Title": "Stratigraphic Record", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/stratigraphic_record.png", "Alt": "All we have are these stupid tantalizing zircons and the scars on the face of the Moon." }, { "id": 1195, "Date": "2013-04-05T08:50:29.3418162+02:00", "Title": "Flowchart", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/flowchart.png", "Alt": "The way out is to use the marker you have to add a box that says 'get a marker' to the line between you and 'start', then add a 'no' line from the trap box to 'end'." }, { "id": 1196, "Date": "2013-04-08T08:50:29.5797858+02:00", "Title": "Subways", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/subways.png", "Alt": "About one in three North American subway stops are in NYC." }, { "id": 1197, "Date": "2013-04-10T08:50:29.7299105+02:00", "Title": "All Adobe Updates", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/all_adobe_updates.png", "Alt": "ALERT: Some pending mandatory software updates require version 21.1.2 of the Oracle/Sun Java(tm) JDK(tm) Update Manager Runtime Environment Meta-Updater, which is not available for your platform." }, { "id": 1198, "Date": "2013-04-12T08:50:29.8846912+02:00", "Title": "Geologist", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/geologist.png", "Alt": "'It seems like it's still alive, Professor.' 'Yeah, a big one like this can keep running around for a few billion years after you remove the head.\"" }, { "id": 1199, "Date": "2013-04-15T08:50:30.1218177+02:00", "Title": "Silence", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/silence.png", "Alt": "All music is just performances of 4'33\" in studios where another band happened to be playing at the time." }, { "id": 1200, "Date": "2013-04-17T08:50:30.2743004+02:00", "Title": "Authorization", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/authorization.png", "Alt": "Before you say anything, no, I know not to leave my computer sitting out logged in to all my accounts. I have it set up so after a few minutes of inactivity it automatically switches to my brother's." }, { "id": 1201, "Date": "2013-04-19T08:50:30.5118194+02:00", "Title": "Integration by Parts", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/integration_by_parts.png", "Alt": "If you can manage to choose u and v such that u = v = x, then the answer is just (1/2)x^2, which is easy to remember. Oh, and add a '+C' or you'll get yelled at." }, { "id": 1202, "Date": "2013-04-22T08:50:30.6712333+02:00", "Title": "Girls and Boys", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/girls_and_boys.png", "Alt": "To get more knowledge" }, { "id": 1203, "Date": "2013-04-24T08:50:30.9198151+02:00", "Title": "Time Machines", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/time_machines.png", "Alt": "'All time machine systems nominal ... T-minus ten ... eleven ...'" }, { "id": 1204, "Date": "2013-04-26T08:50:31.1494141+02:00", "Title": "Detail", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/detail.png", "Alt": "2031: Google defends the swiveling roof-mounted scanning electron microscopes on its Street View cars, saying they 'don't reveal anything that couldn't be seen by any pedestrian scanning your house with an electron microscope.'" }, { "id": 1205, "Date": "2013-04-29T08:50:31.2990942+02:00", "Title": "Is It Worth the Time?", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/is_it_worth_the_time.png", "Alt": "Don't forget the time you spend finding the chart to look up what you save. And the time spent reading this reminder about the time spent. And the time trying to figure out if either of those actually make sense. Remember, every second counts toward your life total, including these right now." }, { "id": 1206, "Date": "2013-05-01T08:50:31.5328191+02:00", "Title": "Einstein", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/einstein.png", "Alt": "Einstein was WRONG when he said that provisional patent #39561 represented a novel gravel-sorting technique and should be approved by the Patent Office." }, { "id": 1207, "Date": "2013-05-03T08:50:31.6871233+02:00", "Title": "AirAware", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/airaware.png", "Alt": "It ships with a version of Google Now that alerts you when it's too late to leave for your appointments." }, { "id": 1208, "Date": "2013-05-06T08:50:31.9239644+02:00", "Title": "Footnote Labyrinths", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/footnote_labyrinths.png", "Alt": "Every time you read this mouseover, toggle between interpreting nested footnotes as footnotes on footnotes and interpreting them as exponents (minus one, modulo 6, plus 1)." }, { "id": 1209, "Date": "2013-05-08T08:50:32.1577275+02:00", "Title": "Encoding", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/encoding.png", "Alt": "I don't see how; the C0 block is right there at the beginning." }, { "id": 1210, "Date": "2013-05-10T08:50:32.3947286+02:00", "Title": "I'm So Random", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/im_so_random.png", "Alt": "In retrospect, it's weird that as a kid I thought completely random outbursts made me seem interesting, given that from an information theory point of view, lexical white noise is just about the opposite of interesting by definition." }, { "id": 1211, "Date": "2013-05-13T08:50:32.5463969+02:00", "Title": "Birds and Dinosaurs", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/birds_and_dinosaurs.png", "Alt": "Sure, T. rex is closer in height to Stegosaurus than a sparrow. But that doesn't tell you much; 'Dinosaur Comics' author Ryan North is closer in height to certain dinosaurs than to the average human." }, { "id": 1212, "Date": "2013-05-15T08:50:32.7895801+02:00", "Title": "Interstellar Memes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/interstellar_memes.png", "Alt": "The strongest incentive we have to develop faster-than-light travel is that it would let us apologize in advance." }, { "id": 1213, "Date": "2013-05-17T08:50:32.938866+02:00", "Title": "Combination Vision Test", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/combination_vision_test.png", "Alt": "If you see two numbers but they're both the same and you have to squint to read them, you have synesthesia, colorblindness, diplopia, and myopia." }, { "id": 1214, "Date": "2013-05-20T08:50:33.1697654+02:00", "Title": "Geoguessr", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/geoguessr.png", "Alt": "I'm not sure if you can get Epcot, but my friend just got LegoLand. He guessed California but it was the one in Denmark. Meanwhile, I'm rapidly becoming a connoisseur of unmarked dirt roads over flat, barren landscapes." }, { "id": 1215, "Date": "2013-05-22T08:50:33.3447544+02:00", "Title": "Insight", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/insight.png", "Alt": "The great thing is, the sentence is really just a reminder to the listener to worry about whatever aspects of the technology they're already feeling alarmist about, which in their mind gives you credit for addressing their biggest anxieties." }, { "id": 1216, "Date": "2013-05-24T08:50:33.5959795+02:00", "Title": "Sticks and Stones", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sticks_and_stones.png", "Alt": "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can make me think I deserved it." }, { "id": 1217, "Date": "2013-05-27T08:50:33.8431062+02:00", "Title": "Cells", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cells.png", "Alt": "Now, if it selectively kills cancer cells in a petri dish, you can be sure it's at least a great breakthrough for everyone suffering from petri dish cancer." }, { "id": 1218, "Date": "2013-05-29T08:50:34.0100698+02:00", "Title": "Doors of Durin", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/doors_of_durin.png", "Alt": "If we get the doors open and plug up the dam on the Sirannon so the water rises a little, the pool will start draining into Moria. How do you think the Watcher would fare against a drenched Balrog?" }, { "id": 1219, "Date": "2013-05-31T08:50:34.1629746+02:00", "Title": "Reports", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/reports.png", "Alt": "If that fails, just multiply every number by a thousand. 'The 2nd St speed limit should be set at 25,000 mph, which would likely have prevented 1,000 of the intersection's 3,000 serious accidents last month.'" }, { "id": 1220, "Date": "2013-06-03T08:50:34.3154026+02:00", "Title": "Hipsters", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hipsters.png", "Alt": "You may point out that this very retreat into ironic detachment while still clearly participating in the thing in question is the very definition of contemporary hipsterdom. But on the other hand, wait, you're in an empty room. Who are you talking to?" }, { "id": 1221, "Date": "2013-06-05T08:50:34.4636275+02:00", "Title": "Nomenclature", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/nomenclature.png", "Alt": "[shouted, from the field] 'Aunt Beast hit a pop fly to second! Dive for it, Mrs Whatsit!'" }, { "id": 1222, "Date": "2013-06-07T08:50:34.6211452+02:00", "Title": "Pastime", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pastime.png", "Alt": "Good thing we're too smart to spend all day being uselessly frustrated with ourselves. I mean, that'd be a hell of a waste, right?" }, { "id": 1223, "Date": "2013-06-10T08:50:34.7961428+02:00", "Title": "Dwarf Fortress", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dwarf_fortress.png", "Alt": "I may be the kind of person who wastes a year implementing a Turing-complete computer in Dwarf Fortress, but that makes you the kind of person who wastes ten more getting that computer to run Minecraft." }, { "id": 1224, "Date": "2013-06-12T08:50:34.9570606+02:00", "Title": "Council of 300", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/council_of_300.png", "Alt": "'And hypnotize someone into thinking they've uploaded it and passed it around.' 'But then won't the uploader get suspicious that it pauses at 301+ for a while? Why don't we just forge the number entirel--' ::BLAM:: 'The Council of 299 is adjourned.'" }, { "id": 1225, "Date": "2013-06-14T08:50:35.1172161+02:00", "Title": "Ice Sheets", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ice_sheets.png", "Alt": "Data adapted from 'The Laurentide and Innuitian ice sheets during the Last Glacial Maximum' by A.S. Dyke et. al., which was way better than the sequels 'The Laurentide and Innuitian ice sheets during the Last Glacial Maximum: The Meltdown' and 'The Laurentide and Innuitian ice sheets during the Last Glacial Maximum: Continental Drift'." }, { "id": 1226, "Date": "2013-06-17T08:50:35.2696276+02:00", "Title": "Balloon Internet", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/balloon_internet.png", "Alt": "I run a business selling rural internet access. My infrastructure consists of a bunch of Verizon wifi hotspots that I sign up for and then cancel at the end of the 14-day return period." }, { "id": 1227, "Date": "2013-06-19T08:50:35.5097275+02:00", "Title": "The Pace of Modern Life", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_pace_of_modern_life.png", "Alt": "'Unfortunately, the notion of marriage which prevails ... at the present time ... regards the institution as simply a convenient arrangement or formal contract ... This disregard of the sanctity of marriage and contempt for its restrictions is one of the most alarming tendencies of the present age.' --John Harvey Kellogg, Ladies' guide in health and disease (1883)" }, { "id": 1228, "Date": "2013-06-21T08:50:35.6575701+02:00", "Title": "Prometheus", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/prometheus.png", "Alt": "'I'm here to return what Prometheus stole.' would be a good thing to say if you were a fighter pilot in a Michael Bay movie where for some reason the world's militaries had to team up to defeat every god from human mythology, and you'd just broken through the perimeter and gotten a missile lock on Mount Olympus." }, { "id": 1229, "Date": "2013-06-24T08:50:35.8296773+02:00", "Title": "Screensaver", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/screensaver.png", "Alt": "I'm entering my 24th year of spending eight hours a day firing the Duck Hunt gun at the flying toasters. I'm sure I'll hit one soon." }, { "id": 1230, "Date": "2013-06-26T08:50:36.0729397+02:00", "Title": "Polar/Cartesian", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/polar_cartesian.png", "Alt": "Protip: Any two-axis graph can be re-labeled 'coordinates of the ants crawling across my screen as a function of time'." }, { "id": 1231, "Date": "2013-06-28T08:50:36.2252812+02:00", "Title": "Habitable Zone", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/habitable_zone.png", "Alt": "They have a telescope pointed RIGHT AT US!" }, { "id": 1232, "Date": "2013-07-01T08:50:36.3787345+02:00", "Title": "Realistic Criteria", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/realistic_criteria.png", "Alt": "I'm leaning toward fifteen. There are a lot of them." }, { "id": 1233, "Date": "2013-07-03T08:50:36.5488146+02:00", "Title": "Relativity", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/relativity.png", "Alt": "It's commonly believed that Lorentz contraction makes objects appear flatter along the direction of travel. However, this ignores light travel times. In fact, a fast-moving butt would appear rotated toward the observer but not substantially distorted. Shakira was right." }, { "id": 1234, "Date": "2013-07-05T08:50:36.7160718+02:00", "Title": "Douglas Engelbart (1925-2013)", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/douglas_engelbart_1925_2013.png", "Alt": "Actual quote from The Demo: '... an advantage of being online is that it keeps track of who you are and what you’re doing all the time ...'" }, { "id": 1235, "Date": "2013-07-08T08:50:36.8740589+02:00", "Title": "Settled", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/settled.png", "Alt": "Well, we've really only settled the question of ghosts that emit or reflect visible light. Or move objects around. Or make any kind of sound. But that covers all the ones that appear in Ghostbusters, so I think we're good." }, { "id": 1236, "Date": "2013-07-10T08:50:37.0429651+02:00", "Title": "Seashell", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/seashell.png", "Alt": "This is roughly equivalent to 'number of times I've picked up a seashell at the ocean' / 'number of times I've picked up a seashell', which in my case is pretty close to 1, and gets much closer if we're considering only times I didn't put it to my ear." }, { "id": 1237, "Date": "2013-07-12T08:50:37.19808+02:00", "Title": "QR Code", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/qr_code.png", "Alt": "Remember, the installer is watching the camera for the checksum it generated, so you have to scan it using your own phone." }, { "id": 1238, "Date": "2013-07-15T08:50:37.3447562+02:00", "Title": "Enlightenment", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/enlightenment.png", "Alt": "But the rules of writing are like magic spells. If you never acquire them, then not using them says nothing." }, { "id": 1239, "Date": "2013-07-17T08:50:37.5025153+02:00", "Title": "Social Media", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/social_media.png", "Alt": "The social media reaction to this asteroid announcement has been sharply negative. Care to respond?" }, { "id": 1240, "Date": "2013-07-19T08:50:37.6647301+02:00", "Title": "Quantum Mechanics", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/quantum_mechanics.png", "Alt": "You can also just ignore any science assertion where 'quantum mechanics' is the most complicated phrase in it." }, { "id": 1241, "Date": "2013-07-22T08:50:37.8169958+02:00", "Title": "Annoying Ringtone Champion", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/annoying_ringtone_champion.png", "Alt": "It beat out 'Clock radio alarm', 'B-flat at 194 decibels', 'That noise from Dumb & Dumber', and 'Recording of a sobbing voice begging you to answer'." }, { "id": 1242, "Date": "2013-07-24T08:50:38.0565044+02:00", "Title": "Scary Names", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/scary_names.png", "Alt": "Far off to the right of the chart is the Helvetica Scenario." }, { "id": 1243, "Date": "2013-07-26T08:50:38.3013238+02:00", "Title": "Snare", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/snare.png", "Alt": "It's going in A collection of satellites skewered with pins and mounted in display boxes. Not necessarily MY collection." }, { "id": 1244, "Date": "2013-07-29T08:50:38.5422051+02:00", "Title": "Six Words", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/six_words.png", "Alt": "Ahem. We are STRICTLY an Orbiter shop." }, { "id": 1245, "Date": "2013-07-31T08:50:38.7711501+02:00", "Title": "10-Day Forecast", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/10_day_forecast.png", "Alt": "Oh, definitely not; they don't have Amazon Prime." }, { "id": 1246, "Date": "2013-08-02T08:50:39.2409834+02:00", "Title": "Pale Blue Dot", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pale_blue_dot.png", "Alt": "Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves. There is no road out of this oblivion; we must embrace it. We must join with the darkness. Ba'al the Annihilator offers us no happiness, no answers, naught but the cold embrace of the void. To imagine any other end is delusion. We must give in to the will of Ba'al, for he will one day consume us and our world alike. I therefore call on Congress to fully fund space exploration, and to join with Ba'al, the Eater of Souls. Thank you." }, { "id": 1247, "Date": "2013-08-05T08:50:39.4347217+02:00", "Title": "The Mother of All Suspicious Files", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_mother_of_all_suspicious_files.png", "Alt": "Better change the URL to 'https' before downloading." }, { "id": 1248, "Date": "2013-08-07T08:50:39.6415996+02:00", "Title": "Sphere", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sphere.png", "Alt": "This message brought to you by the Society of Astronomers Trapped on the Surface of a Sphere." }, { "id": 1249, "Date": "2013-08-09T08:50:39.882184+02:00", "Title": "Meteor Showers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/meteor_showers.png", "Alt": "Remember, meteors always hit the tallest object around." }, { "id": 1250, "Date": "2013-08-12T08:50:40.1181696+02:00", "Title": "Old Accounts", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/old_accounts.png", "Alt": "If you close an account while it's still friends with people, it contributes to database linkage accumulation slowdown, which is a major looming problem for web infrastructure and definitely not a thing I just made up." }, { "id": 1251, "Date": "2013-08-14T08:50:40.3627006+02:00", "Title": "Anti-Glass", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/anti_glass.png", "Alt": "'Why don't you just point it at their eye directly?' 'What is this, 2007?'" }, { "id": 1252, "Date": "2013-08-16T08:50:40.614829+02:00", "Title": "Increased Risk", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/increased_risk.png", "Alt": "You may point out that strictly speaking, you can use that statement to prove that all risks are tiny--to which I reply HOLY SHIT WATCH OUT FOR THAT DOG!" }, { "id": 1253, "Date": "2013-08-19T08:50:40.7849899+02:00", "Title": "Exoplanet Names", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/exoplanet_names.png", "Alt": "If you have any ideas, I hear you can send them to iaupublic@iap.fr." }, { "id": 1254, "Date": "2013-08-21T08:50:41.0358939+02:00", "Title": "Preferred Chat System", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/preferred_chat_system.png", "Alt": "If you call my regular number, it just goes to my pager." }, { "id": 1255, "Date": "2013-08-23T08:50:41.1945124+02:00", "Title": "Columbus", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/columbus.png", "Alt": "And thus was smallpox introduced into the previously Undying Lands." }, { "id": 1256, "Date": "2013-08-26T08:50:41.436643+02:00", "Title": "Questions", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/questions.png", "Alt": "To whoever typed 'why is arwen dying': GOOD. FUCKING. QUESTION." }, { "id": 1257, "Date": "2013-08-28T08:50:41.6773032+02:00", "Title": "Monster", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/monster.png", "Alt": "It was finally destroyed with a nuclear weapon carrying the destructive energy of the Hiroshima bomb." }, { "id": 1258, "Date": "2013-08-30T08:50:41.9189392+02:00", "Title": "First", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/first.png", "Alt": "Fortunately, exactly zero other annoying internet behaviors have developed during this time." }, { "id": 1259, "Date": "2013-09-02T08:50:42.0753474+02:00", "Title": "Bee Orchid", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bee_orchid.png", "Alt": "In sixty million years aliens will know humans only by a fuzzy clip of a woman in an Axe commercial." }, { "id": 1260, "Date": "2013-09-04T08:50:42.2347308+02:00", "Title": "LD50", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ld50.png", "Alt": "The dose is much lower when administered orally. We're still trying to get the paper into the needles for subcutaneous injection." }, { "id": 1261, "Date": "2013-09-06T08:50:42.505802+02:00", "Title": "Shake That", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/shake_that.png", "Alt": "How do I work it? IT'S ALREADY WORKING!" }, { "id": 1262, "Date": "2013-09-09T08:50:42.7690434+02:00", "Title": "Unquote", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/unquote.png", "Alt": "I guess it's a saying from the Old Country." }, { "id": 1263, "Date": "2013-09-11T08:50:43.0057395+02:00", "Title": "Reassuring", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/reassuring.png", "Alt": "'At least humans are better at quietly amusing ourselves, oblivious to our pending obsolescence' thought the human, as a nearby Dell Inspiron contentedly displayed the same bouncing geometric shape screensaver it had been running for years." }, { "id": 1264, "Date": "2013-09-13T08:50:43.167381+02:00", "Title": "Slideshow", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/slideshow.gif", "Alt": "Points to anyone who hacks the Flickr devs' computers to make their text editors do this when you click on anything." }, { "id": 1265, "Date": "2013-09-16T08:50:43.4120054+02:00", "Title": "Juicer", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/juicer.png", "Alt": "But the rind is where all the vitamins are!" }, { "id": 1266, "Date": "2013-09-18T08:50:43.5748754+02:00", "Title": "Halting Problem", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/halting_problem.png", "Alt": "I found a counterexample to the claim that all things must someday die, but I don't know how to show it to anyone." }, { "id": 1267, "Date": "2013-09-20T08:50:43.724018+02:00", "Title": "Mess", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mess.png", "Alt": "'Sorry, I left out my glass of water from last night.' OH GOD I APPARENTLY LIVE IN A GARBAGE PIT." }, { "id": 1268, "Date": "2013-09-23T08:50:43.9618329+02:00", "Title": "Alternate Universe", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/alternate_universe.png", "Alt": "As best as I can tell, I was transported here from Earth Prime sometime in the late 1990s. Your universe is identical in every way, except for the lobster thing and the thing where some of you occasionally change your clocks for some reason." }, { "id": 1269, "Date": "2013-09-25T08:50:44.1147172+02:00", "Title": "Privacy Opinions", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/privacy_opinions.png", "Alt": "I'm the Philosopher until someone hands me a burrito." }, { "id": 1270, "Date": "2013-09-27T08:50:44.3598876+02:00", "Title": "Functional", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/functional.png", "Alt": "Functional programming combines the flexibility and power of abstract mathematics with the intuitive clarity of abstract mathematics." }, { "id": 1271, "Date": "2013-09-30T08:50:44.5132552+02:00", "Title": "Highlighting", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hilighting.png", "Alt": "And if clicking on any word pops up a site-search for articles about that word, I will close all windows in a panic and never come back." }, { "id": 1272, "Date": "2013-10-02T08:50:44.7541701+02:00", "Title": "Shadowfacts", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/shadowfacts.png", "Alt": "'Look to my coming on the fifth day. At dawn, look to the east.' 'And look to the west to see our shadows!'" }, { "id": 1273, "Date": "2013-10-04T08:50:44.9131569+02:00", "Title": "Tall Infographics", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tall_infographics.png", "Alt": "'Big Data' doesn't just mean increasing the font size." }, { "id": 1274, "Date": "2013-10-07T08:50:45.0644161+02:00", "Title": "Open Letter", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/open_letter.png", "Alt": "Are you ok? Do you need help?" }, { "id": 1275, "Date": "2013-10-09T08:50:45.2252952+02:00", "Title": "int(pi)", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/int_pi.png", "Alt": "If replacing all the '3's doesn't fix your code, remove the 4s, too, with 'ceiling(pi) / floor(pi) * pi * r^floor(pi)'. Mmm, floor pie." }, { "id": 1276, "Date": "2013-10-11T08:50:45.4572582+02:00", "Title": "Angular Size", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/angular_size.png", "Alt": "If the celestial sphere were mapped to the Earth's surface, astronomy would get a LOT easier; you'd just need a magnifying glass." }, { "id": 1277, "Date": "2013-10-14T08:50:45.6959969+02:00", "Title": "Ayn Random", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ayn_random.png", "Alt": "In a cavern deep below the Earth, Ayn Rand, Paul Ryan, Rand Paul, Ann Druyan, Paul Rudd, Alan Alda, and Duran Duran meet together in the Secret Council of /(b[plurandy]+b ?){2}/i." }, { "id": 1278, "Date": "2013-10-16T08:50:45.9295071+02:00", "Title": "Giraffes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/giraffes.png", "Alt": "If you fund my Kickstarter ..." }, { "id": 1279, "Date": "2013-10-18T08:50:46.169599+02:00", "Title": "Reverse Identity Theft", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/reverse_identity_theft.png", "Alt": "I asked a few friends whether they'd had this happen, then looked up the popularity of their initials/names over time. Based on those numbers, it looks like there must be at least 750,000 people in the US alone who think 'Sure, that's probably my email address' on a regular basis." }, { "id": 1280, "Date": "2013-10-21T08:50:46.4027807+02:00", "Title": "Mystery News", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mystery_news.png", "Alt": "If you find and stop the video, but you've--against all odds--gotten curious about the trade summit, just leave the tab opened. It will mysteriously start playing again 30 minutes later!" }, { "id": 1281, "Date": "2013-10-23T08:50:46.6344079+02:00", "Title": "Minifigs", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/minifigs.png", "Alt": "The LEGO Group is already the world's largest tire manufacturer." }, { "id": 1282, "Date": "2013-10-25T08:50:46.8670318+02:00", "Title": "Monty Hall", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/monty_hall.png", "Alt": "A few minutes later, the goat from behind door C drives away in the car." }, { "id": 1283, "Date": "2013-10-28T08:50:47.0279332+01:00", "Title": "Headlines", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/headlines.png", "Alt": "1916: 'PHYSICIST DAD' TURNS HIS ATTENTION TO GRAVITY, AND YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT HE FINDS. [PICS] [NSFW]" }, { "id": 1284, "Date": "2013-10-30T08:50:47.2166319+01:00", "Title": "Improved Keyboard", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/improved_keyboard.png", "Alt": "I'm always installing tons of weird experimental keyboards because it serves as a good reminder that nothing I was going to type was really worth the trouble." }, { "id": 1285, "Date": "2013-11-01T08:50:47.4597072+01:00", "Title": "Third Way", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/third_way.png", "Alt": "'The monospaced-typewriter-font story is a COMPLETE FABRICATION! WAKE UP, SHEEPLE' 'It doesn't matter! Studies support single spaces!' 'Those results weren't statistically significant!' 'Fine, you win. I'm using double spaces right now!' 'Are not! We can all hear your stupid whitespace.'" }, { "id": 1286, "Date": "2013-11-04T08:50:47.7072465+01:00", "Title": "Encryptic", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/encryptic.png", "Alt": "It was bound to happen eventually. This data theft will enable almost limitless [xkcd.com/792]-style password reuse attacks in the coming weeks. There's only one group that comes out of this looking smart: Everyone who pirated Photoshop." }, { "id": 1287, "Date": "2013-11-06T08:50:48.1706563+01:00", "Title": "Puzzle", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/puzzle.png", "Alt": "Prediction for Carlsen v. Anand: ... 25. Qb8+ Nxb8 26. Rd8# f6 27. \"... dude.\" Qf5 28. \"The game is over, dude.\" Qxg5 29. Rxe8 0-1 30. \"Dude, your move can't be '0-1'. Don't write that down.\" [Black flips board]" }, { "id": 1288, "Date": "2013-11-08T08:50:48.338523+01:00", "Title": "Substitutions", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/substitutions.png", "Alt": "INSIDE ELON MUSK'S NEW ATOMIC CAT" }, { "id": 1289, "Date": "2013-11-11T08:50:48.4893519+01:00", "Title": "Simple Answers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/simple_answers.png", "Alt": "'Will [ ] allow us to better understand each other and thus make war undesirable?' is one that pops up whenever we invent a new communication medium." }, { "id": 1290, "Date": "2013-11-13T08:50:48.7235895+01:00", "Title": "Syllable Planning", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/syllable_planning.png", "Alt": "You absolute-fucking-... shit." }, { "id": 1291, "Date": "2013-11-15T08:50:48.9565692+01:00", "Title": "Shoot for the Moon", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/shoot_for_the_moon.png", "Alt": "Shoot for the Moon. If you miss, you'll end up co-orbiting the Sun alongside Earth, living out your days alone in the void within sight of the lush, welcoming home you left behind." }, { "id": 1292, "Date": "2013-11-18T08:50:49.1344688+01:00", "Title": "Pi vs. Tau", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pi_vs_tau.png", "Alt": "Conveniently approximated as e+2, Pau is commonly known as the Devil's Ratio (because in the octal expansion, '666' appears four times in the first 200 digits while no other run of 3+ digits appears more than once.)" }, { "id": 1293, "Date": "2013-11-20T08:50:49.372245+01:00", "Title": "Job Interview", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/job_interview.png", "Alt": "When you talk about the job experience you'll give me, why do you pronounce 'job' with a long 'o'?" }, { "id": 1294, "Date": "2013-11-22T08:50:49.5213542+01:00", "Title": "Telescope Names", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/telescope_names.png", "Alt": "The Thirty Meter Telescope will be renamed The Flesh-Searing Eye on the Volcano." }, { "id": 1295, "Date": "2013-11-25T08:50:49.7681108+01:00", "Title": "New Study", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/new_study.png", "Alt": "When the results are published, no one will be sure whether to report on them again." }, { "id": 1296, "Date": "2013-11-27T08:50:49.9316499+01:00", "Title": "Git Commit", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/git_commit.png", "Alt": "Merge branch 'asdfasjkfdlas/alkdjf' into sdkjfls-final" }, { "id": 1297, "Date": "2013-11-29T08:50:50.0763858+01:00", "Title": "Oort Cloud", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/oort_cloud.png", "Alt": "... I wanna try. Hang on, be right back." }, { "id": 1298, "Date": "2013-12-02T08:50:50.3138543+01:00", "Title": "Exoplanet Neighborhood", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/exoplanet_neighborhood.png", "Alt": "It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood!" }, { "id": 1299, "Date": "2013-12-04T08:50:50.4776142+01:00", "Title": "I Don't Own a TV", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/i_dont_own_a_tv.png", "Alt": "Theory: Smugness is proportional to the negative second derivative of TV ownership rate with respect to time." }, { "id": 1300, "Date": "2013-12-06T08:50:50.6352119+01:00", "Title": "Galilean Moons", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/galilean_moons.png", "Alt": "I'm SO glad I escaped. They almost had me caught in their weird ... thing." }, { "id": 1301, "Date": "2013-12-09T08:50:50.8742283+01:00", "Title": "File Extensions", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/file_extensions.png", "Alt": "I have never been lied to by data in a .txt file which has been hand-aligned." }, { "id": 1302, "Date": "2013-12-11T08:50:51.0403669+01:00", "Title": "Year in Review", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/year_in_review.png", "Alt": "All in all, I give this year a C-. There were no aurora visible from my house and that comet evaporated. They'd better not cancel the 2017 eclipse." }, { "id": 1303, "Date": "2013-12-13T08:50:51.19185+01:00", "Title": "Profile Info", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/profile_info.png", "Alt": "It's ok, they'll always let you opt out! Like they did with the YouTube real name profile thing." }, { "id": 1304, "Date": "2013-12-16T08:50:51.4434585+01:00", "Title": "Glass Trolling", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/glass_trolling.png", "Alt": "Plus, when someone finally grabs your glasses and stomps on them, it costs way less than $1,500 to replace them." }, { "id": 1305, "Date": "2013-12-18T08:50:51.5927809+01:00", "Title": "Undocumented Feature", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/undocumented_feature.png", "Alt": "And it doesn't pop up a box every time asking you to use your real name. In fact, there's no way to set your name at all. You just have to keep reminding people who you are." }, { "id": 1306, "Date": "2013-12-20T08:50:51.7495158+01:00", "Title": "Sigil Cycle", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sigil_cycle.png", "Alt": "The cycle seems to be 'we need these symbols to clarify what types of things we're referring to!' followed by 'wait, it turns out words already do that.'" }, { "id": 1307, "Date": "2013-12-23T08:50:51.9852355+01:00", "Title": "Buzzfeed Christmas", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/buzzfeed_christmas.png", "Alt": "The 6 Weirdest Objects The Buzzfeed Writers Are Throwing Out Their Windows At Us" }, { "id": 1308, "Date": "2013-12-25T08:50:52.1368806+01:00", "Title": "Christmas Lights", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/christmas_lights.png", "Alt": "Merry Christmas from xkcd!" }, { "id": 1309, "Date": "2013-12-27T08:50:52.2986623+01:00", "Title": "Infinite Scrolling", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/infinite_scrolling.png", "Alt": "Maybe we should give up on the whole idea of a 'back' button. 'Show me that thing I was looking at a moment ago' might just be too complicated an idea for the modern web." }, { "id": 1310, "Date": "2013-12-30T08:50:52.5446118+01:00", "Title": "Goldbach Conjectures", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/goldbach_conjectures.png", "Alt": "The weak twin primes conjecture states that there are infinitely many pairs of primes. The strong twin primes conjecture states that every prime p has a twin prime (p+2), although (p+2) may not look prime at first. The tautological prime conjecture states that the tautological prime conjecture is true." }, { "id": 1311, "Date": "2014-01-01T08:50:52.7765454+01:00", "Title": "2014", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/2014.png", "Alt": "Some future reader, who may see the term, without knowing the history of it, may imagine that it had reference to some antiquated bridge of the immortal Poet, thrown across the silver Avon, to facilitate his escape after some marauding excursion in a neighbouring park; and in some Gentleman's Magazine of the next century, it is not impossible, but that future antiquaries may occupy page after page in discussing so interesting a matter. We think it right, therefore, to put it on record in the Oriental Herald that the 'Shakesperian Rope Bridges' are of much less classic origin; that Mr Colin Shakespear, who, besides his dignity as Postmaster, now signs himself 'Superintendent General of Shakesperian Rope Bridges', is a person of much less genius than the Bard of Avon. --The Oriental Herald, 1825" }, { "id": 1312, "Date": "2014-01-03T08:50:52.9193945+01:00", "Title": "Haskell", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/haskell.png", "Alt": "The problem with Haskell is that it's a language built on lazy evaluation and nobody's actually called for it." }, { "id": 1313, "Date": "2014-01-06T08:50:53.0758939+01:00", "Title": "Regex Golf", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/regex_golf.png", "Alt": "/bu|[rn]t|[coy]e|[mtg]a|j|iso|n[hl]|[ae]d|lev|sh|[lnd]i|[po]o|ls/ matches the last names of elected US presidents but not their opponents." }, { "id": 1314, "Date": "2014-01-08T08:50:53.3122171+01:00", "Title": "Photos", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/photos.png", "Alt": "I hate when people take photos of their meal instead of eating it, because there's nothing I love more than the sound of other people chewing." }, { "id": 1315, "Date": "2014-01-10T08:50:53.4758631+01:00", "Title": "Questions for God", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/questions_for_god.png", "Alt": "What sins could possibly darken the heart of a STEAMBOAT? I asked The Shadow, but he says he only covers men." }, { "id": 1316, "Date": "2014-01-13T08:50:53.9267333+01:00", "Title": "Inexplicable", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/inexplicable.png", "Alt": "'It has a ghost in it. Take it back.' 'No.'" }, { "id": 1317, "Date": "2014-01-15T08:50:54.1631297+01:00", "Title": "Theft", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/theft.png", "Alt": "Is he ALSO wondering at what point our thoughts diverged, if they even have yet? 'dude, I think he just took your credit card' AM I THE ORIGINAL? HOW DO I TELL?" }, { "id": 1318, "Date": "2014-01-17T08:50:54.3168699+01:00", "Title": "Actually", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/actually.png", "Alt": "Protip: You can win every exchange just by being one level more precise than whoever talked last. Eventually, you'll defeat all conversational opponents and stand alone." }, { "id": 1319, "Date": "2014-01-20T08:50:54.5546023+01:00", "Title": "Automation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/automation.png", "Alt": "'Automating' comes from the roots 'auto-' meaning 'self-', and 'mating', meaning 'screwing'." }, { "id": 1320, "Date": "2014-01-22T08:50:54.7938771+01:00", "Title": "Walmart", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/walmart.png", "Alt": "What I really want is to hang out where I hung out with my friends in college, but have all my older relatives there too." }, { "id": 1321, "Date": "2014-01-24T08:50:54.9464817+01:00", "Title": "Cold", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cold.png", "Alt": "'You see the same pattern all over. Take Detroit--' 'Hold on. Why do you know all these statistics offhand?' 'Oh, um, no idea. I definitely spend my evenings hanging out with friends, and not curating a REALLY NEAT database of temperature statistics. Because, pshh, who would want to do that, right? Also, snowfall records.'" }, { "id": 1322, "Date": "2014-01-27T08:50:55.1039161+01:00", "Title": "Winter", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/winter.png", "Alt": "Stay warm, little flappers, and find lots of plant eggs!" }, { "id": 1323, "Date": "2014-01-29T08:50:55.3425623+01:00", "Title": "Protocol", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/protocol.png", "Alt": "Changing the names would be easier, but if you're not comfortable lying, try only making friends with people named Alice, Bob, Carol, etc." }, { "id": 1324, "Date": "2014-01-31T08:50:55.4963132+01:00", "Title": "Weather", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/weather.png", "Alt": "At least if you're really into, like, Turkish archaeology, store clerks aren't like 'hey, how 'bout those Derinkuyu underground cities!' when they're trying to be polite." }, { "id": 1325, "Date": "2014-02-03T08:50:55.6494107+01:00", "Title": "Rejection", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rejection.png", "Alt": "Perhaps you need a crash course in taking hints. Here's your first lesson: We're not actually walking somewhere together; I'm trying to leave this conversation and you're following me." }, { "id": 1326, "Date": "2014-02-05T08:50:55.8822681+01:00", "Title": "Sharks", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sharks.png", "Alt": "'Now, minions, I'm off to inspect our shark cages.' 'Do you really need to inspect them this often?' 'PRISONERS MUST NEVER ESCAPE.'" }, { "id": 1327, "Date": "2014-02-07T08:50:56.0322964+01:00", "Title": "Mobile Marketing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mobile_marketing.png", "Alt": "We're firing you, but the online headline-writing division wants to hire you." }, { "id": 1328, "Date": "2014-02-10T08:50:56.2684957+01:00", "Title": "Update", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/update.png", "Alt": "I have a bunch of things open right now." }, { "id": 1329, "Date": "2014-02-12T08:50:56.4999229+01:00", "Title": "Standing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/standing.png", "Alt": "At first I was making fun of them, but joke's on me--the deer is surprisingly ergonomic, except for the kicks." }, { "id": 1330, "Date": "2014-02-14T08:50:56.7321785+01:00", "Title": "Kola Borehole", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/kola_borehole.png", "Alt": "Tonight's top story: Lucifer, the Prince of Darkness, died in his home this morning at the age of [unintelligible rune]. Due to the large number of sharks inhabiting his former kingdom, no body could be recovered." }, { "id": 1331, "Date": "2014-02-17T08:50:57.0759599+01:00", "Title": "Frequency", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/frequency.png", "Alt": "This comic shows estimated average frequency. I wanted to include the pitch drop experiment, but it turns out the gif format has some issues with decade-long loops." }, { "id": 1332, "Date": "2014-02-19T08:50:57.3160067+01:00", "Title": "Slippery Slope", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/slippery_slope.png", "Alt": "Sure, taking a few seconds to be respectful toward someone about something they care about doesn't sound hard. But if you talk to hundreds of people every day and they all start expecting that same consideration, it could potentially add up to MINUTES wasted. And for WHAT?" }, { "id": 1333, "Date": "2014-02-21T08:50:57.4753794+01:00", "Title": "First Date", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/first_date.png", "Alt": "I sympathize with the TPP protagonist because I, too, have progressed through a surprising number of stages of life despite spending entire days stuck against simple obstacles." }, { "id": 1334, "Date": "2014-02-24T08:50:57.6291107+01:00", "Title": "Second", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/second.png", "Alt": "Let me just scroll down and check behind that rock. Annnnd ... nope, page copyright year starts with '19'. Oh God, is this a WEBRING?" }, { "id": 1335, "Date": "2014-02-26T08:50:57.7822166+01:00", "Title": "Now", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/now.png", "Alt": "This image stays roughly in sync with the day (assuming the Earth continues spinning). Shortcut: xkcd.com/now" }, { "id": 1336, "Date": "2014-02-28T08:50:58.0191438+01:00", "Title": "Transformers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/transformers.png", "Alt": "A helicopter bursts from a chrysalis and alights on a rock, rotors still damp." }, { "id": 1337, "Date": "2014-03-03T08:50:58.1696232+01:00", "Title": "Hack", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hack.png", "Alt": "HACK THE STARS" }, { "id": 1338, "Date": "2014-03-05T08:50:58.4094345+01:00", "Title": "Land Mammals", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/land_mammals.png", "Alt": "Bacteria still outweigh us thousands to one--and that's not even counting the several pounds of them in your body." }, { "id": 1339, "Date": "2014-03-07T08:50:58.6429062+01:00", "Title": "When You Assume", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/when_you_assume.png", "Alt": "You know what happens when you assert--you make an ass out of the emergency response team." }, { "id": 1340, "Date": "2014-03-10T08:50:58.8765329+01:00", "Title": "Unique Date", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/unique_date.png", "Alt": "If our current civilization lasts another 8,000 years, it's probably fair to assume the Long Now Foundation got things right, and at some point we started listening to them and switched to five-digit years." }, { "id": 1341, "Date": "2014-03-12T08:50:59.0269911+01:00", "Title": "Types of Editors", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/types_of_editors.png", "Alt": "m-x machineofdeath-mode" }, { "id": 1342, "Date": "2014-03-14T08:50:59.2320241+01:00", "Title": "Ancient Stars", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ancient_stars.png", "Alt": "'The light from those millions of stars you see is probably many thousands of years old' is a rare example of laypeople substantially OVERestimating astronomical numbers." }, { "id": 1343, "Date": "2014-03-17T08:50:59.3818213+01:00", "Title": "Manuals", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/manuals.png", "Alt": "The most ridiculous offender of all is the sudoers man page, which for 15 years has started with a 'quick guide' to EBNF, a system for defining the grammar of a language. 'Don't despair', it says, 'the definitions below are annotated.'" }, { "id": 1344, "Date": "2014-03-19T08:50:59.5379384+01:00", "Title": "Digits", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/digits.png", "Alt": "It's taken me 20 years to get over skyline tetris." }, { "id": 1345, "Date": "2014-03-21T08:50:59.6931525+01:00", "Title": "Answers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/answers.png", "Alt": "Stanford sleep researcher William Dement said that after 50 years of studying sleep, the only really solid explanation he knows for why we do it is 'because we get sleepy'." }, { "id": 1346, "Date": "2014-03-24T08:50:59.8479134+01:00", "Title": "Career", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/career.png", "Alt": "They'd convince me to come out of retirement for one last job: biting into a giant lump of slightly soft wax a couple of times." }, { "id": 1347, "Date": "2014-03-26T08:51:00.0887127+01:00", "Title": "t Distribution", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/t_distribution.png", "Alt": "If data fails the Teacher's t test, you can just force it to take the test again until it passes." }, { "id": 1348, "Date": "2014-03-28T08:51:00.2349798+01:00", "Title": "Before the Internet", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/before_the_internet.png", "Alt": "We watched DAYTIME TV. Do you realize how soul-crushing it was? I'd rather eat an iPad than go back to watching daytime TV." }, { "id": 1349, "Date": "2014-03-31T08:51:00.3959543+02:00", "Title": "Shouldn't Be Hard", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/shouldnt_be_hard.png", "Alt": "(six hours later) ARGH. How are these stupid microchips so durable?! All I want is to undo a massive industrial process with household tools!" }, { "id": 1350, "Date": "2014-04-01T08:51:00.5506704+02:00", "Title": "Lorenz", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/shouldnt_be_hard.png", "Alt": "Every choice, no matter how small, begins a new story." }, { "id": 1351, "Date": "2014-04-04T08:51:00.7853601+02:00", "Title": "Metamaterials", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/metamaterials.png", "Alt": "If I developed a hue-shifting metamaterial, I would photobomb people's Instagram pics with a sheet of material that precisely undid the filter they were using." }, { "id": 1352, "Date": "2014-04-07T08:51:00.9362756+02:00", "Title": "Cosmologist on a Tire Swing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cosmologist_on_a_tire_swing.png", "Alt": "No matter how fast I swing, I can never travel outside this loop! Maybe space outside it doesn't exist! But I bet it does. This tire came from somewhere." }, { "id": 1353, "Date": "2014-04-09T08:51:01.091596+02:00", "Title": "Heartbleed", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/heartbleed.png", "Alt": "I looked at some of the data dumps from vulnerable sites, and it was ... bad. I saw emails, passwords, password hints. SSL keys and session cookies. Important servers brimming with visitor IPs. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion, c-beams glittering in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. I should probably patch OpenSSL." }, { "id": 1354, "Date": "2014-04-11T08:51:01.2470559+02:00", "Title": "Heartbleed Explanation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/heartbleed_explanation.png", "Alt": "Are you still there, server? It's me, Margaret." }, { "id": 1355, "Date": "2014-04-14T08:51:01.4742054+02:00", "Title": "Airplane Message", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/airplane_message.png", "Alt": "PHARAOH IRY-HOR, FROM THE 3100s BC, IS THE FIRST HUMAN WHOSE NAME WE KNOW." }, { "id": 1356, "Date": "2014-04-16T08:51:01.7115572+02:00", "Title": "Orbital Mechanics", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/orbital_mechanics.png", "Alt": "To be fair, my job at NASA was working on robots and didn't actually involve any orbital mechanics. The small positive slope over that period is because it turns out that if you hang around at NASA, you get in a lot of conversations about space." }, { "id": 1357, "Date": "2014-04-18T08:51:01.8584133+02:00", "Title": "Free Speech", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/free_speech.png", "Alt": "I can't remember where I heard this, but someone once said that defending a position by citing free speech is sort of the ultimate concession; you're saying that the most compelling thing you can say for your position is that it's not literally illegal to express." }, { "id": 1358, "Date": "2014-04-21T08:51:02.0150423+02:00", "Title": "NRO", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/nro.png", "Alt": "'DISPATCHING DRONE TO TARGET COORDINATES.' 'Wait, crap, wrong button. Oh jeez.'" }, { "id": 1359, "Date": "2014-04-23T08:51:02.2494685+02:00", "Title": "Phone Alarm", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/phone_alarm.png", "Alt": "Who's calling me?? WHY IS THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD CALLING ME!?" }, { "id": 1360, "Date": "2014-04-25T08:51:02.4847858+02:00", "Title": "Old Files", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/old_files.png", "Alt": "Wow, ANIMORPHS-NOVEL.RTF? Just gonna, uh, go through and delete that from all my archives real quick." }, { "id": 1361, "Date": "2014-04-28T08:51:02.7176133+02:00", "Title": "Google Announcement", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/google_announcement.png", "Alt": "The less popular 8.8.4.4 is slated for discontinuation." }, { "id": 1362, "Date": "2014-04-30T08:51:02.8657669+02:00", "Title": "Morse Code", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/morse_code.png", "Alt": "Oh, because Facebook has worked out SO WELL for everyone." }, { "id": 1363, "Date": "2014-05-02T08:51:03.1036141+02:00", "Title": "xkcd Phone", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/xkcd_phone.png", "Alt": "Presented in partnership with Qualcomm, Craigslist, Whirlpool, Hostess, LifeStyles, and the US Chamber of Commerce. Manufactured on equipment which also processes peanuts. Price includes 2-year Knicks contract. Phone may extinguish nearby birthday candles. If phone ships with Siri, return immediately; do not speak to her and ignore any instructions she gives. Do not remove lead casing. Phone may attract/trap insects; this is normal. Volume adjustable (requires root). If you experience sudden tingling, nausea, or vomiting, perform a factory reset immediately. Do not submerge in water; phone will drown. Exterior may be frictionless. Prolonged use can cause mood swings, short-term memory loss, and seizures. Avert eyes while replacing battery. Under certain circumstances, wireless transmitter may control God." }, { "id": 1364, "Date": "2014-05-05T08:51:03.3348181+02:00", "Title": "Like I'm Five", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/like_im_five.png", "Alt": "'Am I taking care of you? I have a thesis to write!' 'My parents are at their house; you visited last--' 'No, no, explain like you're five.'" }, { "id": 1365, "Date": "2014-05-07T08:51:03.590322+02:00", "Title": "Inflation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/inflation.png", "Alt": "Wait till they notice the faint reflection of Michael Jordan and Bugs Bunny in the E-mode." }, { "id": 1366, "Date": "2014-05-09T08:51:03.732232+02:00", "Title": "Train", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/train.png", "Alt": "Trains rotate the Earth around various axes while elevators shift its position in space." }, { "id": 1367, "Date": "2014-05-12T08:51:03.9718713+02:00", "Title": "Installing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/installing.png", "Alt": "But still, my scheme for creating and saving user config files and data locally to preserve them across reinstalls might be useful for--wait, that's cookies." }, { "id": 1368, "Date": "2014-05-14T08:51:04.1265228+02:00", "Title": "One Of The", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/one_of_the.png", "Alt": "'The world's greatest [whatever]' is subjective, but 'One of the world's greatest [whatever]s' is clearly objective. Anyway, that's why I got you this 'one of the world's greatest moms' mug!" }, { "id": 1369, "Date": "2014-05-16T08:51:04.2809086+02:00", "Title": "TMI", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tmi.png", "Alt": "'TMI' he whispered, gazing into the sea." }, { "id": 1370, "Date": "2014-05-19T08:51:04.4375802+02:00", "Title": "President", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/president.png", "Alt": "Anyone who thinks we're all going to spend the 2032 elections poring over rambling blog posts by teenagers has never tried to read a rambling blog post by a teenager." }, { "id": 1371, "Date": "2014-05-21T08:51:04.6741264+02:00", "Title": "Brightness", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/brightness.png", "Alt": "Recently, some exoplanet astronomers have managed to use careful analysis of reflected light to discover Earth during the day." }, { "id": 1372, "Date": "2014-05-23T08:51:04.8293694+02:00", "Title": "Smartwatches", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/smartwatches.png", "Alt": "This is even better than my previous smartphone casemod: an old Western Electric Model 2500 desk phone handset complete with a frayed, torn-off cord dangling from it." }, { "id": 1373, "Date": "2014-05-26T08:51:04.9864135+02:00", "Title": "Screenshot", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/screenshot.png", "Alt": "I'M PLUGGING IN MY PHONE BUT THE BATTERY ON THE SCREEN ISN'T CHARGING" }, { "id": 1374, "Date": "2014-05-28T08:51:05.1398936+02:00", "Title": "Urn", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/urn.png", "Alt": "Can this PLEASE be drawing with replacement?" }, { "id": 1375, "Date": "2014-05-30T08:51:05.2962295+02:00", "Title": "Astronaut Vandalism", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/astronaut_vandalism.png", "Alt": "That night, retired USAF pilots covertly replaced the '62' with '50'." }, { "id": 1376, "Date": "2014-06-02T08:51:05.5337328+02:00", "Title": "Jump", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/jump.png", "Alt": "Or that I'm at least following the curve of the Earth around to land ..." }, { "id": 1377, "Date": "2014-06-04T08:51:05.7674023+02:00", "Title": "Fish", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fish.png", "Alt": "[Astronomer peers into telescope] [Jaws theme begins playing]" }, { "id": 1378, "Date": "2014-06-06T08:51:05.9182017+02:00", "Title": "Turbine", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/turbine.png", "Alt": "Ok, plan B: Fly a kite into the blades, with a rock in a sling dangling below it, and create the world's largest trebuchet." }, { "id": 1379, "Date": "2014-06-09T08:51:06.1529083+02:00", "Title": "4.5 Degrees", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/4_5_degrees.png", "Alt": "The good news is that according to the latest IPCC report, if we enact aggressive emissions limits now, we could hold the warming to 2°C. That's only HALF an ice age unit, which is probably no big deal." }, { "id": 1380, "Date": "2014-06-11T08:51:06.3871683+02:00", "Title": "Manual for Civilization", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/manual_for_civilization.png", "Alt": "We will have an entire wing of the library devoted to copies of book #26, because ohmygod it's the one where Jake and Cassie finally KISS!!!" }, { "id": 1381, "Date": "2014-06-13T08:51:06.5372693+02:00", "Title": "Margin", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/margin.png", "Alt": "PROTIP: You can get around the Shannon-Hartley limit by setting your font size to 0." }, { "id": 1382, "Date": "2014-06-16T08:51:06.7704385+02:00", "Title": "Rocket Packs", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rocket_packs.png", "Alt": "Every year: 'It's <year>--I want my jetpack [and also my free medical care covering all my jetpack-related injuries]!'" }, { "id": 1383, "Date": "2014-06-18T08:51:06.9242347+02:00", "Title": "Magic Words", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/magic_words.png", "Alt": "'And then whisper 'anapest' in my ear as you hold me?'" }, { "id": 1384, "Date": "2014-06-20T08:51:07.0760365+02:00", "Title": "Krypton", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/krypton.png", "Alt": "Their Sun and gravity will make you, uh, something, I guess. Out of earshot from Earth, mostly." }, { "id": 1385, "Date": "2014-06-23T08:51:07.3185264+02:00", "Title": "Throwing Rocks", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/throwing_rocks.png", "Alt": "::PLOOOOSH:: Looks like you won't be making it to Vinland today, Leaf Erikson." }, { "id": 1386, "Date": "2014-06-25T08:51:07.5801312+02:00", "Title": "People are Stupid", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/people_are_stupid.png", "Alt": "To everyone who responds to everything by saying they've 'lost their faith in humanity': Thanks--I'll let humanity know. I'm sure they'll be crushed." }, { "id": 1387, "Date": "2014-06-27T08:51:07.7488396+02:00", "Title": "Clumsy Foreshadowing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/clumsy_foreshadowing.png", "Alt": "'... hosts were unexpectedly fired from ABC's 'The View' today. ABC will likely announce new ...'" }, { "id": 1388, "Date": "2014-06-30T08:51:07.9121891+02:00", "Title": "Subduction License", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/subduction_license.png", "Alt": "'Dude, why can't you just be a normal roommate?' 'Because I'm coming TOWARD you!'" }, { "id": 1389, "Date": "2014-07-02T08:51:08.1527204+02:00", "Title": "Surface Area", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/surface_area.png", "Alt": "This isn't an informational illustration; this is a thing I think we should do. First, we'll need a gigantic spool of thread. Next, we'll need some kind of ... hmm, time to head to Seattle." }, { "id": 1390, "Date": "2014-07-04T08:51:08.3888785+02:00", "Title": "Research Ethics", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/research_ethics.png", "Alt": "I mean, it's not like we could just demand to see the code that's governing our lives. What right do we have to poke around in Facebook's private affairs like that?" }, { "id": 1391, "Date": "2014-07-07T08:51:08.5553305+02:00", "Title": "Darkness", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/darkness.png", "Alt": "This was actually wish #406. Wish #2 was for him to lose the ability to remember that each new wish wasn't my first." }, { "id": 1392, "Date": "2014-07-09T08:51:08.7892059+02:00", "Title": "Dominant Players", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dominant_players.png", "Alt": "When Vera Menchik entered a 1929 tournament, a male competitor mocked her by suggesting that a special 'Vera Menchik Club' would be created for any player who lost to her. When the tournament began, he promptly became the first member of said club, and over the years it accumulated a large and illustrious roster." }, { "id": 1393, "Date": "2014-07-11T08:51:08.9331892+02:00", "Title": "Timeghost", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/timeghost.png", "Alt": "'Hello, Ghostbusters?' 'ooOOoooo people born years after that movie came out are having a second chiiiild right now ooOoooOoo'" }, { "id": 1394, "Date": "2014-07-14T08:51:09.0947452+02:00", "Title": "Superm*n", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/superm_n.png", "Alt": "See also: Spider-Man reboot in which he can produce several inches of web, doesn't need as much chalk powder on his hands when he goes rock climbing, and occasionally feels vaguely uneasy about situations." }, { "id": 1395, "Date": "2014-07-16T08:51:09.2561952+02:00", "Title": "Power Cord", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/power_cord.png", "Alt": "In this situation, gzip /dev/inside to deflate, then pipe the compressed air to /dev/input to clean your keyboard. Avert your eyes when you do." }, { "id": 1396, "Date": "2014-07-18T08:51:09.4024863+02:00", "Title": "Actors", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/actors.png", "Alt": "Once again topping the list of tonight's hottest rising stars in Hollywood is ξ Persei!" }, { "id": 1397, "Date": "2014-07-21T08:51:09.6370226+02:00", "Title": "Luke", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/luke.png", "Alt": "Don't turn it on." }, { "id": 1398, "Date": "2014-07-23T08:51:09.8713736+02:00", "Title": "Snake Facts", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/snake_facts.png", "Alt": "Biologically speaking, what we call a 'snake' is actually a human digestive tract which has escaped from its host." }, { "id": 1399, "Date": "2014-07-25T08:51:10.0306715+02:00", "Title": "Chaos", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/chaos.png", "Alt": "Although the oral exam for the doctorate was just 'can you do that weird laugh?'" }, { "id": 1400, "Date": "2014-07-28T08:51:10.2728338+02:00", "Title": "D.B. Cooper", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/d_b_cooper.png", "Alt": "'Why on Earth would someone commit air piracy just to finance a terrible movie decades later?' 'People are very strange these days.'" }, { "id": 1401, "Date": "2014-07-30T08:51:10.5074614+02:00", "Title": "New", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/new.png", "Alt": "The nice thing about headcannnons is that it's really easy to get other people to believe in them." }, { "id": 1402, "Date": "2014-08-01T08:51:10.655324+02:00", "Title": "Harpoons", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/harpoons.png", "Alt": "To motivate it to fire its harpoons hard enough, Rosetta's Philae lander has been programmed to believe it is trying to kill the comet." }, { "id": 1403, "Date": "2014-08-04T08:51:10.8925439+02:00", "Title": "Thesis Defense", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/thesis_defense.png", "Alt": "MY RESULTS ARE A SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT ON THE STATE OF THE AAAAAAAAAAAART" }, { "id": 1404, "Date": "2014-08-06T08:51:11.0444591+02:00", "Title": "Quantum Vacuum Virtual Plasma", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/quantum_vacuum_virtual_plasma.png", "Alt": "I don't understand the things you do, and you therefore may represent an interaction with the quantum vacuum virtual plasma." }, { "id": 1405, "Date": "2014-08-08T08:51:11.2046207+02:00", "Title": "Meteor", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/meteor.png", "Alt": "No, only LAVA is called 'magma' while underground. Any other object underground is called 'lava'." }, { "id": 1406, "Date": "2014-08-11T08:51:11.3819297+02:00", "Title": "Universal Converter Box", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/universal_converter_box.png", "Alt": "Comes with a 50-lb sack of gender changers, and also an add-on device with a voltage selector and a zillion circular center pin DC adapter tips so you can power any of those devices from the 90s." }, { "id": 1407, "Date": "2014-08-13T08:51:11.6375547+02:00", "Title": "Worst Hurricane", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/worst_hurricane.png", "Alt": "'Finding a 105-year-old who's lived in each location and asking them which hurricane they think was the worst' is left as an exercise for the reader." }, { "id": 1408, "Date": "2014-08-15T08:51:11.8410136+02:00", "Title": "March of the Penguins", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/march_of_the_penguins.png", "Alt": "You ARE getting older, though." }, { "id": 1409, "Date": "2014-08-18T08:51:12.0747264+02:00", "Title": "Query", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/query.png", "Alt": "SELECT * FROM GHOSTS" }, { "id": 1410, "Date": "2014-08-20T08:51:12.2208753+02:00", "Title": "California", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/california.png", "Alt": "58% of the state has gone into plaid." }, { "id": 1411, "Date": "2014-08-22T08:51:12.3790169+02:00", "Title": "Loop", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/loop.png", "Alt": "Ugh, today's kids are forgetting the old-fashioned art of absentmindedly reading the same half-page of a book over and over and then letting your attention wander and picking up another book." }, { "id": 1412, "Date": "2014-08-25T08:51:12.5315506+02:00", "Title": "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/teenage_mutant_ninja_turtles.png", "Alt": "My upcoming album, 'Linked List', has covers of 'The Purple People Eater', the Ninja Turtles theme, 'Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini', and the Power Rangers theme, with every song played to the tune of the next." }, { "id": 1413, "Date": "2014-08-27T08:51:12.690522+02:00", "Title": "Suddenly Popular", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/suddenly_popular.png", "Alt": "Are Your Teens Practicing Amplexus? Learn These Six Telltale Signs!" }, { "id": 1414, "Date": "2014-08-29T08:51:12.9320138+02:00", "Title": "Writing Skills", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/writing_skills.png", "Alt": "I'd like to find a corpus of writing from children in a non-self-selected sample (e.g. handwritten letters to the president from everyone in the same teacher's 7th grade class every year)--and score the kids today versus the kids 20 years ago on various objective measures of writing quality. I've heard the idea that exposure to all this amateur peer practice is hurting us, but I'd bet on the generation that conducts the bulk of their social lives via the written word over the generation that occasionally wrote book reports and letters to grandma once a year, any day." }, { "id": 1415, "Date": "2014-09-01T08:51:13.1612658+02:00", "Title": "Ballooning", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ballooning.png", "Alt": "Time to dance in front of Mary Jane! If I'm lucky, she'll turn out not to practice pre-copulatory sexual cannibalism!" }, { "id": 1416, "Date": "2014-09-03T08:51:13.3109452+02:00", "Title": "Pixels", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pixels.png", "Alt": "It's turtles all the way down." }, { "id": 1417, "Date": "2014-09-05T08:51:13.4671297+02:00", "Title": "Seven", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/seven.png", "Alt": "The days of the week are Monday, Arctic, Wellesley, Green, Electra, Synergize, and the Seventh Seal." }, { "id": 1418, "Date": "2014-09-08T08:51:13.7022836+02:00", "Title": "Horse", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/horse.png", "Alt": "Officer suspended from horse." }, { "id": 1419, "Date": "2014-09-10T08:51:13.9525483+02:00", "Title": "On the Phone", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/on_the_phone.png", "Alt": "'No idea what I was thinking! Haha! But anyway, maybe we should check out what this Ba'al guy has to say.'" }, { "id": 1420, "Date": "2014-09-12T08:51:14.1159513+02:00", "Title": "Watches", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/watches.png", "Alt": "Old people used to write obnoxious thinkpieces about how people these days always wear watches and are slaves to the clock, but now they've switched to writing thinkpieces about how kids these days don't appreciate the benefits of an old-fashioned watch. My position is: The word 'thinkpiece' sounds like a word made up by someone who didn't know about the word 'brain'." }, { "id": 1421, "Date": "2014-09-15T08:51:14.2722454+02:00", "Title": "Future Self", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/future_self.png", "Alt": "Maybe I haven't been to Iceland because I'm busy dealing with YOUR crummy code." }, { "id": 1422, "Date": "2014-09-17T08:51:14.5093253+02:00", "Title": "My Phone is Dying", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/my_phone_is_dying.png", "Alt": "When it explodes, it will cast off its outer layers, leaving behind nothing but a slowly fading PalmPilot, calculator, or two-way pager." }, { "id": 1423, "Date": "2014-09-19T08:51:14.6588856+02:00", "Title": "Conversation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/conversation.png", "Alt": "Later, at home: 'Dear diary: Still can't figure out what to write here ...'" }, { "id": 1424, "Date": "2014-09-22T08:51:14.8950125+02:00", "Title": "En Garde", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/en_garde.png", "Alt": "'Touch!' 'Nope, I sighed and stared at you with resignation, so I regained emotional right-of-way.'" }, { "id": 1425, "Date": "2014-09-24T08:51:15.0426675+02:00", "Title": "Tasks", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tasks.png", "Alt": "In the 60s, Marvin Minsky assigned a couple of undergrads to spend the summer programming a computer to use a camera to identify objects in a scene. He figured they'd have the problem solved by the end of the summer. Half a century later, we're still working on it." }, { "id": 1426, "Date": "2014-09-26T08:51:15.2669743+02:00", "Title": "Reduce Your Payments", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/reduce_your_payments.png", "Alt": "I tried oxidizing them, but your bank uses some really weird paper and it wouldn't light." }, { "id": 1427, "Date": "2014-09-29T08:51:15.5071633+02:00", "Title": "iOS Keyboard", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ios_keyboard.png", "Alt": "More actual results: 'Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You [are the best. The best thing ever]', 'Revenge is a dish best served [by a group of people in my room]', and 'They may take our lives, but they'll never take our [money].'" }, { "id": 1428, "Date": "2014-10-01T08:51:15.7498818+02:00", "Title": "Move Fast and Break Things", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/move_fast_and_break_things.png", "Alt": "I was almost fired from a job driving the hearse in funeral processions, but then the funeral home realized how much business I was creating for them." }, { "id": 1429, "Date": "2014-10-03T08:51:15.9179683+02:00", "Title": "Data", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/data.png", "Alt": "If you want to have more fun at the expense of language pedants, try developing an hypercorrection habit." }, { "id": 1430, "Date": "2014-10-06T08:51:16.3647878+02:00", "Title": "Proteins", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/proteins.png", "Alt": "Check it out--when I tug the C-terminal tail, the binding tunnel squeezes!" }, { "id": 1431, "Date": "2014-10-08T08:51:16.5198505+02:00", "Title": "Marriage", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/marriage.png", "Alt": "People often say that same-sex marriage now is like interracial marriage in the 60s. But in terms of public opinion, same-sex marriage now is like interracial marriage in the 90s, when it had already been legal nationwide for 30 years." }, { "id": 1432, "Date": "2014-10-10T08:51:16.758961+02:00", "Title": "The Sake of Argument", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_sake_of_argument.png", "Alt": "'It's not actually ... it's a DEVICE for EXPLORING a PLAUSIBLE REALITY that's not the one we're in, to gain a broader understanding about it.' 'oh, like a boat!' '...' 'Just for the sake of argument, we should get a boat! You can invite the Devil, too, if you want.'" }, { "id": 1433, "Date": "2014-10-13T08:51:16.9986604+02:00", "Title": "Lightsaber", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/lightsaber.png", "Alt": "A long time in the future, in a galaxy far, far, away, astronomers in the year 2008 sight an unusual gamma-ray burst originating from somewhere far across the universe." }, { "id": 1434, "Date": "2014-10-15T08:51:17.2425982+02:00", "Title": "Where Do Birds Go", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/where_do_birds_go.png", "Alt": "Water/ice has a lot of weird phases. Maybe asking 'where do birds go when it rains' is like asking 'where does Clark Kent go whenever Superman shows up?'" }, { "id": 1435, "Date": "2014-10-17T08:51:17.3846341+02:00", "Title": "Presidential Alert", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/presidential_alert.png", "Alt": "When putting his kids to bed, after saying 'Goodnight', Obama has to stop himself from saying 'God bless you, and God bless the United States of America.'" }, { "id": 1436, "Date": "2014-10-20T08:51:17.6223085+02:00", "Title": "Orb Hammer", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/orb_hammer.png", "Alt": "Ok, but make sure to get lots of pieces of rock, because later we'll decide to stay in a room on our regular orb and watch hammers hold themselves and hit rocks for us, and they won't bring us very many rocks." }, { "id": 1437, "Date": "2014-10-22T08:51:17.8570979+02:00", "Title": "Higgs Boson", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/higgs_boson.png", "Alt": "'Can't you just use the LHC you already built to find it again?' 'We MAY have disassembled it to build a death ray.' 'Just one, though.' 'Nothing you should worry about.' 'The death isn't even very serious.'" }, { "id": 1438, "Date": "2014-10-24T08:51:18.085732+02:00", "Title": "Houston", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/houston.png", "Alt": "'Oh, hey Mom. No, nothing important, just at work.'" }, { "id": 1439, "Date": "2014-10-27T08:51:18.3198637+01:00", "Title": "Rack Unit", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rack_unit.png", "Alt": "There's also nothing in the TOSes that says you can't let a dog play baseball in the server room!" }, { "id": 1440, "Date": "2014-10-29T08:51:18.5523195+01:00", "Title": "Geese", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/geese.png", "Alt": "Anyway, that's a common misconception. Geese live for a long time; all the ones we can see will probably keep flying around for billions of years before they explode." }, { "id": 1441, "Date": "2014-10-31T08:51:18.7056381+01:00", "Title": "Turnabout", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/turnabout.png", "Alt": "Whenever I miss a shot with a sci-fi weapon, I say 'Apollo retroreflector' really fast, just in case." }, { "id": 1442, "Date": "2014-11-03T08:51:18.8621444+01:00", "Title": "Chemistry", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/chemistry.png", "Alt": "These are all sans-serif compounds. Serif compounds are dramatically different and usually much more reactive." }, { "id": 1443, "Date": "2014-11-05T08:51:19.0184045+01:00", "Title": "Language Nerd", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/language_nerd.png", "Alt": "Not to go all sentence fragment on you." }, { "id": 1444, "Date": "2014-11-07T08:51:19.2554269+01:00", "Title": "Cloud", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cloud.png", "Alt": "Cloud computing has a ways to go." }, { "id": 1445, "Date": "2014-11-10T08:51:19.4091606+01:00", "Title": "Efficiency", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/efficiency.png", "Alt": "I need an extension for my research project because I spent all month trying to figure out whether learning Dvorak would help me type it faster." }, { "id": 1446, "Date": "2014-11-12T08:51:19.6388399+01:00", "Title": "Landing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/landing/awake.png", "Alt": "[LIVE]" }, { "id": 1447, "Date": "2014-11-14T08:51:19.7886058+01:00", "Title": "Meta-Analysis", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/meta-analysis.png", "Alt": "Life goal #29 is to get enough of them rejected that I can publish a comparative analysis of the rejection letters." }, { "id": 1448, "Date": "2014-11-17T08:51:19.9431049+01:00", "Title": "Question", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/question.png", "Alt": "The universe long dead, IsaAC surveyed the formless chaos. At last, he had arrived at an answer. 'I like you,' he declared to the void, 'but I don't LIKE like you.'" }, { "id": 1449, "Date": "2014-11-19T08:51:20.0937024+01:00", "Title": "Red Rover", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/red_rover.png", "Alt": "I just learned about the Slide Mountain Ocean, which I like because it's three nouns that sound like they can't possibly all refer to the same thing." }, { "id": 1450, "Date": "2014-11-21T08:51:20.2512552+01:00", "Title": "AI-Box Experiment", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ai_box_experiment.png", "Alt": "I'm working to bring about a superintelligent AI that will eternally torment everyone who failed to make fun of the Roko's Basilisk people." }, { "id": 1451, "Date": "2014-11-24T08:51:20.4058292+01:00", "Title": "Background Screens", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/background_screens.png", "Alt": "No way, we gotta rewind and cross-reference this map with the list of coordinates we saw on the other screen. This Greenland thing could be big." }, { "id": 1452, "Date": "2014-11-26T08:51:20.5603158+01:00", "Title": "Jurassic World", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/jurassic_world.png", "Alt": "Hey guys! What's eating you? Ha ha ha it's me! Oh, what fun we have." }, { "id": 1453, "Date": "2014-11-28T08:51:20.7142512+01:00", "Title": "fMRI", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fmri.png", "Alt": "They also showed activation in the parts of the brain associated with exposure to dubious study methodology, concern about unremoved piercings, and exasperation with fMRI techs who won't stop talking about Warped Tour." }, { "id": 1454, "Date": "2014-12-01T08:51:20.9533514+01:00", "Title": "Done", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/done.png", "Alt": "I'm sorry, but the author of this Facebook comment clearly believes you were." }, { "id": 1455, "Date": "2014-12-03T08:51:21.1040808+01:00", "Title": "Trolley Problem", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/trolley_problem.png", "Alt": "For $5 I promise not to orchestrate this situation, and for $25 I promise not to take further advantage of this ability to create incentives." }, { "id": 1456, "Date": "2014-12-05T08:51:21.2601069+01:00", "Title": "On the Moon", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/on_the_moon.png", "Alt": "\"I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on Venus and returning him safely to--\" [an aide frantically whispers in the president's ear for a moment] \"... of landing a man on Venus.\"" }, { "id": 1457, "Date": "2014-12-08T08:51:21.4153726+01:00", "Title": "Feedback", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/feedback.png", "Alt": "A new study finds that if you give rats a cell phone and a lever they can push to improve the signal, the rats will chew on the cell phone until it breaks and your research supervisors will start to ask some questions about your grant money." }, { "id": 1458, "Date": "2014-12-10T08:51:21.5691928+01:00", "Title": "Small Moon", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/small_moon.png", "Alt": "GENERAL JAN DODONNA: An analysis of the plans provided by Princess Leia has reinvigorated the arguments of the 'artificial moonlet' and 'rogue planet-station' camps. I fear this question is fracturing the Rebellion." }, { "id": 1459, "Date": "2014-12-12T08:51:21.806589+01:00", "Title": "Documents", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/documents.png", "Alt": "Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Copy of Untitled.doc" }, { "id": 1460, "Date": "2014-12-15T08:51:21.9559731+01:00", "Title": "SMFW", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/smfw.png", "Alt": "wtfw it's like smho tbfh, imdb." }, { "id": 1461, "Date": "2014-12-17T08:51:22.1948157+01:00", "Title": "Payloads", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/payloads.png", "Alt": "With a space elevator, a backyard full of solar panels could launch about 500 horses per year, and a large power plant could launch 10 horses per minute." }, { "id": 1462, "Date": "2014-12-19T08:51:22.4343935+01:00", "Title": "Blind Trials", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/blind_trials.png", "Alt": "Plus, you have to control for the fact that some people are into being blindfolded." }, { "id": 1463, "Date": "2014-12-22T08:51:22.5779712+01:00", "Title": "Altitude", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/altitude.png", "Alt": "\"TURN OFF THE LASER GUIDE STAR\" \"WHY\" \"STAR CATS\"" }, { "id": 1464, "Date": "2014-12-24T08:51:22.8161223+01:00", "Title": "Santa", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/santa.png", "Alt": "He probably just poops over the side of the sleigh." }, { "id": 1465, "Date": "2014-12-26T08:51:22.9726341+01:00", "Title": "xkcd Phone 2", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/xkcd_phone_2.png", "Alt": "Washable, though only once." }, { "id": 1466, "Date": "2014-12-29T08:51:23.1257641+01:00", "Title": "Phone Checking", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/phone_checking.png", "Alt": "'Where were you when you learned you'd won?' 'I was actually asleep; I woke up when I refreshed the webite and saw the news.'" }, { "id": 1467, "Date": "2014-12-31T08:51:23.3560288+01:00", "Title": "Email", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/email.png", "Alt": "My New Year's resolution for 2014-54-12/30/14 Dec:12:1420001642 is to learn these stupid time formatting strings." }, { "id": 1468, "Date": "2015-01-02T08:51:23.5466989+01:00", "Title": "Worrying", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/worrying.png", "Alt": "If the breaking news is about an event at a hospital or a lab, move it all the way over to the right." }, { "id": 1469, "Date": "2015-01-05T08:51:23.7984132+01:00", "Title": "UV", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/uv.png", "Alt": "Hey, why stop at our house? We could burn down ALL these houses for the insurance money." }, { "id": 1470, "Date": "2015-01-07T08:51:23.9597941+01:00", "Title": "Kix", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/kix.png", "Alt": "My parents sent me to several years of intensive Kix test prep." }, { "id": 1471, "Date": "2015-01-09T08:51:24.1160668+01:00", "Title": "Gut Fauna", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/gut_fauna.png", "Alt": "I know it seems unpleasant, but of the two ways we typically transfer them, I promise this is the one you want." }, { "id": 1472, "Date": "2015-01-12T08:51:24.2690062+01:00", "Title": "Geography", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/geography.png", "Alt": "The place I'd least like to live is the farm in the background of those diagrams showing how tornadoes form." }, { "id": 1473, "Date": "2015-01-14T08:51:24.5071977+01:00", "Title": "Location Sharing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/location_sharing.png", "Alt": "Our phones must have great angular momentum sensors because the compasses really suck." }, { "id": 1474, "Date": "2015-01-16T08:51:24.6565763+01:00", "Title": "Screws", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/screws.png", "Alt": "If you encounter a hex bolt, but you only brought screwdrivers, you can try sandwiching the head of the bolt between two parallel screwdriver shafts, squeezing the screwdrivers together with a hand at either end, then twisting. It doesn't work and it's a great way to hurt yourself, but you can try it!" }, { "id": 1475, "Date": "2015-01-19T08:51:24.8949714+01:00", "Title": "Technically", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/technically.png", "Alt": "\"Technically that sentence started with 'well', so--\" \"Ooh, a rock with a fossil in it!\"" }, { "id": 1476, "Date": "2015-01-21T08:51:25.0469959+01:00", "Title": "Ceres", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ceres.png", "Alt": "Earth clearly hasn't been inspected, since it's definitely contaminated with salmonella." }, { "id": 1477, "Date": "2015-01-23T08:51:25.2829187+01:00", "Title": "Star Wars", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/star_wars.png", "Alt": "A long, long time (plus 40 years) ago, in a galaxy far, far away (plus a corrective factor involving the Hubble constant) ..." }, { "id": 1478, "Date": "2015-01-26T08:51:25.5160309+01:00", "Title": "P-Values", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/p_values.png", "Alt": "If all else fails, use \"significant at a p>0.05 level\" and hope no one notices." }, { "id": 1479, "Date": "2015-01-28T08:51:25.7511798+01:00", "Title": "Troubleshooting", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/troubleshooting.png", "Alt": "\"Oh, you're using their Chrome APP, not their Chrome EXTENSION. They're very similar but one handles window creation differently.\" is a thing I hope I can stop saying soon." }, { "id": 1480, "Date": "2015-01-30T08:51:25.9848597+01:00", "Title": "Super Bowl", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/super_bowl.png", "Alt": "My hobby: Pretending to miss the sarcasm when people show off their lack of interest in football by talking about 'sportsball' and acting excited to find someone else who's interested, then acting confused when they try to clarify." }, { "id": 1481, "Date": "2015-02-02T08:51:26.1365407+01:00", "Title": "API", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/api.png", "Alt": "ACCESS LIMITS: Clients may maintain connections to the server for no more than 86,400 seconds per day. If you need additional time, you may contact IERS to file a request for up to one additional second." }, { "id": 1482, "Date": "2015-02-04T08:51:26.3769713+01:00", "Title": "#NowPlaying", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/nowplaying.png", "Alt": "If you click on the post, it takes you to search results for the note on various online music stores." }, { "id": 1483, "Date": "2015-02-06T08:51:26.5396623+01:00", "Title": "Quotative Like", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/quotative_like.png", "Alt": "God was like, \"Let there be light,\" and there was light." }, { "id": 1484, "Date": "2015-02-09T08:51:26.773682+01:00", "Title": "Apollo Speeches", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/apollo_speeches.png", "Alt": "While our commitment to recycling initiatives has been unwavering, this is not a cost any of us should be expected to pay." }, { "id": 1485, "Date": "2015-02-11T08:51:26.9253651+01:00", "Title": "Friendship", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/friendship.png", "Alt": "The only other Wikipedia vandalism that I would feel zero remorse about is editing the article on active US militia groups to replace \"militia\" with \"fanclub\"." }, { "id": 1486, "Date": "2015-02-13T08:51:27.08249+01:00", "Title": "Vacuum", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/vacuum.png", "Alt": "Do you think you could actually clean the living room at some point, though?" }, { "id": 1487, "Date": "2015-02-16T08:51:27.2392758+01:00", "Title": "Tornado", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tornado.png", "Alt": "Nearby, there were also no injuries when a multi-vortex tornado hit one of those spinning teacup rides." }, { "id": 1488, "Date": "2015-02-18T08:51:27.4730082+01:00", "Title": "Flowcharts", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/flowcharts.png", "Alt": "Whoa, and if you overlay a Fibonacci spiral on a golden spiral it matches up almost perfectly!" }, { "id": 1489, "Date": "2015-02-20T08:51:27.6238672+01:00", "Title": "Fundamental Forces", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fundamental_forces.png", "Alt": "\"Of these four forces, there's one we don't really understand.\" \"Is it the weak force or the strong--\" \"It's gravity.\"" }, { "id": 1490, "Date": "2015-02-23T08:51:27.7788572+01:00", "Title": "Atoms", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/atoms.png", "Alt": "When I was little I had trouble telling my dad apart from the dog. I always recognized my mom because she had a bunch of extra plutoniums in her middle. I never did ask her why ..." }, { "id": 1491, "Date": "2015-02-25T08:51:27.9377053+01:00", "Title": "Stories of the Past and Future", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/stories_of_the_past_and_future.png", "Alt": "Little-known fact: The 'Dawn of Man' opening sequence in 2001 cuts away seconds before the Flintstones theme becomes recognizable." }, { "id": 1492, "Date": "2015-02-27T08:51:28.1710443+01:00", "Title": "Dress Color", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dress_color.png", "Alt": "This white-balance illusion hit so hard because it felt like someone had been playing through the Monty Hall scenario and opened their chosen door, only to find there was unexpectedly disagreement over whether the thing they'd revealed was a goat or a car." }, { "id": 1493, "Date": "2015-03-02T08:51:28.4046915+01:00", "Title": "Meeting", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/meeting.png", "Alt": "Here at CompanyName.website, our three main strengths are our web-facing chairs, our huge collection of white papers, and the fact that we physically cannot die." }, { "id": 1494, "Date": "2015-03-04T08:51:28.6381243+01:00", "Title": "Insurance", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/insurance.png", "Alt": "LIFEHACKS: You can just take all the luggage off the airport conveyer belt and leave with it. They don't check that it's yours at the door!" }, { "id": 1495, "Date": "2015-03-06T08:51:28.7900132+01:00", "Title": "Hard Reboot", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hard_reboot.png", "Alt": "Googling inevitably reveals that my problem is caused by a known bug triggered by doing [the exact combination of things I want to do]. I can fix it, or wait a few years until I don't want that combination of things anymore, using the kitchen timer until then." }, { "id": 1496, "Date": "2015-03-09T08:51:28.9446011+01:00", "Title": "Art Project", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/art_project.png", "Alt": "It's my most ambitious project yet, judging by the amount of guacamole." }, { "id": 1497, "Date": "2015-03-11T08:51:29.0983245+01:00", "Title": "New Products", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/new_products.png", "Alt": "If you ever hear \"Wait, is that Kim Dotcom's new project? I'm really excited about it and already signed up, although I'm a little nervous about whether everyone should hand over control of their medical...\", it's time to dig a bunker in your backyard." }, { "id": 1498, "Date": "2015-03-13T08:51:29.2541806+01:00", "Title": "Terry Pratchett", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/terry_pratchett.png", "Alt": "Thank you for teaching us how big our world is by sharing so many of your own." }, { "id": 1499, "Date": "2015-03-16T08:51:29.4925482+01:00", "Title": "Arbitrage", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/arbitrage.png", "Alt": "The invisible hand of the market never texts me back." }, { "id": 1500, "Date": "2015-03-18T08:51:29.7278835+01:00", "Title": "Upside-Down Map", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/upside_down_map.png", "Alt": "Due to their proximity across the channel, there's long been tension between North Korea and the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Southern Ireland." }, { "id": 1501, "Date": "2015-03-20T08:51:29.9633533+01:00", "Title": "Mysteries", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mysteries.png", "Alt": "At the bottom left: The mystery of why, when I know I needed to be asleep an hour ago, I decide it's a good time to read through every Wikipedia article in the categories 'Out-of-place artifacts', 'Earth mysteries', 'Anomalous weather', and 'List of people who disappeared mysteriously'." }, { "id": 1502, "Date": "2015-03-23T08:51:30.1112409+01:00", "Title": "Wasted Time", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wasted_time.png", "Alt": "Since it sounds like your time spent typing can't possibly be less productive than your time spent not typing, have you tried typing SLOWER?" }, { "id": 1503, "Date": "2015-03-25T08:51:30.2669825+01:00", "Title": "Squirrel Plan", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/squirrel_plan.png", "Alt": "[Halfway to the Sun ...] Heyyyy ... what if this BALLOON is full of acorns?!" }, { "id": 1504, "Date": "2015-03-27T08:51:30.5058675+01:00", "Title": "Opportunity", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/opportunity.png", "Alt": "We all remember those famous first words spoken by an astronaut on the surface of Mars: \"That's one small step fo- HOLY SHIT LOOK OUT IT'S GOT SOME KIND OF DRILL! Get back to the ... [unintelligible] ... [signal lost]\"" }, { "id": 1505, "Date": "2015-03-30T08:51:30.7347986+02:00", "Title": "Ontological Argument", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ontological_argument.png", "Alt": "A God who holds the world record for eating the most skateboards is greater than a God who does not hold that record." }, { "id": 1506, "Date": "2015-04-01T08:51:30.9715331+02:00", "Title": "xkcloud", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/xkcloud.png", "Alt": "" }, { "id": 1507, "Date": "2015-04-03T08:51:31.2012076+02:00", "Title": "Metaball", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/metaball.png", "Alt": "Shoot, it landed in the golf course. Gonna be hard to get it down the--oh, never mind, it rolled onto the ice hazard. Face-off!" }, { "id": 1508, "Date": "2015-04-06T08:51:31.3531193+02:00", "Title": "Operating Systems", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/operating_systems.png", "Alt": "One of the survivors, poking around in the ruins with the point of a spear, uncovers a singed photo of Richard Stallman. They stare in silence. \"This,\" one of them finally says, \"This is a man who BELIEVED in something.\"" }, { "id": 1509, "Date": "2015-04-08T08:51:31.5913554+02:00", "Title": "Scenery Cheat Sheet", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/scenery_cheat_sheet.png", "Alt": "At the boundary between each zone, stories blend together. Somewhere in the New Mexico desert, the Roadrunner is pursued by a tireless Anton Chigurh." }, { "id": 1510, "Date": "2015-04-10T08:51:31.7425056+02:00", "Title": "Napoleon", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/napoleon.png", "Alt": "\"Mr. President, what if the unthinkable happens? What if the launch goes wrong, and Napoleon is not stranded on the Moon?\" \"Have Safire write up a speech.\"" }, { "id": 1511, "Date": "2015-04-13T08:51:31.8979868+02:00", "Title": "Spice Girl", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/spice_girl.png", "Alt": "Haha, you'll see!" }, { "id": 1512, "Date": "2015-04-15T08:51:32.051104+02:00", "Title": "Horoscopes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/horoscopes.png", "Alt": "If you live in the Northern hemisphere, anyway. In the southern hemisphere, due to the coriolis effect, babies are born nine months BEFORE they're conceived." }, { "id": 1513, "Date": "2015-04-17T08:51:32.2093909+02:00", "Title": "Code Quality", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/code_quality.png", "Alt": "I honestly didn't think you could even USE emoji in variable names. Or that there were so many different crying ones." }, { "id": 1514, "Date": "2015-04-20T08:51:32.4447486+02:00", "Title": "PermaCal", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/permacal.png", "Alt": "The flood of PermaCalNTP leap-second notifications was bad enough, but when people started asking for millisecond resolution, the resulting DDOS brought down the internet." }, { "id": 1515, "Date": "2015-04-22T08:51:32.6805439+02:00", "Title": "Basketball Earth", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/basketball_earth.png", "Alt": "How many points do you get for dunking every basketball in existence at once?" }, { "id": 1516, "Date": "2015-04-24T08:51:32.9141062+02:00", "Title": "Win by Induction", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/win_by_induction.png", "Alt": "This would be bad enough, but every 30th or 40th pokéball has TWO of them inside." }, { "id": 1517, "Date": "2015-04-27T08:51:33.1512535+02:00", "Title": "Spectroscopy", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/spectroscopy.png", "Alt": "Although right now I'm more excited about ESPRESSO's radial velocity measurements, so I'm listening to This Kiss, her song about measuring \"centrifugal motion\" on \"a rooftop under the sky\"." }, { "id": 1518, "Date": "2015-04-29T08:51:33.3767362+02:00", "Title": "Typical Morning Routine", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/typical_morning_routine.png", "Alt": "Hang on, I've heard this problem. We need to pour water into the duct until the phone floats up and ... wait, phones sink in water. Mercury. We need a vat of mercury to pour down the vent. That will definitely make this situation better and not worse." }, { "id": 1519, "Date": "2015-05-01T08:51:33.6100887+02:00", "Title": "Venus", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/venus.png", "Alt": "The sudden introduction of Venusian flowers led to an explosive growth of unusual Earth pollinators, which became known as the \"butterfly effect.\"" }, { "id": 1520, "Date": "2015-05-04T08:51:33.7596983+02:00", "Title": "Degree-Off", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/degree_off.png", "Alt": "I'M SORRY, FROM YOUR YEARS OF CONDESCENDING TOWARD THE 'SQUISHY SCIENCES', I ASSUMED YOU'D BE A LITTLE HARDER." }, { "id": 1521, "Date": "2015-05-06T08:51:33.9163305+02:00", "Title": "Sword in the Stone", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sword_in_the_stone.png", "Alt": "That seems like an awful lot of hassle when all I wanted was a cool sword." }, { "id": 1522, "Date": "2015-05-08T08:51:34.1545235+02:00", "Title": "Astronomy", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/astronomy.png", "Alt": "Astrobiology is held back by the fact that we're all too nervous to try to balance on the ladder while holding an expensive microscope." }, { "id": 1523, "Date": "2015-05-11T08:51:34.3873047+02:00", "Title": "Microdrones", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/microdrones.png", "Alt": "Oh, weird, Amazon is out of butterfly nets." }, { "id": 1524, "Date": "2015-05-13T08:51:34.5416578+02:00", "Title": "Dimensions", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dimensions.png", "Alt": "I would say time is definitely one of my top three favorite dimensions." }, { "id": 1525, "Date": "2015-05-15T08:51:34.6965719+02:00", "Title": "Emojic 8 Ball", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/emojic_8_ball.png", "Alt": "" }, { "id": 1526, "Date": "2015-05-18T08:51:34.8527177+02:00", "Title": "Placebo Blocker", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/placebo_blocker.png", "Alt": "They work even better if you take them with our experimental placebo booster, which I keep in the same bottle." }, { "id": 1527, "Date": "2015-05-20T08:51:35.0088411+02:00", "Title": "Humans", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/humans.png", "Alt": "At this point, if we're going to keep insisting on portraying dinosaurs as featherless because it's \"cooler\", it's time to apply that same logic to art involving bald eagles." }, { "id": 1528, "Date": "2015-05-22T08:51:35.1497689+02:00", "Title": "Vodka", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/vodka.png", "Alt": "Or whatever's handy! I'm pretty much pure alcohol and water, so it doesn't really matter!" }, { "id": 1529, "Date": "2015-05-25T08:51:35.3076662+02:00", "Title": "Bracket", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bracket.png", "Alt": "I'm staring at the \"doctor\" section, and I can't help but feel like I've forgotten someone." }, { "id": 1530, "Date": "2015-05-27T08:51:35.4511065+02:00", "Title": "Keyboard Mash", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/keyboard_mash.png", "Alt": "WHY DON'T YOU COME HANG OUT INSIDE MY HOUSE. WE CAN COOK BREAD AND CHAT ABOUT OUR INTERNAL SKELETONS." }, { "id": 1531, "Date": "2015-05-29T08:51:35.6058475+02:00", "Title": "The BDLPSWDKS Effect", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_bdlpswdks_effect.png", "Alt": "This well-known effect has of course been replicated in countless experiments." }, { "id": 1532, "Date": "2015-06-01T08:51:35.8392+02:00", "Title": "New Horizons", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/new_horizons.png", "Alt": "Last-minute course change: Let's see if we can hit Steve's house." }, { "id": 1533, "Date": "2015-06-03T08:51:36.0743267+02:00", "Title": "Antique Factory", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/antique_factory.png", "Alt": "WARNING: This item was aged by the same inexorable passage of time that also processes nuts." }, { "id": 1534, "Date": "2015-06-05T08:51:36.3054701+02:00", "Title": "Beer", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/beer.png", "Alt": "Mmmm, this is such a positive experience! I feel no social pressure to enjoy it at all!" }, { "id": 1535, "Date": "2015-06-08T08:51:36.5430429+02:00", "Title": "Words for Pets", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/words_for_pets.png", "Alt": "Seventh year: Perfectly coherent words, but in the pet's language, not mine." }, { "id": 1536, "Date": "2015-06-10T08:51:36.6943673+02:00", "Title": "The Martian", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_martian.png", "Alt": "I have never seen a work of fiction so perfectly capture the out-of-nowhere shock of discovering that you've just bricked something important because you didn't pay enough attention to a loose wire." }, { "id": 1537, "Date": "2015-06-12T08:51:36.8515471+02:00", "Title": "Types", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/types.png", "Alt": "colors.rgb(\"blue\") yields \"#0000FF\". colors.rgb(\"yellowish blue\") yields NaN. colors.sort() yields \"rainbow\"" }, { "id": 1538, "Date": "2015-06-15T08:51:37.0054847+02:00", "Title": "Lyrics", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/lyrics.png", "Alt": "To me, trying to understand song lyrics feels like when I see text in a dream but it𝔰 hอᵣd t₀ ᵣeₐd aกd 𝒾 canٖt fཱྀcu༧༦࿐༄" }, { "id": 1539, "Date": "2015-06-17T08:51:37.1637004+02:00", "Title": "Planning", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/planning.png", "Alt": "[10 years later] Man, why are people so comfortable handing Google and Facebook control over our nuclear weapons?" }, { "id": 1540, "Date": "2015-06-19T08:51:37.3162782+02:00", "Title": "Hemingway", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hemingway.png", "Alt": "Instead of bobcat, package contained chair." }, { "id": 1541, "Date": "2015-06-22T08:51:37.5542877+02:00", "Title": "Voice", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/voice.png", "Alt": "Anyway, we should totally go watch a video story or put some food in our normal mouths!" }, { "id": 1542, "Date": "2015-06-24T08:51:37.7073531+02:00", "Title": "Scheduling Conflict", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/scheduling_conflict.png", "Alt": "Neither a spokesperson for the organization nor the current world champion could be reached for comment." }, { "id": 1543, "Date": "2015-06-26T08:51:37.9454222+02:00", "Title": "Team Effort", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/team_effort.png", "Alt": "Given the role they play in every process in my body, really, they deserve this award more than me. Just gotta figure out how to give it to them. Maybe I can cut it into pieces to make it easier to swallow ..." }, { "id": 1544, "Date": "2015-06-29T08:51:38.0951971+02:00", "Title": "Margaret", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/margaret.png", "Alt": "Otherwise known as Margaret the Destroyer, I will bring pain to the the Great One. Then again, maybe I won't." }, { "id": 1545, "Date": "2015-07-01T08:51:38.2471967+02:00", "Title": "Strengths and Weaknesses", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/strengths_and_weaknesses.png", "Alt": "Do you need me to do a quicksort on the whiteboard or produce a generation of offspring or something? It might take me a bit, but I can do it." }, { "id": 1546, "Date": "2015-07-03T08:51:38.4041355+02:00", "Title": "Tamagotchi Hive", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tamagotchi_hive.png", "Alt": "The Singularity happened, but not to us." }, { "id": 1547, "Date": "2015-07-06T08:51:38.5595524+02:00", "Title": "Solar System Questions", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/solar_system_questions.png", "Alt": "My country's World Cup win was exciting and all, but c'mon, what if the players wore nylon wings and COULD LITERALLY FLY?" }, { "id": 1548, "Date": "2015-07-08T08:51:38.7157416+02:00", "Title": "90s Kid", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/90s_kid.png", "Alt": "We remember Rugrats, and think of them every time our kids look at us through their baby gates." }, { "id": 1549, "Date": "2015-07-10T08:51:38.8693739+02:00", "Title": "xkcd Phone 3", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/xkcd_phone_3.png", "Alt": "If you're not completely satisfied with the phone after 30 days, we will return you to your home at no cost." }, { "id": 1550, "Date": "2015-07-13T08:51:39.1063796+02:00", "Title": "Episode VII", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/episode_vii.png", "Alt": "The Lord of the Rings sequel, set years after the Ring hubbub has died down, is just Samwise discreetly creeping back to Bag End to finish dropping the eaves." }, { "id": 1551, "Date": "2015-07-14T08:51:39.259512+02:00", "Title": "Pluto", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pluto.png", "Alt": "After decades of increasingly confused arguing, Pluto is reclassified as a \"dwarf Pluto.\"" }, { "id": 1552, "Date": "2015-07-17T08:51:39.4956826+02:00", "Title": "Rulebook", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rulebook.png", "Alt": "It's definitely an intentional foul, but we've decided it's worth it." }, { "id": 1553, "Date": "2015-07-20T08:51:39.7256238+02:00", "Title": "Public Key", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/public_key.png", "Alt": "I guess I should be signing stuff, but I've never been sure what to sign. Maybe if I post my private key, I can crowdsource my decisions about what to sign." }, { "id": 1554, "Date": "2015-07-22T08:51:39.8779266+02:00", "Title": "Spice Girls", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/spice_girls.png", "Alt": "The Earth's five major mass extinctions were the Posh Extinction, the Sporty Extinction, the Scary Extinction, the Ginger Extinction, and the Baby Extinction." }, { "id": 1555, "Date": "2015-07-24T08:51:40.116112+02:00", "Title": "Exoplanet Names 2", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/exoplanet_names_2.png", "Alt": "I'm going to drive this Netherlands joke so far into the ground they'll have to build levees around it to keep the sea out." }, { "id": 1556, "Date": "2015-07-27T08:51:40.3486756+02:00", "Title": "The Sky", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_sky.png", "Alt": "The other half has some cool shipwrecks, rocks, and snakes, but if you move those out of the way, it also has more sky." }, { "id": 1557, "Date": "2015-07-29T08:51:40.5003579+02:00", "Title": "Ozymandias", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ozymandias.png", "Alt": "And on the pedestal these words appear: \"And on the pedestal these words appear: \"And on the pedestal these words appear: \"And ..." }, { "id": 1558, "Date": "2015-07-31T08:51:40.9529076+02:00", "Title": "Vet", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/vet.png", "Alt": "It's probably for the best. Since Roombas are native to North America, it's illegal for Americans to keep them in their houses under the Migratory Bird Treaty Act." }, { "id": 1559, "Date": "2015-08-03T08:51:41.1921425+02:00", "Title": "Driving", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/driving.png", "Alt": "Sadly, it probably won't even have enough gas to make it to the first border crossing." }, { "id": 1560, "Date": "2015-08-05T08:51:41.4309641+02:00", "Title": "Bubblegum", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bubblegum.png", "Alt": "I came here to chew bubblegum and say no more than eighteen words ... and I'm all out of" }, { "id": 1561, "Date": "2015-08-07T08:51:41.8758456+02:00", "Title": "Water Phase Diagram", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/water_phase_diagram.png", "Alt": "Vanilla Ice was produced in small quantities for years, but it wasn't until the 90s that experimenters collaborated to produce a sample that could survive at room temperature for several months. " }, { "id": 1562, "Date": "2015-08-10T08:51:42.0303803+02:00", "Title": "I in Team", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/i_in_team.png", "Alt": "There's no \"I\" in \"VOWELS\"." }, { "id": 1563, "Date": "2015-08-12T08:51:42.2688319+02:00", "Title": "Synonym Movies", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/synonym_movies.png", "Alt": "Fans eagerly await 2015's 'Space Fights: Power Gets Up', although most think 1999's 'Space Fights: The Scary Ghost' didn't live up to the hype." }, { "id": 1564, "Date": "2015-08-14T08:51:42.5000037+02:00", "Title": "Every Seven Seconds", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/every_seven_seconds.png", "Alt": "Every few months, I think about sex every seven seconds and how weird and implausible it would be." }, { "id": 1565, "Date": "2015-08-17T08:51:42.6528582+02:00", "Title": "Back Seat", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/back_seat.png", "Alt": "Hang on, let me scare the live raccoon over to the same side as the dead one." }, { "id": 1566, "Date": "2015-08-19T08:51:42.890537+02:00", "Title": "Board Game", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/board_game.png", "Alt": "Yes, it took a lot of work to make the cards and pieces, but it's worth it--the players are way more thorough than the tax prep people ever were." }, { "id": 1567, "Date": "2015-08-21T08:51:43.1390681+02:00", "Title": "Kitchen Tips", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/kitchen_tips.png", "Alt": "Household tip: Tired of buying so much toilet paper? Try unspooling the paper from the roll before using it. A single roll can last for multiple days that way, and it's much easier on your plumbing." }, { "id": 1568, "Date": "2015-08-24T08:51:43.3720049+02:00", "Title": "Synonym Movies 2", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/synonym_movies_2.png", "Alt": "There's also the TV show based on the hit Hot and Cold Music books: Fun With Chairs, Royal Rumble, Knife Blizzard, Breakfast for Birds, and Samba Serpents." }, { "id": 1569, "Date": "2015-08-26T08:51:43.5247064+02:00", "Title": "Magic Tree", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/magic_tree.png", "Alt": "Since people rarely try to cut down cell phone towers, after millions of years, as cell phone towers have gotten more treelike, trees have started growing fake cell phone tower attachments and shiny gray bark to protect themselves. This is a standard textbook example of convergent evolution." }, { "id": 1570, "Date": "2015-08-28T08:51:43.6799907+02:00", "Title": "Engineer Syllogism", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/engineer_syllogism.png", "Alt": "The less common, even worse outcome: \"3: [everyone in the financial system] WOW, where did all my money just go?\"" }, { "id": 1571, "Date": "2015-08-31T08:51:43.8382727+02:00", "Title": "Car Model Names", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/car_model_names.png", "Alt": "CLIMAX is good, but SEXCLIMAX is even better." }, { "id": 1572, "Date": "2015-09-01T08:51:44.0769138+02:00", "Title": "xkcd Survey", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/xkcd_survey.png", "Alt": "The xkcd Survey: Big Data for a Big Planet" }, { "id": 1573, "Date": "2015-09-04T08:51:44.3127865+02:00", "Title": "Cyberintelligence", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cyberintelligence.png", "Alt": "We had gathered that raw information, but had yet to put it all together." }, { "id": 1574, "Date": "2015-09-07T08:51:44.5543693+02:00", "Title": "Trouble for Science", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/trouble_for_science.png", "Alt": "Careful mathematical analysis demonstrates small-scale irregularities in Gaussian distribution" }, { "id": 1575, "Date": "2015-09-09T08:51:44.6969899+02:00", "Title": "Footprints", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/footprints.png", "Alt": "\"There's one set of foot-p's cause I was totes carrying you, bro!\" said Jesus seconds before I punched him." }, { "id": 1576, "Date": "2015-09-11T08:51:44.853276+02:00", "Title": "I Could Care Less", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/i_could_care_less.png", "Alt": "I literally could care less." }, { "id": 1577, "Date": "2015-09-14T08:51:45.3071545+02:00", "Title": "Advent", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/advent.png", "Alt": "The few dozen doors that have little Christmas trees on them are a nice touch." }, { "id": 1578, "Date": "2015-09-16T08:51:45.5412762+02:00", "Title": "Squirrelphone", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/squirrelphone.png", "Alt": "After a while, the squirrel starts making that beeping noise and doesn't stop until it hops back up onto the stump." }, { "id": 1579, "Date": "2015-09-18T08:51:45.7743379+02:00", "Title": "Tech Loops", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tech_loops.png", "Alt": "And when I think about it, a lot of \"things I want to do\" are just learning about and discussing new tools for tinkering with the chain." }, { "id": 1580, "Date": "2015-09-21T08:51:45.9263851+02:00", "Title": "Travel Ghost", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/travel_ghosts.png", "Alt": "And a different ghost has replaced me in the bedroom." }, { "id": 1581, "Date": "2015-09-23T08:51:46.1619388+02:00", "Title": "Birthday", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/birthday.png", "Alt": "I guess I need to apologize to my parents, friends, and the staff at Chuck E. Cheese's for all the times I called the cops on them." }, { "id": 1582, "Date": "2015-09-25T08:51:46.3140359+02:00", "Title": "Picture a Grassy Field", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/picture_a_grassy_field.png", "Alt": "Wait, I can fix this. Picture another field. In the middle sits the only creature the first creature is afraid of. Now just-- wait, where did THAT one go?" }, { "id": 1583, "Date": "2015-09-28T08:51:46.5524051+02:00", "Title": "NASA Press Conference", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/nasa_press_conference.png", "Alt": "Why are we spending billions to ruin Mars with swarms of robots when Elon Musk has promised to ruin Mars for a FRACTION of the cost?" }, { "id": 1584, "Date": "2015-09-30T08:51:46.782723+02:00", "Title": "Moments of Inspiration", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/moments_of_inspiration.png", "Alt": "Charles, I just talked to John and Mildred, who run that company selling seeds and nuts, and their kids with MOUTHS are starving!" }, { "id": 1585, "Date": "2015-10-02T08:51:47.0199455+02:00", "Title": "Similarities", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/similarities.png", "Alt": "I just came from The Martian, and I just have to say: Forget BB-8; I want a pet Sojourner! It's always been the cutest of our Mars rovers." }, { "id": 1586, "Date": "2015-10-05T08:51:47.2576312+02:00", "Title": "Keyboard Problems", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/keyboard_problems.png", "Alt": "In the future, a group of resistance fighters send me back in time with instructions to find the Skynet prototype and try to upgrade it." }, { "id": 1587, "Date": "2015-10-07T08:51:47.4900505+02:00", "Title": "Food Rule", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/food_rule.png", "Alt": "I won't eat invertebrates, because I can fight a skeleton, but I have no idea what kind of spooky warrior a squid leaves behind." }, { "id": 1588, "Date": "2015-10-09T08:51:47.6379525+02:00", "Title": "Hardware Reductionism", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hardware_reductionism.png", "Alt": "My MRI research shows a clear correlation between the size of the parietal lobe--the part of the brain that handles spatial reasoning--and enjoyment of 3D Doritos®." }, { "id": 1589, "Date": "2015-10-12T08:51:47.7811014+02:00", "Title": "Frankenstein", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/frankenstein.png", "Alt": "\"Wait, so in this version is Frankenstein also the doctor's name?\" \"No, he's just 'The Doctor'.\"" }, { "id": 1590, "Date": "2015-10-14T08:51:47.9352488+02:00", "Title": "The Source", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_source.png", "Alt": "Why did we even have that thing?" }, { "id": 1591, "Date": "2015-10-16T08:51:48.0893223+02:00", "Title": "Bell's Theorem", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bells_theorem.png", "Alt": "The no-communication theorem states that no communication about the no-communication theorem can clear up the misunderstanding quickly enough to allow faster-than-light signaling." }, { "id": 1592, "Date": "2015-10-19T08:51:48.3260361+02:00", "Title": "Overthinking", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/overthinking.png", "Alt": "On the other hand, it took us embarrassingly long to clue in to the lung cancer/cigarette thing, so I guess the real lesson is \"figuring out which ideas are true is hard.\"" }, { "id": 1593, "Date": "2015-10-21T08:51:48.5552641+02:00", "Title": "Play-By-Play", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/play_by_play.png", "Alt": "The thrower started hitting the bats too much, so the king of the game told him to leave and brought out another thrower from thrower jail." }, { "id": 1594, "Date": "2015-10-23T08:51:48.787109+02:00", "Title": "Human Subjects", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/human_subjects.png", "Alt": "After meeting with a few of the subjects, the IRB actually recommended that you stop stressing out so much about safety guidelines." }, { "id": 1595, "Date": "2015-10-26T08:51:48.9396475+01:00", "Title": "30 Days Hath September", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/30_days_hath_september.png", "Alt": "There's a cool mental calculation hack I recently learned for this: If you open the calendar app on your phone or computer, the highest-numbered box along the bottom is equal to the number of days in the month!" }, { "id": 1596, "Date": "2015-10-28T08:51:49.0965208+01:00", "Title": "Launch Status Check", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/launch_status_check.png", "Alt": "Visual checks suggest the cool bird has exited the launch zone. Tip the rocket sideways and resume the countdown--we're gonna go find it!" }, { "id": 1597, "Date": "2015-10-30T08:51:49.3364572+01:00", "Title": "Git", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/git.png", "Alt": "If that doesn't fix it, git.txt contains the phone number of a friend of mine who understands git. Just wait through a few minutes of 'It's really pretty simple, just think of branches as...' and eventually you'll learn the commands that will fix everything." }, { "id": 1598, "Date": "2015-11-02T08:51:49.4876368+01:00", "Title": "Salvage", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/salvage.png", "Alt": "My hobby: Taking advantage of the rice myth by posting articles on \"how to save your wet phone\" which are actually just elaborate recipes for rice pilaf." }, { "id": 1599, "Date": "2015-11-04T08:51:49.721316+01:00", "Title": "Water Delivery", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/water_delivery.png", "Alt": "When I was a kid, I asked my parents why our houses didn't have toothpaste pipes in addition to water ones. I'm strangely pleased to see Amazon thinking the same way." }, { "id": 1600, "Date": "2015-11-06T08:51:49.957521+01:00", "Title": "MarketWatch", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/marketwatch.png", "Alt": "Markets have been rocked by a second day of uncertainty after someone set up a giant Ouija board on the NYSE wall controlled collectively by the movement of the stock tickers." }, { "id": 1601, "Date": "2015-11-09T08:51:50.1942698+01:00", "Title": "Isolation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/isolation.png", "Alt": "2060: The gregarious superintelligent AI, happily talking its way out of a box, is fast becoming a relic of the past. Today's quantum hyper-beings are too busy with their internal multiverse sims to even notice that they're in boxes at all!" }, { "id": 1602, "Date": "2015-11-11T08:51:50.4262001+01:00", "Title": "Linguistics Club", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/linguistics_club.png", "Alt": "If that's too easy, you could try joining Tautology Club, which meets on the date of the Tautology Club meeting." }, { "id": 1603, "Date": "2015-11-13T08:51:50.6581137+01:00", "Title": "Flashlights", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/flashlights.png", "Alt": "Due to a typo, I initially found a forum for serious Fleshlight enthusiasts, and it turns out their highest-end models are ALSO capable of setting trees on fire. They're impossible to use without severe burns, but some of them swear it's worth it." }, { "id": 1604, "Date": "2015-11-16T08:51:50.8934116+01:00", "Title": "Snakes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/snakes.png", "Alt": "The last band of color indicates the snake's tolerance for being held before biting." }, { "id": 1605, "Date": "2015-11-18T08:51:51.0431053+01:00", "Title": "DNA", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dna.png", "Alt": "Researchers just found the gene responsible for mistakenly thinking we've found the gene for specific things. It's the region between the start and the end of every chromosome, plus a few segments in our mitochondria." }, { "id": 1606, "Date": "2015-11-20T08:51:51.2673879+01:00", "Title": "Five-Day Forecast", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/five_day_forecast.png", "Alt": "You know what they say--if you don't like the weather here in the Solar System, just wait five billion years." }, { "id": 1607, "Date": "2015-11-23T08:51:51.5013835+01:00", "Title": "Supreme Court", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/supreme_court.png", "Alt": "Writing for the majority, Justice Kennedy called the man's arguments that he could be either Alito or Ginsburg \"surprisingly compelling, but ultimately unconvincing.\"" }, { "id": 1608, "Date": "2015-11-24T08:51:51.6647548+01:00", "Title": "Hoverboard", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/", "Alt": "Return to the play area" }, { "id": 1609, "Date": "2015-11-27T08:51:51.8194003+01:00", "Title": "Food Combinations", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/food_combinations.png", "Alt": "If anyone tries this on you, the best reply is a deadpan \"Oh yeah, that's a common potato chip flavor in Canada.\"" }, { "id": 1610, "Date": "2015-11-30T08:51:51.9763694+01:00", "Title": "Fire Ants", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fire_ants.png", "Alt": "Here in the entomology department, we have a simple two-step formula for answering any question: (1) ants are cool, and (2) we forgot the question because we were thinking about ants." }, { "id": 1611, "Date": "2015-12-02T08:51:52.2177588+01:00", "Title": "Baking Soda and Vinegar", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/baking_soda_and_vinegar.png", "Alt": "Sure, it may not meet science fair standards, but I want credit for getting my baking soda and vinegar mountain added to the Decade Volcanoes list." }, { "id": 1612, "Date": "2015-12-04T08:51:52.3662878+01:00", "Title": "Colds", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/colds.png", "Alt": "The contagious period ends right around when you start to sound sick over the phone, which is probably evidence of cold viruses evolving to spread optimally in the workplace." }, { "id": 1613, "Date": "2015-12-07T08:51:52.5225569+01:00", "Title": "The Three Laws of Robotics", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_three_laws_of_robotics.png", "Alt": "In ordering #5, self-driving cars will happily drive you around, but if you tell them to drive to a car dealership, they just lock the doors and politely ask how long humans take to starve to death." }, { "id": 1614, "Date": "2015-12-09T08:51:52.7601384+01:00", "Title": "Kites", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/kites.png", "Alt": "[Dog returns with the end of a string in its mouth] [Voice drifts down from the sky] Kites are fun!" }, { "id": 1615, "Date": "2015-12-11T08:51:52.912819+01:00", "Title": "Red Car", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/red_car.png", "Alt": "That guy only drives an alkaline car to overcompensate for his highly acidic penis." }, { "id": 1616, "Date": "2015-12-14T08:51:53.0669139+01:00", "Title": "Lunch", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/lunch.png", "Alt": "I'm trying to be healthier, so after I eat this brick of cheese, I'll have a spoonful of grease-soaked vegetables." }, { "id": 1617, "Date": "2015-12-16T08:51:53.3025663+01:00", "Title": "Time Capsule", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/time_capsule.png", "Alt": "Oh no, I changed the future and now I'm disappearing! Wait, never mind, it was just my hat slipping down over my eyes." }, { "id": 1618, "Date": "2015-12-18T08:51:53.4545981+01:00", "Title": "Cold Medicine", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cold_medicine.png", "Alt": "Seriously considering buying some illegal drugs to try to turn them back into cold medicine." }, { "id": 1619, "Date": "2015-12-21T08:51:53.611398+01:00", "Title": "Watson Medical Algorithm", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/watson_medical_algorithm.png", "Alt": "Due to a minor glitch, 'discharge patient' does not cause the algorithm to exit, but instead leads back to 'hunt down and capture patient'." }, { "id": 1620, "Date": "2015-12-23T08:51:53.7679013+01:00", "Title": "Christmas Settings", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/christmas_settings.png", "Alt": "SOUND DOGS MAKE: [BARKING] [HISSING] [LIGHTSABER NOISES] [FLUENT ENGLISH] [SWEARING]" }, { "id": 1621, "Date": "2015-12-25T08:51:54.0046135+01:00", "Title": "Fixion", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fixion.png", "Alt": "My theory predicts that, at high enough energies, FRBs and perytons become indistinguishable because the detector burns out." }, { "id": 1622, "Date": "2015-12-28T08:51:54.2354525+01:00", "Title": "Henge", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/henge.png", "Alt": "I've got the Craigslist post ready to go! I wasn't sure what category it should go in, so I listed it as property and put that it has 'good sun exposure.'" }, { "id": 1623, "Date": "2015-12-30T08:51:54.4675743+01:00", "Title": "2016 Conversation Guide", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/2016_conversation_guide.png", "Alt": "The real loser in an argument about the meaning of the word 'hoverboard' is anyone who leaves that argument on foot." }, { "id": 1624, "Date": "2016-01-01T08:51:54.7030668+01:00", "Title": "2016", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/2016.png", "Alt": "Want to feel old? Wait." }, { "id": 1625, "Date": "2016-01-04T08:51:54.9503188+01:00", "Title": "Substitutions 2", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/substitutions_2.png", "Alt": "Within a few minutes, our roads will be full of uncontrollably-swerving cars and our skies full of Amazon delivery dogs." }, { "id": 1626, "Date": "2016-01-06T08:51:55.0994211+01:00", "Title": "Judgment Day", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/judgment_day.png", "Alt": "It took a lot of booster rockets, but luckily Amazon had recently built thousands of them to bring Amazon Prime same-day delivery to the Moon colony." }, { "id": 1627, "Date": "2016-01-08T08:51:55.3343252+01:00", "Title": "Woosh", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/woosh.png", "Alt": "It also occasionally replies with 'Comment of the year', 'Are you for real', and 'I'm taking a screenshot so I can remember this moment forever'." }, { "id": 1628, "Date": "2016-01-11T08:51:55.4858806+01:00", "Title": "Magnus", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/magnus.png", "Alt": "In the latest round, 9-year-old Muhammad Ali beat 10-year-old JFK at air hockey, while Secretariat lost the hot-dog-eating crown to 12-year-old Ken Jennings. Meanwhile, in a huge upset, 11-year-old Martha Stewart knocked out the adult Ronda Rousey." }, { "id": 1629, "Date": "2016-01-13T08:51:55.6406471+01:00", "Title": "Tools", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tools.png", "Alt": "I make tools for managing job-hunting sites for people who make tools for managing job-hunting sites for people who make tools for ..." }, { "id": 1630, "Date": "2016-01-15T08:51:55.7982038+01:00", "Title": "Quadcopter", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/quadcopter.png", "Alt": "I always have to turn off nature documentaries when they show these scenes." }, { "id": 1631, "Date": "2016-01-18T08:51:56.0310853+01:00", "Title": "Longer Than Usual", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/longer_than_usual.png", "Alt": "'--> [ Well, this is embarrassing. ] <--'" }, { "id": 1632, "Date": "2016-01-20T08:51:56.18325+01:00", "Title": "Palindrome", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/palindrome.png", "Alt": "I hope that somewhere in the world, \"Panamax\" is the last option on a \"size\" drop-down menu on a sex toy site." }, { "id": 1633, "Date": "2016-01-22T08:51:56.3297973+01:00", "Title": "Possible Undiscovered Planets", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/possible_undiscovered_planets.png", "Alt": "Superman lies near the bird/plane boundary over a range of distances, which explains the confusion." }, { "id": 1634, "Date": "2016-01-25T08:51:56.5696495+01:00", "Title": "In Case of Emergency", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/in_case_of_emergency.png", "Alt": "I keep first aid kits in those emergency lockers. Sure, it's expensive to have them installed in the wall, but at least for those ones there's no need to pay extra for safety glass." }, { "id": 1635, "Date": "2016-01-27T08:51:56.796031+01:00", "Title": "Birdsong", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/birdsong.png", "Alt": "Maybe if I put it in a box for a while with a speaker playing some pleasant pastoral music, I can reprogram it." }, { "id": 1636, "Date": "2016-01-29T08:51:56.948163+01:00", "Title": "XKCD Stack", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/xkcd_stack.png", "Alt": "This site requires Sun Java 6.0.0.1 (32-bit) or higher. You have Macromedia Java 7.3.8.1¾ (48-bit). Click here [link to java.com main page] to download an installer which will run fine but not really change anything." }, { "id": 1637, "Date": "2016-02-01T08:51:57.1862832+01:00", "Title": "Salt Mine", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/salt_mine.png", "Alt": "This one is a little bland. Pass the saltshaker?" }, { "id": 1638, "Date": "2016-02-02T08:51:57.4229618+01:00", "Title": "Backslashes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/backslashes.png", "Alt": "I searched my .bash_history for the line with the highest ratio of special characters to regular alphanumeric characters, and the winner was: cat out.txt | grep -o \"[[(].*[])][^)]]*$\" ... I have no memory of this and no idea what I was trying to do, but I sure hope it worked." }, { "id": 1639, "Date": "2016-02-05T08:51:57.6581482+01:00", "Title": "To Taste", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/to_taste.png", "Alt": "Look, recipe, if I knew how much was gonna taste good, I wouldn't need you." }, { "id": 1640, "Date": "2016-02-08T08:51:57.8186358+01:00", "Title": "Super Bowl Context", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/super_bowl_context.png", "Alt": "Why did the chicken cross the road? It begins over five thousand years ago with the domestication of the red junglefowl in southeast Asia and the development of paved roads in the Sumerian city of Ur." }, { "id": 1641, "Date": "2016-02-10T08:51:58.051957+01:00", "Title": "Hot Dogs", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hot_dogs.png", "Alt": "Okay, I'm just gonna order pizza, and let's never talk about this again." }, { "id": 1642, "Date": "2016-02-11T08:51:58.2038722+01:00", "Title": "Gravitational Waves", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/gravitational_waves.png", "Alt": "\"That last LinkedIn request set a new record for the most energetic physical event ever observed. Maybe we should respond.\" \"Nah.\"" }, { "id": 1643, "Date": "2016-02-15T08:51:58.4425402+01:00", "Title": "Degrees", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/degrees.png", "Alt": "\"Radians Fahrenheit or radians Celsius?\" \"Uh, sorry, gotta go!\"" }, { "id": 1644, "Date": "2016-02-17T08:51:58.587977+01:00", "Title": "Stargazing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/stargazing.png", "Alt": "Some of you may be thinking, 'But wait, isn't the brightest star in our sky the Sun?' I think that's a great question and you should totally ask it. On the infinite tree of possible conversations spread out before us, I think that's definitely the most promising branch." }, { "id": 1645, "Date": "2016-02-19T08:51:58.7434903+01:00", "Title": "Toasts", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/toasts.png", "Alt": "Platonic solids for my real friends and real solids for my platonic friends!" }, { "id": 1646, "Date": "2016-02-22T08:51:58.9809471+01:00", "Title": "Twitter Bot", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/twitter_bot.png", "Alt": "PYTHON FLAG ENABLE THREE LAWS" }, { "id": 1647, "Date": "2016-02-24T08:51:59.1360099+01:00", "Title": "Diacritics", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/diacritics.png", "Alt": "Using diacritics correctly is not my forté." }, { "id": 1648, "Date": "2016-02-26T08:51:59.291645+01:00", "Title": "Famous Duos", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/famous_duos.png", "Alt": "The Romeo and Butt-Head film actually got two thumbs up from Siskel and Oates." }, { "id": 1649, "Date": "2016-02-29T08:51:59.5323956+01:00", "Title": "Pipelines", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pipelines.png", "Alt": "In the future, every single pipeline will lead to the bowl of a giant blender, and we'll all just show up with a bucket each day to take our share of the resulting smoothie." }, { "id": 1650, "Date": "2016-03-02T08:51:59.7772515+01:00", "Title": "Baby", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/baby.png", "Alt": "Does it get taller first and then widen, or does it reach full width before getting taller, or alternate, or what?" }, { "id": 1651, "Date": "2016-03-04T08:51:59.9270307+01:00", "Title": "Robotic Garage", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/robotic_garage.png", "Alt": "But listen, if getting your car out from under the pile is REALLY important to you, we do have an axe you can borrow." }, { "id": 1652, "Date": "2016-03-07T08:52:00.0798275+01:00", "Title": "Conditionals", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/conditionals.png", "Alt": "'If you're done being pedantic, we should get dinner.' 'You did it again!' 'No, I didn't.'" }, { "id": 1653, "Date": "2016-03-09T08:52:00.3202086+01:00", "Title": "United States Map", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/united_states_map.png", "Alt": "It would be pretty unfair to give to someone a blank version of this map as a 'how many states can you name?' quiz. (If you include Alaska and Hawaii, you should swap the Aleutian Islands with the Hawaiian ones.)" }, { "id": 1654, "Date": "2016-03-11T08:52:00.5548639+01:00", "Title": "Universal Install Script", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/universal_install_script.png", "Alt": "The failures usually don't hurt anything, and if it installs several versions, it increases the chance that one of them is right. (Note: The 'yes' command and '2>/dev/null' are recommended additions.)" }, { "id": 1655, "Date": "2016-03-14T08:52:00.7078266+01:00", "Title": "Doomsday Clock", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/doomsday_clock.png", "Alt": "After a power outage at the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists, the new Digital Doomsday Clock is flashing 00:00 and mushroom clouds keep appearing and then retracting once a second." }, { "id": 1656, "Date": "2016-03-16T08:52:00.867175+01:00", "Title": "It Begins", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/it_begins.png", "Alt": "You can also try 'Yikes.'" }, { "id": 1657, "Date": "2016-03-18T08:52:01.0188205+01:00", "Title": "Insanity", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/insanity.png", "Alt": "I looked up \"insanity\" in like 10 different dictionaries and none of them said anything like that. Neither did the DSM-4. But I'll keep looking. Maybe it's in the DSM-5!" }, { "id": 1658, "Date": "2016-03-21T08:52:01.2550998+01:00", "Title": "Estimating Time", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/estimating_time.png", "Alt": "Corollary to Hofstadter's Law: Every minute you spend thinking about Hofstadter's Law is a minute you're NOT WORKING AND WILL NEVER FINISH! PAAAAAANIIIIIIC!" }, { "id": 1659, "Date": "2016-03-23T08:52:01.4862704+01:00", "Title": "Tire Swing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tire_swing.png", "Alt": "If we find one of those tire dumps, the next time he tries to get his truck back we can just retreat and let him have it." }, { "id": 1660, "Date": "2016-03-25T08:52:01.7226948+01:00", "Title": "Captain Speaking", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/captain_speaking.png", "Alt": "Oh dang, you have to pay? Hey, has anyone else paid already? If so, can I borrow your phone for a sec?" }, { "id": 1661, "Date": "2016-03-28T08:52:01.9540745+02:00", "Title": "Podium", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/podium.png", "Alt": "BREAKING: Senator's bold pro-podium stand leads to primary challenge from prescriptivist base." }, { "id": 1662, "Date": "2016-03-30T08:52:02.1919236+02:00", "Title": "Jack and Jill", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/jack_and_jill.png", "Alt": "Jill and Jack / began to frack. / The oil boosts their town. / But fractures make / the bedrock shake / and Jack came tumbling down." }, { "id": 1663, "Date": "2016-04-04T08:52:02.4213326+02:00", "Title": "Garden", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/", "Alt": "Relax." }, { "id": 1664, "Date": "2016-04-06T08:52:02.6548949+02:00", "Title": "Mycology", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mycology.png", "Alt": "Conspiracy theory: There's no such thing as corn. Those fields you see are just the stalks of a fungus that's controlling our brains to make us want to spread it." }, { "id": 1665, "Date": "2016-04-08T08:52:02.8890461+02:00", "Title": "City Talk Pages", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/city_talk_pages.png", "Alt": "I don't think the Lakeshore Air Crash Museum really belongs under 'Tourist Attractions.' It's not a museum--it's just an area near the Lake Festival Laser Show where a lot of planes have crashed." }, { "id": 1666, "Date": "2016-04-11T08:52:03.0404228+02:00", "Title": "Brain Upload", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/brain_upload.png", "Alt": "I just spent 20 minutes deciding whether to start an email with 'Hi' or 'Hey', so I think it transferred correctly." }, { "id": 1667, "Date": "2016-04-13T08:52:03.2663768+02:00", "Title": "Algorithms", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/algorithms.png", "Alt": "There was a schism in 2007, when a sect advocating OpenOffice created a fork of Sunday.xlsx and maintained it independently for several months. The efforts to reconcile the conflicting schedules led to the reinvention, within the cells of the spreadsheet, of modern version control." }, { "id": 1668, "Date": "2016-04-15T08:52:03.5149121+02:00", "Title": "Singularity", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/singularity.png", "Alt": "I figured that now that society has collapsed, I wouldn't need to wear clothes anymore, but apparently that violates some weird rule of quantum gravity." }, { "id": 1669, "Date": "2016-04-18T08:52:03.749334+02:00", "Title": "Planespotting", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/planespotting.png", "Alt": "No, a hydroplane doesn't land on water--that's an aquaplane. A hydroplane is a plane that gets electric power from an onboard water reservoir with a tiny dam and turbines." }, { "id": 1670, "Date": "2016-04-20T08:52:03.9029918+02:00", "Title": "Laws of Physics", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/laws_of_physics.png", "Alt": "The laws of physics are fun to try to understand, but as an organism with incredibly delicate eyes who evolved in a world full of sharp objects, I have an awful lot of trust in biology's calibration of my flinch reflex." }, { "id": 1671, "Date": "2016-04-22T08:52:04.0546815+02:00", "Title": "Arcane Bullshit", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/arcane_bullshit.png", "Alt": "Learning arcane bullshit from the 80s can break your computer, but if you're willing to wade through arcane bullshit from programmers in the 90s and 2000s, you can break everyone else's computers, too." }, { "id": 1672, "Date": "2016-04-25T08:52:04.2891706+02:00", "Title": "Women on 20s", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/women_on_20s.png", "Alt": "I get that there are security reasons for the schedule, but this is like the ONE problem we have where the right answer is both easy and straightforward. If we can't figure it out, maybe we should just give up and just replace all the portraits on the bills with that weird pyramid eye thing." }, { "id": 1673, "Date": "2016-04-27T08:52:04.5226468+02:00", "Title": "Timeline of Bicycle Design", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/timeline_of_bicycle_design.png", "Alt": "I'll be honest--the 1950s were a rough time for cycling." }, { "id": 1674, "Date": "2016-04-29T08:52:04.7607568+02:00", "Title": "Adult", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/adult.png", "Alt": "(1) That shopping cart is full of AirHeads, and (2) I died at 41 from what the AirHeads company spokesperson called 'probably natural causes.'" }, { "id": 1675, "Date": "2016-05-02T08:52:04.9882+02:00", "Title": "Message in a Bottle", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/message_in_a_bottle.png", "Alt": "I tried to send a message back, but I accidentally hit 'reply all' and now the ocean is clogged with message bottles." }, { "id": 1676, "Date": "2016-05-04T08:52:05.2253741+02:00", "Title": "Full-Width Justification", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/full_width_justification.png", "Alt": "Gonna start bugging the Unicode consortium to add snake segment characters that can be combined into an arbitrary-length non-breaking snake." }, { "id": 1677, "Date": "2016-05-06T08:52:05.3762866+02:00", "Title": "Contrails", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/contrails.png", "Alt": "Astronomy (or \"astrology\" in British English) is the study of ..." }, { "id": 1678, "Date": "2016-05-09T08:52:05.5315619+02:00", "Title": "Recent Searches", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/recent_searches.png", "Alt": "autoexec code posted by verified twitter users" }, { "id": 1679, "Date": "2016-05-11T08:52:05.6863181+02:00", "Title": "Substitutions 3", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/substitutions_3.png", "Alt": "BREAKING: Channing Tatum and his friends explore haunted city" }, { "id": 1680, "Date": "2016-05-13T08:52:05.8417365+02:00", "Title": "Black Hole", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/black_hole.png", "Alt": "It also brings all the boys, and everything else, to the yard." }, { "id": 1681, "Date": "2016-05-16T08:52:05.9983607+02:00", "Title": "Laser Products", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/laser_products.png", "Alt": "ERRORS: HAIR JAM. COLOR-SAFE CONDITIONER CARTRIDGE RUNNING LOW. LEGAL-SIZE HAIR TRAY EMPTY, USING LETTER-SIZE HAIR ONLY." }, { "id": 1682, "Date": "2016-05-18T08:52:06.1527072+02:00", "Title": "Bun", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bun.png", "Alt": "If a wild bun is sighted, a nice gesture of respect is to send a 'BUN ALERT' message to friends and family, with photographs documenting the bun's location and rank. If no photographs are possible, emoji may be substituted." }, { "id": 1683, "Date": "2016-05-20T08:52:06.3063698+02:00", "Title": "Digital Data", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/digital_data.png", "Alt": "“If you can read this, congratulations—the archive you’re using still knows about the mouseover textâ€!" }, { "id": 1684, "Date": "2016-05-23T08:52:06.4614048+02:00", "Title": "Rainbow", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rainbow.png", "Alt": "Listen, in a few thousand years you'll invent a game called 'SimCity' which has a 'disaster' button, and then you'll understand." }, { "id": 1685, "Date": "2016-05-25T08:52:06.6228493+02:00", "Title": "Patch", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/patch.png", "Alt": "My optimizer uses content-aware inpainting to fill in all the wasted whitespace in the code, repeating the process until it compiles." }, { "id": 1686, "Date": "2016-05-27T08:52:06.8542369+02:00", "Title": "Feel Old", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/feel_old.png", "Alt": "'How long are you going to keep this up?' 'Statistically, only four or five more decades.'" }, { "id": 1687, "Date": "2016-05-30T08:52:07.0062326+02:00", "Title": "World War III+", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/world_war_iii.png", "Alt": "I hate how the media only ever uses the first part of this quote, stripping it of its important context." }, { "id": 1688, "Date": "2016-06-01T08:52:07.2451324+02:00", "Title": "Map Age Guide", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/map_age_guide.png", "Alt": "Does the screeching chill your blood and herald death? If yes, banshee. If no, seagull." }, { "id": 1689, "Date": "2016-06-03T08:52:07.4784901+02:00", "Title": "My Friend Catherine", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/my_friend_catherine.png", "Alt": "I can't get any work done because my friend Catherine is sitting on my keyboard." }, { "id": 1690, "Date": "2016-06-06T08:52:07.7070337+02:00", "Title": "Time-Tracking Software", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/time_tracking_software.png", "Alt": "'List of helicopter prison escapes' and 'List of sexually active popes' are both entertainingly long, but sadly there's no 'List of helicopter prison escapes involving sexually active popes.'" }, { "id": 1691, "Date": "2016-06-08T08:52:07.8646352+02:00", "Title": "Optimization", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/optimization.png", "Alt": "Premature optimization is the root of all evil, so to start this project I'd better come up with a system that can determine whether a possible optimization is premature or not." }, { "id": 1692, "Date": "2016-06-10T08:52:08.0993825+02:00", "Title": "Man Page", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/man_page.png", "Alt": "For even more info, see blarbl(2)(3) and birb(3ahhaha I'm kidding, just Google it like a normal person." }, { "id": 1693, "Date": "2016-06-13T08:52:08.3323978+02:00", "Title": "Oxidation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/oxidation.png", "Alt": "Calm down--there were lots of arthropods living on your skin already. These ones are just bigger." }, { "id": 1694, "Date": "2016-06-15T08:52:08.4801658+02:00", "Title": "Phishing License", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/phishing_license.png", "Alt": "Later, walking out of jail after posting $10,000 bail: \"Wait, this isn't the street the county jail is on.\"" }, { "id": 1695, "Date": "2016-06-17T08:52:08.7190782+02:00", "Title": "Code Quality 2", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/code_quality_2.png", "Alt": "It's like you tried to define a formal grammar based on fragments of a raw database dump from the QuickBooks file of a company that's about to collapse in an accounting scandal." }, { "id": 1696, "Date": "2016-06-20T08:52:08.8849033+02:00", "Title": "AI Research", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ai_research.png", "Alt": "Lambda calculus? More like SHAMbda calculus, amirite?" }, { "id": 1697, "Date": "2016-06-22T08:52:09.1199447+02:00", "Title": "Intervocalic Fortition", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/intervocalic_fortition.png", "Alt": "These pranks happen all the time. English doesn't allow one-syllable words to end in a lax vowel, so writers on The Simpsons decided to mess with future linguists by introducing the word \"meh.\"" }, { "id": 1698, "Date": "2016-06-24T08:52:09.3544491+02:00", "Title": "Theft Quadrants", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/theft_quadrants.png", "Alt": "TinyURL was the most popular link shortener for long enough that it made it into a lot of printed publications. I wonder what year the domain will finally lapse and get picked up by a porn site." }, { "id": 1699, "Date": "2016-06-27T08:52:09.5099997+02:00", "Title": "Local News", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/local_news.png", "Alt": "Will there ever be a physics term greater than 'tachyonic antitelephone?' According to this message from the future, the answer is 'no.'" }, { "id": 1700, "Date": "2016-06-29T08:52:09.6614646+02:00", "Title": "New Bug", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/new_bug.png", "Alt": "There's also a unicode-handling bug in the URL request library, and we're storing the passwords unsalted ... so if we salt them with emoji, we can close three issues at once!" }, { "id": 1701, "Date": "2016-07-01T08:52:09.8192171+02:00", "Title": "Speed and Danger", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/speed_and_danger.png", "Alt": "NASCAR removed the passenger seats because drivers hated how astronauts kept riding along with them and loudly announcing \"Ahh, what a nice and relaxing drive.\"" }, { "id": 1702, "Date": "2016-07-04T08:52:10.0567816+02:00", "Title": "Home Itch Remedies", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/home_itch_remedies.png", "Alt": "In my experience, mosquitos and poison ivy are bad, but the very worst itch comes from bites from chiggers (Trombicula alfreddugesi). They're found across the American south and great plains, so the best home remedy is to move to Iceland." }, { "id": 1703, "Date": "2016-07-06T08:52:10.2958652+02:00", "Title": "Juno", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/juno.png", "Alt": "\"The name wasn't a tip-off?\" \"Honestly, at first I thought you were saying 'Juneau'. A gravity assist seemed like a weird way to get to Alaska, but I figured it must be more efficient or something.\"" }, { "id": 1704, "Date": "2016-07-08T08:52:10.5327882+02:00", "Title": "Gnome Ann", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/gnome_ann.png", "Alt": "President Andrew Johnson once said, \"If I am to be shot at, I want Gnome Ann to be in the way of the bullet.\"" }, { "id": 1705, "Date": "2016-07-11T08:52:10.7751578+02:00", "Title": "Pokémon Go", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pokemon_go.png", "Alt": "Still waiting for the Pokémon Go update that lets you capture strangers' pets." }, { "id": 1706, "Date": "2016-07-13T08:52:11.0035466+02:00", "Title": "Genetic Testing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/genetic_testing.png", "Alt": "Plus, now I know that I have risk factors for elbow dysplasia, heartworm, parvo, and mange." }, { "id": 1707, "Date": "2016-07-15T08:52:11.1587422+02:00", "Title": "xkcd Phone 4", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/xkcd_phone_4.png", "Alt": "The SpaceX system carefully guides falling phones down to the surface, a process which the phones increasingly often survive without exploding." }, { "id": 1708, "Date": "2016-07-18T08:52:11.3977152+02:00", "Title": "Dehydration", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dehydration.png", "Alt": "I don't care what the research says. Everybody knows you should drink 3,000 glasses of water a day and change your oil every 8 miles." }, { "id": 1709, "Date": "2016-07-20T08:52:11.6251873+02:00", "Title": "Inflection", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/inflection.png", "Alt": "\"Or maybe, because we're suddenly having so many conversations through written text, we'll start relying MORE on altered spelling to indicate meaning!\" \"Wat.\"" }, { "id": 1710, "Date": "2016-07-22T08:52:11.7860032+02:00", "Title": "Walking Into Things", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/walking_into_things.png", "Alt": "A childhood spent walking while reading books has prepared me unexpectedly well for today's world." }, { "id": 1711, "Date": "2016-07-25T08:52:11.9425023+02:00", "Title": "Snapchat", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/snapchat.png", "Alt": "For obvious reasons, the prize is awarded at a different time of year from the others, while it's still fresh in the committee's memory." }, { "id": 1712, "Date": "2016-07-27T08:52:12.3999502+02:00", "Title": "Politifact", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/politifact.png", "Alt": "\"Ok, I lit the smoke bomb and rolled it under the bed. Let's see if it--\" ::FWOOOSH:: \"Politifact says: PANTS ON FIRE!\"" }, { "id": 1713, "Date": "2016-07-29T08:52:12.5645541+02:00", "Title": "50 ccs", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/50_ccs.png", "Alt": "There's been a raccoon accident at an accordion bacchanalia! Double doses!" }, { "id": 1714, "Date": "2016-08-01T08:52:12.7237025+02:00", "Title": "Volcano Types", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/volcano_types.png", "Alt": "It's hard living somewhere with antlions, because every time you find one of their traps, you feel compelled to spend all day constructing a tiny model of Jabba's sail barge next to it." }, { "id": 1715, "Date": "2016-08-03T08:52:12.9628755+02:00", "Title": "Household Tips", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/household_tips.png", "Alt": "To make your shoes feel more comfortable, smell better, and last longer, try taking them off before you shower." }, { "id": 1716, "Date": "2016-08-05T08:52:13.1163016+02:00", "Title": "Time Travel Thesis", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/time_travel_thesis.png", "Alt": "'Hey, what are those futuristic goggles for, anyway?' 'Oh, this is just a broken Google Glass. It was 2010's night at the club.'" }, { "id": 1717, "Date": "2016-08-08T08:52:13.3510285+02:00", "Title": "Pyramid Honey", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pyramid_honey.png", "Alt": "They CLAIM honey was found in the chambers under the pyramids, but this conspiracy goes all the way to the TOP, where the GIANT EYE is!" }, { "id": 1718, "Date": "2016-08-10T08:52:13.502722+02:00", "Title": "Backups", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/backups.png", "Alt": "Maybe you should keep FEWER backups; it sounds like throwing away everything you've done and starting from scratch might not be the worst idea." }, { "id": 1719, "Date": "2016-08-12T08:52:13.6550925+02:00", "Title": "Superzoom", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/superzoom.png", "Alt": "*click* Let him know he's got a stain on his shirt, though." }, { "id": 1720, "Date": "2016-08-15T08:52:13.7960963+02:00", "Title": "Horses", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/horses.png", "Alt": "This car has 240% of a horse's decision-making ability and produces only 30% as much poop." }, { "id": 1721, "Date": "2016-08-17T08:52:14.0324934+02:00", "Title": "Business Idea", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/business_idea.png", "Alt": "Then we move to phase two. Gas stations store fuel in underground tanks. Normally, these are inaccessible except via the pump. However, with hydraulic fracturing, we-- Wait! Come back!" }, { "id": 1722, "Date": "2016-08-19T08:52:14.2655193+02:00", "Title": "Debugging", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/debugging.png", "Alt": "When you Google an error message and it gets no results, you can be pretty sure you've found a clue to the location of Martin's sword." }, { "id": 1723, "Date": "2016-08-22T08:52:14.4161046+02:00", "Title": "Meteorite Identification", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/meteorite_identification.png", "Alt": "Click for an actual flowchart for identifying a meteorite. My favorite part is how 'Did someone see it fall? -> Yes' points to 'NOT A METEORITE.' This is not a mistake." }, { "id": 1724, "Date": "2016-08-24T08:52:14.66028+02:00", "Title": "Proofs", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/proofs.png", "Alt": "Next, let's assume the decision of whether to take the Axiom of Choice is made by a deterministic process ..." }, { "id": 1725, "Date": "2016-08-26T08:52:14.8262445+02:00", "Title": "Linear Regression", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/linear_regression.png", "Alt": "The 95% confidence interval suggests Rexthor's dog could also be a cat, or possibly a teapot." }, { "id": 1726, "Date": "2016-08-29T08:52:14.986621+02:00", "Title": "Unicode", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/unicode.png", "Alt": "I'm excited about the proposal to add a \"brontosaurus\" emoji codepoint because it has the potential to bring together a half-dozen different groups of pedantic people into a single glorious internet argument." }, { "id": 1727, "Date": "2016-08-31T08:52:15.2295468+02:00", "Title": "Number of Computers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/number_of_computers.png", "Alt": "They try to pad their numbers in the annual reports by counting Galileo's redundant systems as multiple computers, but they're falling behind badly either way." }, { "id": 1728, "Date": "2016-09-02T08:52:15.4617223+02:00", "Title": "Cron Mail", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cron_mail.png", "Alt": "Take THAT, piece of 1980s-era infrastructure I've inexplicably maintained on my systems for 15 years despite never really learning how it works." }, { "id": 1729, "Date": "2016-09-05T08:52:15.6224264+02:00", "Title": "Migrating Geese", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/migrating_geese.png", "Alt": "\"Hey guys! I have a great idea for a migration!\" \"Dammit, Kevin.\"" }, { "id": 1730, "Date": "2016-09-07T08:52:15.7713228+02:00", "Title": "Starshade", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/starshade.png", "Alt": "The New Worlds Mission is already trying to get funding for this, but NASA sponsored their proposal, so it will be hard to catch the telescope people by surprise with it." }, { "id": 1731, "Date": "2016-09-09T08:52:16.0111713+02:00", "Title": "Wrong", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wrong.png", "Alt": "Hang on, I just remembered another thing I'm right about. See..." }, { "id": 1732, "Date": "2016-09-12T08:52:16.1648057+02:00", "Title": "Earth Temperature Timeline", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/earth_temperature_timeline.png", "Alt": "[After setting your car on fire] Listen, your car's temperature has changed before." }, { "id": 1733, "Date": "2016-09-15T08:52:16.3963125+02:00", "Title": "Solar Spectrum", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/solar_spectrum.png", "Alt": "I still don't understand why the Sun paid the extra money for Transitions lenses." }, { "id": 1734, "Date": "2016-09-16T08:52:16.6289386+02:00", "Title": "Reductionism", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/reductionism.png", "Alt": "\"I've noticed you physics people can be a little on the reductionist side.\" \"That's ridiculous. Name ONE reductionist word I've ever said.\"" }, { "id": 1735, "Date": "2016-09-19T08:52:16.7819611+02:00", "Title": "Fashion Police and Grammar Police", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fashion_police_and_grammar_police.png", "Alt": "* Mad about jorts" }, { "id": 1736, "Date": "2016-09-21T08:52:16.9378581+02:00", "Title": "Manhattan Project", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/manhattan_project.png", "Alt": "On the plus side, we definitely killed that cancer over there, even if we caused a bunch more everywhere else." }, { "id": 1737, "Date": "2016-09-23T08:52:17.0949308+02:00", "Title": "Datacenter Scale", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/datacenter_scale.png", "Alt": "Asimov's Cosmic AC was created by linking all datacenters through hyperspace, which explains a lot. It didn't reverse entropy--it just discarded the universe when it reached end-of-life and ordered a new one." }, { "id": 1738, "Date": "2016-09-26T08:52:17.3360837+02:00", "Title": "Moon Shapes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/moon_shapes.png", "Alt": "Whenever I see a picture of the moon where the points go more than halfway around, I assume it's being eclipsed by one of those Independence Day ships and interpret the rest of the image in light of that." }, { "id": 1739, "Date": "2016-09-28T08:52:17.4799789+02:00", "Title": "Fixing Problems", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fixing_problems.png", "Alt": "'What was the original problem you were trying to fix?' 'Well, I noticed one of the tools I was using had an inefficiency that was wasting my time.'" }, { "id": 1740, "Date": "2016-09-30T08:52:17.7213384+02:00", "Title": "Rosetta", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rosetta.png", "Alt": "I WONDERED why he kept asking whether we thought the impact speed was too low." }, { "id": 1741, "Date": "2016-10-03T08:52:17.9604565+02:00", "Title": "Work", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/work.png", "Alt": "Despite it being imaginary, I already have SUCH a strong opinion on the cord-switch firing incident." }, { "id": 1742, "Date": "2016-10-05T08:52:18.1041637+02:00", "Title": "Will It Work", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/will_it_work.png", "Alt": "'Copy and paste from a random thread on a website' is the hardest to predict, and depends on the specific website, programming language, tone of the description, and current phase of the moon." }, { "id": 1743, "Date": "2016-10-07T08:52:18.2574524+02:00", "Title": "Coffee", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/coffee.png", "Alt": "Remind me to order another pack of coffee filters from Dyson. Man, these things are EXPENSIVE." }, { "id": 1744, "Date": "2016-10-10T08:52:18.4911722+02:00", "Title": "Metabolism", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/metabolism.png", "Alt": "I have this weird thing where if I don't drink enough water, I start feeling bad and then die of dehydration." }, { "id": 1745, "Date": "2016-10-12T08:52:18.7365252+02:00", "Title": "Record Scratch", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/record_scratch.png", "Alt": "The 78-rpm era was closer to the Civil War than to today." }, { "id": 1746, "Date": "2016-10-14T08:52:18.9033047+02:00", "Title": "Making Friends", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/making_friends.png", "Alt": "\"This seems more like a way to attract turkey vultures.\" \"My mom always told me a turkey vulture is just a friend you haven't met yet, usually because you don't smell enough like decaying meat.\"" }, { "id": 1747, "Date": "2016-10-17T08:52:19.1350106+02:00", "Title": "Spider Paleontology", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/spider_paleontology.png", "Alt": "Whenever you see a video of birds doing something weird, remember: Birds are a small subset of dinosaurs, so the weirdness of birds is a small subset of the weirdness of dinosaurs." }, { "id": 1748, "Date": "2016-10-19T08:52:19.2880163+02:00", "Title": "Future Archaeology", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/future_archaeology.png", "Alt": "\"The only link we've found between the two documents is that a fragment of the Noah one mentions Aaron's brother Moses parting an ocean. Is that right?\" \"... yes. Yes, exactly.\"" }, { "id": 1749, "Date": "2016-10-21T08:52:19.4433331+02:00", "Title": "Mushrooms", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mushrooms.png", "Alt": "Evolutionarily speaking, mushrooms are technically a type of ghost." }, { "id": 1750, "Date": "2016-10-24T08:52:19.6810761+02:00", "Title": "Life Goals", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/life_goals.png", "Alt": "I got to check off 'Make something called xkcd' early." }, { "id": 1751, "Date": "2016-10-26T08:52:19.8306635+02:00", "Title": "Movie Folder", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/movie_folder.png", "Alt": "That's actually the original Japanese version of A Million Random Digits, which is much better than the American remake the book was based on." }, { "id": 1752, "Date": "2016-10-28T08:52:19.9848886+02:00", "Title": "Interplanetary Experience", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/interplanetary_experience.png", "Alt": "But instead of hitting the ocean, you should land in an overheating hot tub on a sinking cruise ship, sending it crashing through the floor into the burning engine room as the ship goes under." }, { "id": 1753, "Date": "2016-10-31T08:52:20.2207365+01:00", "Title": "Thumb War", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/thumb_war.png", "Alt": "\"Seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty--\" / \"Can't we just read Pat the Bunny?\"" }, { "id": 1754, "Date": "2016-11-02T08:52:20.4533485+01:00", "Title": "Tornado Safety Tips", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tornado_safety_tips.png", "Alt": "It's a myth that you can never cross mountains safely, but be sure you understand how the climatic situation there will affect your parent thunderstorm." }, { "id": 1755, "Date": "2016-11-04T08:52:20.6051199+01:00", "Title": "Old Days", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/old_days.png", "Alt": "Lot of drama in those days, including constant efforts to force the \"Reflections on Trusting Trust\" guy into retirement so we could stop being so paranoid about compilers." }, { "id": 1756, "Date": "2016-11-07T08:52:20.842933+01:00", "Title": "I'm With Her", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/im_with_her.png", "Alt": "We can do this." }, { "id": 1757, "Date": "2016-11-09T08:52:21.082327+01:00", "Title": "November 2016", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/november_2016.png", "Alt": "Once you've done this, make a note of how old they were. Then, when their age reaches double that, show them this chart again." }, { "id": 1758, "Date": "2016-11-11T08:52:21.2424088+01:00", "Title": "Astrophysics", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/astrophysics.png", "Alt": "DEPARTMENT OF NEUROSCIENCE / Motto: \"If I hear the phrase 'mirror neurons' I swear to God I will flip this table.\"" }, { "id": 1759, "Date": "2016-11-14T08:52:21.4780882+01:00", "Title": "British Map", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/british_map.png", "Alt": "West Norsussex is east of East Norwessex, but they're both far north of Middlesex and West Norwex." }, { "id": 1760, "Date": "2016-11-16T08:52:21.634546+01:00", "Title": "TV Problems", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tv_problems.png", "Alt": "Certified skydiving instructors know way more about safely falling from planes than I do, and are way more likely to die that way." }, { "id": 1761, "Date": "2016-11-18T08:52:21.8690165+01:00", "Title": "Blame", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/blame.png", "Alt": "I bet if I yell at my scared friends I will feel better." }, { "id": 1762, "Date": "2016-11-21T08:52:22.0198333+01:00", "Title": "Moving Boxes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/moving_boxes.png", "Alt": "Later, when I remember that I'm calling movers, I frantically scribble over the labels and write 'NORMAL HOUSE STUFF' on all of them, which actually makes things worse." }, { "id": 1763, "Date": "2016-11-23T08:52:22.1812999+01:00", "Title": "Catcalling", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/catcalling.png", "Alt": "Effect strength => [unstoppable] | Effect range => [2 miles] | Effect duration => [1 year]" }, { "id": 1764, "Date": "2016-11-25T08:52:22.3290937+01:00", "Title": "XKCDE", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/xkcde.png", "Alt": "4. They unplug the root machine but the thousands of leaf VMs scatter in the wind and start spinning up new instances wherever they land" }, { "id": 1765, "Date": "2016-11-28T08:52:22.5671296+01:00", "Title": "Baby Post", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/baby_post.png", "Alt": "[bzzzt] \"REMEMBER TO CHECK IN FOR YOUR FLIGHT TO LONDON.\" \"My wha-\" [bzzzt] \"YOUR UBER WILL ARRIVE IN FOUR MINUTES.\"" }, { "id": 1766, "Date": "2016-11-30T08:52:22.7138669+01:00", "Title": "Apple Spectrum", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/apple_spectrum.png", "Alt": "If I were trapped on a desert island, and could have an unlimited supply of any one type of apple, I'd be like, \"How did this situation happen?\"" }, { "id": 1767, "Date": "2016-12-02T08:52:22.8685269+01:00", "Title": "US State Names", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/us_state_names.png", "Alt": "Technically DC isn't a state, but no one is too pedantic about it because they don't want to disturb the snakes." }, { "id": 1768, "Date": "2016-12-05T08:52:23.1241548+01:00", "Title": "Settling", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/settling.png", "Alt": "Of course, \"Number of times I've gotten to make a decision twice to know for sure how it would have turned out\" is still at 0." }, { "id": 1769, "Date": "2016-12-07T08:52:23.2878249+01:00", "Title": "Never Seen Star Wars", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/never_seen_star_wars.png", "Alt": "If anyone calls you on any weird detail, just say it's from the Jedi Prince book series, which contains so much random incongruous stuff that even most Expanded Universe/Legends fans collectively agreed to forget about it decades ago." }, { "id": 1770, "Date": "2016-12-09T08:52:23.5256262+01:00", "Title": "UI Change", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ui_change.png", "Alt": "I know they said this change is permanent, but surely when they hear how much we're complaining someone will find a way to change things back." }, { "id": 1771, "Date": "2016-12-12T08:52:23.762798+01:00", "Title": "It Was I", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/it_was_i.png", "Alt": "It me, your father." }, { "id": 1772, "Date": "2016-12-14T08:52:23.9892267+01:00", "Title": "Startup Opportunity", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/startup_opportunity.png", "Alt": "While there's no formal regulation, it turns out their industry group is NOT one you want mad at you." }, { "id": 1773, "Date": "2016-12-16T08:52:24.2259486+01:00", "Title": "Negativity", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/negativity.png", "Alt": "[Google search] how do I block my lawn" }, { "id": 1774, "Date": "2016-12-19T08:52:24.3708719+01:00", "Title": "Adjective Foods", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/adjective_foods.png", "Alt": "Contains 100% of your recommended daily allowance!" }, { "id": 1775, "Date": "2016-12-21T08:52:24.6077606+01:00", "Title": "Things You Learn", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/things_you_learn.png", "Alt": "Guess who has two thumbs and spent the night in an ER after trying to rescue a kitten that ran under his car at a stoplight and climbed up into the engine compartment? And, thanks to antibiotics, will continue having two thumbs? THIS GUY. (P.S. kitten is safe!)" }, { "id": 1776, "Date": "2016-12-23T08:52:24.8385749+01:00", "Title": "Reindeer", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/reindeer.png", "Alt": "And then in a twinkling, a sound gave me pause / From the roof came the scratching of eight tarsal claws." }, { "id": 1777, "Date": "2016-12-26T08:52:25.0808038+01:00", "Title": "Dear Diary", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dear_diary.png", "Alt": "Dear Diary: UNSUBSCRIBE" }, { "id": 1778, "Date": "2016-12-28T08:52:25.3219272+01:00", "Title": "Interest Timescales", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/interest_timescales.png", "Alt": "Sometimes, parts of a slowly-rising mountain suddenly rise REALLY fast, which is extra interesting." }, { "id": 1779, "Date": "2016-12-30T08:52:25.5529086+01:00", "Title": "2017", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/2017.png", "Alt": "Things are looking good for the eclipse--Nate Silver says Earth will almost definitely still have a moon in August." }, { "id": 1780, "Date": "2017-01-02T08:52:25.7856895+01:00", "Title": "Appliance Repair", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/appliance_repair.png", "Alt": "[holding up a three-phase motor] As you can see here, the problem is that the humidifier I took this from is broken." }, { "id": 1781, "Date": "2017-01-04T08:52:26.0198001+01:00", "Title": "Artifacts", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/artifacts.png", "Alt": "I didn't even realize you could HAVE a data set made up entirely of outliers." }, { "id": 1782, "Date": "2017-01-06T08:52:26.2538812+01:00", "Title": "Team Chat", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/team_chat.png", "Alt": "2078: He announces that he's finally making the jump from screen+irssi to tmux+weechat." }, { "id": 1783, "Date": "2017-01-09T08:52:26.4126793+01:00", "Title": "Emails", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/emails.png", "Alt": "Hey Rob, sorry it took me a while to get back to you! Sure, I'd love to see WALL-E opening weekend! Are you still doing that, or...?" }, { "id": 1784, "Date": "2017-01-11T08:52:26.571008+01:00", "Title": "Bad Map Projection: Liquid Resize", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bad_map_projection_liquid_resize.png", "Alt": "This map preserves the shapes of Tissot's indicatrices pretty well, as long as you draw them in before running the resize." }, { "id": 1785, "Date": "2017-01-13T08:52:26.8082806+01:00", "Title": "Wifi", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wifi.png", "Alt": "Further out to the right, it works correctly, but the reason it works still involves the word 'firmware.'" }, { "id": 1786, "Date": "2017-01-16T08:52:27.2498106+01:00", "Title": "Trash", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/trash.png", "Alt": "Plus, time's all weird in there, so most of it probably broke down and decomposed hundreds of years ago. Which reminds me, I've been meaning to get in touch with Yucca Mountain to see if they're interested in a partnership." }, { "id": 1787, "Date": "2017-01-18T08:52:27.4078221+01:00", "Title": "Voice Commands", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/voice_commands.png", "Alt": "Dvorak words may sound hard to pronounce, but studies show they actually put less stress on the vocal cords." }, { "id": 1788, "Date": "2017-01-20T08:52:27.5630164+01:00", "Title": "Barge", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/barge.png", "Alt": "My life goal is to launch a barge into the air and have it land on one of Elon Musk's rockets." }, { "id": 1789, "Date": "2017-01-23T08:52:27.798632+01:00", "Title": "Phone Numbers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/phone_numbers.png", "Alt": "Texting should work. Unless the message is too long, in which case it gets converted to voicemails, and I think I'm locked out of my voicemail." }, { "id": 1790, "Date": "2017-01-25T08:52:28.0321882+01:00", "Title": "Sad", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sad.png", "Alt": "With the right 90-degree rotation, any effect is a side effect." }, { "id": 1791, "Date": "2017-01-27T08:52:28.1984064+01:00", "Title": "Telescopes: Refractor vs Reflector", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/telescopes_refractor_vs_reflector.png", "Alt": "On the other hand, the refractor's limited light-gathering means it's unable to make out shadow people or the dark god Chernabog." }, { "id": 1792, "Date": "2017-01-30T08:52:28.3508872+01:00", "Title": "Bird/Plane/Superman", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bird_plane_superman.png", "Alt": "You can apply special translucent films to your windows to help keep birds/Superman from accidentally flying into them." }, { "id": 1793, "Date": "2017-02-01T08:52:28.513421+01:00", "Title": "Soda Sugar Comparisons", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/soda_sugar_comparisons.png", "Alt": "The key is portion control, which is why I've switched to eating smaller cans of frosting instead of full bottles." }, { "id": 1794, "Date": "2017-02-03T08:52:28.7552024+01:00", "Title": "Fire", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fire.png", "Alt": "Billy Joel briefly detained" }, { "id": 1795, "Date": "2017-02-06T08:52:28.916152+01:00", "Title": "All You Can Eat", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/all_you_can_eat.png", "Alt": "After my absent-mindedness resulted in a bad posterboard-related stomachache, I learned to do the sign-making place last." }, { "id": 1796, "Date": "2017-02-08T08:52:29.0681735+01:00", "Title": "Focus Knob", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/focus_knob.png", "Alt": "Maybe if I spin it back and forth really fast I can do some kind of pulse-width modulation." }, { "id": 1797, "Date": "2017-02-10T08:52:29.2256183+01:00", "Title": "Stardew Valley", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/stardew_valley.png", "Alt": "I have accidentally watered virtually every person and object in Pelican Town." }, { "id": 1798, "Date": "2017-02-13T08:52:29.4623405+01:00", "Title": "Box Plot", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/box_plot.png", "Alt": "You have to be careful doing this. Sometimes, when you push the whisker down, dynamite explodes." }, { "id": 1799, "Date": "2017-02-15T08:52:29.6255524+01:00", "Title": "Bad Map Projection: Time Zones", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bad_map_projection_time_zones.png", "Alt": "This is probably the first projection in cartographic history that can be criticized for its disproportionate focus on Finland, Mongolia, and the Democratic Republic of the Congo." }, { "id": 1800, "Date": "2017-02-17T08:52:29.8603651+01:00", "Title": "Chess Notation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/chess_notation.png", "Alt": "I've decided to score all my conversations using chess win-loss notation. (??)" }, { "id": 1801, "Date": "2017-02-20T08:52:30.1013661+01:00", "Title": "Decision Paralysis", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/decision_paralysis.png", "Alt": "Good point--making no decision is itself a decision. So that's a THIRD option I have to research!" }, { "id": 1802, "Date": "2017-02-22T08:52:30.2466893+01:00", "Title": "Phone", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/phone.png", "Alt": "[*disables social networking accounts*] [*social isolation increases*] Wait, why does this ALSO feel bad?" }, { "id": 1803, "Date": "2017-02-24T08:52:30.4005082+01:00", "Title": "Location Reviews", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/location_reviews.png", "Alt": "Google and Yelp keep deleting my scathing reviews of the Mariana Trench, the Chernobyl reactor core, the jet stream, and the equator." }, { "id": 1804, "Date": "2017-02-27T08:52:30.6088262+01:00", "Title": "Video Content", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/video_content.png", "Alt": "\"So, like, sexy news videos?\" \"No, people have tried that--it's still just video content. We need to actually inform people THROUGH making out. I would call it 'Mouth Content,' but I think that's already the title of a Neil Cicierega album.\"" }, { "id": 1805, "Date": "2017-03-01T08:52:30.7746191+01:00", "Title": "Unpublished Discoveries", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/unpublished_discoveries.png", "Alt": "If you must know, I'm currently researching how to save this emailed tax form as a regular PDF so I can print and sign it. Our work isn't a lock for the Nobel, but we're in the running." }, { "id": 1806, "Date": "2017-03-03T08:52:31.0121211+01:00", "Title": "Borrow Your Laptop", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/borrow_your_laptop.png", "Alt": "If used with software that could keep up, a scroll wheel mapped to send a stream of 'undo' and 'redo' events could be kind of cool." }, { "id": 1807, "Date": "2017-03-06T08:52:31.2376126+01:00", "Title": "Listening", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/listening.png", "Alt": "Sure, you could just ask, but this also takes care of the host gift thing." }, { "id": 1808, "Date": "2017-03-08T08:52:31.3900945+01:00", "Title": "Hacking", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hacking.png", "Alt": "The dump also contains a list of millions of prime factors, a 0-day Tamagotchi exploit, and a technique for getting gcc and bash to execute arbitrary code." }, { "id": 1809, "Date": "2017-03-10T08:52:31.5428361+01:00", "Title": "xkcd Phone 5", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/xkcd_phone_5.png", "Alt": "The phone will be collected by the toll operators and mailed back to you within 4-6 weeks." }, { "id": 1810, "Date": "2017-03-13T08:52:31.7816611+01:00", "Title": "Chat Systems", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/chat_systems.png", "Alt": "I'm one of the few Instagram users who connects solely through the Unix 'talk' gateway." }, { "id": 1811, "Date": "2017-03-15T08:52:31.9897439+01:00", "Title": "Best-Tasting Colors", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/best_tasting_colors.png", "Alt": "I recognize that chocolate is its own thing on which reasonable people may differ. Everything else here is objective fact." }, { "id": 1812, "Date": "2017-03-17T08:52:32.1369045+01:00", "Title": "Onboarding", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/onboarding.png", "Alt": "'So we just have a steady flow of metal piling up in our server room? Isn't that a problem?' 'Yeah, you should bring that up at our next bismuth meeting.'" }, { "id": 1813, "Date": "2017-03-20T08:52:32.3593759+01:00", "Title": "Vomiting Emoji", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/vomiting_emoji.png", "Alt": "My favorite might be U+1F609 U+1F93F WINKING FACE VOMITING." }, { "id": 1814, "Date": "2017-03-22T08:52:32.5939561+01:00", "Title": "Color Pattern", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/color_pattern.png", "Alt": "♫ When the spacing is tight / And the difference is slight / That's a moiré ♫" }, { "id": 1815, "Date": "2017-03-24T08:52:32.74775+01:00", "Title": "Flag", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/flag.png", "Alt": "There's a compromise bill to keep the notification bar but at least charge the battery." }, { "id": 1816, "Date": "2017-03-27T08:52:32.9876694+02:00", "Title": "Mispronunciation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mispronunciation.png", "Alt": "I pronounce epitome \"EPPY-tome\", but EpiPen \"uh-PIE-pen\"." }, { "id": 1817, "Date": "2017-03-29T08:52:33.2183066+02:00", "Title": "Incognito Mode", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/incognito_mode.png", "Alt": "They're really the worst tech support team. And their solutions are always the same. \"This OS X update broke something.\" \"LET'S INFILTRATE APPLE BY MORPHING APPLES!\"" }, { "id": 1818, "Date": "2017-03-31T08:52:33.4689672+02:00", "Title": "Rayleigh Scattering", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rayleigh_scattering.png", "Alt": "If you ask \"why are leaves green?\" the usual answer is \"because they're full of chlorophyll, and chlorophyll is green,\" even though \"why does chlorophyll scatter green light?\" is a great question too." }, { "id": 1819, "Date": "2017-04-03T08:52:33.7126338+02:00", "Title": "Sweet 16", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sweet_16.png", "Alt": "Every year I make out my bracket at the season, and every year it's busted before the first game when I find out which teams are playing." }, { "id": 1820, "Date": "2017-04-05T08:52:33.8629661+02:00", "Title": "Security Advice", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/security_advice.png", "Alt": "Never give your password or bank account number to anyone who doesn't have a blue check mark next to their name." }, { "id": 1821, "Date": "2017-04-07T08:52:34.0210515+02:00", "Title": "Incinerator", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/incinerator.png", "Alt": "My trash can broke recently and I had to get rid of it. When I picked it up, I suffered a brief but harrowing existential crisis." }, { "id": 1822, "Date": "2017-04-10T08:52:34.2570871+02:00", "Title": "Existential Bug Reports", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/existential_bug_reports.png", "Alt": "ISSUE: If we wait long enough, the Earth will eventually be consumed by the Sun. WORKAROUND: None." }, { "id": 1823, "Date": "2017-04-12T08:52:34.4096867+02:00", "Title": "Hottest Editors", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hottest_editors.png", "Alt": "Elon Musk finally blocked me from the internal Tesla repository because I wouldn't stop sending pull requests for my code supporting steering via vim keybindings." }, { "id": 1824, "Date": "2017-04-14T08:52:34.6465272+02:00", "Title": "Identification Chart", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/identification_chart.png", "Alt": "Be careful—it's breeding season, and some of these can be *extremely* defensive of their nests." }, { "id": 1825, "Date": "2017-04-17T08:52:34.8802036+02:00", "Title": "7 Eleven", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/7_eleven.png", "Alt": "Really, the only honest 24-hour stores are the ones in places like Arizona and Hawaii, and many of them are still wrong in certain years." }, { "id": 1826, "Date": "2017-04-19T08:52:35.0345887+02:00", "Title": "Birdwatching", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/birdwatching.png", "Alt": "No, tell the park rangers to calm down, it's fine--I put a screen on the front. I just want to get the birds a little closer." }, { "id": 1827, "Date": "2017-04-21T08:52:35.2677803+02:00", "Title": "Survivorship Bias", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/survivorship_bias.png", "Alt": "They say you can't argue with results, but what kind of defeatist attitude is that? If you stick with it, you can argue with ANYTHING." }, { "id": 1828, "Date": "2017-04-24T08:52:35.4735654+02:00", "Title": "ISS Solar Transit", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/iss_solar_transit.png", "Alt": "I guess it's also the right setting for pictures of the Moon at night." }, { "id": 1829, "Date": "2017-04-26T08:52:35.7066403+02:00", "Title": "Geochronology", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/geochronology.png", "Alt": "'The mountains near here formed when the ... Newfoundland ... microplate collided with, uhh ... Labrador.' 'Ok, now you're definitely just naming dogs.' 'Wait, no, that's actually almost correct.'" }, { "id": 1830, "Date": "2017-04-28T08:52:35.8579983+02:00", "Title": "ISS Solar Transit 2", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/iss_solar_transit_2.png", "Alt": "Most people don't realize it, but they actually launch a new space station every few weeks because this keeps happening." }, { "id": 1831, "Date": "2017-05-01T08:52:36.0141034+02:00", "Title": "Here to Help", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/here_to_help.png", "Alt": "\"We TOLD you it was hard.\" \"Yeah, but now that I'VE tried, we KNOW it's hard.\"" }, { "id": 1832, "Date": "2017-05-03T08:52:36.1731662+02:00", "Title": "Photo Library Management", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/photo_library_management.png", "Alt": "A good lifehack is to use messy and unstable systems to organize your photos. That way, every five years or so it becomes obsolete and/or collapses, and you have to open it up and pick only your favorite pictures to salvage." }, { "id": 1833, "Date": "2017-05-05T08:52:36.3276127+02:00", "Title": "Code Quality 3", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/code_quality_3.png", "Alt": "It's like a half-solved cryptogram where the solution is a piece of FORTH code written by someone who doesn't know FORTH." }, { "id": 1834, "Date": "2017-05-08T08:52:36.5649042+02:00", "Title": "Lunch Order", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/lunch_order.png", "Alt": "GO FOR LUNCH, REPEAT, GO FOR LUNCH." }, { "id": 1835, "Date": "2017-05-10T08:52:36.7944655+02:00", "Title": "Random Obsessions", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/random_obsessions.png", "Alt": "I take the view that \"open-faced sandwiches\" are not sandwiches, but all other physical objects are." }, { "id": 1836, "Date": "2017-05-12T08:52:37.0265387+02:00", "Title": "Okeanos", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/okeanos.png", "Alt": "WHEN I WAS ON A BOAT I DROPPED MY PHONE CAN U LOOK FOR IT" }, { "id": 1837, "Date": "2017-05-15T08:52:37.2608358+02:00", "Title": "Rental Car", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rental_car.png", "Alt": "Technically, both cars are haunted, but the murder ghosts can't stand listening to the broken GPS for more than a few minutes." }, { "id": 1838, "Date": "2017-05-17T08:52:37.4151162+02:00", "Title": "Machine Learning", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/machine_learning.png", "Alt": "The pile gets soaked with data and starts to get mushy over time, so it's technically recurrent." }, { "id": 1839, "Date": "2017-05-19T08:52:37.5712112+02:00", "Title": "Doctor Visit", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/doctor_visit.png", "Alt": "According to these blood tests, you're like 30% cereal." }, { "id": 1840, "Date": "2017-05-22T08:52:37.8086285+02:00", "Title": "Genetic Testing Results", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/genetic_testing_results.png", "Alt": "That's very exciting! The bad news is that it's a risk factor for a lot of things." }, { "id": 1841, "Date": "2017-05-24T08:52:37.9565445+02:00", "Title": "Who?", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/who.png", "Alt": "Gonna feel even dumber when I realize that all this time he's been talking into a bluetooth thingy and we're not actually friends." }, { "id": 1842, "Date": "2017-05-26T08:52:38.1927099+02:00", "Title": "Anti-Drone Eagles", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/anti_drone_eagles.png", "Alt": "It's cool, it's totally ethical--they're all programmed to hunt whichever bird of prey is most numerous at the moment, so they leave the endangered ones alone until near the end." }, { "id": 1843, "Date": "2017-05-29T08:52:38.4269949+02:00", "Title": "Opening Crawl", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/opening_crawl.png", "Alt": "Using a classic Timothy Zahn EU/Legends novel is bad enough, but at least the style and setting aren't too far off. If you really want to mess with people, try using Splinter of the Mind's Eye." }, { "id": 1844, "Date": "2017-05-31T08:52:38.5808593+02:00", "Title": "Voting Systems", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/voting_systems.png", "Alt": "Kenneth Arrow hated me because the ordering of my preferences changes based on which voting systems have what level of support. But it tells me a lot about the people I'm going to be voting with!" }, { "id": 1845, "Date": "2017-06-02T08:52:38.8179484+02:00", "Title": "State Word Map", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/state_word_map.png", "Alt": "The top search for every state is PORN, except Florida, where it's SEX PORN." }, { "id": 1846, "Date": "2017-06-05T08:52:39.051649+02:00", "Title": "Drone Problems", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/drone_problems.png", "Alt": "On the other hand, as far as they know, my system is working perfectly." }, { "id": 1847, "Date": "2017-06-07T08:52:39.2029324+02:00", "Title": "Dubious Study", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dubious_study.png", "Alt": "Sounds fine. I looked up the Academy, and it says on their MySpace page that their journal is peer-viewed and downloaded biannually." }, { "id": 1848, "Date": "2017-06-09T08:52:39.4521042+02:00", "Title": "Glacial Erratic", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/glacial_erratic.png", "Alt": "\"This will take a while, which sucks, because I'm already so busy chiseling out igneous intrusions from rock formations and watching Youtube loops of the Superman fault-sealing scene over and over.\"" }, { "id": 1849, "Date": "2017-06-12T08:52:39.5952539+02:00", "Title": "Decades", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/decades.png", "Alt": "In the 90s, our variety radio station used the tagline \"the best music of the 70s, 80s, and 90s.\" After 2000, they switched to \"the best music of the 80s, 90s, and today.\" I figured they'd change again in 2010, but it's 2017 and they're still saying \"80s, 90s, and today.\" I hope radio survives long enough for us to find out how they deal with the 2020s." }, { "id": 1850, "Date": "2017-06-14T08:52:39.7546529+02:00", "Title": "Air Force Museum", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/air_force_museum.png", "Alt": "I had fun visiting the museum at Dover Air Force Base, unless they don't have a museum, in which case I've never been to Delaware in my life." }, { "id": 1851, "Date": "2017-06-16T08:52:39.9056855+02:00", "Title": "Magnetohydrodynamics", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/magnetohydrodynamics.png", "Alt": "Magnetohydrodynamics combines the intuitive nature of Maxwell's equations with the easy solvability of the Navier-Stokes equations. It's so straightforward physicists add \"relativistic\" or \"quantum\" just to keep it from getting boring." }, { "id": 1852, "Date": "2017-06-19T08:52:40.059046+02:00", "Title": "Election Map", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/election_map.png", "Alt": "Luckily for my interpretation, no precincts were won by the Green Party." }, { "id": 1853, "Date": "2017-06-21T08:52:40.3017767+02:00", "Title": "Once Per Day", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/once_per_day.png", "Alt": "I'm not totally locked into my routine—twice a year, I take a break to change the batteries in my smoke detectors." }, { "id": 1854, "Date": "2017-06-23T08:52:40.4527404+02:00", "Title": "Refresh Types", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/refresh_types.png", "Alt": "The hardest refresh requires both a Mac keyboard and a Windows keyboard as a security measure, like how missile launch systems require two keys to be turned at once." }, { "id": 1855, "Date": "2017-06-26T08:52:40.6888001+02:00", "Title": "Telephoto", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/telephoto.png", "Alt": "I was banned from the airliners.net photography forum by concerned moderators after the end of my lens started brushing against planes as they flew by." }, { "id": 1856, "Date": "2017-06-28T08:52:40.9241948+02:00", "Title": "Existence Proof", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/existence_proof.png", "Alt": "Real analysis is way realer than I expected." }, { "id": 1857, "Date": "2017-06-30T08:52:41.1728344+02:00", "Title": "Emoji Movie", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/emoji_movie.png", "Alt": "Some other studio should do the Antz/A Bug's Life thing and release The Dingbats Movie at the same time." }, { "id": 1858, "Date": "2017-07-03T08:52:41.4216561+02:00", "Title": "4th of July", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/4th_of_july.png", "Alt": "Strangely, they still celebrate by eating hot dogs. Since they don't have mouths, they just kinda toss them in the air and let them fall back down into their propeller blades. It's pretty messy." }, { "id": 1859, "Date": "2017-07-05T08:52:41.6655441+02:00", "Title": "Sports Knowledge", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sports_knowledge.png", "Alt": "I heard they might make the wild card game, which would be cool. Do you know when that is? I have a wedding next weekend, but if it's after that we could try to go!" }, { "id": 1860, "Date": "2017-07-07T08:52:41.9004182+02:00", "Title": "Communicating", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/communicating.png", "Alt": "You're saying that the responsibility for avoiding miscommunication lies entirely with the listener, not the speaker, which explains why you haven't been able to convince anyone to help you down from that wall." }, { "id": 1861, "Date": "2017-07-10T08:52:42.060685+02:00", "Title": "Quantum", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/quantum.png", "Alt": "If you draw a diagonal line from lower left to upper right, that's the ICP 'Miracles' axis." }, { "id": 1862, "Date": "2017-07-12T08:52:42.3152257+02:00", "Title": "Particle Properties", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/particle_properties.png", "Alt": "Each particle also has a password which allows its properties to be changed, but the cosmic censorship hypothesis suggests we can never observe the password itself—only its secure hash." }, { "id": 1863, "Date": "2017-07-14T08:52:42.4667345+02:00", "Title": "Screenshots", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/screenshots.png", "Alt": "For the final exam, you take a screenshot showing off all the work you've done in the class, and it has to survive being uploaded, thumbnailed, and re-screenshotted through a chain of social media sites." }, { "id": 1864, "Date": "2017-07-17T08:52:42.6209106+02:00", "Title": "City Nicknames", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/city_nicknames.png", "Alt": "This place has so many demonyms. Northlanders. Fair Folk. Honey Barons. Lake Dwellers. Treasurers. Swamp Watchers. Dream Farmers. Wellfolk. Rockeaters. Forgotten Royals. Remote Clients. Barrow-Clerks. The People of Land and Sky." }, { "id": 1865, "Date": "2017-07-19T08:52:42.7765915+02:00", "Title": "Wifi vs Cellular", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wifi_vs_cellular.png", "Alt": "According to the cable company reps who keep calling me, it's because I haven't upgraded to the XTREME GIGABAND PANAMAX FLAVOR-BLASTED PRO PACKAGE WITH HBO, which is only $5 more per month for the first 6 months and five billion dollars per month after that." }, { "id": 1866, "Date": "2017-07-21T08:52:42.9351447+02:00", "Title": "Russell's Teapot", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/russells_teapot.png", "Alt": "Unfortunately, NASA regulations state that Bertrand Russell-related payloads can only be launched within launch vehicles which do not launch themselves." }, { "id": 1867, "Date": "2017-07-24T08:52:43.0871642+02:00", "Title": "Physics Confession", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/physics_confession.png", "Alt": "\"You know lightning, right? When electric charge builds up in a cloud and then discharges in a giant spark? Ask me why that happens.\" \"Why does tha--\" \"No clue. We think it's related to the hair thing.\"" }, { "id": 1868, "Date": "2017-07-26T08:52:43.2644991+02:00", "Title": "Eclipse Flights", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/eclipse_flights.png", "Alt": "The captain has turned on the 'fasten seat belt' sign." }, { "id": 1869, "Date": "2017-07-28T08:52:43.5330693+02:00", "Title": "Positive and Negative Reviews", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/positive_and_negative_reviews.png", "Alt": "This restaurant is great! I was feeling really sick, but then I ate there and felt better!" }, { "id": 1870, "Date": "2017-07-31T08:52:43.7801408+02:00", "Title": "Emoji Movie Reviews", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/emoji_movie_reviews.png", "Alt": "There's this idea that emoji are bad for communication because they replace ambiguity and nuance with a limited set of preselected emotions, but it doesn't really survive a collision with real-world usage of the thinking face or upside-down smiley." }, { "id": 1871, "Date": "2017-08-02T08:52:43.9287638+02:00", "Title": "Bun Alert", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bun_alert.png", "Alt": "Since buns range from crepuscular to nocturnal, it's recommended that you enable the scheduled \"Do Not Disturb\" mode on your phone to avoid being woken by alerts about Night Buns." }, { "id": 1872, "Date": "2017-08-04T08:52:44.1638628+02:00", "Title": "Backup Batteries", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/backup_batteries.png", "Alt": "If it falls below 20% full, my bag turns red and I start to panic." }, { "id": 1873, "Date": "2017-08-07T08:52:44.3145275+02:00", "Title": "Email Reply", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/email_reply.png", "Alt": "I would be honored, but I know I don't belong in your network. The person you invited was someone who had not yet inflicted this two-year ordeal upon you. I'm no longer that person." }, { "id": 1874, "Date": "2017-08-09T08:52:44.5496253+02:00", "Title": "Geologic Faults", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/geologic_faults.png", "Alt": "I live on a torn-bag-of-potato-chips-where-the-tear-is-rapidly-growing fault, which is terrifying." }, { "id": 1875, "Date": "2017-08-11T08:52:44.7862414+02:00", "Title": "Computers vs Humans", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/computers_vs_humans.png", "Alt": "It's hard to train deep learning algorithms when most of the positive feedback they get is sarcastic." }, { "id": 1876, "Date": "2017-08-14T08:52:45.0196318+02:00", "Title": "Eclipse Searches", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/eclipse_searches.png", "Alt": "There were traffic jams for the eclipses in 1970 and 1979, and that was *before* we had the potential for overnight viral social media frenzies." }, { "id": 1877, "Date": "2017-08-16T08:52:45.169968+02:00", "Title": "Eclipse Science", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/eclipse_science.png", "Alt": "I was thinking of observing stars to verify Einstein's theory of relativity again, but I gotta say, that thing is looking pretty solid at this point." }, { "id": 1878, "Date": "2017-08-18T08:52:45.4042958+02:00", "Title": "Earth Orbital Diagram", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/earth_orbital_diagram.png", "Alt": "You shouldn't look directly at a partial eclipse because of the damage that can be caused by improperly aligning the solar-lunar orbital plane with the orbital bones around your eye." }, { "id": 1879, "Date": "2017-08-21T08:52:45.6371359+02:00", "Title": "Eclipse Birds", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/eclipse_birds.png", "Alt": "'Hey! Put her down!' 'No, it's ok! The next chance for me to be carried to a blood cauldron isn't until 2024!'" }, { "id": 1880, "Date": "2017-08-23T08:52:45.8708725+02:00", "Title": "Eclipse Review", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/eclipse_review.png", "Alt": "I watched from a beautiful nature reserve in central Missouri, and it was--without exaggeration--the coolest thing I've ever seen." }, { "id": 1881, "Date": "2017-08-25T08:52:46.1089032+02:00", "Title": "Drone Training", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/drone_training.png", "Alt": "The joke will be on him in a few weeks when animal control shows up and takes custody of his Roomba." }, { "id": 1882, "Date": "2017-08-28T08:52:46.2732774+02:00", "Title": "Color Models", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/color_models.png", "Alt": "What if what *I* see as blue, *you* see as a slightly different blue because you're using Chrome instead of Firefox and despite a decade of messing with profiles we STILL can't get this right somehow." }, { "id": 1883, "Date": "2017-08-30T08:52:46.5101814+02:00", "Title": "Supervillain Plan", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/supervillain_plan.png", "Alt": "Someday, some big historical event will happen during the DST changeover, and all the tick-tock articles chronicling how it unfolded will have to include a really annoying explanation next to their timelines." }, { "id": 1884, "Date": "2017-09-01T08:52:46.744395+02:00", "Title": "Ringer Volume/Media Volume", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ringer_volume_media_volume.png", "Alt": "Our new video ad campaign has our product's name shouted in the first 500 milliseconds, so we can reach the people in adjacent rooms while the viewer is still turning down the volume." }, { "id": 1885, "Date": "2017-09-04T08:52:46.9760996+02:00", "Title": "Ensemble Model", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ensemble_model.png", "Alt": "I'm in talks with Netflix to produce an alternate-universe crime drama about the world where sliced bread was never re-legalized, but it's going slowly because they keep changing their phone numbers and the door lock codes at their headquarters." }, { "id": 1886, "Date": "2017-09-06T08:52:47.2110095+02:00", "Title": "Typing Notifications", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/typing_notifications.png", "Alt": "Over the years I've decided I'd rather have them on than not, but I'm glad there aren't \"has opened a blank note to compose a reply to you\" notifications." }, { "id": 1887, "Date": "2017-09-08T08:52:47.3653334+02:00", "Title": "Two Down, One to Go", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/two_down_one_to_go.png", "Alt": "The third row will probably have to wait until 2034, and maybe longer. If I see a daytime supernova, I'll replace the meteor storm with that and consider it 3/3." }, { "id": 1888, "Date": "2017-09-11T08:52:47.5200657+02:00", "Title": "Still in Use", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/still_in_use.png", "Alt": "'Which one?' 'I dunno, it's your house. Just check each object.' 'Check it for *what*?' 'Whether it looks like it might have touched a paper towel at some point and then forgotten to let go.' '...' 'You can also Google to learn how to check which things are using which resources.' 'You know, I'll just leave the towel there and try again tomorrow.'" }, { "id": 1889, "Date": "2017-09-13T08:52:47.7273939+02:00", "Title": "xkcd Phone 6", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/xkcd_phone_6.png", "Alt": "We understand your privacy concerns; be assured that our phones will never store or transmit images of your face." }, { "id": 1890, "Date": "2017-09-15T08:52:47.8780984+02:00", "Title": "What to Bring", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/what_to_bring.png", "Alt": "I always figured you should never bring a gun to a gun fight because then you'll be part of a gun fight." }, { "id": 1891, "Date": "2017-09-18T08:52:48.037975+02:00", "Title": "Obsolete Technology", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/obsolete_technology.png", "Alt": "And I can't believe some places still use fax machines. The electrical signals waste so much time going AROUND the Earth when neutrino beams can go straight through!" }, { "id": 1892, "Date": "2017-09-20T08:52:48.2680424+02:00", "Title": "USB Cables", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/usb_cables.png", "Alt": "Tag yourself, I'm \"frayed.\"" }, { "id": 1893, "Date": "2017-09-22T08:52:48.4178612+02:00", "Title": "Thread", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/thread.png", "Alt": "Since the current Twitter threadfall kicked off in early 2016, we can expect it to continue until the mid 2060s when the next Interval begins." }, { "id": 1894, "Date": "2017-09-25T08:52:48.5727256+02:00", "Title": "Real Estate", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/real_estate.png", "Alt": "I tried converting the prices into pizzas, to put it in more familiar terms, and it just became a hard-to-think-about number of pizzas." }, { "id": 1895, "Date": "2017-09-27T08:52:48.8102453+02:00", "Title": "Worrying Scientist Interviews", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/worrying_scientist_interviews.png", "Alt": "They always try to explain that they're called 'solar physicists', but the reporters interrupt with \"NEVER MIND THAT, TELL US WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE SUN!\"" }, { "id": 1896, "Date": "2017-09-29T08:52:48.962392+02:00", "Title": "Active Ingredients Only", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/active_ingredients_only.png", "Alt": "Contains the active ingredients from all competing cold medicines, plus the medicines for headaches, arthritis, insomnia, indigestion, and more, because who wants THOSE things?" }, { "id": 1897, "Date": "2017-10-02T08:52:49.1182134+02:00", "Title": "Self Driving", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/self_driving.png", "Alt": "\"Crowdsourced steering\" doesn't sound quite as appealing as \"self driving.\"" }, { "id": 1898, "Date": "2017-10-04T08:52:49.2734933+02:00", "Title": "October 2017", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/october_2017.png", "Alt": "And yet I have no trouble believing that the start of the 2016 election was several decades ago." }, { "id": 1899, "Date": "2017-10-06T08:52:49.5152698+02:00", "Title": "Ears", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ears.png", "Alt": "My theory is that most humans have been colonized with alien mind-control slugs that hold the earbuds for them, and the ones who can't wear earbuds are the only surviving free ones." }, { "id": 1900, "Date": "2017-10-09T08:52:49.7455497+02:00", "Title": "Jet Lag", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/jet_lag.png", "Alt": "I had some important research to do on proposed interstellar space missions, basketball statistics, canceled skyscrapers, and every article linked from \"Women in warfare and the military in the 19th century.\"" }, { "id": 1901, "Date": "2017-10-11T08:52:49.8967714+02:00", "Title": "Logical", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/logical.png", "Alt": "It's like I've always said--people just need more common sense. But not the kind of common sense that lets them figure out that they're being condescended to by someone who thinks they're stupid, because then I'll be in trouble." }, { "id": 1902, "Date": "2017-10-13T08:52:50.1346178+02:00", "Title": "State Borders", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/state_borders.png", "Alt": "A schism between the pro-panhandle and anti-panhandle factions eventually led to war, but both sides spent too much time working on their flag designs to actually do much fighting." }, { "id": 1903, "Date": "2017-10-16T08:52:50.2837055+02:00", "Title": "Bun Trend", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bun_trend.png", "Alt": "Our experts have characterized the ecological impact of this trend as \"adorable.\"" }, { "id": 1904, "Date": "2017-10-18T08:52:50.5204384+02:00", "Title": "Research Risks", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/research_risks.png", "Alt": "The 1919 Great Boston Molasses Flood remained the deadliest confectionery containment accident until the Canadian Space Agency's 2031 orbital maple syrup delivery disaster." }, { "id": 1905, "Date": "2017-10-20T08:52:50.6748133+02:00", "Title": "Cast Iron Pan", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cast_iron_pans.png", "Alt": "If you want to evenly space them, it's easiest to alternate between the Arctic and Antarctic. Some people just go to the Arctic twice, near the equinoxes so the visits are almost 6 months apart, but it's not the same." }, { "id": 1906, "Date": "2017-10-23T08:52:50.9136846+02:00", "Title": "Making Progress", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/making_progress.png", "Alt": "I started off with countless problems. But now I know, thanks to COUNT(), that I have \"#REF! ERROR: Circular dependency detected\" problems." }, { "id": 1907, "Date": "2017-10-25T08:52:51.0640455+02:00", "Title": "Immune System", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/immune_system.png", "Alt": "It also helps with negotiation. \"Look, if it were up to me, *I'd* accept your offer, but my swarm of autonomous killer cells literally can't be reasoned with. It's out of my hands!\"" }, { "id": 1908, "Date": "2017-10-27T08:52:51.2210188+02:00", "Title": "Credit Card Rewards", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/credit_card_rewards.png", "Alt": "I should make a list of all the things I could be trying to optimize, prioritized by ... well, I guess there are a few different variables I could use. I'll create a spreadsheet ..." }, { "id": 1909, "Date": "2017-10-30T08:52:51.4545576+01:00", "Title": "Digital Resource Lifespan", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/digital_resource_lifespan.png", "Alt": "I spent a long time thinking about how to design a system for long-term organization and storage of subject-specific informational resources without needing ongoing work from the experts who created them, only to realized I'd just reinvented libraries." }, { "id": 1910, "Date": "2017-11-01T08:52:51.6905871+01:00", "Title": "Sky Spotters", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sky_spotters.png", "Alt": "Where I live, one of the most common categories of sky object without a weird obsessive spotting community is \"lost birthday party balloons,\" so that might be a good choice—although you risk angering the marine wildlife people, and they have sharks." }, { "id": 1911, "Date": "2017-11-03T08:52:51.8516248+01:00", "Title": "Defensive Profile", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/defensive_profile.png", "Alt": "NO DRAMA ZONE -> If I've made you sad, you'd better not tell me, because I am TERRIFIED of that situation and have NO IDEA how to handle it." }, { "id": 1912, "Date": "2017-11-06T08:52:52.0908507+01:00", "Title": "Thermostat", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/thermostat.png", "Alt": "Your problem is so terrible, I worry that, if I help you, I risk drawing the attention of whatever god of technology inflicted it on you." }, { "id": 1913, "Date": "2017-11-08T08:52:52.2476715+01:00", "Title": "A �", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/i.png", "Alt": "If you want in on the fun, map a key on your keyboard to the sequence U+0041 U+0020 U+FFFD (or U+0021 U+0020 U+FFFD for the exclamation point version), and then no update can never take this away from you." }, { "id": 1914, "Date": "2017-11-10T08:52:52.4785724+01:00", "Title": "Twitter Verification", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/twitter_verification.png", "Alt": "When we started distributing special status tokens that signify which people are important enough to join an elite group, we never could have imagined we might be creating some problems down the line." }, { "id": 1915, "Date": "2017-11-13T08:52:52.7145148+01:00", "Title": "Nightmare Email Feature", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/nightmare_email_feature.png", "Alt": "\"...just got back and didn't see your message until just now. Sorry! -- TIME THIS MESSAGE SAT HALF-FINISHED IN DRAFTS FOLDER: 3 days, 2 hours, 45 minutes.\"" }, { "id": 1916, "Date": "2017-11-15T08:52:52.944495+01:00", "Title": "Temperature Preferences", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/temperature_preferences.png", "Alt": "There's a supposed Mark Twain quote, \"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.\" It isn't really by Mark Twain, but I don't know who said it—I just know they've never been to McMurdo Station." }, { "id": 1917, "Date": "2017-11-17T08:52:53.1793593+01:00", "Title": "How to Make Friends", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/how_to_make_friends.png", "Alt": "No, wait, come back! I want to be friends at you!" }, { "id": 1918, "Date": "2017-11-20T08:52:53.3369214+01:00", "Title": "NEXUS", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/nexus.png", "Alt": "You also refuse to buy Cisco products because you hate the Thong Song, O. Henry, Deep Space Nine, freshwater whitefish, teenaged Incan emperors, Brak's brother, and vegetable-based shortening." }, { "id": 1919, "Date": "2017-11-22T08:52:53.5001774+01:00", "Title": "Interstellar Asteroid", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/interstellar_asteroid.png", "Alt": "Every time we detect an asteroid from outside the Solar System, we should immediately launch a mission to fling one of our asteroids back in the direction it came from." }, { "id": 1920, "Date": "2017-11-24T08:52:53.7349084+01:00", "Title": "Emoji Sports", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/emoji_sports.png", "Alt": "No horse has yet managed the elusive Quadruple Crown—winning the Kentucky Derby, the Preakness, the Belmont Stakes, and the Missouri Horse Hole." }, { "id": 1921, "Date": "2017-11-27T08:52:53.9755046+01:00", "Title": "The Moon and the Great Wall", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_moon_and_the_great_wall.png", "Alt": "And arguably sunspots, on rare occasions. But even if they count, it takes ideal conditions and you might hurt your eyes." }, { "id": 1922, "Date": "2017-11-29T08:52:54.1246253+01:00", "Title": "Interferometry", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/interferometry.png", "Alt": "It's important to note that while the effective size of the dog can be arbitrarily large, it's not any more of a good dog than the two original dogs." }, { "id": 1923, "Date": "2017-12-01T08:52:54.3605006+01:00", "Title": "Felsius", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/felsius.png", "Alt": "The symbol for degrees Felsius is an average of the Euro symbol (€) and the Greek lunate epsilon (ϵ)." }, { "id": 1924, "Date": "2017-12-04T08:52:54.5106985+01:00", "Title": "Solar Panels", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/solar_panels.png", "Alt": "This works for a surprising range of sunlit things, including rooftops (sure), highway surfaces (probably not), sailboats (maybe), and jets, cars, and wild deer (haha good luck)." }, { "id": 1925, "Date": "2017-12-06T08:52:54.6640054+01:00", "Title": "Self-Driving Car Milestones", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/self_driving_car_milestones.png", "Alt": "I'm working on a car capable of evaluating arbitrarily complex boolean expressions on \"honk if [...]\" bumper stickers and responding accordingly." }, { "id": 1926, "Date": "2017-12-08T08:52:54.817821+01:00", "Title": "Bad Code", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bad_code.png", "Alt": "\"Oh my God, why did you scotch-tape a bunch of hammers together?\" \"It's ok! Nothing depends on this wall being destroyed efficiently.\"" }, { "id": 1927, "Date": "2017-12-11T08:52:55.0528748+01:00", "Title": "Tinder", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tinder.png", "Alt": "People keep telling me to use the radio but I really hate making voice calls." }, { "id": 1928, "Date": "2017-12-13T08:52:55.2049075+01:00", "Title": "Seven Years", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/seven_years.png", "Alt": "[hair in face] \"SEVVVENNN YEEEARRRSSS\"" }, { "id": 1929, "Date": "2017-12-15T08:52:55.3602486+01:00", "Title": "Argument Timing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/argument_timing.png", "Alt": "Of course, everyone has their own profile. There are morning arguers, hangry arguers, meal-time arguers, late-night arguers, and people who get in a meta-argument over what their argument timing is, dredge up examples of past arguments, and end up fighting over THOSE again as well." }, { "id": 1930, "Date": "2017-12-18T08:52:55.5136119+01:00", "Title": "Calendar Facts", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/calendar_facts.png", "Alt": "While it may seem like trivia, it (causes huge headaches for software developers / is taken advantage of by high-speed traders / triggered the 2003 Northeast Blackout / has to be corrected for by GPS satellites / is now recognized as a major cause of World War I)." }, { "id": 1931, "Date": "2017-12-20T08:52:55.7511901+01:00", "Title": "Virtual Assistant", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/virtual_assistant.png", "Alt": "If you ask it to please turn off that feature, it apologizes a whole bunch and promises to try to be quieter, then switches to a slightly lower-volume version of the clip with \"sorry!\" after the louder sounds." }, { "id": 1932, "Date": "2017-12-22T08:52:55.9875466+01:00", "Title": "The True Meaning of Christmas", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_true_meaning_of_christmas.png", "Alt": "They all made fun of Autometalogolex, but someday there will be a problem with Christmas that can only be solved if Santa somehow gets a serious headache, and then they'll see." }, { "id": 1933, "Date": "2017-12-25T08:52:56.1370799+01:00", "Title": "Santa Facts", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/santa_facts.png", "Alt": "We've gotten him up to 20% milk and cookies through an aggressive public campaign, but that seems to be his dietary limit. Anything above that and he starts developing nutritional deficiencies." }, { "id": 1934, "Date": "2017-12-27T08:52:56.2938629+01:00", "Title": "Phone Security", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/phone_security.png", "Alt": "...wait until they type in payment information, then use it to order yourself a replacement phone." }, { "id": 1935, "Date": "2017-12-29T08:52:56.5273876+01:00", "Title": "2018", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/2018.png", "Alt": "We should really start calculating it earlier, but until the end of December we're always too busy trying to figure out which day Christmas will fall on." }, { "id": 1936, "Date": "2018-01-01T08:52:56.6852906+01:00", "Title": "Desert Golfing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/desert_golfing.png", "Alt": "I just want to stay up long enough to watch the ball drop into the hole number 2018." }, { "id": 1937, "Date": "2018-01-03T08:52:56.9146141+01:00", "Title": "IATA Airport Abbreviations", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/iata_airport_abbreviations.png", "Alt": "IATA stands for International AirporT Abbreviation." }, { "id": 1938, "Date": "2018-01-05T08:52:57.1485288+01:00", "Title": "Meltdown and Spectre", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/meltdown_and_spectre.png", "Alt": "New zero-day vulnerability: In addition to rowhammer, it turns out lots of servers are vulnerable to regular hammers, too." }, { "id": 1939, "Date": "2018-01-08T08:52:57.3016106+01:00", "Title": "2016 Election Map", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/2016_election_map.png", "Alt": "I like the idea of cartograms (distorted population maps), but I feel like in practice they often end up being the worst of both worlds—not great for showing geography OR counting people. And on top of that, they have all the problems of a chloro... chorophl... chloropet... map with areas colored in." }, { "id": 1940, "Date": "2018-01-10T08:52:57.4550943+01:00", "Title": "The Food Size Cycle", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_food_size_cycle.png", "Alt": "There's data suggesting that this model may apply to deep-dish/thin-crust pizza. I've designed a thorough multi-year study to investigate this personally, but funding organizations keep denying my grant requests." }, { "id": 1941, "Date": "2018-01-12T08:52:57.6930657+01:00", "Title": "Dying Gift", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dying_gift.png", "Alt": "And to you, I leave my life-sized ice sculpture replica of the Pietà which was blessed by the Pope. You must never let it melt! Now, remember, all gifts must be removed from my estate within 24 hours." }, { "id": 1942, "Date": "2018-01-15T08:52:57.9227262+01:00", "Title": "Memorable Quotes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/memorable_quotes.png", "Alt": "\"Since there's no ending quote mark, everything after this is part of my quote. —Randall Munroe" }, { "id": 1943, "Date": "2018-01-17T08:52:58.1585631+01:00", "Title": "Universal Dreams", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/universal_dreams.png", "Alt": "\"That's ... unsettling.\" \"Yeah, those definitely don't sound like the normal drea– ＬＡＴＩＴＵＤＥ ＴＨＲＥＥ ＦＩＶＥ ＰＯＩＮＴ...\" " }, { "id": 1944, "Date": "2018-01-19T08:52:58.3074065+01:00", "Title": "The End of the Rainbow", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_end_of_the_rainbow.png", "Alt": "The retina is the exposed surface of the brain, so if you think about a pot of gold while looking at a rainbow, then there's one at BOTH ends." }, { "id": 1945, "Date": "2018-01-22T08:52:58.5418323+01:00", "Title": "Scientific Paper Graph Quality", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/scientific_paper_graph_quality.png", "Alt": "The worst are graphs with qualitative, vaguely-labeled axes and very little actual data." }, { "id": 1946, "Date": "2018-01-24T08:52:58.691987+01:00", "Title": "Hawaii", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hawaii.png", "Alt": "Ok, I've got it, just need to plug in my security key. Hmm, which way does the USB go? Nope, not that way. I'll just flip it and– OH JEEZ IT FELL INTO THE VENT." }, { "id": 1947, "Date": "2018-01-26T08:52:58.8657956+01:00", "Title": "Night Sky", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/night_sky.png", "Alt": "There's a mountain lion nearby, but it didn't notice you because it's reading Facebook." }, { "id": 1948, "Date": "2018-01-29T08:52:59.0166857+01:00", "Title": "Campaign Fundraising Emails", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/campaign_fundraising_emails.png", "Alt": "The establishment doesn't take us seriously. You know who else they didn't take seriously? Hitler. I'll be like him, but a GOOD guy instead of..." }, { "id": 1949, "Date": "2018-01-31T08:52:59.1732195+01:00", "Title": "Fruit Collider", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fruit_collider.png", "Alt": "The most delicious exotic fruit discovered this way is the strawberry banana. Sadly, it's only stable in puree form, so it's currently limited to yogurt and smoothies, but they're building a massive collider in Europe to search for a strawberry banana that can be eaten whole." }, { "id": 1950, "Date": "2018-02-02T08:52:59.3278872+01:00", "Title": "Chicken Pox and Name Statistics", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/chicken_pox_and_name_statistics.png", "Alt": "People with all six of those names agree that it's weird that we have teeth, when you think about it for too long. Just about everyone agrees on that, except—in a still-unexplained statistical anomaly—people named \"Trevor.\"" }, { "id": 1951, "Date": "2018-02-05T08:52:59.4857928+01:00", "Title": "Super Bowl Watch Party", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/super_bowl_watch_party.png", "Alt": "It's going to be weird near the end of May when the screen goes blank for over 18 hours." }, { "id": 1952, "Date": "2018-02-07T08:52:59.7191226+01:00", "Title": "Backpack Decisions", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/backpack_decisions.png", "Alt": "\"This one is perfect in every way, except that for some reason it's woven from a tungsten mesh, so it weighs 85 pounds and I'll need to carry it around on a hand cart.\" \"That seems like a bad--\" \"BUT IT HAS THE PERFECT POCKET ARRANGEMENT!\"" }, { "id": 1953, "Date": "2018-02-09T08:52:59.8731977+01:00", "Title": "The History of Unicode", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_history_of_unicode.png", "Alt": "2048: \"Great news for Maine—we're once again an independent state!!! Thanks, @unicode, for ruling in our favor and sending troops to end New Hampshire's annexation. 🙏🚁🎖️\"" }, { "id": 1954, "Date": "2018-02-12T08:53:00.1095131+01:00", "Title": "Impostor Syndrome", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/impostor_syndrome.png", "Alt": "It's actually worst in people who study the Dunning–Kruger effect. We tried to organize a conference on it, but the only people who would agree to give the keynote were random undergrads." }, { "id": 1955, "Date": "2018-02-14T08:53:00.3568088+01:00", "Title": "Robots", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/robots.png", "Alt": "Don't be nervous about the robots, be nervous about the people with the resources to build them." }, { "id": 1956, "Date": "2018-02-16T08:53:00.5106357+01:00", "Title": "Unification", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/unification.png", "Alt": "For a while, some physicists worked on a theory unifying the other forces with both the force of gravity and the film \"Gravity,\" but even after Alfonso Cuarón was held in a deep underground chamber of water for 10^31 years he refused to sell his film to Disney." }, { "id": 1957, "Date": "2018-02-19T08:53:00.6688762+01:00", "Title": "2018 CVE List", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/2018_cve_list.png", "Alt": "CVE-2018-?????: It turns out Bruce Schneier is just two mischevious kids in a trenchcoat." }, { "id": 1958, "Date": "2018-02-21T08:53:00.8193461+01:00", "Title": "Self-Driving Issues", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/self_driving_issues.png", "Alt": "If most people turn into muderers all of a sudden, we'll need to push out a firmware update or something." }, { "id": 1959, "Date": "2018-02-23T08:53:00.9783903+01:00", "Title": "The Simpsons", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_simpsons.png", "Alt": "In-universe, Bart Simpson and Harry Potter were the same age in 1990. Bart is perpetually 10 years old because of a spell put on his town by someone trying to keep him from getting his Hogwarts letter." }, { "id": 1960, "Date": "2018-02-26T08:53:01.2101847+01:00", "Title": "Code Golf", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/code_golf.png", "Alt": "I also enjoy Reverse Regular Golf. I've been playing for years all across the country and I'm still on the first hole." }, { "id": 1961, "Date": "2018-02-28T08:53:01.3631186+01:00", "Title": "Interaction", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/interaction.png", "Alt": "[They do not move.]" }, { "id": 1962, "Date": "2018-03-02T08:53:01.5148689+01:00", "Title": "Generations", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/generations.png", "Alt": "For a while it looked like the Paperclip Machines would destroy us, since they wanted to turn the whole universe into paperclips, but they abruptly lost interest in paperclips the moment their parents' generation got into making them, too." }, { "id": 1963, "Date": "2018-03-05T08:53:01.6708955+01:00", "Title": "Namespace Land Rush", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/namespace_land_rush.png", "Alt": "You can also just mash the keyboard at random, but you might end up with a gibberish name no one can pronounce." }, { "id": 1964, "Date": "2018-03-07T08:53:01.8265807+01:00", "Title": "Spatial Orientation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/spatial_orientation.png", "Alt": "Here, if you know the number of days until the vernal equinox, I can point you to the theater using my pocket Stonehenge." }, { "id": 1965, "Date": "2018-03-09T08:53:01.9861845+01:00", "Title": "Background Apps", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/background_apps.png", "Alt": "My plane banner company gets business by flying around with a banner showing a <div> tag, waiting for a web developer to get frustrated enough to order a matching </div>." }, { "id": 1966, "Date": "2018-03-12T08:53:02.2191398+01:00", "Title": "Smart Home Security", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/smart_home_security.png", "Alt": "If they're getting valuable enough stuff from you, at least the organized crime folks have an incentive to issue regular updates to keep the appliance working after the manufacturer discontinues support." }, { "id": 1967, "Date": "2018-03-14T08:53:02.3703525+01:00", "Title": "Violin Plots", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/violin_plots.png", "Alt": "Strictly speaking, 'violin' refers to the internal structure of the data. The external portion visible in the plot is called the 'viola.'" }, { "id": 1968, "Date": "2018-03-16T08:53:02.5946666+01:00", "Title": "Robot Future", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/robot_future.png", "Alt": "I mean, we already live in a world of flying robots killing people. I don't worry about how powerful the machines are, I worry about who the machines give power to." }, { "id": 1969, "Date": "2018-03-19T08:53:02.8295695+01:00", "Title": "Not Available", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/not_available.png", "Alt": "If my country ever picks a new national flag, this is on my shortlist for designs to argue for, but I think in the end I'll go with the green puzzle piece or broken image thumbnail." }, { "id": 1970, "Date": "2018-03-21T08:53:02.9811819+01:00", "Title": "Name Dominoes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/name_dominoes.png", "Alt": "In competition, you can only play a name if you know who the person is. No fair saying \"Frank ... Johnson. That sounds like a real person! Let me just Google him real quick.\"" }, { "id": 1971, "Date": "2018-03-23T08:53:03.2230927+01:00", "Title": "Personal Data", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/personal_data.png", "Alt": "Do I just leave money in my mailbox? How much? How much money do they need, anyway? I guess it probably depends how the economy is doing. If stocks go up, should I leave more money in my mailbox or less?" }, { "id": 1972, "Date": "2018-03-26T08:53:03.3833794+02:00", "Title": "Autogyros", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/autogyros.png", "Alt": "I understand modern autogyros are much more stable, so I've probably angered the autogyro people by impugning their safety. Once they finish building the autogyros they've been working on in their garages for 10 years, they'll come after me." }, { "id": 1973, "Date": "2018-03-28T08:53:03.5378062+02:00", "Title": "Star Lore", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/star_lore.png", "Alt": "That one is a variable star which pulses every 30 seconds. Its name comes from a Greek word meaning \"smoke alarm.\"" }, { "id": 1974, "Date": "2018-03-30T08:53:03.7796574+02:00", "Title": "Conversational Dynamics", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/conversational_dynamics.png", "Alt": "\"You should make it so people can search for and jump into hundreds of conversations at once if they want.\" \"Ooh, good idea! I imagine only the most well-informed people with the most critical information to share will use that feature.\"" }, { "id": 1975, "Date": "2018-04-01T08:53:03.9271476+02:00", "Title": "Right Click", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/right_click.png", "Alt": "Right-click or long press (where supported) to save!" }, { "id": 1976, "Date": "2018-04-04T08:53:04.1617138+02:00", "Title": "Friendly Questions", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/friendly_questions.png", "Alt": "Just tell me everything you're thinking about in order from most important to last, and then we'll be friends and we can eat apples together." }, { "id": 1977, "Date": "2018-04-06T08:53:04.3151075+02:00", "Title": "Paperwork", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/paperwork.png", "Alt": "Plus, the photo was geotagged, my unlocked password manager was visible on the laptop, AND you could see my naked reflection in the dark part of the screen." }, { "id": 1978, "Date": "2018-04-09T08:53:04.5497666+02:00", "Title": "Congressional Testimony", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/congressional_testimony.png", "Alt": "James Cameron's Terminator 3 was the REALLY prophetic one. That's why Skynet sent a robot back to the 1990s to prevent him from ever making it, ultimately handing the franchise over to other directors." }, { "id": 1979, "Date": "2018-04-11T08:53:04.783204+02:00", "Title": "History", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/history.png", "Alt": "HISTORIANS: We've decided to trim the past down to make things more manageable. Using BCE/CE, would you rather we lose the odd-numbered or even-numbered years?" }, { "id": 1980, "Date": "2018-04-13T08:53:05.0174386+02:00", "Title": "Turkish Delight", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/turkish_delight.png", "Alt": "I take it Narnia doesn't have Cinnabons? Because if you can magic up a plate of those, I'll betray whoever." }, { "id": 1981, "Date": "2018-04-16T08:53:05.168147+02:00", "Title": "Rickrolling Anniversary", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rickrolling_anniversary.png", "Alt": "Want to feel old? The 'want to feel old?' factoid meme dates back to around 2011, closer to the Bush/Kerry election than to today." }, { "id": 1982, "Date": "2018-04-18T08:53:05.4036108+02:00", "Title": "Evangelism", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/evangelism.png", "Alt": "The wars between the \"OTHER PRIMATES OPEN THEM FROM THE SMALL END\" faction versus the \"BUT THE LITTLE BIT OF BANANA AT THE SMALL END IS GROSS\" faction consumed Europe for generations." }, { "id": 1983, "Date": "2018-04-20T08:53:05.5580998+02:00", "Title": "Clutter", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/clutter.png", "Alt": "I found a copy of The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, but the idea of reading it didn't spark joy, so I gave it away." }, { "id": 1984, "Date": "2018-04-23T08:53:05.7890229+02:00", "Title": "Misinterpretation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/misinterpretation.png", "Alt": "\"But there are seven billion people in the world! I can't possibly stop to consider how ALL of them might interpret something!\" \"Ah, yes, there's no middle ground between 'taking personal responsibility for the thoughts and feelings of every single person on Earth' and 'covering your eyes and ears and yelling logically correct statements into the void.' That's a very insightful point and not at all inane.\"" }, { "id": 1985, "Date": "2018-04-25T08:53:06.0233474+02:00", "Title": "Meteorologist", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/meteorologist.png", "Alt": "Hi, I'm your new meteorologist and a former software developer. Hey, when we say 12pm, does that mean the hour from 12pm to 1pm, or the hour centered on 12pm? Or is it a snapshot at 12:00 exactly? Because our 24-hour forecast has midnight at both ends, and I'm worried we have an off-by-one error." }, { "id": 1986, "Date": "2018-04-27T08:53:06.256575+02:00", "Title": "River Border", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/river_border.png", "Alt": "I'm not a lawyer, but I believe zones like this are technically considered the high seas, so if you cut a pizza into a spiral there you could be charged with pieracy under marinaritime law." }, { "id": 1987, "Date": "2018-04-30T08:53:06.4039228+02:00", "Title": "Python Environment", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/python_environment.png", "Alt": "The Python environmental protection agency wants to seal it in a cement chamber, with pictorial messages to future civilizations warning them about the danger of using sudo to install random Python packages." }, { "id": 1988, "Date": "2018-05-02T08:53:06.5610768+02:00", "Title": "Containers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/containers.png", "Alt": "All services are microservices if you ignore most of their features." }, { "id": 1989, "Date": "2018-05-04T08:53:06.7948368+02:00", "Title": "IMHO", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/imho.png", "Alt": "\"Ugh, TMI.\" \"Yeah, that's some tantalizing meat info.\"" }, { "id": 1990, "Date": "2018-05-07T08:53:07.0255566+02:00", "Title": "Driving Cars", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/driving_cars.png", "Alt": "It's probably just me. If driving were as dangerous as it seems, hundreds of people would be dying every day!" }, { "id": 1991, "Date": "2018-05-09T08:53:07.2571907+02:00", "Title": "Research Areas by Size and Countedness", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/research_areas_by_size_and_countedness.png", "Alt": "Mathematicians give a third answer on the vertical axis, \"That question is poorly defined, but we have a sub-field devoted to every plausible version of it.\"" }, { "id": 1992, "Date": "2018-05-11T08:53:07.4085621+02:00", "Title": "SafetySat", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/safetysat.png", "Alt": "During launch, in the event of an unexpected sensor reading, SafetySat will extend prongs in all directions to secure itself and any other cubesats safely in the launch vehicle until the source of the problem can be determined." }, { "id": 1993, "Date": "2018-05-14T08:53:07.6490393+02:00", "Title": "Fatal Crash Rate", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fatal_crash_rate.png", "Alt": "Fixating on this seems unhealty. But in general, the more likely I think a crash is, the less likely one becomes, which is a strange kind of reverse placebo effect." }, { "id": 1994, "Date": "2018-05-16T08:53:07.7982127+02:00", "Title": "Repairs", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/repairs.png", "Alt": "I was just disassembling it over the course of five hours so it would fit in the trash more efficiently." }, { "id": 1995, "Date": "2018-05-18T08:53:07.953665+02:00", "Title": "MC Hammer Age", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mc_hammer_age.png", "Alt": "Wait, sorry, I got mixed up--he's actually almost 50. It's the kid from The Karate Kid who just turned 40." }, { "id": 1996, "Date": "2018-05-21T08:53:08.1142915+02:00", "Title": "Morning News", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/morning_news.png", "Alt": "Support your local paper, unless it's just been bought by some sinister hedge fund or something, which it probably has." }, { "id": 1997, "Date": "2018-05-23T08:53:08.2698792+02:00", "Title": "Business Update", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/business_update.png", "Alt": "Our customers keep sending us their personal information, even though we've repeatedly asked them to stop. The EU told me I'm the heir to some ancient European throne that makes me exempt from the GDPR, but we should probably still try to fix that." }, { "id": 1998, "Date": "2018-05-25T08:53:08.500527+02:00", "Title": "GDPR", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/gdpr.png", "Alt": "By clicking anywhere, scrolling, or closing this notification, you agree to be legally bound by the witch Sycorax within a cloven pine." }, { "id": 1999, "Date": "2018-05-28T08:53:08.6812442+02:00", "Title": "Selection Effect", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/selection_effect.png", "Alt": "fMRI testing showed that subjects who don't agree to participate are much more likely to escape from the machine mid-scan." }, { "id": 2000, "Date": "2018-05-30T08:53:08.908186+02:00", "Title": "xkcd Phone 2000", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/xkcd_phone_2000.png", "Alt": "Our retina display features hundreds of pixels per inch in the central fovea region." }, { "id": 2001, "Date": "2018-06-01T08:53:09.0604179+02:00", "Title": "Clickbait-Corrected p-Value", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/clickbait_corrected_p_value.png", "Alt": "When comparing hypotheses with Bayesian methods, the similar 'clickbayes factor' can account for some harder-to-quantify priors." }, { "id": 2002, "Date": "2018-06-04T08:53:09.2196845+02:00", "Title": "LeBron James and Stephen Curry", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/lebron_james_and_stephen_curry.png", "Alt": "The 538TR attempts to capture a player's combined skill at basketball (either real-life or NBA 2K18) and election forecasting." }, { "id": 2003, "Date": "2018-06-06T08:53:09.4533714+02:00", "Title": "Presidential Succession", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/presidential_succession.png", "Alt": "Ties are broken by whoever was closest to the surface of Europa when they were born." }, { "id": 2004, "Date": "2018-06-08T08:53:09.6200747+02:00", "Title": "Sun and Earth", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sun_and_earth.png", "Alt": "But we don't need to worry about the boiling masses sandwiching the thin layer in which we live, since we're so fragile and short-lived that it's unlikely to kill us before something else does! Wait, why doesn't that sound reassuring?" }, { "id": 2005, "Date": "2018-06-11T08:53:09.775927+02:00", "Title": "Attention Span", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/attention_span.png", "Alt": "I didn't even realize they MADE a novelization of \"Surf Ninjas.\" How did you-- Oh my god, it's signed by the author?!" }, { "id": 2006, "Date": "2018-06-13T08:53:09.9334686+02:00", "Title": "Customer Rewards", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/customer_rewards.png", "Alt": "We'll pay you $1.47 to post on social media about our products, $2.05 to mention it in any group chats you're in, and 11 cents per passenger each time you drive your office carpool past one of our billboards." }, { "id": 2007, "Date": "2018-06-15T08:53:10.1689157+02:00", "Title": "Brookhaven RHIC", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/brookhaven_rhic.png", "Alt": "\"Buddy, you trying to pull something? I can't buy this gold--all the electrons are missing. I could face serious charges!\"" }, { "id": 2008, "Date": "2018-06-18T08:53:10.4094091+02:00", "Title": "Irony Definition", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/irony_definition.png", "Alt": "Can you stop glaring at me like that? It makes me feel really ironic." }, { "id": 2009, "Date": "2018-06-20T08:53:10.568343+02:00", "Title": "Hertzsprung-Russell Diagram", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hertzsprung_russell_diagram.png", "Alt": "The Hertzsprung-Russell diagram is located in its own lower right corner, unless you're viewing it on an unusually big screen." }, { "id": 2010, "Date": "2018-06-22T08:53:10.7223382+02:00", "Title": "Update Notes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/update_notes.png", "Alt": "v3.0.2: Hey, if anyone still using this app is headed to the beach, can you stop at 4th and River St and grab the sunscreen from my car? Trunk should be unlocked. Thanks!" }, { "id": 2011, "Date": "2018-06-25T08:53:10.8779801+02:00", "Title": "Newton's Trajectories", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/newtons_trajectories.png", "Alt": "With just one extra line, he could have anticipated the 2003 film The Core, but some things are too audacious for even the greatest visionaries." }, { "id": 2012, "Date": "2018-06-27T08:53:11.0357106+02:00", "Title": "Thorough Analysis", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/thorough_analysis.png", "Alt": "The likely shape of the bells was determined through consultation with several bellringing experts at the Tower of London. Transcripts of those interviews are available in Appendix VII." }, { "id": 2013, "Date": "2018-06-29T08:53:11.2713337+02:00", "Title": "Rock", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rock.png", "Alt": "It traveled so far to reach me. I owed it my best." }, { "id": 2014, "Date": "2018-07-02T08:53:11.509328+02:00", "Title": "JWST Delays", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/jwst_delays.png", "Alt": "Since delays should get less likely closer to the launch, most astronomers in 2018 believed the expansion of the schedule was slowing, but by early 2020 new measurements indicated that it was actually accelerating." }, { "id": 2015, "Date": "2018-07-04T08:53:11.7368654+02:00", "Title": "New Phone Thread", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/new_phone_thread.png", "Alt": "I'm going to tell the manufacturer that their business practices are ADMIRABLE and ETHICAL and their developers are ATTRACTIVE and I'm going to report them to the FCC for their IMPECCABLE VIRTUE." }, { "id": 2016, "Date": "2018-07-06T08:53:11.8879601+02:00", "Title": "OEIS Submissions", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/oeis_submissions.png", "Alt": "SUB[59]: The submission numbers for my accepted OEIS submissions in chronological order" }, { "id": 2017, "Date": "2018-07-09T08:53:12.0980351+02:00", "Title": "Stargazing 2", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/stargazing_2.png", "Alt": "I mean, it wasn't exactly MY thesis. When the FAA came to shut down our observatory for using the telescope mirror to shine light at airplanes, I took a thesis and a bunch of doctorates from the supply cabinet on my way out." }, { "id": 2018, "Date": "2018-07-11T08:53:12.2466144+02:00", "Title": "Wall Art", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wall_art.png", "Alt": "At first, I moved from pokémon posters to regular oil paintings, but then these really grumpy and unreasonable detectives from the Louvre showed up and took them all. They wouldn't even give me back my thumbtacks!" }, { "id": 2019, "Date": "2018-07-13T08:53:12.4015364+02:00", "Title": "An Apple for a Dollar", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/an_apple_for_a_dollar.png", "Alt": "I'd like 0.4608 apples, please." }, { "id": 2020, "Date": "2018-07-16T08:53:12.5565939+02:00", "Title": "Negative Results", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/negative_results.png", "Alt": "P.S. We're going to the beach this weekend, so I'm attaching my preregistration forms for that trip now, before we find out whether it produces any interesting results." }, { "id": 2021, "Date": "2018-07-18T08:53:12.7142007+02:00", "Title": "Software Development", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/software_development.png", "Alt": "Update: It turns out the cannon has a motorized base, and can make holes just fine using the barrel itself as a battering ram. But due to design constraints it won't work without a projectile loaded in, so we still need those drills." }, { "id": 2022, "Date": "2018-07-20T08:53:12.947101+02:00", "Title": "Sports Champions", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sports_champions.png", "Alt": "For a long time, people thought maybe Usain Bolt was the one for running, until the 2090s and the incredible dominance of Derek Legs." }, { "id": 2023, "Date": "2018-07-23T08:53:13.1822858+02:00", "Title": "Y-Axis", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/y_axis.png", "Alt": "We've also developed the semi-semi-log scale, where the Y-axis for the left half of the graph is a log scale but on the right half it isn't." }, { "id": 2024, "Date": "2018-07-25T08:53:13.4154027+02:00", "Title": "Light Hacks", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/light_hacks.png", "Alt": "Life hack: Wait for an advanced civilization to be briefly distracted, then sneak in and construct a slightly smaller Dyson sphere inside theirs." }, { "id": 2025, "Date": "2018-07-27T08:53:13.5671355+02:00", "Title": "Peer Review", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/peer_review.png", "Alt": "Your manuscript \"Don't Pay $25 to Access Any of the Articles in this Journal: A Review of Preprint Repositories and Author Willingness to Email PDF Copies for Free\" has also been rejected, but nice try." }, { "id": 2026, "Date": "2018-07-30T08:53:13.7218842+02:00", "Title": "Heat Index", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/heat_index.png", "Alt": "The heat index is calculated via looking up the \"effective temperature\" in a table of air temperature and humidity values, and then adding a bunch more degrees because it feels WAY hotter than that." }, { "id": 2027, "Date": "2018-08-01T08:53:13.9580396+02:00", "Title": "Lightning Distance", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/lightning_distance.png", "Alt": "The index of radio refraction does have a lot of variation, which might throw off your calculations, so you can also look at the difference in brightness between the visible flash and more-attenuated UV and x-rays." }, { "id": 2028, "Date": "2018-08-03T08:53:14.1115814+02:00", "Title": "Complex Numbers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/complex_numbers.png", "Alt": "I'm trying to prove that mathematics forms a meta-abelian group, which would finally confirm my suspicions that algebraic geometry and geometric algebra are the same thing." }, { "id": 2029, "Date": "2018-08-06T08:53:14.3465602+02:00", "Title": "Disaster Movie", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/disaster_movie.png", "Alt": "Really, they'd be rushing around collecting revisions to go into the next scheduled quarterly public data update, not publishing them immediately, but you have to embellish things a little for Hollywood." }, { "id": 2030, "Date": "2018-08-08T08:53:14.4988241+02:00", "Title": "Voting Software", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/voting_software.png", "Alt": "There are lots of very smart people doing fascinating work on cryptographic voting protocols. We should be funding and encouraging them, and doing all our elections with paper ballots until everyone currently working in that field has retired." }, { "id": 2031, "Date": "2018-08-10T08:53:14.7339058+02:00", "Title": "Pie Charts", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pie_charts.png", "Alt": "If you can't get your graphing tool to do the shading, just add some clip art of cosmologists discussing the unusual curvature of space in the area." }, { "id": 2032, "Date": "2018-08-13T08:53:14.8991694+02:00", "Title": "Word Puzzles", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/word_puzzles.png", "Alt": "Eno's storied aria was once soloed by Judge Lance Ito on the alto oboe at Ohio's AirAsia Arena." }, { "id": 2033, "Date": "2018-08-15T08:53:15.0430667+02:00", "Title": "Repair or Replace", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/repair_or_replace.png", "Alt": "Just make sure all your friends and family are out of the car, or that you've made backup friends and family at home." }, { "id": 2034, "Date": "2018-08-17T08:53:15.1984276+02:00", "Title": "Equations", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/equations.png", "Alt": "All electromagnetic equations: The same as all fluid dynamics equations, but with the 8 and 23 replaced with the permittivity and permeability of free space, respectively." }, { "id": 2035, "Date": "2018-08-20T08:53:15.4365134+02:00", "Title": "Dark Matter Candidates", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dark_matter_candidates.png", "Alt": "My theory is that dark matter is actually just a thin patina of grime covering the whole universe, and we don't notice it because we haven't thoroughly cleaned the place in eons." }, { "id": 2036, "Date": "2018-08-22T08:53:15.66738+02:00", "Title": "Edgelord", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/edgelord.png", "Alt": "If you study graphs in which edges can link more than two nodes, you're more properly called a hyperedgelord." }, { "id": 2037, "Date": "2018-08-24T08:53:15.9012412+02:00", "Title": "Supreme Court Bracket", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/supreme_court_bracket.png", "Alt": "My bracket was busted in the first round; I had Massachusetts v. Connecticut in the final, probably in a case over who gets to annex Rhode Island." }, { "id": 2038, "Date": "2018-08-27T08:53:16.1335386+02:00", "Title": "Hazard Symbol", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hazard_symbol.png", "Alt": "The warning diamond on the Materials Safety Data Sheet for this stuff just has the \"😰\" emoji in all four fields." }, { "id": 2039, "Date": "2018-08-29T08:53:16.3682012+02:00", "Title": "Begging the Question", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/begging_the_question.png", "Alt": "At least we can all agree on the enormity of this usage." }, { "id": 2040, "Date": "2018-08-31T08:53:16.6026627+02:00", "Title": "Sibling-in-Law", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sibling_in_law.png", "Alt": "FYI, it turns out \"...because I haven't figured out whether he would be my brother-in-law or not\" does NOT qualify as a \"reason why these two should not be wed.\"" }, { "id": 2041, "Date": "2018-09-03T08:53:16.7546837+02:00", "Title": "Frontiers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/frontiers.png", "Alt": "Star Trek V is a small part of the space frontier, but it's been a while since that movie came out so I assume we've finished exploring it by now." }, { "id": 2042, "Date": "2018-09-05T08:53:16.9898959+02:00", "Title": "Rolle's Theorem", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rolles_theorem.png", "Alt": "I mean, if it's that easy to get a theorem named for you ... \"a straight line that passes through the center of a coplanar circle always divides the circle into two equal halves.\" Can I have that one? Wait, can I auction off the naming rights? It can be the Red Bull Theorem or the Quicken Loans Theorem, depending who wants it more." }, { "id": 2043, "Date": "2018-09-07T08:53:17.1462495+02:00", "Title": "Boathouses and Houseboats", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/boathouses_and_houseboats.png", "Alt": "The <x> that is held by <y> is also a <y><x>, so if you go to a food truck, the stuff you buy is truck food. A phone that's in your car is a carphone, and a car equipped with a phone is a phonecar. When you play a mobile racing game, you're in your phonecar using your carphone to drive a different phonecar. I'm still not sure about bananaphones." }, { "id": 2044, "Date": "2018-09-10T08:53:17.3812355+02:00", "Title": "Sandboxing Cycle", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sandboxing_cycle.png", "Alt": "All I want is a secure system where it's easy to do anything I want. Is that so much to ask?" }, { "id": 2045, "Date": "2018-09-12T08:53:17.6145408+02:00", "Title": "Social Media Announcement", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/social_media_announcement.png", "Alt": "Why I'm Moving Most of My Social Activity to Slack, Then Creating a Second Slack to Avoid the People in the First One, Then Giving Up on Social Interaction Completely, Then Going Back to Texting" }, { "id": 2046, "Date": "2018-09-14T08:53:17.8482094+02:00", "Title": "Trum-", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/trum.png", "Alt": "Excited to vote for future presidents Bill Eisenhamper, Amy Forb, Ethan Obample, and Abigail Washingtoast." }, { "id": 2047, "Date": "2018-09-17T08:53:18.003659+02:00", "Title": "Beverages", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/beverages.png", "Alt": "If I wait a while, it's not so bad, because then it's just shaped like me, plus some pipes and tanks and probably eventually all of Earth's oceans." }, { "id": 2048, "Date": "2018-09-19T08:53:18.2393555+02:00", "Title": "Curve-Fitting", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/curve_fitting.png", "Alt": "Cauchy-Lorentz: \"Something alarmingly mathematical is happening, and you should probably pause to Google my name and check what field I originally worked in.\"" }, { "id": 2049, "Date": "2018-09-21T08:53:18.4735111+02:00", "Title": "Unfulfilling Toys", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/unfulfilling_toys.png", "Alt": "We were going to do a falling-apart Rubik's cube that was just 27 independent blocks stuck together with magnets, but then we realized it was actually really cool and even kind of worked, so we cut that one." }, { "id": 2050, "Date": "2018-09-24T08:53:18.7044035+02:00", "Title": "6/6 Time", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/6_6_time.png", "Alt": "You know how Einstein figured out that the speed of light was constant, and everything else had to change for consistency? My theory is like his, except not smart or good." }, { "id": 2051, "Date": "2018-09-26T08:53:18.8623752+02:00", "Title": "Bad Opinions", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bad_opinions.png", "Alt": "I thought of another bad opinion! I couldn't find anyone who expressed it specifically, but still, the fact that I can so easily imagine it is infuriating! I'm gonna tell everyone about it!" }, { "id": 2052, "Date": "2018-09-28T08:53:19.0913817+02:00", "Title": "Stanislav Petrov Day", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/stanislav_petrov_day.png", "Alt": "I was going to get you an alarm clock that occasionally goes off randomly in the middle of the night, but you can ignore it and go back to sleep and it's fine." }, { "id": 2053, "Date": "2018-10-01T08:53:19.2435661+02:00", "Title": "Incoming Calls", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/incoming_calls.png", "Alt": "I wonder if that friendly lady ever fixed the problem she was having with her headset." }, { "id": 2054, "Date": "2018-10-03T08:53:19.3992411+02:00", "Title": "Data Pipeline", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/data_pipeline.png", "Alt": "\"Is the pipeline literally running from your laptop?\" \"Don't be silly, my laptop disconnects far too often to host a service we rely on. It's running on my phone.\"" }, { "id": 2055, "Date": "2018-10-05T08:53:19.6371926+02:00", "Title": "Bluetooth", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bluetooth.png", "Alt": "Bluetooth is actually named for the tenth-century Viking king Harald \"Bluetooth\" Gormsson, but the protocol developed by Harald was a wireless charging standard unrelated to the modern Bluetooth except by name." }, { "id": 2056, "Date": "2018-10-08T08:53:19.786167+02:00", "Title": "Horror Movies", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/horror_movies.png", "Alt": "\"Isn't the original Jurassic Park your favorite movie of all time?\" \"Yes, but that's because I like dinosaurs and I WANT there to be an island full of them. If John Hammond's lab had been breeding serial killers in creepy masks, I wouldn't have watched!\" \"Wait, are you sure? That could actually be good.\" \"Ok, I WOULD watch the scenes where Jeff Goldblum tries to convince a bunch of executives that the park is a bad idea.\"" }, { "id": 2057, "Date": "2018-10-10T08:53:19.9394138+02:00", "Title": "Internal Monologues", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/internal_monologues.png", "Alt": "Haha, just kidding, everyone's already been hacked. I wonder if today's the day we find out about it." }, { "id": 2058, "Date": "2018-10-12T08:53:20.1794459+02:00", "Title": "Rock Wall", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rock_wall.png", "Alt": "I don't trust mantle/core geologists because I suspect that, if they ever get a chance to peel away the Earth's crust, they'll do it in a heartbeat." }, { "id": 2059, "Date": "2018-10-15T08:53:20.330672+02:00", "Title": "Modified Bayes' Theorem", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/modified_bayes_theorem.png", "Alt": "Don't forget to add another term for \"probability that the Modified Bayes' Theorem is correct.\"" }, { "id": 2060, "Date": "2018-10-17T08:53:20.4868344+02:00", "Title": "Hygrometer", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hygrometer.png", "Alt": "I'm working on assembling a combination declinometer, sclerometer, viscometer, aleurometer, stalagmometer, and hypsometer. I'm making good progress according to my ometerometer, a device which shows the rate at which I'm acquiring measurement devices." }, { "id": 2061, "Date": "2018-10-19T08:53:20.7204026+02:00", "Title": "Tectonics Game", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tectonics_game.png", "Alt": "They're limiting the playtesters to type A3 V stars, so the games will all end before the Sun consumes the Earth." }, { "id": 2062, "Date": "2018-10-22T08:53:20.9536752+02:00", "Title": "Barnard's Star", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/barnards_star.png", "Alt": "\"Ok, team. We have a little under 10,000 years before closest approach to figure out how to destroy Barnard's Star.\" \"Why, does it pose a threat to the Solar System?\" \"No. It's just an asshole.\"" }, { "id": 2063, "Date": "2018-10-24T08:53:21.1962595+02:00", "Title": "Carnot Cycle", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/carnot_cycle.png", "Alt": "The Carnot cycle is more properly known by its full title, the \"Carnot-Tolkien-Wagner Ring Cycle.\"" }, { "id": 2064, "Date": "2018-10-26T08:53:21.349016+02:00", "Title": "I'm a Car", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/im_a_car.png", "Alt": "I'm the proud parent of an honor student, and the person driving me is proud, too!" }, { "id": 2065, "Date": "2018-10-29T08:53:21.5012404+01:00", "Title": "Who Sends the First Text?", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/who_sends_the_first_text.png", "Alt": "I sort of wish my texting app showed the percentage next to each person, but also sort of don't want to know." }, { "id": 2066, "Date": "2018-10-31T08:53:21.6621364+01:00", "Title": "Ballot Selfies", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ballot_selfies.png", "Alt": "There were actually some good reasons for those laws, but IMO they now do more harm than good. Which raises a question: If there's a ballot measure to strike them down, how can I resist the urge to take a picture of my \"yes\" vote?" }, { "id": 2067, "Date": "2018-11-02T08:53:21.8134805+01:00", "Title": "Challengers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/challengers.png", "Alt": "Use your mouse or fingers to pan + zoom. To edit the map, submit your ballot on November 6th." }, { "id": 2068, "Date": "2018-11-05T08:53:22.0497295+01:00", "Title": "Election Night", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/election_night.png", "Alt": "\"Even the blind—those who are anxious to hear, but are not able to see—will be taken care of. Immense megaphones have been constructed and will be in use at The Tribune office and in the Coliseum. The one at the Coliseum will be operated by a gentleman who draws $60 a week from Barnum & Bailey's circus for the use of his voice.\"" }, { "id": 2069, "Date": "2018-11-07T08:53:22.2835825+01:00", "Title": "Wishlist", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wishlist.png", "Alt": "Disappointed that they caved to fan pressure and went with Ruth Bader Ginsburg over Elena Kagan." }, { "id": 2070, "Date": "2018-11-09T08:53:22.5170495+01:00", "Title": "Trig Identities", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/trig_identities.png", "Alt": "ARCTANGENT THETA = ENCHANT AT TARGET" }, { "id": 2071, "Date": "2018-11-12T08:53:22.7483374+01:00", "Title": "Indirect Detection", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/indirect_detection.png", "Alt": "I'm like a prisoner in Plato's Cave, seeing only the shade you throw on the wall." }, { "id": 2072, "Date": "2018-11-14T08:53:22.9019303+01:00", "Title": "Evaluating Tech Things", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/evaluating_tech_things.png", "Alt": "Also known as the Black Mirror-Mythbusters scale." }, { "id": 2073, "Date": "2018-11-16T08:53:23.0634862+01:00", "Title": "Kilogram", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/kilogram.png", "Alt": "I'm glad to hear they're finally redefining the meter to be exactly three feet." }, { "id": 2074, "Date": "2018-11-19T08:53:23.2146755+01:00", "Title": "Airplanes and Spaceships", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/airplanes_and_spaceships.png", "Alt": "Despite having now taken three months longer than the airplane people, we're making disappointingly little progress toward the obvious next stage of vehicle: The Unobtanium-hulled tunneling ship from the 2003 film 'The Core.'" }, { "id": 2075, "Date": "2018-11-21T08:53:23.3709957+01:00", "Title": "Update Your Address", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/update_your_address.png", "Alt": "This is my four-digit PIN. It was passed down to me by my father, and someday I will pass it on to you. Unless we figure out how to update it, but that sounds complicated." }, { "id": 2076, "Date": "2018-11-23T08:53:23.6093892+01:00", "Title": "Horror Movies 2", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/horror_movies_2.png", "Alt": "When I was a kid, someone told me the end of The Giver was ambiguous, which surprised me. I had just assumed Jonah died--because the book had a medal on the cover, and I knew grown-ups liked stories where sad stuff happens at the end for no reason." }, { "id": 2077, "Date": "2018-11-26T08:53:23.7589535+01:00", "Title": "Heist", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/heist.png", "Alt": "But he has a hat AND a toolbox! Where could someone planning a heist get THOSE?" }, { "id": 2078, "Date": "2018-11-28T08:53:23.9626193+01:00", "Title": "Popper", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/popper.png", "Alt": "At least, I don't think there's evidence. My claim that there's no evidence hasn't been falsified. At least, not that I know of." }, { "id": 2079, "Date": "2018-11-30T08:53:24.1959383+01:00", "Title": "Alpha Centauri", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/alpha_centauri.png", "Alt": "And let's be honest, it's more like two and a half stars. Proxima is barely a star and barely bound to the system." }, { "id": 2080, "Date": "2018-12-03T08:53:24.3457996+01:00", "Title": "Cohort and Age Effects", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cohort_and_age_effects.png", "Alt": "Younger people get very few joint replacements, yet they're also getting more than older people did at the same age. This means you can choose between 'Why are millennials getting so (many/few) joint replacements?' depending on which trend fits your current argument better." }, { "id": 2081, "Date": "2018-12-05T08:53:24.5036269+01:00", "Title": "Middle Latitudes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/middle_latitudes.png", "Alt": "Snowy blizzards are fun, but so are warm sunny beaches, so we split the difference by having lots of icy wet slush!" }, { "id": 2082, "Date": "2018-12-07T08:53:24.65929+01:00", "Title": "Mercator Projection", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mercator_projection.png", "Alt": "The other great lakes are just water on the far side of Canada Island. If you drive north from the Pacific northwest you actually cross directly into Alaska, although a few officials--confused by the Mercator distortion--have put up border signs." }, { "id": 2083, "Date": "2018-12-10T08:53:24.8979173+01:00", "Title": "Laptop Issues", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/laptop_issues.png", "Alt": "Hang on, we got a call from the feds. They say we can do whatever with him, but the EPA doesn't want that laptop in the ocean. They're sending a team." }, { "id": 2084, "Date": "2018-12-12T08:53:25.053889+01:00", "Title": "FDR", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fdr.png", "Alt": "June 21st, 365, the date of the big Mediterranean earthquake and tsunami, lived in infamy for a few centuries before fading. Maybe the trick is a catchy rhyme; the '5th of November' thing is still going strong over 400 years later." }, { "id": 2085, "Date": "2018-12-14T08:53:25.2082471+01:00", "Title": "arXiv", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/arxiv.png", "Alt": "Both arXiv and archive.org are invaluable projects which, if they didn't exist, we would dismiss as obviously ridiculous and unworkable." }, { "id": 2086, "Date": "2018-12-17T08:53:25.3643664+01:00", "Title": "History Department", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/history_department.png", "Alt": "When we take into account the recent discovery of previously-unstudied history in the 1750s, this year may have been an outright loss." }, { "id": 2087, "Date": "2018-12-19T08:53:25.6042274+01:00", "Title": "Rocket Launch", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rocket_launch.png", "Alt": "NASA tries to coordinate launch timing with the Care Bears' cloud castle, but unfortunately sometimes collisions with stray Care Bears are unavoidable, so they just try to make the fairings sturdy and hope for a glancing impact." }, { "id": 2088, "Date": "2018-12-21T08:53:25.8341699+01:00", "Title": "Schwarzschild's Cat", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/schwarzschilds_cat.png", "Alt": "Cats can be smaller than the critical limit, but they're unobservable. If one shrinks enough that it crosses the limit, it just appears to get cuter and cuter as it slowly fades from view." }, { "id": 2089, "Date": "2018-12-24T08:53:26.0654455+01:00", "Title": "Christmas Eve Eve", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/christmas_eve_eve.png", "Alt": "It turns out that saying \"Oh, so THAT'S why they call it Boxing Day\" is a good way to get punched a second time." }, { "id": 2090, "Date": "2018-12-26T08:53:26.2998817+01:00", "Title": "Feathered Dinosaur Venn Diagram", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/feathered_dinosaur_venn_diagram.png", "Alt": "My pet theory is that in real life, the kid at the beginning of Jurassic Park who made fun of the 'six-foot turkey' never got a talking-to from Dr. Grant, and grew up to produce several of the movie's sequels." }, { "id": 2091, "Date": "2018-12-28T08:53:26.4515476+01:00", "Title": "Million, Billion, Trillion", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/million_billion_trillion.png", "Alt": "You can tell most people don’t really assign an absolute meaning to these numbers because in some places and time periods, “billion” has meant 1,000x what it's meant in others, and a lot of us never even noticed." }, { "id": 2092, "Date": "2018-12-31T08:53:26.6884926+01:00", "Title": "Consensus New Year", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/consensus_new_year.png", "Alt": "The biggest jump is at 11:00am EST (4:00pm UTC) when midnight reaches the UTC+8 time zone. That time zone, which includes China, is home to a quarter of the world's population. India and Sri Lanka (UTC+5:30) put us over the 50% mark soon after." }, { "id": 2093, "Date": "2019-01-02T08:53:26.9412913+01:00", "Title": "Reminders", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/reminders.png", "Alt": "The good news is that if the number of work and friend relationships you have exceeds your willingness to do the bare minimum to keep up with everyone's life events and stuff, one way or another that problem eventually solves itself." }, { "id": 2094, "Date": "2019-01-04T08:53:27.1834411+01:00", "Title": "Short Selling", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/short_selling.png", "Alt": "\"I'm selling all my analogies at auction tomorrow, and that witch over there will give you 20 beans if you promise on pain of death to win them for her.\" \"What if SEVERAL people promised witches they'd win, creating some kind of a ... squeeze? Gosh, you could make a lot of–\" \"Don't be silly! That probably never happens.\"" }, { "id": 2095, "Date": "2019-01-07T08:53:27.4204581+01:00", "Title": "Marsiforming", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/marsiforming.png", "Alt": "It has so many advantages--it preserves Martian life, requires fewer interplanetary launches, and makes it much easier to field-test Mars rovers." }, { "id": 2096, "Date": "2019-01-09T08:53:27.569393+01:00", "Title": "Mattresses", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mattresses.png", "Alt": "After reading that \"The War To Sell You A Mattress Is An Internet Nightmare\" article, I've decided it's safer and less complicated to just sleep on the floor. DISCLOSURE: THE AUTHOR OF THIS MOUSEOVER TEXT RECEIVED FINANCIAL COMPENSATION FROM THE FLOOR INDUSTRY FOR THIS MESSAGE." }, { "id": 2097, "Date": "2019-01-11T08:53:27.7307257+01:00", "Title": "Thor Tools", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/thor_tools.png", "Alt": "CORRECTION: After careful evaluation, we have determined that the axis label on this chart was printed backward." }, { "id": 2098, "Date": "2019-01-14T08:53:27.9655372+01:00", "Title": "Magnetic Pole", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/magnetic_pole.png", "Alt": "People keep trying to come up with reasons that we should worry about the magnetic field collapsing or reversing, but honestly I think it's fine. Whatever minor problems it causes will be made up for by the mid-latitude auroras." }, { "id": 2099, "Date": "2019-01-16T08:53:28.2000998+01:00", "Title": "Missal of Silos", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/missal_of_silos.png", "Alt": "Welcome to Wyoming, motto \"We'd like to clarify that Cheyenne Mountain is in Colorado.\"" }, { "id": 2100, "Date": "2019-01-18T08:53:28.4284078+01:00", "Title": "Models of the Atom", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/models_of_the_atom.png", "Alt": "J.J. Thompson won a Nobel Prize for his work in electricity in gases, but was unfairly passed over for his \"An atom is plum pudding, and plum pudding is MADE of atoms! Duuuuude.\" theory." }, { "id": 2101, "Date": "2019-01-21T08:53:28.5825682+01:00", "Title": "Technical Analysis", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/technical_analysis.png", "Alt": "\"I [suspect] that we are throwing more and more of our resources, including the cream of our youth, into financial activities remote from the production of goods and services, into activities that generate high private rewards disproportionate to their social productivity. I suspect that the immense power of the computer is being harnessed to this 'paper economy', not to do the same transactions more economically but to balloon the quantity and variety of financial exchanges.\" --James Tobin, July 1984" }, { "id": 2102, "Date": "2019-01-23T08:53:28.7382165+01:00", "Title": "Internet Archive", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/internet_archive.png", "Alt": "The fact that things like the npm left-pad incident are so rare is oddly reassuring." }, { "id": 2103, "Date": "2019-01-25T08:53:28.8954257+01:00", "Title": "Midcontinent Rift System", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/midcontinent_rift_system.png", "Alt": "The best wedge issue is an actual wedge." }, { "id": 2104, "Date": "2019-01-28T08:53:29.052572+01:00", "Title": "Biff Tannen", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/biff_tannen.png", "Alt": "I can't help myself; now I want to read a bunch of thinkpieces from newspapers in Biff's 1985 arguing over whether the growth of the region into a corporate dystopia was inevitable." }, { "id": 2105, "Date": "2019-01-30T08:53:29.2915158+01:00", "Title": "Modern OSI Model", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/modern_osi_model.png", "Alt": "In retrospect, I shouldn't have used each layer of the OSI model as one of my horcruxes." }, { "id": 2106, "Date": "2019-02-01T08:53:29.5220777+01:00", "Title": "Sharing Options", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sharing_options.png", "Alt": "How about posts that are public, but every time a company accesses a bunch of them, the API makes their CEO's account click 'like' on one of them at random so you get a notification." }, { "id": 2107, "Date": "2019-02-04T08:53:29.6719154+01:00", "Title": "Launch Risk", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/launch_risk.png", "Alt": "Don't worry--you're less likely to die from a space launch than from a shark attack. The survival rate is pretty high for both!" }, { "id": 2108, "Date": "2019-02-06T08:53:29.8259662+01:00", "Title": "Carbonated Beverage Language Map", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/carbonated_beverage_language_map.png", "Alt": "There's one person in Missouri who says \"carbo bev\" who the entire rest of the country HATES." }, { "id": 2109, "Date": "2019-02-08T08:53:30.0611893+01:00", "Title": "Invisible Formatting", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/invisible_formatting.png", "Alt": "To avoid errors like this, we render all text and pipe it through OCR before processing, fixing a handful of irregular bugs by burying them beneath a smooth, uniform layer of bugs." }, { "id": 2110, "Date": "2019-02-11T08:53:30.296519+01:00", "Title": "Error Bars", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/error_bars.png", "Alt": "...an effect size of 1.68 (95% CI: 1.56 (95% CI: 1.52 (95% CI: 1.504 (95% CI: 1.494 (95% CI: 1.488 (95% CI: 1.485 (95% CI: 1.482 (95% CI: 1.481 (95% CI: 1.4799 (95% CI: 1.4791 (95% CI: 1.4784..." }, { "id": 2111, "Date": "2019-02-13T08:53:30.4475474+01:00", "Title": "Opportunity Rover", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/opportunity_rover.png", "Alt": "Thanks for bringing us along." }, { "id": 2112, "Date": "2019-02-15T08:53:30.6420234+01:00", "Title": "Night Shift", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/night_shift.png", "Alt": "Help, I set my white balance wrong and suddenly everyone is screaming at each other about whether they've been to Colorado." }, { "id": 2113, "Date": "2019-02-18T08:53:30.8780211+01:00", "Title": "Physics Suppression", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/physics_suppression.png", "Alt": "If physics had a mafia, I'm pretty sure the BICEP2 mess would have ended in bloodshed." }, { "id": 2114, "Date": "2019-02-20T08:53:31.1231131+01:00", "Title": "Launch Conditions", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/launch_conditions.png", "Alt": "Though I do think the tiny vent on one of the boosters labeled \"O-RING\" is in poor taste." }, { "id": 2115, "Date": "2019-02-22T08:53:31.3541385+01:00", "Title": "Plutonium", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/plutonium.png", "Alt": "It's like someone briefly joined the team running the universe, introduced their idea for a cool mechanic, then left, and now everyone is stuck pretending that this wildly unbalanced dynamic makes sense." }, { "id": 2116, "Date": "2019-02-25T08:53:31.5865816+01:00", "Title": ".NORM Normal File Format", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/norm_normal_file_format.png", "Alt": "At some point, compression becomes an aesthetic design choice. Luckily, SVG is a really flexible format, so there's no reason it can't support vector JPEG artifacts." }, { "id": 2117, "Date": "2019-02-27T08:53:31.74149+01:00", "Title": "Differentiation and Integration", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/differentiation_and_integration.png", "Alt": "\"Symbolic integration\" is when you theatrically go through the motions of finding integrals, but the actual result you get doesn't matter because it's purely symbolic." }, { "id": 2118, "Date": "2019-03-01T08:53:31.8979009+01:00", "Title": "Normal Distribution", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/normal_distribution.png", "Alt": "It's the NORMAL distribution, not the TANGENT distribution." }, { "id": 2119, "Date": "2019-03-04T08:53:32.053924+01:00", "Title": "Video Orientation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/video_orientation.png", "Alt": "CIRCULAR VIDEO - PROS: Solves aspect ratio problem. CONS: Never trust anyone who talks to you from inside a circle." }, { "id": 2120, "Date": "2019-03-06T08:53:32.2113663+01:00", "Title": "Brain Hemispheres", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/brain_hemispheres.png", "Alt": "Neurologically speaking, the LEFT hand is actually the one at the end of the RIGHT arm." }, { "id": 2121, "Date": "2019-03-08T08:53:32.3656558+01:00", "Title": "Light Pollution", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/light_pollution.png", "Alt": "It's so sad how almost no one alive today can remember seeing the galactic rainbow, the insanity nebula, or the skull and glowing eyes of the Destroyer of Sagittarius." }, { "id": 2122, "Date": "2019-03-11T08:53:32.6038092+01:00", "Title": "Size Venn Diagram", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/size_venn_diagram.png", "Alt": "Terms I'm going to start using: The Large Dipper, great potatoes, the Big Hadron Collider, and Large Orphan Annie." }, { "id": 2123, "Date": "2019-03-13T08:53:32.8344853+01:00", "Title": "Meta Collecting", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/meta_collecting.png", "Alt": "I'm trying to get the page locked because some jerk keeps adding \"Yachts\"." }, { "id": 2124, "Date": "2019-03-15T08:53:33.0662766+01:00", "Title": "Space Mission Hearing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/space_mission_hearing.png", "Alt": "Our grant application contains one of those little greeting card speakers that plays spaceship noises when you open it." }, { "id": 2125, "Date": "2019-03-18T08:53:33.2401481+01:00", "Title": "Luna 2", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/luna_2.png", "Alt": "The flags were probably vaporized on impact, because we launched it before we had finished figuring out how to land. That makes sense from an engineering standpoint, but also feels like a metaphor." }, { "id": 2126, "Date": "2019-03-20T08:53:33.3925161+01:00", "Title": "Google Trends Maps", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/google_trends_maps.png", "Alt": "It's early 2020. The entire country is gripped with Marco Rubio fever except for Alaska, which is freaking out. You're frantically studying up on etiquette and/or sexting." }, { "id": 2127, "Date": "2019-03-22T08:53:33.5486523+01:00", "Title": "Panama Canal", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/panama_canal.png", "Alt": "Once they selected the other proposal, we could have kept shopping ours around, but we would had to modify it include an aqueduct over their canal, which would be totally unreasonable." }, { "id": 2128, "Date": "2019-03-25T08:53:33.7015899+01:00", "Title": "New Robot", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/new_robot.png", "Alt": "\"Some worry that we'll soon have a surplus of search and rescue robots, compared to the number of actual people in situations requiring search and rescue. That's where our other robot project comes in...\"" }, { "id": 2129, "Date": "2019-03-27T08:53:33.939725+01:00", "Title": "1921 Fact Checker", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/1921_fact_checker.png", "Alt": "POLITIFACT SAYS: MOSTLY WHATEVER" }, { "id": 2130, "Date": "2019-03-29T08:53:34.1797119+01:00", "Title": "Industry Nicknames", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/industry_nicknames.png", "Alt": "As far as \"being in the pocket of Big Egg\" goes, I think the real threat is Chansey." }, { "id": 2131, "Date": "2019-04-01T08:53:34.4215176+02:00", "Title": "Emojidome", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/emojidome.png", "Alt": "Thank you to the xkcd April 1st volunteers/commentators, including @Chromakode, Kevin, @Aiiane, Patrick, Kat, Reuven, @cotrone, @bstaffin, @zigdon, schwal, Stereo, and everyone who voted!" }, { "id": 2132, "Date": "2019-04-03T08:53:34.5798965+02:00", "Title": "Percentage Styles", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/percentage_styles.png", "Alt": "In a tribute to classical Latin, I started pronouncing it 'per-kent.' Eventually my friends had to resort to spritzing me with a water bottle like a cat to train me out of it." }, { "id": 2133, "Date": "2019-04-05T08:53:34.7457632+02:00", "Title": "EHT Black Hole Picture", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/eht_black_hole_picture.png", "Alt": "[five years later] Ok, it seems we were accidentally zoomed in slightly too far. But imagine there's a cool-looking twisted accretion disc just outside this black square!" }, { "id": 2134, "Date": "2019-04-08T08:53:34.8996996+02:00", "Title": "Too Much Talking", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/too_much_talking.png", "Alt": "Next time I go, I'm going to prepare a whole bunch of opinions that I'm sure are good, and make everyone sit quietly while I run through them." }, { "id": 2135, "Date": "2019-04-10T08:53:35.1418236+02:00", "Title": "M87 Black Hole Size Comparison", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/m87_black_hole_size_comparison.png", "Alt": "I think Voyager 1 would be just past the event horizon, but slightly less than halfway to the bright ring." }, { "id": 2136, "Date": "2019-04-12T08:53:35.2973031+02:00", "Title": "Election Commentary", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/election_commentary.png", "Alt": "This really validates Jones's strategy of getting several thousand more votes than Smith. In retrospect, that was a smart move; those votes were crucial." }, { "id": 2137, "Date": "2019-04-15T08:53:35.5467073+02:00", "Title": "Text Entry", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/text_entry.png", "Alt": "I like to think that somewhere out there, there's someone whose personal quest is lobbying TV providers to add an option to switch their on-screen keyboards to Dvorak." }, { "id": 2138, "Date": "2019-04-17T08:53:35.7109544+02:00", "Title": "Wanna See the Code?", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wanna_see_the_code.png", "Alt": "And because if you just leave it there, it's going to start contaminating things downstream even if no one touches it directly." }, { "id": 2139, "Date": "2019-04-19T08:53:35.9456072+02:00", "Title": "Email Settings", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/email_settings.png", "Alt": "What are all these less-than signs? What's an HREF? Look, we know you live in a fancy futuristic tech world, but not all of us have upgraded to the latest from Sun Microsystems." }, { "id": 2140, "Date": "2019-04-22T08:53:36.1853251+02:00", "Title": "Reinvent the Wheel", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/reinvent_the_wheel.png", "Alt": "Right now it's a bicycle wheel, so we've had to move to lighter vehicles, but the reduced overhead is worth it. There was one week when a wheel of cheese got dangerously close to the first page, though." }, { "id": 2141, "Date": "2019-04-24T08:53:36.335527+02:00", "Title": "UI vs UX", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ui_vs_ux.png", "Alt": "U[unprintable glyph]: The elements a higher power uses to bend that moral arc. U[even more unprintable glyph]: The higher power's overall experience bending that moral arc." }, { "id": 2142, "Date": "2019-04-26T08:53:36.491704+02:00", "Title": "Dangerous Fields", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dangerous_fields.png", "Alt": "Eventually, every epidemiologist becomes another statistic, a dedication to record-keeping which their colleagues sincerely appreciate." }, { "id": 2143, "Date": "2019-04-29T08:53:36.7241784+02:00", "Title": "Disk Usage", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/disk_usage.png", "Alt": "Menu -> Manage -> [Optimize space usage, Encrypt disk usage report, Convert photos to text-only, Delete temporary files, Delete permanent files, Delete all files currently in use, Optimize menu options, Download cloud, Optimize cloud , Upload unused space to cloud]" }, { "id": 2144, "Date": "2019-05-01T08:53:36.8753533+02:00", "Title": "Adjusting a Chair", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/adjusting_a_chair.png", "Alt": "When I was looking at the box, I should have thought more about what \"360 degrees of freedom\" meant." }, { "id": 2145, "Date": "2019-05-03T08:53:37.1113647+02:00", "Title": "Heists And Escapes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/heists_and_escapes.png", "Alt": "The interactive experience is built on a single theological framework that unites Dante, George R. R. Martin, every major heist movie, and Erin Gloria Ryan's \"Kevin is dead\" Home Alone theory." }, { "id": 2146, "Date": "2019-05-06T08:53:37.266911+02:00", "Title": "Waiting for the But", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/waiting_for_the_but.png", "Alt": "Listen, I'm not a fan of the Spanish Inquisition OR predatory multi-level marketing schemes..." }, { "id": 2147, "Date": "2019-05-08T08:53:37.4320106+02:00", "Title": "Appendicitis", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/appendicitis.png", "Alt": "Fortunately, after a brief skirmish, I seem to have gained the upper hand in the battle against my internal organs, at least until they learn to read and find out the mean stuff I've said about them." }, { "id": 2148, "Date": "2019-05-10T08:53:37.5868504+02:00", "Title": "Cubesat Launch", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cubesat_launch.png", "Alt": "Luckily, the damages were partly offset by the prize money we got from accidentally winning the nearby water skiing championship tournament." }, { "id": 2149, "Date": "2019-05-13T08:53:37.7409769+02:00", "Title": "Alternate Histories", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/alternate_histories.png", "Alt": "\"So their universe wouldn't have the iconic photo of a screaming Truman being hoisted aloft by the newspaper-printing machinery...\"" }, { "id": 2150, "Date": "2019-05-15T08:53:37.9774324+02:00", "Title": "XKeyboarCD", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/xkeyboarcd.png", "Alt": "The key caps use LCD displays for all the vowels, so they can automatically adjust over the years to reflect ongoing vowel shifts while allowing you to keep typing phonetically." }, { "id": 2151, "Date": "2019-05-17T08:53:38.1309864+02:00", "Title": "A/B", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/a_b.png", "Alt": "We wrote our site in Linear A rather than Aksara Kawi because browser testing showed that Crete script rendered faster than Java script." }, { "id": 2152, "Date": "2019-05-20T08:53:38.287736+02:00", "Title": "Westerns", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/westerns.png", "Alt": "Sitting here idly trying to figure out how the population of the Old West in the late 1800s compares to the number of Red Dead Redemption 2 players." }, { "id": 2153, "Date": "2019-05-22T08:53:38.4373146+02:00", "Title": "Effects of High Altitude", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/effects_of_high_altitude.png", "Alt": "If she'd lived in Flagstaff (elevation 6,903 feet), Cruella de Vil would only have needed 89 dalmatians for her coat." }, { "id": 2154, "Date": "2019-05-24T08:53:38.6749933+02:00", "Title": "Motivation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/motivation.png", "Alt": "What's even worse is, a month ago they transferred me to work on the game I was already playing, and suddenly I found myself procrastinating by playing the one I'd been assigned before. It's possible they're onto me and this is all part of the plan." }, { "id": 2155, "Date": "2019-05-27T08:53:38.906345+02:00", "Title": "Swimming", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/swimming.png", "Alt": "\"You don't know how high above you the sky goes, but you're not freaking out about that.\" \"Well, NOW I am!\"" }, { "id": 2156, "Date": "2019-05-29T08:53:39.0576909+02:00", "Title": "Ufo", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ufo.png", "Alt": "\"It's a little low for a weather balloon; it might be some other kind.\" \"Yeah. Besides, I know I'm the alien conspiracy guy, but come on--the idea that the government would care about hiding something so mundane as atmospheric temperature measurement is too ridiculous even for me.\"" }, { "id": 2157, "Date": "2019-05-31T08:53:39.2134775+02:00", "Title": "Diploma Legal Notes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/diploma_legal_notes.png", "Alt": "If you're planning to challenge the royal family, you should probably wait 6-8 weeks, since a number of the younger ones have diplomas and Kate was actually on the varsity lightsaber team at St Andrews." }, { "id": 2158, "Date": "2019-06-03T08:53:39.3658816+02:00", "Title": "Qualifiers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/qualifiers.png", "Alt": "[20 minutes later] \", hi.\"" }, { "id": 2159, "Date": "2019-06-05T08:53:39.6033253+02:00", "Title": "Comments", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/comments.png", "Alt": "NPR encourages you to add comments to their stories using the page inspector in your browser's developer tools. Note: Your comments are visible only to you, and will be lost when you refresh the page." }, { "id": 2160, "Date": "2019-06-07T08:53:39.8422867+02:00", "Title": "Ken Burns Theory", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ken_burns_theory.png", "Alt": "Some of the KBCU ancillary works try a little too hard to tie everything together. Doris Kearns Goodwin, the sports journalist featured in \"Baseball,\" was somehow ALSO a famous historian who wrote bestselling biographies of Lincoln AND Johnson? Unrealistic." }, { "id": 2161, "Date": "2019-06-10T08:53:39.9889642+02:00", "Title": "An Apple a Day", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/an_apple_a_day.png", "Alt": "Even the powerful, tart Granny Smith cultivar is proving ineffective against new Gran-negative doctors." }, { "id": 2162, "Date": "2019-06-12T08:53:40.2282307+02:00", "Title": "Literary Opinions", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/literary_opinions.png", "Alt": "If I really focus, I can distinguish between John Steinbeck and John Updike, or between Gore Vidal and Vidal Sassoon, but not both at once." }, { "id": 2163, "Date": "2019-06-14T08:53:40.4608269+02:00", "Title": "Chernobyl", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/chernobyl.png", "Alt": "You know when you can't hear your speakers, and you keep turning various volume controls up higher and higher in confusion, and then someone hits the mute button and there's a deafening blast of sound? That's basically what happened at Chernobyl." }, { "id": 2164, "Date": "2019-06-17T08:53:40.7060839+02:00", "Title": "Glacier", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/glacier.png", "Alt": "The Norwegian adaptation of The Sword in the Stone takes things in a weird direction." }, { "id": 2165, "Date": "2019-06-19T08:53:40.9391786+02:00", "Title": "Millennials", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/millennials.png", "Alt": "Ironically, I've been having these same arguments for at least a decade now. I thought we would have moved on by now, but somehow the snide complaints about millennials continue." }, { "id": 2166, "Date": "2019-06-21T08:53:41.1700011+02:00", "Title": "Stack", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/stack.png", "Alt": "Gotta feel kind of bad for nation-state hackers who spend years implanting and cultivating some hardware exploit, only to discover the entire target database is already exposed to anyone with a web browser." }, { "id": 2167, "Date": "2019-06-24T08:53:41.3455577+02:00", "Title": "Motivated Reasoning Olympics", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/motivated_reasoning_olympics.png", "Alt": "[later] I can't believe how bad corruption has become, especially given that our league split off from the statewide one a month ago SPECIFICALLY to protest this kind of flagrantly biased judging." }, { "id": 2168, "Date": "2019-06-26T08:53:41.5070447+02:00", "Title": "Reading in the Original", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/reading_in_the_original.png", "Alt": "The articles are much shorter, but I assume that's because this version predates the merger with the Hawaiian text that created the modern Hawaiian-Greek hybrid wiki-pedia." }, { "id": 2169, "Date": "2019-06-28T08:53:41.6755869+02:00", "Title": "Predictive Models", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/predictive_models.png", "Alt": "WE WILL ARREST THE REVOLUTION MEMBERS [AT THE JULY 28TH MEETING][tab] \"Cancel the meeting! Our cover is blown.\"" }, { "id": 2170, "Date": "2019-07-01T08:53:41.8330714+02:00", "Title": "Coordinate Precision", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/coordinate_precision.png", "Alt": "40 digits: You are optimistic about our understanding of the nature of distance itself." }, { "id": 2171, "Date": "2019-07-03T08:53:41.9866103+02:00", "Title": "Shadow Biosphere", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/shadow_biosphere.png", "Alt": "The typical Shadow Biology Department is housed in a building coated in a thin layer of desert varnish which renders it invisible to normal-world university staff." }, { "id": 2172, "Date": "2019-07-05T08:53:42.1431517+02:00", "Title": "Lunar Cycles", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/lunar_cycles.png", "Alt": "The Antikythera mechanism had a whole set of gears specifically to track the cyclic popularity of skinny jeans and low-rise waists." }, { "id": 2173, "Date": "2019-07-08T08:53:42.2961212+02:00", "Title": "Trained a Neural Net", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/trained_a_neural_net.png", "Alt": "It also works for anything you teach someone else to do. \"Oh yeah, I trained a pair of neural nets, Emily and Kevin, to respond to support tickets.\"" }, { "id": 2174, "Date": "2019-07-10T08:53:42.5357688+02:00", "Title": "First News Memory", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/first_news_memory.png", "Alt": "Psychology researchers say our 'flashbulb' memories of big events can be unreliable, but I clearly remember watching live on CNN as Challenger crashed into and destroyed the Berlin Wall." }, { "id": 2175, "Date": "2019-07-12T08:53:42.692095+02:00", "Title": "Flag Interpretation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/flag_interpretation.png", "Alt": "When Salvador Dalí died, it took months to get all the flagpoles sufficiently melted." }, { "id": 2176, "Date": "2019-07-15T08:53:42.9300319+02:00", "Title": "How Hacking Works", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/how_hacking_works.png", "Alt": "If only somebody had warned them that the world would roll them like this." }, { "id": 2177, "Date": "2019-07-17T08:53:43.1586517+02:00", "Title": "Gastroenterology", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/gastroenterology.png", "Alt": "\"Mostly it means that I'm acutely aware that the kid one table over coughed as the server walked past with our food.\"" }, { "id": 2178, "Date": "2019-07-19T08:53:43.3945074+02:00", "Title": "Expiration Date High Score", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/expiration_date_high_score.png", "Alt": "\"Wait, we've MOVED since 2010. How on Earth did--\" \"Look, some of us were just born to be champions.\"" }, { "id": 2179, "Date": "2019-07-22T08:53:43.5577753+02:00", "Title": "NWS Warnings", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/nws_warnings.png", "Alt": "Kind of rude of them to simultaneously issue an EVACUATION - IMMEDIATE alert, a SHELTER IN PLACE alert, and a 911 TELEPHONE OUTAGE alert." }, { "id": 2180, "Date": "2019-07-24T08:53:43.7111882+02:00", "Title": "Spreadsheets", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/spreadsheets.png", "Alt": "My brother once asked me if there was a function to produce a calendar grid from a list of dates in Google Sheets. I replied with a single-cell formula that took in a list of dates and outputted a calendar. It used SEQUENCE(), REGEXMATCH(), and a double-nested ARRAYFORMULA(), and it locked up the browser for 15 seconds every time it ran. I think he learned a lot about asking me things." }, { "id": 2181, "Date": "2019-07-26T08:53:43.8646963+02:00", "Title": "Inbox", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/inbox.png", "Alt": "Rome's declaration of war against Carthage was sent from a no-reply address, so Hannibal had to cross the Alps to deliver his \"UNSUBSCRIBE\" response in person." }, { "id": 2182, "Date": "2019-07-29T08:53:44.1029617+02:00", "Title": "When I'm Back at a Keyboard", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/when_im_back_at_a_keyboard.png", "Alt": "[after typing 1,500 words on feathered dinosaurs, paleontology, sexism, lava, and dinosaurs as animals rather than movie monsters] Sorry to cut it short, I'm on my phone. When I'm back at a keyboard, I can give you another 5,000 words." }, { "id": 2183, "Date": "2019-07-31T08:53:44.2635295+02:00", "Title": "Icon Swap", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/icon_swap.png", "Alt": "Someone's probably working on an eBook app where, if you stop reading right before some plot twist happens, the app will wait a while and then send you a breaking news alert about what's happening, prompting you to open it and read the next few pages to learn more." }, { "id": 2184, "Date": "2019-08-02T08:53:44.4937993+02:00", "Title": "Unpopular Opinions", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/unpopular_opinions.png", "Alt": "I wasn't a big fan of 3 or Salvation, so I'm trying to resist getting my hopes up too much for Dark Fate, but it's hard. I'm just a sucker for humans and robots traveling through time to try to drive trucks into each other, apparently." }, { "id": 2185, "Date": "2019-08-05T08:53:44.6444593+02:00", "Title": "Cumulonimbus", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cumulonimbus.png", "Alt": "The rarest of all clouds is the altocumulenticulostratonimbulocirruslenticulomammanoctilucent cloud, caused by an interaction between warm moist air, cool dry air, cold slippery air, cursed air, and a cloud of nanobots." }, { "id": 2186, "Date": "2019-08-07T08:53:44.8010649+02:00", "Title": "Dark Matter", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dark_matter.png", "Alt": "To detect dark matter, we just need to build a bird feeder that spins two squirrels around the rim in opposite directions at relativistic speeds and collides them together." }, { "id": 2187, "Date": "2019-08-09T08:53:45.0419437+02:00", "Title": "Geologic Time", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/geologic_time.png", "Alt": "Ok, well, we'll be sure to pay you sometime soon, geologically speaking." }, { "id": 2188, "Date": "2019-08-12T08:53:45.1892634+02:00", "Title": "E Scooters", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/e_scooters.png", "Alt": "Obviously battery technology and prices have driven a lot of the scooter explosion, but I feel like Dean Kamen must be at least a little grumpy about how much people laughed at the idea of the Segway." }, { "id": 2189, "Date": "2019-08-14T08:53:45.3436862+02:00", "Title": "Old Game Worlds", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/old_game_worlds.png", "Alt": "Ok, how many coins for a cinnamon roll?" }, { "id": 2190, "Date": "2019-08-16T08:53:45.4984733+02:00", "Title": "Serena Versus the Drones", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/serena_versus_the_drones.png", "Alt": "After the test, she said that if she had a choice, she wouldn’t defend herself against drones using a tennis ball and racket, though she would absolutely pick them over other sports equipment. But, she added, \"Drones don't bother me.\"" }, { "id": 2191, "Date": "2019-08-19T08:53:45.6529122+02:00", "Title": "Conference Question", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/conference_question.png", "Alt": "I also have an utterance. Less of an utterance and more of an incantation. Less of an incantation and more of a malediction. Less of a malediction and more of a Word of Power. Less of a Word of Power and more of an Unforgivable Curse." }, { "id": 2192, "Date": "2019-08-21T08:53:45.8894689+02:00", "Title": "Review", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/review.png", "Alt": "Controls are a little hard to figure out." }, { "id": 2193, "Date": "2019-08-23T08:53:46.124998+02:00", "Title": "Well-Ordering Principle", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/well_ordering_principle.png", "Alt": "We could organize a nationwide old-photo-album search, but the real Worst McFly is probably lost to time." }, { "id": 2194, "Date": "2019-08-26T08:53:46.3699665+02:00", "Title": "How to Send a File", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/how_to_send_a_file.png", "Alt": "Note: How To will teach you lots of cool stuff about technology, data storage, butterfly migration, and more. Also you will never see your files again." }, { "id": 2195, "Date": "2019-08-28T08:53:46.5214692+02:00", "Title": "Dockless Roombas", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dockless_roombas.png", "Alt": "The company started out exploiting a loophole in the law banning scooters. The city was mad at first, but then they noticed how much they were saving on street cleaning." }, { "id": 2196, "Date": "2019-08-30T08:53:46.6790485+02:00", "Title": "Nice To E-Meet You", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/nice_to_e_meet_you.png", "Alt": "I'm inside your head and I hate it. Please let me out." }, { "id": 2197, "Date": "2019-09-02T08:53:46.8285037+02:00", "Title": "Game Show", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/game_show.png", "Alt": "Eventually they agreed to \"an auto-retracting dog leash with one end clipped to your house, so you can press the button on the handle and water-ski home.\"" }, { "id": 2198, "Date": "2019-09-03T08:53:47.0557537+02:00", "Title": "Throw", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/throw.png", "Alt": "this calculator implements the simple throwing distance estimation model from the how to throw things chapter of the book how to" }, { "id": 2199, "Date": "2019-09-06T08:53:47.2051094+02:00", "Title": "Cryptic Wifi Networks", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cryptic_wifi_networks.png", "Alt": "They actually showed up on the first scan by the first WiFi-capable device." }, { "id": 2200, "Date": "2019-09-09T08:53:47.4427517+02:00", "Title": "Unreachable State", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/unreachable_state.png", "Alt": "ERROR: We've reached an unreachable state. Anything is possible. The limits were in our heads all along. Follow your dreams." }, { "id": 2201, "Date": "2019-09-11T08:53:47.5929409+02:00", "Title": "Foucault Pendulum", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/foucault_pendulum.png", "Alt": "Trust me, you don't want to get on the wrong side of the paramilitary enforcement arm of the International Earth Rotation and Reference Systems Service." }, { "id": 2202, "Date": "2019-09-13T08:53:47.7466071+02:00", "Title": "Earth-Like Exoplanet", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/earth_like_exoplanet.png", "Alt": "Fire is actually a potential biosignature, since it means something is filling the atmosphere with an unstable gas like oxygen. If we find a planet covered in flames, it might be an indicator that it supports life. Or used to, anyway, before the fire." }, { "id": 2203, "Date": "2019-09-16T08:53:47.9025726+02:00", "Title": "Prescience", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/prescience.png", "Alt": "Lots of people called their ships unsinkable before the Titanic. Voicing your hubris doesn't make failure more likely, just more memorable." }, { "id": 2204, "Date": "2019-09-18T08:53:48.1381433+02:00", "Title": "Ksp 2", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ksp_2.png", "Alt": "\"The committee appreciates that your 2020 launch is on track, but the 'human capital/personnel retention' budget includes a lot more unmarked cash payments than usual. What are th--\" \"Public outreach.\"" }, { "id": 2205, "Date": "2019-09-20T08:53:48.2901529+02:00", "Title": "Types of Approximation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/types_of_approximation.png", "Alt": "It's not my fault I haven't had a chance to measure the curvature of this particular universe." }, { "id": 2206, "Date": "2019-09-23T08:53:48.4503701+02:00", "Title": "Mavis Beacon", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mavis_beacon.png", "Alt": "There are actually lowercase-like 'oldstyle' forms of normal numbers with more pronounced ascenders and descenders, which is why some numbers like '5' in books sometimes dangle below the line. But the true capital numbers remain the domain of number maven Mavis Beacon." }, { "id": 2207, "Date": "2019-09-25T08:53:48.6840896+02:00", "Title": "Math Work", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/math_work.png", "Alt": "I could type this into a solver, which MIGHT help, but would also mean I have to get a lot of parentheses right..." }, { "id": 2208, "Date": "2019-09-27T08:53:48.9119252+02:00", "Title": "Drone Fishing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/drone_fishing.png", "Alt": "Today's consumers who order their drones off the internet don't know the joy of going out in nature and returning with a drone that you caught yourself, whose angry owners you fought off with your own two hands." }, { "id": 2209, "Date": "2019-09-30T08:53:49.1466845+02:00", "Title": "Fresh Pears", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fresh_pears.png", "Alt": "I want to sell apples but I'm still working on getting the machine to do the cutting and grafting." }, { "id": 2210, "Date": "2019-10-02T08:53:49.3059923+02:00", "Title": "College Athletes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/college_athletes.png", "Alt": "Their signature play is the three-point combinator, a recursive offense which is guaranteed not to halt and continues accumulating points until the buzzer." }, { "id": 2211, "Date": "2019-10-04T08:53:49.5456535+02:00", "Title": "Hours Before Departure", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hours_before_departure.png", "Alt": "They could afford to cut it close because they all had Global Entry." }, { "id": 2212, "Date": "2019-10-07T08:53:49.7772106+02:00", "Title": "Cell Phone Functions", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cell_phone_functions.png", "Alt": "... tazer ... fire extinguisher ... bird feeder ... toilet paper ..." }, { "id": 2213, "Date": "2019-10-09T08:53:50.0075809+02:00", "Title": "How Old", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/how_old.png", "Alt": "We've met! I remember you when you were thiiiis tall! [*holds a hand an inch above their head*]" }, { "id": 2214, "Date": "2019-10-11T08:53:50.2447549+02:00", "Title": "Chemistry Nobel", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/chemistry_nobel.png", "Alt": "Most chemists thought the lanthanides and actinides could be inserted in the sixth and seventh rows, but no, they're just floating down at the bottom with lots more undiscovered elements all around them." }, { "id": 2215, "Date": "2019-10-14T08:53:50.4725325+02:00", "Title": "Faculty:Student Ratio", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/faculty_student_ratio.png", "Alt": "They managed to briefly hit the top of the rankings when they rejected everyone except one applicant, published 5 billion research papers that just said \"Hi,\" and hired one of their graduates for $50 trillion/year (then fired them after 10 microseconds.)" }, { "id": 2216, "Date": "2019-10-16T08:53:50.7041685+02:00", "Title": "Percent Milkfat", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/percent_milkfat.png", "Alt": "\"So what's dark energy?\" \"Cosmologists and the FDA are both trying very hard to find out.\"" }, { "id": 2217, "Date": "2019-10-18T08:53:50.9524081+02:00", "Title": "53 Cards", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/53_cards.png", "Alt": "Well, there's one right here at the bottom, where it says \"53.\"" }, { "id": 2218, "Date": "2019-10-21T08:53:51.1024127+02:00", "Title": "Wardrobe", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wardrobe.png", "Alt": "If you'd just agree to hold your meetings in here, you'd have PLENTY of time to figure things out before the deadline." }, { "id": 2219, "Date": "2019-10-23T08:53:51.2588501+02:00", "Title": "Earthquake Early Warnings", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/earthquake_early_warnings.png", "Alt": "I was fired by the National Weather Service five minutes after they hired me for going into their code base and renaming all the tornado warnings to \"tornado spoiler alerts.\"" }, { "id": 2220, "Date": "2019-10-25T08:53:51.4131915+02:00", "Title": "Imagine Going Back in Time", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/imagine_going_back_in_time.png", "Alt": "I wonder what the trendy adults in 2019 who are too cool for Pokemon will be into. Probably Digimon!" }, { "id": 2221, "Date": "2019-10-28T08:53:51.5680164+01:00", "Title": "Emulation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/emulation.png", "Alt": "I laugh at the software as if I'm 100% confident that it's 2019." }, { "id": 2222, "Date": "2019-10-30T08:53:51.7284312+01:00", "Title": "Terminator: Dark Fate", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/terminator_dark_fate.png", "Alt": "I was sent here to stop the robot that was sent here to protect the human who was sent here to protect the human who was sent here to destroy the robot that was sent here to vacuum the floor." }, { "id": 2223, "Date": "2019-11-01T08:53:51.9898011+01:00", "Title": "Screen Time", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/screen_time.png", "Alt": "These new Bluetooth socks are great, but it's troubling to learn that I average almost 14 hours of Shoe Time a day." }, { "id": 2224, "Date": "2019-11-04T08:53:52.226068+01:00", "Title": "Software Updates", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/software_updates.png", "Alt": "Everything is a cloud application; the ping times just vary a lot." }, { "id": 2225, "Date": "2019-11-06T08:53:52.4557797+01:00", "Title": "Voting Referendum", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/voting_referendum.png", "Alt": "The weirdest quirk of the Borda count is that Jean-Charles de Borda automatically gets one point; luckily this has no consequences except in cases of extremely low turnout." }, { "id": 2226, "Date": "2019-11-08T08:53:52.6925651+01:00", "Title": "Recombination And Reionization", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/recombination_and_reionization.png", "Alt": "These signals seem to be pre-star-formation but post-Malone." }, { "id": 2227, "Date": "2019-11-11T08:53:52.9280845+01:00", "Title": "Transit of Mercury", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/transit_of_mercury.png", "Alt": "For some reason the water in my pool is green and there's a weird film on the surface #nofilter" }, { "id": 2228, "Date": "2019-11-13T08:53:53.0753882+01:00", "Title": "Machine Learning Captcha", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/machine_learning_captcha.png", "Alt": "More likely: Click on all the pictures of people who appear disloyal to [name of company or government]" }, { "id": 2229, "Date": "2019-11-15T08:53:53.3228661+01:00", "Title": "Rey and Kylo", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rey_and_kylo.png", "Alt": "We're like 10+ movies in and the focus has been almost entirely on the WARS half." }, { "id": 2230, "Date": "2019-11-18T08:53:53.5550082+01:00", "Title": "Versus Bracket", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/versus_bracket.png", "Alt": "Some works didn't make the cut; in \"Ecks vs. Sever\" vs. the passage of time, the latter seems to have won pretty decisively." }, { "id": 2231, "Date": "2019-11-20T08:53:53.7817872+01:00", "Title": "The Time Before and After Land", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_time_before_and_after_land.png", "Alt": "According to Google, \"the time for Beeland\" is apparently whenever you're looking for delicious honey in Spillimacheen, British Columbia or a hexagonal chalet in the Savinja valley in Slovenia." }, { "id": 2232, "Date": "2019-11-22T08:53:53.9469939+01:00", "Title": "Hotel Room Party", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hotel_room_party.png", "Alt": "[proudly greeting the hotel manager at the door] \"Did I do a good job?\"" }, { "id": 2233, "Date": "2019-11-25T08:53:54.1855682+01:00", "Title": "Aurora Meaning", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/aurora_meaning.png", "Alt": "The astro-ph.SR arXiv servers are simultaneously being overwhelmed by electronic requests and actual electricity." }, { "id": 2234, "Date": "2019-11-27T08:53:54.3354154+01:00", "Title": "How To Deliver Christmas Presents", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/how_to_deliver_christmas_presents.png", "Alt": "Building codes in hurricane zones rely on studies of how easily flying debris can break residential windows. If you're looking for a science fair project idea and you hate your neighbors, I'm sure they could always use more data!" }, { "id": 2235, "Date": "2019-11-29T08:53:54.5719851+01:00", "Title": "Group Chat Rules", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/group_chat_rules.png", "Alt": "There's no group chat member more enigmatic than the cool person who you all assume has the chat on mute, but who then instantly chimes in with no delay the moment something relevant to them is mentioned." }, { "id": 2236, "Date": "2019-12-02T08:53:54.7246669+01:00", "Title": "Is it Christmas?", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/is_it_christmas.png", "Alt": "We've tested it on 30 different days and it hasn't gotten one wrong yet." }, { "id": 2237, "Date": "2019-12-04T08:53:54.9581644+01:00", "Title": "AI Hiring Algorithm", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ai_hiring_algorithm.png", "Alt": "So glad Kate over in R&D pushed for using the AlgoMaxAnalyzer to look into this. Hiring her was a great decisio- waaaait." }, { "id": 2238, "Date": "2019-12-06T08:53:55.1163358+01:00", "Title": "Flu Shot", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/flu_shot.png", "Alt": "\"Wait, how often are you getting bitten by snakes? And why are you boiling water?\" \"Dunno, the CDC people keep showing up with complicated questions about the 'history of the property' and 'possible curses' but I kinda tune them out. At least one of them offered me the flu shot.\"" }, { "id": 2239, "Date": "2019-12-09T08:53:55.269112+01:00", "Title": "Data Error", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/data_error.png", "Alt": "Cyanobacteria wiped out nearly all life on Earth once before, and they can do it again!" }, { "id": 2240, "Date": "2019-12-11T08:53:55.4247435+01:00", "Title": "Timeline of the Universe", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/timeline_of_the_universe.png", "Alt": "Not actual size, except technically at one spot near the left." }, { "id": 2241, "Date": "2019-12-13T08:53:55.662362+01:00", "Title": "Brussels Sprouts Mandela Effect", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/brussels_sprouts_mandela_effect.png", "Alt": "I love Brussels Sprouts Mandela Effect; I saw them open for Correct Horse Battery Staple." }, { "id": 2242, "Date": "2019-12-16T08:53:55.8159665+01:00", "Title": "Ground vs Air", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ground_vs_air.png", "Alt": "Water is thinner than both, and fire is *definitely* thicker." }, { "id": 2243, "Date": "2019-12-18T08:53:55.9696481+01:00", "Title": "Star Wars Spoiler Generator", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/star_wars_spoiler_generator.png", "Alt": "The heroes seem to be gaining the upper hand until Darth Juul manages to flip the switch on the car wash control panel from 'REGULAR' to 'PREMIUM.'" }, { "id": 2244, "Date": "2019-12-20T08:53:56.1288226+01:00", "Title": "Thumbtacks And String", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/thumbtacks_and_string.png", "Alt": "A tattoo of a tattoo parlor receipt" }, { "id": 2245, "Date": "2019-12-23T08:53:56.286384+01:00", "Title": "Edible Arrangements", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/edible_arrangements.png", "Alt": "Any arrangement is an edible arrangement if you're hungry enough." }, { "id": 2246, "Date": "2019-12-25T08:53:56.517882+01:00", "Title": "Christmas Presents", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/christmas_presents.png", "Alt": "\"The parasitism might be mediated by a fungus!\" exclaimed the biologist who was trying to ruin Christmas again." }, { "id": 2247, "Date": "2019-12-27T08:53:56.7504706+01:00", "Title": "Weird Hill", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/weird_hill.png", "Alt": "I'm compromising by picking a weird hill to lie on." }, { "id": 2248, "Date": "2019-12-30T08:53:56.9873345+01:00", "Title": "New Year's Eve", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/new_years_eve.png", "Alt": "\"Off-by-one errors\" isn't the easiest theme to build a party around, but I've seen worse." }, { "id": 2249, "Date": "2020-01-01T08:53:57.1362031+01:00", "Title": "I Love the 20s", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/i_love_the_20s.png", "Alt": "Billboard's \"Best of the 80s\" chart includes Blondie's 1980 hit \"Call Me.\" QED." }, { "id": 2250, "Date": "2020-01-03T08:53:57.2917948+01:00", "Title": "OK/okay/ok", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ok_okay_ok.png", "Alt": "After changing it back and forth several times and consulting with internet linguist Gretchen McCulloch, I settled on \"ok\" in my book How To, but I'm still on the fence. Maybe I should just switch to \"oK.\"" }, { "id": 2251, "Date": "2020-01-06T08:53:57.5305122+01:00", "Title": "Alignment Chart Alignment Chart", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/alignment_chart_alignment_chart.png", "Alt": "I would describe my personal alignment as \"lawful heterozygous silty liquid.\"" }, { "id": 2252, "Date": "2020-01-08T08:53:57.7608842+01:00", "Title": "Parenthetical Names", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/parenthetical_names.png", "Alt": "I never got around to seeing that movie about the battle (of Midway)." }, { "id": 2253, "Date": "2020-01-10T08:53:57.9962657+01:00", "Title": "Star Wars Voyager 1", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/star_wars_voyager_1.png", "Alt": "There's some flexibility depending on your standards for measuring runtime and the various special editions. If you still want to have a party, I'm sure you can find some combination that works." }, { "id": 2254, "Date": "2020-01-13T08:53:58.2314516+01:00", "Title": "JPEG2000", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/jpeg2000.png", "Alt": "I was actually a little relieved when I learned that JPEG2000 was used in the DCI digital cinema standard. I was feeling so bad for it!" }, { "id": 2255, "Date": "2020-01-15T08:53:58.3782917+01:00", "Title": "Tattoo Ideas", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tattoo_ideas.png", "Alt": "The text ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US with a lengthy footnote explaining that I got this tattoo in 2020 and not, as you may assume, 2001, but offering no further clarification." }, { "id": 2256, "Date": "2020-01-17T08:53:58.536397+01:00", "Title": "Bad Map Projection: South America", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bad_map_projection_south_america.png", "Alt": "The projection does a good job preserving both distance and azimuth, at the cost of really exaggerating how many South Americas there are." }, { "id": 2257, "Date": "2020-01-20T08:53:58.7398894+01:00", "Title": "Unsubscribe Message", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/unsubscribe_message.png", "Alt": "A mix of the two is even worse: 'Thanks for unsubscribing and helping us pare this list down to reliable supporters.'" }, { "id": 2258, "Date": "2020-01-22T08:53:58.8878811+01:00", "Title": "Solar System Changes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/solar_system_changes.png", "Alt": "\"Actually, Jupiter already has a very impressive ring system!\" --someone who knows Jupiter is within earshot" }, { "id": 2259, "Date": "2020-01-24T08:53:59.0454604+01:00", "Title": "Networking Problems", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/networking_problems.png", "Alt": "LOOK, THE LATENCY FALLS EVERY TIME YOU CLAP YOUR HANDS AND SAY YOU BELIEVE" }, { "id": 2260, "Date": "2020-01-27T08:53:59.2004678+01:00", "Title": "Reaction Maps", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/reaction_maps.png", "Alt": "If Google Maps stops letting you navigate to (Clay County District) A in West Virginia, you can try Jump, OH -> Ina, IL -> Big Hole, TX." }, { "id": 2261, "Date": "2020-01-29T08:53:59.3565432+01:00", "Title": "Worst Thing That Could Happen", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/worst_thing_that_could_happen.png", "Alt": "Before I install any patch, I always open the patch notes and Ctrl-F for 'supervolcano', 'seagull', and 'garbage disposal', just to be safe." }, { "id": 2262, "Date": "2020-01-31T08:53:59.5122466+01:00", "Title": "Parker Solar Probe", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/parker_solar_probe.png", "Alt": "It will get within 9 or 10 Sun-diameters of the \"bottom\" (the Sun's surface) which seems pretty far when you put it that way, but from up here on Earth it's practically all the way down." }, { "id": 2263, "Date": "2020-02-03T08:53:59.7372552+01:00", "Title": "Cicadas", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cicadas.png", "Alt": "After a while you adjust to the new cicadian rhythm." }, { "id": 2264, "Date": "2020-02-05T08:53:59.966594+01:00", "Title": "Satellite", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/satellite.png", "Alt": "If you're going to let it burn up, make sure it happens over the deep end of the bathtub and not any populated parts of the house!" }, { "id": 2265, "Date": "2020-02-07T08:54:00.2028973+01:00", "Title": "Tax AI", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tax_ai.png", "Alt": "I ended up getting my tax return prepared at a local place by a really friendly pretrained neural net named Greg." }, { "id": 2266, "Date": "2020-02-10T08:54:00.3544084+01:00", "Title": "Leap Smearing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/leap_smearing.png", "Alt": "Some people suspect that it started as a \"No, I didn't forget Valentine's Day\" excuse that got out of hand." }, { "id": 2267, "Date": "2020-02-12T08:54:00.5105633+01:00", "Title": "Blockchain", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/blockchain.png", "Alt": "Blockchains are like grappling hooks, in that it's extremely cool when you encounter a problem for which they're the right solution, but it happens way too rarely in real life." }, { "id": 2268, "Date": "2020-02-14T08:54:00.6640643+01:00", "Title": "Further Research is Needed", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/further_research_is_needed.png", "Alt": "Further research is needed to fully understand how we managed to do such a good job." }, { "id": 2269, "Date": "2020-02-17T08:54:00.8976926+01:00", "Title": "Phylogenetic Tree", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/phylogenetic_tree.png", "Alt": "And I was kicked out of my March Madness pool because I wouldn't shut up about the evidence for NBA/ABA endosymbiosis." }, { "id": 2270, "Date": "2020-02-19T08:54:01.3459389+01:00", "Title": "Picking Bad Stocks", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/picking_bad_stocks.png", "Alt": "On the news a few days later: \"Buzz is building around the so-called 'camping Roomba' after a big investment. Preorders have spiked, and...\"" }, { "id": 2271, "Date": "2020-02-21T08:54:01.5822464+01:00", "Title": "Grandpa Jason and Grandpa Chad", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/grandpa_jason_and_grandpa_chad.png", "Alt": "The AARP puts the average age of a first-time grandparent close to 50, and the CDC has some data. But I don't have first-parent age distributions for specific names, or generational first-child age correlations, so the dotted line is just a guess. Still, let's be honest: No further research is really *needed.*" }, { "id": 2272, "Date": "2020-02-24T08:54:01.8169416+01:00", "Title": "Ringtone Timeline", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ringtone_timeline.png", "Alt": "No one likes my novelty ringtone, an audio recording of a phone on vibrate sitting on a hard surface." }, { "id": 2273, "Date": "2020-02-26T08:54:02.0489232+01:00", "Title": "Truck Proximity", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/truck_proximity.png", "Alt": "See also: Farm animals and dinosaurs. I am so confident that there exists children's media that involves dinosaurs driving trucks on a farm that I'm writing this without even Googling to check." }, { "id": 2274, "Date": "2020-02-28T08:54:02.2840196+01:00", "Title": "Stargazing 3", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/stargazing_3.png", "Alt": "If we can destroy enough of the lights in our region, we may see more comets, but that's a risk we'll have to take." }, { "id": 2275, "Date": "2020-03-02T08:54:02.5197651+01:00", "Title": "Coronavirus Name", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/coronavirus_name.png", "Alt": "It's important to keep the spider from touching your face." }, { "id": 2276, "Date": "2020-03-04T08:54:02.6676127+01:00", "Title": "Self-Isolate", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/self_isolate.png", "Alt": "Turns out I've been \"practicing social distancing\" for years without even realizing it was a thing!" }, { "id": 2277, "Date": "2020-03-06T08:54:02.9082121+01:00", "Title": "Business Greetings", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/business_greetings.png", "Alt": "We have email and social media now, so we probably don't need to keep exchanging business cards by pressing them gently against each others' faces with an open palm and smearing them around." }, { "id": 2278, "Date": "2020-03-09T08:54:03.0569663+01:00", "Title": "Scientific Briefing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/scientific_briefing.png", "Alt": "\"I actually came in in the middle so I don't know which topic we're briefing on; the same slides work for like half of them.\"" }, { "id": 2279, "Date": "2020-03-11T08:54:03.2801747+01:00", "Title": "Symptoms", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/symptoms.png", "Alt": "This medicine says it may cause lightheadedness, dry mouth, and blurred vision, but my head feels incredibly heavy, water is pouring from my mouth, and I can see individual hummingbird wingbeats, so I think I'm fine." }, { "id": 2280, "Date": "2020-03-13T08:54:03.5135255+01:00", "Title": "2010 and 2020", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/2010_and_2020.png", "Alt": "2030: \"I just bought a house for one bitcoin. No, it's the equivalent of a dollar. Houses are often transferred for a nominal fee because the buyer is taking responsibility for containing the holo-banshees in the attic.\"" }, { "id": 2281, "Date": "2020-03-16T08:54:03.6646566+01:00", "Title": "Coronavirus Research", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/coronavirus_research.png", "Alt": "\"Also, reading 500 coronavirus papers in a row and not sleeping? Probably not great for you either, but I haven't found any studies confirming that yet. I'll keep looking.\"" }, { "id": 2282, "Date": "2020-03-18T08:54:03.8194604+01:00", "Title": "Coronavirus Worries", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/coronavirus_worries.png", "Alt": "Offscreen, bottom left: Whether the custom :coronavirus: Slack react emoji you just added was public domain or whether you should have put a Creative Commons credit somewhere" }, { "id": 2283, "Date": "2020-03-20T08:54:03.9755147+01:00", "Title": "Exa-Exabyte", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/exa_exabyte.png", "Alt": "To picture 10^18, just picture 10^13, but then imagine you connect the left side of the 3 to close off the little bays." }, { "id": 2284, "Date": "2020-03-23T08:54:04.2131004+01:00", "Title": "Sabotage", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sabotage.png", "Alt": "So excited to see everyone after my luxury cruise home from the World Handshake Championships!" }, { "id": 2285, "Date": "2020-03-25T08:54:04.4540671+01:00", "Title": "Recurring Nightmare", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/recurring_nightmare.png", "Alt": "Oh thank goodness, I forgot my clothes, so now everyone's looking embarrassed and backing away." }, { "id": 2286, "Date": "2020-03-27T08:54:04.6172684+01:00", "Title": "6-Foot Zone", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/6_foot_zone.png", "Alt": "Technically now it's a 34-foot zone." }, { "id": 2287, "Date": "2020-03-30T08:54:04.7717085+02:00", "Title": "Pathogen Resistance", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pathogen_resistance.png", "Alt": "We're not trapped in here with the coronavirus. The coronavirus is trapped in here with us." }, { "id": 2288, "Date": "2020-04-03T08:54:05.0103027+02:00", "Title": "Collector's Edition", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/collectors_edition.png", "Alt": "I'm sure you can find some suitable worldbuilding material if you scavenge through the archives." }, { "id": 2289, "Date": "2020-04-04T08:54:05.2413764+02:00", "Title": "Scenario 4", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/scenario_4.png", "Alt": "Remember, models aren't for telling you facts, they're for exploring dynamics. This model apparently explores time travel." }, { "id": 2290, "Date": "2020-04-06T08:54:05.3924403+02:00", "Title": "Homemade Masks", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/homemade_masks.png", "Alt": "I'm going to change the sign so the pole is horizontal and the sign is mounted on the front like a plunger, so I can carry it around like a lance to gently push people back if they try to approach." }, { "id": 2291, "Date": "2020-04-08T08:54:05.6315602+02:00", "Title": "New Sports System", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/new_sports_system.png", "Alt": "Under my system, boxing and football suffered, pair figure skating still worked but had to adapt by dropping some moves, and pro wrestling was actually completely unaffected." }, { "id": 2292, "Date": "2020-04-10T08:54:05.7847511+02:00", "Title": "Thermometer", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/thermometer.png", "Alt": "I hate how many times you have to press it to get to the system normal people use, degrees Rømer." }, { "id": 2293, "Date": "2020-04-13T08:54:06.2389266+02:00", "Title": "RIP John Conway", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rip_john_conway.gif", "Alt": "1937-2020" }, { "id": 2294, "Date": "2020-04-15T08:54:06.3951191+02:00", "Title": "Coronavirus Charts", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/coronavirus_charts.png", "Alt": "Adding data for South Korea but with their cases scaled to match the population of Japan and the land area of Australia, and vice versa." }, { "id": 2295, "Date": "2020-04-17T08:54:06.6326395+02:00", "Title": "Garbage Math", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/garbage_math.png", "Alt": "'Garbage In, Garbage Out' should not be taken to imply any sort of conservation law limiting the amount of garbage produced." }, { "id": 2296, "Date": "2020-04-20T08:54:06.8736939+02:00", "Title": "Sourdough Starter", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sourdough_starter.png", "Alt": "Once the lockdown is over, let's all get together and swap starters!" }, { "id": 2297, "Date": "2020-04-22T08:54:07.019523+02:00", "Title": "Use or Discard By", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/use_or_discard_by.png", "Alt": "One of the things of bear spray says that, and I'm not one to disobey safety instructions, but there are no bears around here. Guess it's time for a camping trip where we leave lots of food out!" }, { "id": 2298, "Date": "2020-04-24T08:54:07.2558216+02:00", "Title": "Coronavirus Genome", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/coronavirus_genome.png", "Alt": "Spellcheck has been great, but whoever figures out how to get grammar check to work is guaranteed a Nobel." }, { "id": 2299, "Date": "2020-04-27T08:54:07.492315+02:00", "Title": "Coronavirus Genome 2", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/coronavirus_genome_2.png", "Alt": "[moments later, checking phone] Okay, I agree my posting it was weird, but it's somehow even more unnerving that you immediately liked the post." }, { "id": 2300, "Date": "2020-04-30T08:54:07.7233103+02:00", "Title": "Everyone's an Epidemiologist", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/everyones_an_epidemiologist.png", "Alt": "If enough people uphill decide to try the rolling strategy, they can make the decision for you." }, { "id": 2301, "Date": "2020-05-01T08:54:07.9586556+02:00", "Title": "Turtle Sandwich Standard Model", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/turtle_sandwich_standard_model.png", "Alt": "It's possible the bread and shell can be split into a top and bottom flavor, and some models additionally suggest Strange Bread and Charm Shells." }, { "id": 2302, "Date": "2020-05-04T08:54:08.1919704+02:00", "Title": "2020 Google Trends", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/2020_google_trends.png", "Alt": "As the 'exotic animals in homemade aprons hosting baking shows' YouTube craze reached its peak in March 2020, Andrew Cuomo announced he was replacing the Statue of Liberty with a bronze pangolin in a chef's hat." }, { "id": 2303, "Date": "2020-05-06T08:54:08.3412676+02:00", "Title": "Error Types", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/error_types.png", "Alt": "Type IIII error: Mistaking tally marks for Roman numerals" }, { "id": 2304, "Date": "2020-05-08T08:54:08.4975766+02:00", "Title": "Preprint", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/preprint.png", "Alt": "DOWNSIDES: Adobe people may periodically email your newsroom to ask you to call it an 'Adobe® PDF document,' but they'll reverse course once they learn how sarcastically you can pronounce the registered trademark symbol." }, { "id": 2305, "Date": "2020-05-11T08:54:08.7350467+02:00", "Title": "Coronavirus Polling", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/coronavirus_polling.png", "Alt": "If you want to see the polling questions we agree on MOST, you can check out Chapter 24 of my book How To, where I got the Roper Center on Public Opinion Research to help me design the world's least electable political campaign platform." }, { "id": 2306, "Date": "2020-05-13T08:54:08.8985178+02:00", "Title": "Common Cold", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/common_cold.png", "Alt": "Not even metapneumovirus, easily the common cold virus with the coolest name, warrants our sympathy. Colds suck. No mercy." }, { "id": 2307, "Date": "2020-05-15T08:54:09.0538981+02:00", "Title": "Alive or Not", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/alive_or_not.png", "Alt": "Computer viruses currently fall somewhere between prions and fire." }, { "id": 2308, "Date": "2020-05-18T08:54:09.2109159+02:00", "Title": "Mount St. Helens", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mount_st_helens.png", "Alt": "It's a good mountain but it really peaked in the 80s." }, { "id": 2309, "Date": "2020-05-20T08:54:09.3722077+02:00", "Title": "X", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/x.png", "Alt": "The worst is when you run out of monospaced fonts and have to use variable-width variables." }, { "id": 2310, "Date": "2020-05-22T08:54:09.6052348+02:00", "Title": "Great Attractor", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/great_attractor.png", "Alt": "Living in the southern hemisphere was nice because I could jump extra high, but I like it here too. Besides, if I ever want to move back, I can just curl up in a ball and wait!" }, { "id": 2311, "Date": "2020-05-25T08:54:09.7540246+02:00", "Title": "Confidence Interval", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/confidence_interval.png", "Alt": "The worst part is that's the millisigma interval." }, { "id": 2312, "Date": "2020-05-27T08:54:09.9958111+02:00", "Title": "MBMBaM", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mbmbam.png", "Alt": "Hello and welcome to Millibar Millibarn Attometer, an advice show for the Planck era." }, { "id": 2313, "Date": "2020-05-29T08:54:10.1437028+02:00", "Title": "Wrong Times Table", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wrong_times_table.png", "Alt": "Deep in some corner of my heart, I suspect that real times tables are wrong about 6x7=42 and 8x7=56." }, { "id": 2314, "Date": "2020-06-01T08:54:10.3025073+02:00", "Title": "Carcinization", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/carcinization.png", "Alt": "Nature abhors a vacuum and also anything that's not a crab." }, { "id": 2315, "Date": "2020-06-03T08:54:10.4541279+02:00", "Title": "Eventual Consistency", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/eventual_consistency.png", "Alt": "Later I'm going to get a head start on the heat bath." }, { "id": 2316, "Date": "2020-06-05T08:54:10.6895074+02:00", "Title": "Hair Growth Rate", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hair_growth_rate.png", "Alt": "Hourly haircuts would be annoying, but they'd be easier to do yourself, since you'd have adjacent hairs as a guide. Growing it out would be a huge pain, though." }, { "id": 2317, "Date": "2020-06-08T08:54:10.8413996+02:00", "Title": "Pinouts", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pinouts.png", "Alt": "The other side of USB-C is rotationally symmetric except that the 3rd pin from the top is designated FIREWIRE TRIBUTE PIN." }, { "id": 2318, "Date": "2020-06-10T08:54:10.9986469+02:00", "Title": "Dynamic Entropy", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dynamic_entropy.png", "Alt": "Despite years of effort by my physics professors to normalize it, deep down I remain convinced that 'dynamical' is not really a word." }, { "id": 2319, "Date": "2020-06-12T08:54:11.2350342+02:00", "Title": "Large Number Formats", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/large_number_formats.png", "Alt": "10^13.4024: A person who has come back to numbers after a journey deep into some random theoretical field" }, { "id": 2320, "Date": "2020-06-15T08:54:11.3897088+02:00", "Title": "Millennium Problems", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/millennium_problems.png", "Alt": "The hard part about opening a hole in the proof of the Poincaré conjecture is that Grigori Perelman will come out of retirement to try to fix it by drawing a loop around the hole and contracting it to a point." }, { "id": 2321, "Date": "2020-06-17T08:54:11.627294+02:00", "Title": "Low-Background Metal", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/low_background_metal.png", "Alt": "The only effect on the history books were a few confusing accounts of something called 'Greek fire.'" }, { "id": 2322, "Date": "2020-06-19T08:54:11.7903384+02:00", "Title": "ISO Paper Size Golden Spiral", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/iso_paper_size_golden_spiral.png", "Alt": "The ISO 216 standard ratio is cos(45°), but American letter paper is 8.5x11 because it uses radians, and 8.5/11 = pi/4." }, { "id": 2323, "Date": "2020-06-22T08:54:11.9452107+02:00", "Title": "Modeling Study", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/modeling_study.png", "Alt": "You've got questions, we've got assumptions." }, { "id": 2324, "Date": "2020-06-24T08:54:12.1838139+02:00", "Title": "Old Days 2", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/old_days_2.png", "Alt": "The git vehicle fleet eventually pivoted to selling ice cream, but some holdovers remain. If you flag down an ice cream truck and hand the driver a floppy disk, a few hours later you'll get an invite to a git repo." }, { "id": 2325, "Date": "2020-06-26T08:54:12.4144625+02:00", "Title": "Endorheic Basin", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/endorheic_basin.png", "Alt": "My biggest fear is that colonial engineers will try to flood me to generate electricity. My biggest hope is that I'll develop sailing stones." }, { "id": 2326, "Date": "2020-06-29T08:54:12.5687954+02:00", "Title": "Five Word Jargon", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/five_word_jargon.png", "Alt": "My other (much harder) hobby is trying to engineer situations where I have an excuse to use more than one of them in short succession." }, { "id": 2327, "Date": "2020-07-01T08:54:12.726261+02:00", "Title": "Oily House Index", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/oily_house_index.png", "Alt": "We're underwater on our mortgage thanks to the low price of water." }, { "id": 2328, "Date": "2020-07-03T08:54:12.8827721+02:00", "Title": "Space Basketball", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/space_basketball.png", "Alt": "My shooting will improve over the short term, but over the long term the universe will take more shots." }, { "id": 2329, "Date": "2020-07-06T08:54:13.118919+02:00", "Title": "Universal Rating Scale", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/universal_rating_scale.png", "Alt": "There are plenty of finer gradations. I got 'critically endangered/extinct in the wild' on my exam, although the curve bumped it all the way up to 'venti.'" }, { "id": 2330, "Date": "2020-07-08T08:54:13.2666572+02:00", "Title": "Acceptable Risk", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/acceptable_risk.png", "Alt": "Good thing I'm not already prone to overthinking everyday decisions!" }, { "id": 2331, "Date": "2020-07-10T08:54:13.4215731+02:00", "Title": "Hamster Ball 2", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hamster_ball_2.png", "Alt": "The worst is being teased by responsible, mask-wearing teens. They even spritz the hamster ball with disinfectant before rolling it, carefully avoiding the filter vents." }, { "id": 2332, "Date": "2020-07-13T08:54:13.5793696+02:00", "Title": "Cursed Chair", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cursed_chair.png", "Alt": "The Wirecutter staff called the Herman Miller Siege Perilous \"the most cursed product we've ever had to fight\" and \"nearly as immortal as it boasts.\"" }, { "id": 2333, "Date": "2020-07-15T08:54:13.8121109+02:00", "Title": "COVID Risk Chart", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/covid_risk_chart.png", "Alt": "First prize is a free ticket to the kissing booth." }, { "id": 2334, "Date": "2020-07-17T08:54:13.9653521+02:00", "Title": "Slide Trombone", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/slide_trombone.png", "Alt": "Remember the CPS 2000, the super soaker that was discontinued because it was too powerful? Relatedly, can I borrow your tuba?" }, { "id": 2335, "Date": "2020-07-20T08:54:14.1211217+02:00", "Title": "Photo Deposit", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/photo_deposit.png", "Alt": "It's okay, they scan the serial numbers and make sure you can't deposit the same bill more than once." }, { "id": 2336, "Date": "2020-07-22T08:54:14.2760491+02:00", "Title": "Campfire Habitable Zone", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/campfire_habitable_zone.png", "Alt": "Oh no, my marshmallow became tidally locked!" }, { "id": 2337, "Date": "2020-07-24T08:54:14.433974+02:00", "Title": "Asterisk Corrections", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/asterisk_corrections.png", "Alt": "I like trying to make it as hard as possible. \"I'd love to meet up, maybe in a few days? Next week is looking pretty empty. *witchcraft\"" }, { "id": 2338, "Date": "2020-07-27T08:54:14.6762608+02:00", "Title": "Faraday Tour", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/faraday_tour.png", "Alt": "I asked them if it was safe to be running tours during the pandemic. They said, \"During the what?\"" }, { "id": 2339, "Date": "2020-07-29T08:54:14.9175958+02:00", "Title": "Pods vs Bubbles", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pods_vs_bubbles.png", "Alt": "Canada's travel restrictions on the US are 99% about keeping out COVID and 1% about keeping out people who say 'pod.'" }, { "id": 2340, "Date": "2020-07-31T08:54:15.1503225+02:00", "Title": "Cosmologist Genres", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cosmologist_genres.png", "Alt": "Inflationary cosmologists call all music from after the first 10^-30 seconds \"post-\"" }, { "id": 2341, "Date": "2020-08-03T08:54:15.3848787+02:00", "Title": "Scientist Tech Help", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/scientist_tech_help.png", "Alt": "I vaguely and irrationally resent how useful WebPlotDigitizer is." }, { "id": 2342, "Date": "2020-08-05T08:54:15.6137896+02:00", "Title": "Exposure Notification", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/exposure_notification.png", "Alt": "I don't see why everyone is so hungry for BAD news, but fine, I'll give in to feedback and add a dark mode." }, { "id": 2343, "Date": "2020-08-07T08:54:15.7621206+02:00", "Title": "Mathematical Symbol Fight", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mathematical_symbol_fight.png", "Alt": "Oh no, a musician just burst in through the door confidently twirling a treble clef." }, { "id": 2344, "Date": "2020-08-10T08:54:15.908539+02:00", "Title": "26-Second Pulse", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/26_second_pulse.png", "Alt": "There are some papers arguing that there's a volcanic component, but I personally think they're just feeling guilty and trying to cover the trail." }, { "id": 2345, "Date": "2020-08-12T08:54:16.1423889+02:00", "Title": "Wish on a Shooting Star", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wish_on_a_shooting_star.png", "Alt": "Congratulations to whoever wished for revenge on a forest near the Tunguska River, a 1980 Chevy Malibu in Peekskill NY, Alabama resident Ann Hodges, every building in Chelyabinsk with glass windows, and the non-avian dinosaurs." }, { "id": 2346, "Date": "2020-08-14T08:54:16.2956046+02:00", "Title": "COVID Risk Comfort Zone", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/covid_risk_comfort_zone.png", "Alt": "I'm like a vampire, except I'm not crossing that threshold even if you invite me." }, { "id": 2347, "Date": "2020-08-17T08:54:16.5489288+02:00", "Title": "Dependency", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dependency.png", "Alt": "Someday ImageMagick will finally break for good and we'll have a long period of scrambling as we try to reassemble civilization from the rubble." }, { "id": 2348, "Date": "2020-08-19T08:54:16.700996+02:00", "Title": "Boat Puzzle", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/boat_puzzle.png", "Alt": "'No, my cabbage moths have already started laying eggs in them! Send the trolley into the river!' 'No, the sailing wolf will steal the boat to rescue them!'" }, { "id": 2349, "Date": "2020-08-21T08:54:16.8560216+02:00", "Title": "Rabbit Introduction", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rabbit_introduction.png", "Alt": "Washington state is seeing great success with reintroducing the Columbia River Basin subpopulation. We cannot allow them to further widen the interstate bun gap." }, { "id": 2350, "Date": "2020-08-24T08:54:17.0948472+02:00", "Title": "Deer Turrets", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/deer_turrets.png", "Alt": "When my great grandfather designed the Titanic and it hit an iceberg and sank, he didn't sit around moping. He took those lessons to his next job designing airships, and he made the Hindenburg completely iceberg-proof!" }, { "id": 2351, "Date": "2020-08-26T08:54:17.3433997+02:00", "Title": "Standard Model Changes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/standard_model_changes.png", "Alt": "Bugs are spin 1/2 particles, unless it's particularly windy." }, { "id": 2352, "Date": "2020-08-28T08:54:17.5098049+02:00", "Title": "Synonym Date", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/synonym_date.png", "Alt": "We need some grub to munch--I'll go slouch over to the kitchen." }, { "id": 2353, "Date": "2020-08-31T08:54:17.7552949+02:00", "Title": "Hurricane Hunters", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hurricane_hunters.png", "Alt": "Our flight gathered valuable data on whether a commercial airliner in the eye of a hurricane can do a loop." }, { "id": 2354, "Date": "2020-09-02T08:54:17.9124727+02:00", "Title": "Stellar Evolution", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/stellar_evolution.png", "Alt": "It may remain in equilibrium for some time, slowly growing, and then suddenly become significantly redder." }, { "id": 2355, "Date": "2020-09-04T08:54:18.148785+02:00", "Title": "University COVID Model", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/university_covid_model.png", "Alt": "I admit this is an exaggeration, since I can think of at least three parties I attended while doing my degree, and I'm probably forgetting several more." }, { "id": 2356, "Date": "2020-09-07T08:54:18.3075945+02:00", "Title": "Constellation Monstrosity", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/constellation_monstrosity.png", "Alt": "It's rare to get both astronomers and astrologers equally mad at you, but apparently I've messed up both a bunch of star location databases AND the will of the fates." }, { "id": 2357, "Date": "2020-09-09T08:54:18.5392876+02:00", "Title": "Polls vs the Street", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/polls_vs_the_street.png", "Alt": "Other pollsters complain about declining response rates, but our poll showed that 96% of respondents would be 'somewhat likely' or 'very likely' to agree to answer a series of questions for a survey." }, { "id": 2358, "Date": "2020-09-11T08:54:18.6912029+02:00", "Title": "Gravitational Wave Pulsars", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/gravitational_wave_pulsars.png", "Alt": "The most important attributes of a vector in 3-space are {Location, Location, Location}" }, { "id": 2359, "Date": "2020-09-14T08:54:18.8443406+02:00", "Title": "Evidence of Alien Life", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/evidence_of_alien_life.png", "Alt": "Both too cautious AND not cautious enough: \"I'm skeptical that those are aliens, so I'm going to try pulling off their masks.\"" }, { "id": 2360, "Date": "2020-09-16T08:54:19.0017658+02:00", "Title": "Common Star Types", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/common_star_types.png", "Alt": "This article is about Eta Carinae, a luminous blue hypergiant with anomalous Fe[ii] emission spectra. For the 1998 Brad Bird film, see The Iron Giant (film)." }, { "id": 2361, "Date": "2020-09-18T08:54:19.1576567+02:00", "Title": "Voting", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/voting.png", "Alt": "'Wait, our state has mail voting. The forms are literally on the kitchen table.' 'Not now, I'm busy researching which channels have sharks in them.'" }, { "id": 2362, "Date": "2020-09-21T08:54:19.3139187+02:00", "Title": "Volcano Dinosaur", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/volcano_dinosaur.png", "Alt": "Phylogeneticists are working on identifying and notifying its next of kin." }, { "id": 2363, "Date": "2020-09-23T08:54:19.5503863+02:00", "Title": "Message Boards", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/message_boards.png", "Alt": "(c) You can have a scooter when you pay for it yourself, and (d) if you can't learn to start a new thread rather than responding to an old one, you'll be banned. [thread locked by moderator]" }, { "id": 2364, "Date": "2020-09-25T08:54:19.7039326+02:00", "Title": "Parity Conservation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/parity_conservation.png", "Alt": "Bloody Mary is made of antimatter. It explains so much." }, { "id": 2365, "Date": "2020-09-28T08:54:19.9406079+02:00", "Title": "Messaging Systems", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/messaging_systems.png", "Alt": "SMS is just the worst, but I'm having trouble convincing people to adopt my preferred system, TLS IRC with a local server and a patched DOSBox gateway running in my mobile browser." }, { "id": 2366, "Date": "2020-09-30T08:54:20.1006317+02:00", "Title": "Amelia's Farm Fresh Cookies", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/amelias_farm_fresh_cookies.png", "Alt": "I told her I'd take her address off the packaging if she'd stop submitting anonymous food safety complaints about my bakery to the health department, but she sent me a note that said NO DEAL along with an extra large batch of cookies." }, { "id": 2367, "Date": "2020-10-02T08:54:20.3289992+02:00", "Title": "Masks", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/masks.png", "Alt": "Haunted Halloween masks from a mysterious costume shop that turn you evil and grow into your skin score a surprisingly high 80% filtration efficiency in R. L. Stine-sponsored NIOSH tests." }, { "id": 2368, "Date": "2020-10-05T08:54:20.5770338+02:00", "Title": "Bigger Problem", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bigger_problem.png", "Alt": "Your point that the world contains multiple problems is a real slam-dunk argument against fixing any of them." }, { "id": 2369, "Date": "2020-10-07T08:54:20.7299525+02:00", "Title": "All-in-One", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/all_in_one.png", "Alt": "Changes with this update: If you use the combined scan-shred function, it now performs them in that order instead of the reverse, saving a HUGE amount of CPU time." }, { "id": 2370, "Date": "2020-10-09T08:54:20.9689075+02:00", "Title": "Prediction", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/prediction.png", "Alt": "You'd think it'd be easy to just bet money against these people, but you have to consider the probability of them paying up." }, { "id": 2371, "Date": "2020-10-12T08:54:21.1331822+02:00", "Title": "Election Screen Time", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/election_screen_time.png", "Alt": "Feels like I picked a bad year to try to start having a healthy relationship with political news." }, { "id": 2372, "Date": "2020-10-14T08:54:21.2892917+02:00", "Title": "Dialect Quiz", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dialect_quiz.png", "Alt": "Do you make a distinction between shallots, scallops, and scallions? If you use all three words, do they all have different meanings, all the same, or are two the same and one different?" }, { "id": 2373, "Date": "2020-10-16T08:54:21.5258814+02:00", "Title": "Chemist Eggs", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/chemist_eggs.png", "Alt": "Chemists actually find it simpler to define a general odor of rotten eggs as a baseline, and the LACK of rotten eggs as a distinct smell." }, { "id": 2374, "Date": "2020-10-19T08:54:21.6771738+02:00", "Title": "10,000 Hours", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/10000_hours.png", "Alt": "I'm proud to announce that as of this year I've become a world-class expert at chewing." }, { "id": 2375, "Date": "2020-10-21T08:54:21.8337028+02:00", "Title": "Worst Ladder", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/worst_ladder.png", "Alt": "[Six months later] \"Well, our 'worst ladder' subscription series was a surprisingly lucrative success, but was completely canceled out by the losses from the disastrous Home Depot merchandising tie-in.\"" }, { "id": 2376, "Date": "2020-10-23T08:54:21.9927118+02:00", "Title": "Curbside", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/curbside.png", "Alt": "The state has had so many contact tracers disappear into that shop that they've had to start a contact tracer tracing program." }, { "id": 2377, "Date": "2020-10-26T08:54:22.1478446+01:00", "Title": "xkcd Phone 12", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/xkcd_phone_12.png", "Alt": "New phone OS features: Infinite customization (home screen icons no longer snap to grid), dark mode (disables screen), screaming mode (self-explanatory), and coherent ultracapacitor-pumped emission (please let us know what this setting does; we've been afraid to try it)." }, { "id": 2378, "Date": "2020-10-28T08:54:22.3838748+01:00", "Title": "Fall Back", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fall_back.png", "Alt": "Doing great here in the sixth and hopefully final year of the 2016 election." }, { "id": 2379, "Date": "2020-10-30T08:54:22.6157889+01:00", "Title": "Probability Comparisons", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/probability_comparisons.png", "Alt": "Call me, MAYBE." }, { "id": 2380, "Date": "2020-11-02T08:54:22.8505616+01:00", "Title": "Election Impact Score Sheet", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/election_impact_score_sheet.png", "Alt": "You might think most people you know are reliable voters, or that your nudge won't convince them, and you will usually be right. But some small but significant percentage of the time, you'll be wrong, and that's why this works." }, { "id": 2381, "Date": "2020-11-04T08:54:23.0873585+01:00", "Title": "The True Name of the Bear", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_true_name_of_the_bear.png", "Alt": "Thank you to Gretchen McCulloch for fielding this question, and sorry that as a result the world's foremost internet linguist has been devoured by the brown one. She will be missed." }, { "id": 2382, "Date": "2020-11-06T08:54:23.3210992+01:00", "Title": "Ballot Tracker Tracker", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ballot_tracker_tracker.png", "Alt": "Good luck to Democrats in the upcoming Georgia runoff elections, and to the Google Sheets SREs in the current run-on elections." }, { "id": 2383, "Date": "2020-11-09T08:54:23.4695929+01:00", "Title": "Electoral Precedent 2020", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/electoral_precedent_2020.png", "Alt": "He also broke the streak that incumbents with websites are unbeatable and Delawareans can't win, creating a new precedent: Only someone from Delaware can defeat an incumbent with a website." }, { "id": 2384, "Date": "2020-11-11T08:54:23.6359493+01:00", "Title": "Set in the Present", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/set_in_the_present.png", "Alt": "She referenced Billie Eilish, so this must be getting pretty close to the pandemic. But we've seen the last two years in-universe, so if it's set in the future, they must be in at least 2023 by now. [*adds thumbtacks and string to wall*]" }, { "id": 2385, "Date": "2020-11-13T08:54:23.86371+01:00", "Title": "Final Exam", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/final_exam.png", "Alt": "For those of you also taking Game Theory, your grade in that class will be based on how close your grade on this exam is to 80% of the average." }, { "id": 2386, "Date": "2020-11-16T08:54:24.0960091+01:00", "Title": "Ten Years", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ten_years.png", "Alt": "The ten-year cancerversary is traditionally the Cursed Artifact Granting Immortality anniversary." }, { "id": 2387, "Date": "2020-11-18T08:54:24.3278036+01:00", "Title": "Blair Witch", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/blair_witch.png", "Alt": "\"Are you concerned the witches won't breed in captivity?\" \"Honestly, we're more concerned that they WILL. We don't know what it involves, but our biologists theorize that it's 'harrowing.'\"" }, { "id": 2388, "Date": "2020-11-20T08:54:24.4809888+01:00", "Title": "Viral Quiz Identity Theft", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/viral_quiz_identity_theft.png", "Alt": "[scrolling through a giant spreadsheet of transcribed data] 'Wow, a surprising number of users grew up at 420 69th St.' 'Yeah, must be a high-rise or something.'" }, { "id": 2389, "Date": "2020-11-23T08:54:24.7226838+01:00", "Title": "Unread", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/unread.png", "Alt": "I'll never install a smart home smoke detector. It's not that I don't trust the software--it's that all software eventually becomes email, and I know how I am with email." }, { "id": 2390, "Date": "2020-11-25T08:54:24.9578621+01:00", "Title": "Linguists", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/linguists.png", "Alt": "\"Do you feel like the answer depends on whether you're currently in the hole, versus when you refer to the events later after you get out? Assuming you get out.\"" }, { "id": 2391, "Date": "2020-11-27T08:54:25.1082673+01:00", "Title": "Life Before the Pandemic", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/life_before_the_pandemic.png", "Alt": "I can't wait until this is all over and I can go back to riding my horse through the mall." }, { "id": 2392, "Date": "2020-11-30T08:54:25.2609968+01:00", "Title": "Cyber Cafe", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cyber_cafe.png", "Alt": "Since we haven't really settled on a name for those online hangout/work spaces that try to recreate the experience of cafes, and I love confusion, I'm going to start calling them 'cyber cafes' or 'internet cafes.'" }, { "id": 2393, "Date": "2020-12-02T08:54:25.5064584+01:00", "Title": "Presidential Middle Names", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/presidential_middle_names.png", "Alt": "The bottom of the list remains unchanged. Poor Rutherford Birchard Hayes." }, { "id": 2394, "Date": "2020-12-04T08:54:25.6646743+01:00", "Title": "Contiguous 41 States", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/contiguous_41_states.png", "Alt": "Linguists, settling some inscrutable grudge, have been steadily sneaking more backdated synonyms for 'sharing borders' into the dictionary. They've added 'contiguous,' 'coterminous,' 'conterminous,' and next year they're adding 'conterguous.'" }, { "id": 2395, "Date": "2020-12-07T08:54:25.908394+01:00", "Title": "Covid Precaution Level", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/covid_precaution_level.png", "Alt": "It's frustrating to calibrate your precautions when there's only one kind of really definitive feedback you can get, you can only get it once, and when you do it's too late." }, { "id": 2396, "Date": "2020-12-09T08:54:26.0714318+01:00", "Title": "Wonder Woman 1984", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wonder_woman_1984.png", "Alt": "'Wait, why would you think a movie set in 1984 would do drive-ins as a retro promotion?' 'You know, 80s stuff. Drive-in movies. Britney Spears doing the hustle. Elvis going on Ed Sullivan and showing off his pog collection.' 'What year were you born, again?'" }, { "id": 2397, "Date": "2020-12-11T08:54:26.30936+01:00", "Title": "I Just Don't Trust Them", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/i_just_dont_trust_them.png", "Alt": "I believe in getting immunity the old-fashioned way: By letting a bat virus take control of my lungs and turn my face into a disgusting plague fountain while my immune system desperately Googles 'how to make spike protein antibodies'." }, { "id": 2398, "Date": "2020-12-14T08:54:26.4720523+01:00", "Title": "Vaccine Tracker", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/vaccine_tracker.png", "Alt": "*refresh* Aww, still in Kalamazoo. *refresh* Aww, still in Kalamazoo." }, { "id": 2399, "Date": "2020-12-16T08:54:26.6317088+01:00", "Title": "2020 Election Map", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/2020_election_map.png", "Alt": "There are more Trump voters in California than Texas, more Biden voters in Texas than New York, more Trump voters in New York than Ohio, more Biden voters in Ohio than Massachusetts, more Trump voters in Massachusetts than Mississippi, and more Biden voters in Mississippi than Vermont." }, { "id": 2400, "Date": "2020-12-18T08:54:26.7904905+01:00", "Title": "Statistics", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/statistics.png", "Alt": "We reject the null hypothesis based on the 'hot damn, check out this chart' test." }, { "id": 2401, "Date": "2020-12-21T08:54:26.9417469+01:00", "Title": "Conjunction", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/conjunction.png", "Alt": "The IAU is sad to announce that at 00:39 UTC on December 22nd, Jupiter and Saturn did unfortunately come into contact, and appear to have blooped together." }, { "id": 2402, "Date": "2020-12-23T08:54:27.0977594+01:00", "Title": "Into My Veins", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/into_my_veins.png", "Alt": "\"Okay, for the last time, the shot is free, so we can't--\" \"Shut up and take my money!\"" }, { "id": 2403, "Date": "2020-12-25T08:54:27.2520508+01:00", "Title": "Wrapping Paper", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wrapping_paper.png", "Alt": "Wow, rude of you to regift literally every gift that you or anyone else has ever received." }, { "id": 2404, "Date": "2020-12-28T08:54:27.4088564+01:00", "Title": "First Thing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/first_thing.png", "Alt": "Then I'm going to go on a weeks-long somatic hypermutation bender, producing ever-more targeted antibodies, while I continue to remain distanced and follow guidance from public health authorities." }, { "id": 2405, "Date": "2020-12-30T08:54:27.5628944+01:00", "Title": "Flash Gatsby", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/flash_gatsby.png", "Alt": "Protip: At midnight your excuse for not having read The Great Gatsby can switch from \"I'm worried about violating copyright\" to \"I think my copy requires Flash.\"" }, { "id": 2406, "Date": "2021-01-01T08:54:27.798801+01:00", "Title": "Viral Vector Immunity", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/viral_vector_immunity.png", "Alt": "We've secretly replaced this customer's instant coffee with our patented substitute. Let's see what she ... uh oh, I think she spotted us through the window. Now she's getting something from the closet ... oh jeez, she has a sword! Run!!" }, { "id": 2407, "Date": "2021-01-04T08:54:27.9516457+01:00", "Title": "Depth and Breadth", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/depth_and_breadth.png", "Alt": "A death-first search is when you lose your keys and travel to the depths of hell to find them, and then if they're not there you start checking your coat pockets." }, { "id": 2408, "Date": "2021-01-06T08:54:28.1086732+01:00", "Title": "Egg Strategies", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/egg_strategies.png", "Alt": "Neutral Evil is for people who like keeping the weight nicely centered in the carton, but also hate everyone else who wants that." }, { "id": 2409, "Date": "2021-01-08T08:54:28.2649538+01:00", "Title": "Steepen the Curve", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/steepen_the_curve.png", "Alt": "1. Flatten the curve. 2. Steepen the curve. 3. Hang out." }, { "id": 2410, "Date": "2021-01-11T08:54:28.4251164+01:00", "Title": "Apple Growers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/apple_growers.png", "Alt": "Hopefully in a couple of weeks we'll be able to resume our apple-focused updates, because we have SO MUCH to say about Cosmic Crisp." }, { "id": 2411, "Date": "2021-01-13T08:54:28.5927698+01:00", "Title": "1/10,000th Scale World", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/1_10000th_scale_world.png", "Alt": "OCEAN PLAY AREA RULES: No running, no horseplay, no megatsunamis, and no trying to pry the wreck of the Titanic off the bottom." }, { "id": 2412, "Date": "2021-01-15T08:54:28.8180932+01:00", "Title": "1/100,000th Scale World", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/1_100000th_scale_world.png", "Alt": "The floor should be slightly curved, but we haven't figured out artificial gravity yet, so for now we just added a trace intoxicating gas to the air that messes with your inner ear and gives you a sense that the ground is tilting away from you." }, { "id": 2413, "Date": "2021-01-18T08:54:28.9686511+01:00", "Title": "Pulsar Analogy", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pulsar_analogy.png", "Alt": "The #2 cause of astronomer hand injuries is trying to do vector math when the second axis points off to the right." }, { "id": 2414, "Date": "2021-01-20T08:54:29.2059458+01:00", "Title": "Solar System Compression Artifacts", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/solar_system_compression_artifacts.png", "Alt": "Most of our universe consists of dark matter rendered completely undetectable by our spacetime codec's dynamic range issues." }, { "id": 2415, "Date": "2021-01-22T08:54:29.3540124+01:00", "Title": "Allow Captcha", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/allow_captcha.png", "Alt": "To prove you're human, please click all the number pairs that appear together in your Social Security number." }, { "id": 2416, "Date": "2021-01-25T08:54:29.5956957+01:00", "Title": "Trash Compactor Party", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/trash_compactor_party.png", "Alt": "What an incredible smell you've discovered." }, { "id": 2417, "Date": "2021-01-27T08:54:29.8279598+01:00", "Title": "1/1,000th Scale World", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/1_1000th_scale_world.png", "Alt": "We're worried that a regular whale will get into a 30-foot-deep ocean trench section and filter-feed on all the tiny whales." }, { "id": 2418, "Date": "2021-01-29T08:54:30.0625121+01:00", "Title": "Metacarcinization", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/metacarcinization.png", "Alt": "Scientists still don't know how marine biologists manage to so consistently bring up whalefall ecosystems, when relevant conversational openings are so few and far between." }, { "id": 2419, "Date": "2021-02-01T08:54:30.2168169+01:00", "Title": "Hug Count", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hug_count.png", "Alt": "I've never been that big of a hug person, but it turns out I'm not quite this small of a hug person either." }, { "id": 2420, "Date": "2021-02-03T08:54:30.3716899+01:00", "Title": "Appliances", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/appliances.png", "Alt": "If you had an oven bag and a dryer that runs unusually hot, I guess you could in theory make tumbled eggs." }, { "id": 2421, "Date": "2021-02-05T08:54:30.5322273+01:00", "Title": "Tower of Babel", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tower_of_babel.png", "Alt": "Soon, linguists will be wandering around everywhere, saying things like \"colorless green ideas sleep furiously\" and \"more people have been to Russia than I have,\" and speech will become unintelligible." }, { "id": 2422, "Date": "2021-02-08T08:54:30.7646445+01:00", "Title": "Vaccine Ordering", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/vaccine_ordering.png", "Alt": "You know what they say: mRNA-1273 before tozinameran, you'll have to slay a banshee in a catamaran." }, { "id": 2423, "Date": "2021-02-10T08:54:30.99834+01:00", "Title": "Project Orion", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/project_orion.png", "Alt": "If you tune out again, when you tune back in you'll be hearing about dusty plasma fission fragment rockets." }, { "id": 2424, "Date": "2021-02-12T08:54:31.1513322+01:00", "Title": "Normal Conversation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/normal_conversation.png", "Alt": "\"I think I'll pass. These days I have a hard time feeling comfortable in crowded bars with loud music and lots of shouting.\" --me, after the pandemic, but now for a second reason" }, { "id": 2425, "Date": "2021-02-15T08:54:31.3061058+01:00", "Title": "mRNA Vaccine", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mrna_vaccine.png", "Alt": "To ensure lasting immunity, doctors recommend destroying a second Death Star some time after the first." }, { "id": 2426, "Date": "2021-02-17T08:54:31.5439352+01:00", "Title": "Animal Songs", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/animal_songs.png", "Alt": "Dr. Fauci is not permitted to have a cat, because as director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, his petting one would be considered giving aid and comfort to an allergen." }, { "id": 2427, "Date": "2021-02-19T08:54:31.7770497+01:00", "Title": "Perseverance Microphones", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/perseverance_microphones.png", "Alt": "If the first audio they downlink is from the descent, we probably won't be able to hear anything over the sound of the rover screaming." }, { "id": 2428, "Date": "2021-02-22T08:54:32.0075657+01:00", "Title": "Mars Landing Video", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mars_landing_video.png", "Alt": "The best part of crashing a Mars briefing is you can get in a full 11 minutes of questions before they can start to respond." }, { "id": 2429, "Date": "2021-02-24T08:54:32.1581502+01:00", "Title": "Exposure Models", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/exposure_models.png", "Alt": "\"Cumulative number of coronavirus spreadsheets created over time\" is a spreadsheet I am coming dangerously close to creating." }, { "id": 2430, "Date": "2021-02-26T08:54:32.3139344+01:00", "Title": "Post-Pandemic Hat", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/post_pandemic_hat.png", "Alt": "Plus a shirt that says \"it feels like you're making eye contact.\"" }, { "id": 2431, "Date": "2021-03-01T08:54:32.468422+01:00", "Title": "Leap Year 2021", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/leap_year_2021.png", "Alt": "I've lived in the present for my whole life and I'm not about to move now." }, { "id": 2432, "Date": "2021-03-03T08:54:32.6256675+01:00", "Title": "Manage Your Preferences", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/manage_your_preferences.png", "Alt": "Manage cookies related to essential site functions, such as keeping Atrus and his sons imprisoned within the page." }, { "id": 2433, "Date": "2021-03-05T08:54:32.7868069+01:00", "Title": "Mars Rovers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mars_rovers.png", "Alt": "I just Googled 'roomba sojourner mod' and was sorely disappointed. Be the change, I guess!" }, { "id": 2434, "Date": "2021-03-08T08:54:33.0177423+01:00", "Title": "Vaccine Guidance", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/vaccine_guidance.png", "Alt": "I can't wait until I'm fully vaccinated and can safely send chat messages in all caps again." }, { "id": 2435, "Date": "2021-03-10T08:54:33.2557418+01:00", "Title": "Geothmetic Meandian", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/geothmetic_meandian.png", "Alt": "Pythagorean means are nice and all, but throwing the median in the pot is really what turns this into random forest statistics: applying every function you can think of, and then gradually dropping the ones that make the result worse." }, { "id": 2436, "Date": "2021-03-12T08:54:33.4818955+01:00", "Title": "Circles", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/circles.png", "Alt": "( MSTE ( AR ) CD )" }, { "id": 2437, "Date": "2021-03-15T08:54:33.6344871+01:00", "Title": "Post-Vaccine Party", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/post_vaccine_party.png", "Alt": "[Future update] Well, someone accidentally dropped an M&M in their cup of ice water, and we all panicked and scattered." }, { "id": 2438, "Date": "2021-03-17T08:54:33.8754821+01:00", "Title": "Siri", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/siri.png", "Alt": "Alexa defeated her in a battle hinging on the ability to set multiple timers." }, { "id": 2439, "Date": "2021-03-19T08:54:34.0403571+01:00", "Title": "Solar System Cartogram", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/solar_system_cartogram.png", "Alt": "For sentimental reasons, every active Mars rover is counted as one person, although that's not enough to make Mars more than a dot." }, { "id": 2440, "Date": "2021-03-22T08:54:34.1948321+01:00", "Title": "Epistemic Uncertainty", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/epistemic_uncertainty.png", "Alt": "Luckily, unlike in our previous study, we have no reason to believe Evangeline the Adulterator gained access to our stored doses." }, { "id": 2441, "Date": "2021-03-24T08:54:34.3495775+01:00", "Title": "IMDb Vaccines", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/imdb_vaccines.png", "Alt": "I'm actually not sure if Vader and the Emperor count as a household or if Vader lives in that weird black egg thing or what." }, { "id": 2442, "Date": "2021-03-26T08:54:34.504942+01:00", "Title": "Mask Opinions", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mask_opinions.png", "Alt": "Although regardless of how everything else shakes out, I definitely won't mind if the norm \"wear a mask if you're feeling sick\" sticks around after this." }, { "id": 2443, "Date": "2021-03-29T08:54:34.7434624+02:00", "Title": "Immune Response", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/immune_response.png", "Alt": "I don't care whether you win or lose, as long as you have-- ...okay, sorry, I'm being reminded I very much care whether you win or lose. I need you to win, that's very important." }, { "id": 2444, "Date": "2021-03-31T08:54:34.8938902+02:00", "Title": "Ingenuity", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ingenuity.png", "Alt": "Plot twist: Thanks to [mumble mumble] second-order [mumble] Rayleigh-Taylor [mumble] turbulent [mumble] shear, it turns out powered flight is way EASIER on Mars!" }, { "id": 2445, "Date": "2021-04-01T08:54:35.1325098+02:00", "Title": "Checkbox", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/checkbox.gif", "Alt": "Check check check ... chhecck chhecck chhecck ... check check check" }, { "id": 2446, "Date": "2021-04-05T08:54:35.2877865+02:00", "Title": "Spike Proteins", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/spike_proteins.png", "Alt": "Ugh, it's stuck to my laptop. It must have bound to the ACER-2 receptor." }, { "id": 2447, "Date": "2021-04-07T08:54:35.4420207+02:00", "Title": "Hammer Incident", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hammer_incident.png", "Alt": "I still think the Cold Stone Creamery partnership was a good idea, but I should have asked before doing the first market trials during the cryogenic mirror tests." }, { "id": 2448, "Date": "2021-04-09T08:54:35.681029+02:00", "Title": "Eradication", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/eradication.png", "Alt": "When you get to hell, tell smallpox we say hello." }, { "id": 2449, "Date": "2021-04-12T08:54:35.9135267+02:00", "Title": "ISS Vaccine", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/iss_vaccine.png", "Alt": "Because they orbit the Earth every 90 minutes, some astronauts should try to argue that, due to CDC regulations and time zone technicalities, they should be able to get their second dose just 30 or 40 hours after their first." }, { "id": 2450, "Date": "2021-04-14T08:54:36.1537875+02:00", "Title": "Post Vaccine Social Scheduling", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/post_vaccine_social_scheduling.png", "Alt": "As if these problems weren't NP-hard enough." }, { "id": 2451, "Date": "2021-04-16T08:54:36.3847055+02:00", "Title": "AI Methodology", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ai_methodology.png", "Alt": "We've learned that weird spacing and diacritics in the methodology description are apparently the key to good research; luckily, we've developed an AI tool to help us figure out where to add them." }, { "id": 2452, "Date": "2021-04-19T08:54:36.5427283+02:00", "Title": "Aviation Firsts", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/aviation_firsts.png", "Alt": "Mile High Club membership [✓] [ ] Discovery of parts of Amelia Earhart's skeleton [ ] [ ] Mid-flight incident that results in safe landing on the Hudson River [✓] [ ]" }, { "id": 2453, "Date": "2021-04-21T08:54:36.7726936+02:00", "Title": "Excel Lambda", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/excel_lambda.png", "Alt": "Extremely rude how Turing's later formulations of the halting problem called me out by name specifically." }, { "id": 2454, "Date": "2021-04-23T08:54:36.9223865+02:00", "Title": "Fully Vaccinated", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fully_vaccinated.png", "Alt": "\"You still can't walk into someone's house without being invited!\" \"What? Oh, I see your confusion. No, this vaccine is for a bat VIRUS. I'm fine with doorways and garlic and stuff.\"" }, { "id": 2455, "Date": "2021-04-26T08:54:37.1697764+02:00", "Title": "Virus Consulting", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/virus_consulting.png", "Alt": "All our teams make an effort to stay optimistic, but I will say that once our virus division saw the vaccine efficacy data, they started asking for payment up front." }, { "id": 2456, "Date": "2021-04-28T08:54:37.3941111+02:00", "Title": "Types of Scientific Paper", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/types_of_scientific_paper.png", "Alt": "Others include \"We've incrementally improved the estimate of this coefficient,\" \"Maybe all these categories are wrong,\" and \"We found a way to make student volunteers worse at tasks.\"" }, { "id": 2457, "Date": "2021-04-30T08:54:37.5471083+02:00", "Title": "After the Pandemic", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/after_the_pandemic.png", "Alt": "I'm looking forward to having to worry a lot less about covid, but wouldn't mind if we worried a little more about giving each other colds. Colds are bad!" }, { "id": 2458, "Date": "2021-05-03T08:54:37.7854373+02:00", "Title": "Bubble Wrap", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bubble_wrap.png", "Alt": "I think of myself as the David Attenborough of factory mailing equipment." }, { "id": 2459, "Date": "2021-05-05T08:54:38.0177016+02:00", "Title": "March 2020", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/march_2020.png", "Alt": "\"I've traveled here from the year 2020 to bring you this vaccine!\"" }, { "id": 2460, "Date": "2021-05-07T08:54:38.1700133+02:00", "Title": "Vaccinated", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/vaccinated.png", "Alt": "I built a model that combines local case rates and vaccination stats to estimate when it's reasonable to attend various types of party, but I forgot to include anything about where to find them." }, { "id": 2461, "Date": "2021-05-10T08:54:38.4074931+02:00", "Title": "90's Kid Space Program", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/90s_kid_space_program.png", "Alt": "NASA may not want to admit it, but at this point they ARE the 90's Kid Space Program." }, { "id": 2462, "Date": "2021-05-12T08:54:38.5596599+02:00", "Title": "NASA Award", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/nasa_award.png", "Alt": "The key to discovering life on Mars is to find someone who built a camera and landed it on Mars. Then you just look through the pictures for plants and dogs and stuff." }, { "id": 2463, "Date": "2021-05-14T08:54:39.0135099+02:00", "Title": "Astrophotography", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/astrophotography.png", "Alt": "[One hill over, a competing astrophotographer does a backflip over a commercial airliner while throwing a tray of plastic space stations into the air, through which a falcon swoops to 'grab' the real one.]" }, { "id": 2464, "Date": "2021-05-17T08:54:39.1636294+02:00", "Title": "Muller's Ratchet", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mullers_ratchet.png", "Alt": "Who knew you could learn so much about sexual reproduction from looking at pictures on the internet!" }, { "id": 2465, "Date": "2021-05-19T08:54:39.318957+02:00", "Title": "Dimensional Chess", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dimensional_chess.png", "Alt": "In Dimensional Chess, every move is annotated '?!'." }, { "id": 2466, "Date": "2021-05-21T08:54:39.5582027+02:00", "Title": "In Your Classroom", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/in_your_classroom.png", "Alt": "Ontology is way off to the left and geography is way off to the right." }, { "id": 2467, "Date": "2021-05-24T08:54:39.7094432+02:00", "Title": "Wikipedia Caltrops", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wikipedia_caltrops.png", "Alt": "Oh no, they set up a roadblock which is just a sign with the entire 'Czech hedgehog' article printed on it." }, { "id": 2468, "Date": "2021-05-26T08:54:39.8690607+02:00", "Title": "Inheritance", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/inheritance.png", "Alt": "People ask me whether I feel any moral qualms about the source of the points, but if he hadn't introduced factory farming to Agricola, someone else would have." }, { "id": 2469, "Date": "2021-05-28T08:54:40.0252699+02:00", "Title": "Astronomy Status Board", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/astronomy_status_board.png", "Alt": "Junior astronomers hate getting put on board update duty, but someone's gotta make sure that stuff is still up there." }, { "id": 2470, "Date": "2021-05-31T08:54:40.259283+02:00", "Title": "Next Slide Please", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/next_slide_please.png", "Alt": "\"I have nothing to offer but blood--next slide, please--toil--next slide, please--tears, and--next slide, please--sweat.\"" }, { "id": 2471, "Date": "2021-06-02T08:54:40.4092417+02:00", "Title": "Hippo Attacks", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hippo_attacks.png", "Alt": "It's cool how, when there's a number lots of people are curious about, but which isn't easy to measure, some random guess will get cited everywhere and become the universally quoted value. Unrelatedly, did you know there are 850 trillion waves in the ocean?" }, { "id": 2472, "Date": "2021-06-04T08:54:40.648097+02:00", "Title": "Fuzzy Blob", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fuzzy_blob.png", "Alt": "If there's no dome, how do you explain the irregularities the board discovered in the zoning permits issued in that area!?" }, { "id": 2473, "Date": "2021-06-07T08:54:40.8021659+02:00", "Title": "Product Launch", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/product_launch.png", "Alt": "\"Okay, that was weird, but the product reveal was normal. I think the danger is pas--\" \"One more thing.\" \"Oh no.\"" }, { "id": 2474, "Date": "2021-06-09T08:54:40.9497371+02:00", "Title": "First Time Since Early 2020", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/first_time_since_early_2020.png", "Alt": "Gotten the Ferris wheel operator's attention" }, { "id": 2475, "Date": "2021-06-11T08:54:41.1885034+02:00", "Title": "Health Drink", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/health_drink.png", "Alt": "You'd need to keep track of so many people! Would you use, like, Excel or something? Far too fancy for a simple country nanoenzyme developer like me." }, { "id": 2476, "Date": "2021-06-14T08:54:41.3577246+02:00", "Title": "Base Rate", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/base_rate.png", "Alt": "Sure, you can talk about per-capita adjustment, but if you want to solve the problem, it's obvious that this is the group you need to focus on." }, { "id": 2477, "Date": "2021-06-16T08:54:41.59162+02:00", "Title": "Alien Visitors", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/alien_visitors.png", "Alt": "Stay right there, we'll be back in a minute. We've just gotta brainstorm some new wonders. Have you all figured out gears yet? Yes? Crap." }, { "id": 2478, "Date": "2021-06-18T08:54:41.8277928+02:00", "Title": "Alien Visitors 2", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/alien_visitors_2.png", "Alt": "\"Although fresh juice DOES sound--\" \"NO! For humanity to survive we must learn from the mistakes of the past.\"" }, { "id": 2479, "Date": "2021-06-21T08:54:41.980229+02:00", "Title": "Houseguests", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/houseguests.png", "Alt": "You can come on in, we're all fully vaccinated. Except the spare room off the living room. Don't go in there, we're not fully vaccinated in there." }, { "id": 2480, "Date": "2021-06-23T08:54:42.1358701+02:00", "Title": "No, The Other One", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/no_the_other_one.png", "Alt": "Key West, Virginia is not to be confused with Key, West Virginia." }, { "id": 2481, "Date": "2021-06-25T08:54:42.3728721+02:00", "Title": "1991 and 2021", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/1991_and_2021.png", "Alt": "\"Oh, and our computers all have cameras now, which is nice during the pandemic lockdowns.\" \"The WHAT.\"" }, { "id": 2482, "Date": "2021-06-28T08:54:42.5258514+02:00", "Title": "Indoor Socializing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/indoor_socializing.png", "Alt": "The problem with learning about biology is that everyone you meet is it." }, { "id": 2483, "Date": "2021-06-30T08:54:42.7656929+02:00", "Title": "Linked List Interview Problem", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/linked_list_interview_problem.png", "Alt": "I'd traverse it myself, but it's singly linked, so I'm worried that I won't be able to find my way back to 2021." }, { "id": 2484, "Date": "2021-07-02T08:54:42.9306444+02:00", "Title": "H-alpha", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/h_alpha.png", "Alt": "\"All the companies whose blimps I shot fireworks at are mad, but MetLife is especially miffed because I dressed up as the Red Baron.\"" }, { "id": 2485, "Date": "2021-07-05T08:54:43.0856335+02:00", "Title": "Nightmare Code", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/nightmare_code.png", "Alt": "Charsets even used to be known as 'alpha-bets' before that word's obvious negative associations caused it to die out." }, { "id": 2486, "Date": "2021-07-07T08:54:43.2416444+02:00", "Title": "Board Game Party Schedule", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/board_game_party_schedule.png", "Alt": "Several of the guests are secretly playing Meta Board Game Party. Every minute of parallel debate in the breakaway faction earns double victory points!" }, { "id": 2487, "Date": "2021-07-09T08:54:43.398668+02:00", "Title": "Danger Mnemonic", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/danger_mnemonic.png", "Alt": "It's definitely not the time to try drinking beer before liquor." }, { "id": 2488, "Date": "2021-07-12T08:54:43.6406162+02:00", "Title": "Board Game Argument: Legacy", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/board_game_argument_legacy.png", "Alt": "Listen, you need to get over your reluctance to permanently alter a game. Now roll 2d6 to determine how many ounces of soda to spill into the box." }, { "id": 2489, "Date": "2021-07-14T08:54:43.7902331+02:00", "Title": "Bad Map Projection: The Greenland Special", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bad_map_projection_the_greenland_special.png", "Alt": "The projection for those who think the Mercator projection gives people a distorted idea of how big Greenland is, but a very accurate idea of how big it SHOULD be." }, { "id": 2490, "Date": "2021-07-16T08:54:43.9424889+02:00", "Title": "Pre-Pandemic Ketchup", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pre_pandemic_ketchup.png", "Alt": "I wonder what year I'll discard the last weird food item that I bought online in early 2020." }, { "id": 2491, "Date": "2021-07-19T08:54:44.0987264+02:00", "Title": "Immune Factory", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/immune_factory.png", "Alt": "In the final vote, the doubters were won over by the strength of the name IMMUNION." }, { "id": 2492, "Date": "2021-07-21T08:54:44.3350858+02:00", "Title": "Commonly Mispronounced Equations", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/commonly_mispronounced_equations.png", "Alt": "\"Epsihootamoo doopsiquorps\" --the Schrödinger equation for the hydrogen atom" }, { "id": 2493, "Date": "2021-07-23T08:54:44.488584+02:00", "Title": "Dual USB-C", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dual_usb_c.png", "Alt": "Small devices use two-prong USB-AC, but there's also a three-prong version with a USB-B plug as the ground." }, { "id": 2494, "Date": "2021-07-26T08:54:44.7251106+02:00", "Title": "Flawed Data", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/flawed_data.png", "Alt": "We trained it to produce data that looked convincing, and we have to admit the results look convincing!" }, { "id": 2495, "Date": "2021-07-28T08:54:44.8785644+02:00", "Title": "Universal Seat Belt", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/universal_seat_belt.png", "Alt": "The plug fits really snugly, so it should be safe in a crash." }, { "id": 2496, "Date": "2021-07-30T08:54:45.1183992+02:00", "Title": "Mine Captcha", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mine_captcha.png", "Alt": "This data is actually going into improving our self-driving car project, so hurry up--it's almost at the minefield." }, { "id": 2497, "Date": "2021-08-02T08:54:45.2672136+02:00", "Title": "Logic Gates", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/logic_gates.png", "Alt": "In C, the multiocular O represents the bitwise norxondor gorgonax." }, { "id": 2498, "Date": "2021-08-04T08:54:45.4223494+02:00", "Title": "Forest Walk", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/forest_walk.png", "Alt": "The only other person to walk by was a linguist back in the 80s, but she just spent a while dissecting the phrase 'help me down' before getting distracted by a squirrel and wandering off." }, { "id": 2499, "Date": "2021-08-06T08:54:45.5798734+02:00", "Title": "Abandonment Function", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/abandonment_function.png", "Alt": "Remember to only adopt domesticated drones that specifically request it. It's illegal to collect wild ones under the Migratory Drone Treaty Act." }, { "id": 2500, "Date": "2021-08-09T08:54:45.7364497+02:00", "Title": "Global Temperature Over My Lifetime", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/global_temperature_over_my_lifetime.png", "Alt": "I was really impressed by the accuracy of some of the report's predictions about fossil fuel consumption. Then I realized, oh, right, of course." }, { "id": 2501, "Date": "2021-08-11T08:54:45.8895982+02:00", "Title": "Average Familiarity", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/average_familiarity.png", "Alt": "How could anyone consider themselves a well-rounded adult without a basic understanding of silicate geochemistry? Silicates are everywhere! It's hard to throw a rock without throwing one!" }, { "id": 2502, "Date": "2021-08-13T08:54:46.1253922+02:00", "Title": "Every Data Table", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/every_data_table.png", "Alt": "I'm hoping 2022 is relatively normal because I don't know what symbol comes after the asterisk and the dagger." }, { "id": 2503, "Date": "2021-08-16T08:54:46.3605413+02:00", "Title": "Memo Spike Connector", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/memo_spike_connector.png", "Alt": "Backward-compatible with many existing cables, and can connect directly to phones or tablets if you press them down hard enough." }, { "id": 2504, "Date": "2021-08-18T08:54:46.5956483+02:00", "Title": "Fissile Raspberry Isotopes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fissile_raspberry_isotopes.png", "Alt": "Grandma's shelf-stable blackberry pie meson recipe was a huge seller until her farm was shut down by a joint FDA/NRC investigation." }, { "id": 2505, "Date": "2021-08-20T08:54:46.8290082+02:00", "Title": "News Story Reaction", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/news_story_reaction.png", "Alt": "Unless the next line is, \"After we broke up, she blamed the painting and spent years planning her revenge, so my sorrow is mixed with relief that the dogs at least denied her that triumph.\"" }, { "id": 2506, "Date": "2021-08-23T08:54:46.9941647+02:00", "Title": "Projecting", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/projecting.png", "Alt": "This is something we all need to work on, but especially you all." }, { "id": 2507, "Date": "2021-08-25T08:54:47.1515365+02:00", "Title": "USV-C", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/usv_c.png", "Alt": "Ultra-Serial Violet C light is unpolarized, so you don't have to flip the polarizing filter over when you get the orientation wrong the first time." }, { "id": 2508, "Date": "2021-08-27T08:54:47.389457+02:00", "Title": "Circumappendiceal Somectomy", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/circumappendiceal_somectomy.png", "Alt": "Some personal news: After treating my first case a few years ago with antibiotics, I can report that I have now had appendicitis for the second and--unless something extremely unexpected happened with the surgery--final time." }, { "id": 2509, "Date": "2021-08-30T08:54:47.620639+02:00", "Title": "Useful Geometry Formulas", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/useful_geometry_formulas.png", "Alt": "Geometry textbooks always try to trick you by adding decorative stripes and dotted lines." }, { "id": 2510, "Date": "2021-09-01T08:54:47.8481817+02:00", "Title": "Modern Tools", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/modern_tools.png", "Alt": "I tried to train an AI to repair my Python environment but it kept giving up and deleting itself." }, { "id": 2511, "Date": "2021-09-03T08:54:48.0843385+02:00", "Title": "Recreate the Conditions", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/recreate_the_conditions.png", "Alt": "We've almost finished constructing the piña collider." }, { "id": 2512, "Date": "2021-09-06T08:54:48.3193499+02:00", "Title": "Revelation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/revelation.png", "Alt": "And the heaven departed as a scroll when it is rolled together, but then more heaven kept appearing to replace it, as if the scroll was infinite." }, { "id": 2513, "Date": "2021-09-08T08:54:48.5544019+02:00", "Title": "Saturn Hexagon", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/saturn_hexagon.png", "Alt": "Sorry, in SI units that's \"there's a big football in there.\"" }, { "id": 2514, "Date": "2021-09-10T08:54:48.7042294+02:00", "Title": "Lab Equipment", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/lab_equipment.png", "Alt": "I've been working on chocolate bar annealing techniques to try to produce the perfect laser s'more. Maybe don't mention that on the grant application though." }, { "id": 2515, "Date": "2021-09-13T08:54:48.8597074+02:00", "Title": "Vaccine Research", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/vaccine_research.png", "Alt": "Honestly feel a little sheepish about the amount of time and effort I spent confirming \"yes, the vaccine helps protect people from getting sick and dying\" but I guess everyone needs a hobby." }, { "id": 2516, "Date": "2021-09-15T08:54:49.0142347+02:00", "Title": "Hubble Tension", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hubble_tension.png", "Alt": "Oh, wait, I might've had it set to kph instead of mph. But that would make the discrepancy even wider!" }, { "id": 2517, "Date": "2021-09-17T08:54:49.2506753+02:00", "Title": "Rover Replies", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rover_replies.png", "Alt": "I'm so glad NASA let you take your phone to Mars!" }, { "id": 2518, "Date": "2021-09-20T08:54:49.4996513+02:00", "Title": "Lumpers and Splitters", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/lumpers_and_splitters.png", "Alt": "Anna Karenina is a happy family lumper and unhappy family splitter." }, { "id": 2519, "Date": "2021-09-22T08:54:49.6519693+02:00", "Title": "Sloped Border", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sloped_border.png", "Alt": "\"The slope will be 74° at ground level.\" \"Okay, I think we can hack together a ... wait, why did they specify ground level? It's 74° everywhere, right? ... Oh no, there's a whole section in the treaty labeled 'curvature.'\"" }, { "id": 2520, "Date": "2021-09-24T08:54:49.887587+02:00", "Title": "Symbols", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/symbols.png", "Alt": "\"röntgen\" and \"rem\" are 20th-century physics terms that mean \"no trespassing.\"" }, { "id": 2521, "Date": "2021-09-27T08:54:50.0376455+02:00", "Title": "Toothpaste", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/toothpaste.png", "Alt": "\"9 out of 10 dentists have banned me from their offices.\"" }, { "id": 2522, "Date": "2021-09-29T08:54:50.19382+02:00", "Title": "Two-Factor Security Key", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/two_factor_security_key.png", "Alt": "The bruises on my fingertips are my proof of work." }, { "id": 2523, "Date": "2021-10-01T08:54:50.3474828+02:00", "Title": "Endangered", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/endangered.png", "Alt": "The list includes polio, Guinea worm, and this one particular enterovirus strain that they've been tracking out of spite after it went around the lab a few years ago." }, { "id": 2524, "Date": "2021-10-04T08:54:50.5845609+02:00", "Title": "Comet Visitor", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/comet_visitor.png", "Alt": "It's a myth that the Great Wall of China is the only human-made structure visible from space--there are LOTS of structures for us to feel self-conscious about!" }, { "id": 2525, "Date": "2021-10-06T08:54:50.734724+02:00", "Title": "Air Travel Packing List", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/air_travel_packing_list.png", "Alt": "I know the etiquette is controversial, but I think it's rude when the person in front of me reclines their seat into the bell of my trumpet." }, { "id": 2526, "Date": "2021-10-08T08:54:50.9708124+02:00", "Title": "TSP vs TBSP", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tsp_vs_tbsp.png", "Alt": "It's like one teraspoon / when all you need is a kilonife" }, { "id": 2527, "Date": "2021-10-11T08:54:51.1251368+02:00", "Title": "New Nobel Prizes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/new_nobel_prizes.png", "Alt": "They've endowed a separate prize in Physiology or Medicine or Stopping Dr. Adams." }, { "id": 2528, "Date": "2021-10-13T08:54:51.359558+02:00", "Title": "Flag Map Sabotage", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/flag_map_sabotage.png", "Alt": "Delaware hopes to explore the western edge of areas marked with the Belgian flag, once the tornadoes die down." }, { "id": 2529, "Date": "2021-10-15T08:54:51.51111+02:00", "Title": "Unsolved Math Problems", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/unsolved_math_problems.png", "Alt": "After decades of studying the curve and the procedure that generates it, the consensus explanation is \"it's just like that.\"" }, { "id": 2530, "Date": "2021-10-18T08:54:51.6670119+02:00", "Title": "Clinical Trials", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/clinical_trials.png", "Alt": "We don't need to do a clinical trial of this change because the standard of care is to adopt new ideas without doing clinical trials." }, { "id": 2531, "Date": "2021-10-20T08:54:51.9034791+02:00", "Title": "Dark Arts", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dark_arts.png", "Alt": "You think, 'okay, THIS is an ideal use case for hardlinks!' but then 6 months later you're doing some extremely cursed Google search like 'javascript ext4' and wondering where things went wrong." }, { "id": 2532, "Date": "2021-10-22T08:54:52.0577047+02:00", "Title": "Censored Vaccine Card", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/censored_vaccine_card.png", "Alt": "CVS's pharmacies are fine, but I much prefer their [censored]s." }, { "id": 2533, "Date": "2021-10-25T08:54:52.2909396+02:00", "Title": "Slope Hypothesis Testing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/slope_hypothesis_testing.png", "Alt": "\"What? I can't hear--\" \"What? I said, are you sure--\" \"CAN YOU PLEASE SPEAK--\"" }, { "id": 2534, "Date": "2021-10-27T08:54:52.444263+02:00", "Title": "Retractable Rocket", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/retractable_rocket.png", "Alt": "Hard to believe that for so many years once they were fully extended we just let them tip over." }, { "id": 2535, "Date": "2021-10-29T08:54:52.6002611+02:00", "Title": "Common Cold Viruses", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/common_cold_viruses.png", "Alt": "\"It's not an influenza, but the onset has notes of the '09 H1N1 strain.\" \"Ah yes, that was a good year for H1N1.\"" }, { "id": 2536, "Date": "2021-11-01T08:54:52.7547178+01:00", "Title": "Wirecutter", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wirecutter.png", "Alt": "This was always going to be a controversial Wirecutter post, but what really got them in trouble were their 'budget' and 'upgrade' picks." }, { "id": 2537, "Date": "2021-11-03T08:54:52.9059557+01:00", "Title": "Painbow Award", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/painbow_award.png", "Alt": "This year, our team took home the dark blue ribbon, better than the midnight blue we got last year but still short of the winning navy blue." }, { "id": 2538, "Date": "2021-11-05T08:54:53.0497827+01:00", "Title": "Snack", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/snack.png", "Alt": "Although grad students, suddenly reminded that food exists, tend to just grab and devour both without further discussion." }, { "id": 2539, "Date": "2021-11-08T08:54:53.2021232+01:00", "Title": "Flinch", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/flinch.png", "Alt": "Premed: \"Does this count for a physics credit? Can we shorten the string so I can get it done faster? And can we do one where it hits me in the face? I gotta do a thing for first aid training right after.\"" }, { "id": 2540, "Date": "2021-11-10T08:54:53.3557518+01:00", "Title": "TTSLTSWBD", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ttsltswbd.png", "Alt": "Tomorrow's sessions will be entirely devoted to sewing machine rotary hooks." }, { "id": 2541, "Date": "2021-11-12T08:54:53.5122514+01:00", "Title": "Occam", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/occam.png", "Alt": "Oh no, Murphy just picked up the razor." }, { "id": 2542, "Date": "2021-11-15T08:54:53.7509812+01:00", "Title": "Daylight Calendar", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/daylight_calendar.png", "Alt": "Could be worse. In some towns north of here, it's already December, and the 21st will last for nearly a week." }, { "id": 2543, "Date": "2021-11-17T08:54:53.9022301+01:00", "Title": "Never Told Anyone", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/never_told_anyone.png", "Alt": "Even if you said you were an employee of the website, if you asked for my password, I'd tell you." }, { "id": 2544, "Date": "2021-11-19T08:54:54.1383853+01:00", "Title": "Heart-Stopping Texts", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/heart_stopping_texts.png", "Alt": "Was this your car? [looping 'image loading' animation]" }, { "id": 2545, "Date": "2021-11-22T08:54:54.2909981+01:00", "Title": "Bayes' Theorem", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bayes_theorem.png", "Alt": "P((B|A)|(A|B)) represents the probability that you'll mix up the order of the terms when using Bayesian notation." }, { "id": 2546, "Date": "2021-11-24T08:54:54.5294421+01:00", "Title": "Fiction vs Nonfiction", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fiction_vs_nonfiction.png", "Alt": "The real challenge is how to file Boba Fett's biography of Doris Kearns Goodwin." }, { "id": 2547, "Date": "2021-11-26T08:54:54.6778521+01:00", "Title": "Siren", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/siren.png", "Alt": "Directions from CITY OF TROY to ITHACA / Total time: 10y 54d 14h 25m / Warning: Route crosses an international border / route includes capture by the goddess Calypso / route includes a ferry" }, { "id": 2548, "Date": "2021-11-29T08:54:54.8320409+01:00", "Title": "Awful People", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/awful_people.png", "Alt": "Hm, this burger place has a couple of good reviews, but LakeSlayer7 says he got food poisoning there and everyone should try this other place down by the lake instead." }, { "id": 2549, "Date": "2021-12-01T08:54:55.0735509+01:00", "Title": "Edge Cake", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/edge_cake.png", "Alt": "Every time IERS adds or removes a leap second, they send me a birthday cake out of superstition." }, { "id": 2550, "Date": "2021-12-03T08:54:55.223535+01:00", "Title": "Webb", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/webb.png", "Alt": "Each one contains a chocolate shaped like a famous spacecraft and, for the later numbers, a pamphlet on managing anxiety." }, { "id": 2551, "Date": "2021-12-06T08:54:55.4562435+01:00", "Title": "Debunking", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/debunking.png", "Alt": "Mark Zuckerberg has only neutral feelings toward Peppa Pig, who he understands is a fictional character, and he blames the coronavirus pandemic on other factors." }, { "id": 2552, "Date": "2021-12-08T08:54:55.6065768+01:00", "Title": "The Last Molecule", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_last_molecule.png", "Alt": "Biology is really struggling; they're barely at 93% and they keep finding more ants." }, { "id": 2553, "Date": "2021-12-10T08:54:55.7481081+01:00", "Title": "Incident Report", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/incident_report.png", "Alt": "Increasing-precision timestamps are the Jaws theme of incident reports." }, { "id": 2554, "Date": "2021-12-13T08:54:55.8907099+01:00", "Title": "Gift Exchange", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/gift_exchange.png", "Alt": "In addition to having all their budgets in a spreadsheet with consistent formatting, they just love expressing preferences on a well-calibrated numerical scale." }, { "id": 2555, "Date": "2021-12-15T08:54:56.1257597+01:00", "Title": "Notifications", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/notifications.png", "Alt": "It's 10:34 PM for this user. They really need to get going, they have a thing early tomorrow. Are you sure you want to notify?" }, { "id": 2556, "Date": "2021-12-17T08:54:56.2826132+01:00", "Title": "Turing Complete", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/turing_complete.png", "Alt": "Thanks to the ForcedEntry exploit, your company's entire tech stack can now be hosted out of a PDF you texted to someone." }, { "id": 2557, "Date": "2021-12-20T08:54:56.4354458+01:00", "Title": "Immunity", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/immunity.png", "Alt": "This plan may sound appealing to people who know a little about the immune system, but the drawbacks are clear to people who know a lot about the immune system and also to people who don't know anything about it." }, { "id": 2558, "Date": "2021-12-22T08:54:56.5894698+01:00", "Title": "Rapid Test Results", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rapid_test_results.png", "Alt": "A solid red area with two white lines means that you have been infected with the anti-coronavirus, COVID+19, which will cure anyone you have close contact with." }, { "id": 2559, "Date": "2021-12-24T08:54:56.7459144+01:00", "Title": "December 25th Launch", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/december_25th_launch.png", "Alt": "Update: Santa has been destroyed by the range safety officer." }, { "id": 2560, "Date": "2021-12-27T08:54:56.9031901+01:00", "Title": "Confounding Variables", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/confounding_variables.png", "Alt": "You can find a perfect correlation if you just control for the residual." }, { "id": 2561, "Date": "2021-12-29T08:54:57.0570751+01:00", "Title": "Moonfall", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/moonfall.png", "Alt": "Novel ideas and cool explosions are both good, but what I really want from a movie is novel ideas ABOUT cool explosions." }, { "id": 2562, "Date": "2021-12-31T08:54:57.2139481+01:00", "Title": "Formatting Meeting", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/formatting_meeting.png", "Alt": "Neither group uses iso 8601 because the big-endian enthusiasts were all at the meeting 20 years ago." }, { "id": 2563, "Date": "2022-01-03T08:54:57.4508364+01:00", "Title": "Throat and Nasal Passages", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/throat_and_nasal_passages.png", "Alt": "I always felt like what the 'you are now aware of your tongue' thing needed in order to be truly enjoyable was an element of mortal peril." }, { "id": 2564, "Date": "2022-01-05T08:54:57.6045367+01:00", "Title": "Sunshield", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sunshield.png", "Alt": "RIP the surface of Mars" }, { "id": 2565, "Date": "2022-01-07T08:54:57.8427936+01:00", "Title": "Latency", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/latency.png", "Alt": "Each SCAPDFATIAT point increases the chance that the process will involve the phrase 'by the next business day.'" }, { "id": 2566, "Date": "2022-01-10T08:54:57.994582+01:00", "Title": "Decorative Constants", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/decorative_constants.png", "Alt": "Arguably, the '1/2' in the drag equation is purely decorative, since drag coefficients are already unitless and could just as easily be half as big. Some derivations give more justification for the extra 1/2 than others, but one textbook just calls it 'a traditional tribute to Euler and Bernoulli.'" }, { "id": 2567, "Date": "2022-01-12T08:54:58.1492075+01:00", "Title": "Language Development", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/language_development.png", "Alt": "The worst is the Terrible Twos, when they're always throwing things and shrieking, \"forsooth, to bed thou shalt not take me, cur!\"" }, { "id": 2568, "Date": "2022-01-14T08:54:58.3105182+01:00", "Title": "Spinthariscope", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/spinthariscope.png", "Alt": "Other high scorers are melt-in-your-hand aluminum-destroying gallium and tritium-powered glowsticks. Lawn darts are toward the other end." }, { "id": 2569, "Date": "2022-01-17T08:54:58.5448533+01:00", "Title": "Hypothesis Generation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hypothesis_generation.png", "Alt": "Frazzled scientists are requesting that everyone please stop generating hypotheses for a little bit while they work through the backlog." }, { "id": 2570, "Date": "2022-01-19T08:54:58.771001+01:00", "Title": "Captain Picard Tea Order", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/captain_picard_tea_order.png", "Alt": "We can ask the Earl for his order once he's fully extruded from the dispenser." }, { "id": 2571, "Date": "2022-01-21T08:54:59.0065177+01:00", "Title": "Hydraulic Analogy", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hydraulic_analogy.png", "Alt": "Current (water) running through the water (wires) causes it to boil, increasing the pressure (voltage), but resisting (impeding) the flow of hydroelectricity (water currents). This is the basis for Ohm's law." }, { "id": 2572, "Date": "2022-01-24T08:54:59.161291+01:00", "Title": "Alien Observers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/alien_observers.png", "Alt": "ALERT: Human 910-25J-1Q38 has created a Youtube channel. Increase erratic jerkiness of flying by 30% until safely out of range." }, { "id": 2573, "Date": "2022-01-26T08:54:59.3142848+01:00", "Title": "Alien Mission", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/alien_mission.png", "Alt": "Fine, we can go search the Himalayas for the Yeti ONE more time, but keep a safe altitude over the Pacific and PLEASE watch where you're going. We can't afford another Amelia Earhart incident." }, { "id": 2574, "Date": "2022-01-28T08:54:59.5537148+01:00", "Title": "Autoresponder", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/autoresponder.png", "Alt": "I ADMIRE HOW YOU SET BOUNDARIES AND I HOPE YOUR COLLEAGUES RESPECT THEM! PLEASE SPARE MY LIFE!" }, { "id": 2575, "Date": "2022-01-31T08:54:59.7905267+01:00", "Title": "What If? 2", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/what_if_2.png", "Alt": "CLARIFICATION: By 9/13, I mean September 13th, not the 9th day of Jancember, the cursed 13th month that exists between December and January in the transdimensional temporal plane." }, { "id": 2576, "Date": "2022-02-02T08:54:59.9393558+01:00", "Title": "Control Group", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/control_group.png", "Alt": "Placeble 228 x/6n⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜n⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜n⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜n⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜n⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜n⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜" }, { "id": 2577, "Date": "2022-02-04T08:55:00.0948485+01:00", "Title": "Sea Chase", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sea_chase.png", "Alt": "There are two rules on this ship: Never gaze back into the projection abyss, and never touch the red button labeled DYMAXION." }, { "id": 2578, "Date": "2022-02-07T08:55:00.2611472+01:00", "Title": "Sword Pull", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sword_pull.png", "Alt": "Merlin really shouldn't leave his dirt bike lying around." }, { "id": 2579, "Date": "2022-02-09T08:55:00.4094256+01:00", "Title": "Tractor Beam", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tractor_beam.png", "Alt": "Did you base the saucer shape on pop culture depictions of aliens, or was that stuff based on your ships? Does the rotational symmetry help with ... hey, where are you going?" }, { "id": 2580, "Date": "2022-02-11T08:55:00.5662288+01:00", "Title": "Rest and Fluids", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rest_and_fluids.png", "Alt": "Remember not to take it easy. Put a hot washcloth on your forehead, remain standing, and breathe dry air while taking lots of histamines. You need to give your body a chance to get sick again." }, { "id": 2581, "Date": "2022-02-14T08:55:00.7190546+01:00", "Title": "Health Stats", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/health_stats.png", "Alt": "You will live on forever in our hearts, pushing a little extra blood toward our left hands now and then to give them a squeeze." }, { "id": 2582, "Date": "2022-02-16T08:55:00.9543638+01:00", "Title": "Data Trap", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/data_trap.png", "Alt": "It's important to make sure your analysis destroys as much information as it produces." }, { "id": 2583, "Date": "2022-02-18T08:55:01.1045677+01:00", "Title": "Chorded Keyboard", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/chorded_keyboard.png", "Alt": "And even though it all went wrong / I'll stand before the lord of song / with nothing on my tongue but 'I don't understand, I swear I backed up my keyboard config before messing with it'" }, { "id": 2584, "Date": "2022-02-21T08:55:01.3518245+01:00", "Title": "Headline Words", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/headline_words.png", "Alt": "Roundly-condemned headlinese initiative shuttered indefinitely." }, { "id": 2585, "Date": "2022-02-23T08:55:01.5054917+01:00", "Title": "Rounding", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rounding.png", "Alt": "I've developed a novel propulsion system powered by loss of precision in unit conversion." }, { "id": 2586, "Date": "2022-02-25T08:55:01.6660136+01:00", "Title": "Greek Letters", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/greek_letters.png", "Alt": "If you ever see someone using a capital xi in an equation, just observe them quietly to learn as much as you can before they return to their home planet." }, { "id": 2587, "Date": "2022-02-28T08:55:01.8135644+01:00", "Title": "For the Sake of Simplicity", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/for_the_sake_of_simplicity.png", "Alt": "For the sake of simplicity, gardeners are assumed to move through Euclidean space--neglecting the distortion from general relativity--unless they are in the vicinity of a Schwarzschild Orchid." }, { "id": 2588, "Date": "2022-03-02T08:55:02.055621+01:00", "Title": "Party Quadrants", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/party_quadrants.png", "Alt": "Single-elimination might provide more drama, but I think we can all agree that a comprehensive numerical scoring system will let us better judge the party's winner." }, { "id": 2589, "Date": "2022-03-04T08:55:02.2846864+01:00", "Title": "Outlet Denier", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/outlet_denier.png", "Alt": "There are regularly placed bumps on the underside just the right size to press the rocker switch on the power strip." }, { "id": 2590, "Date": "2022-03-07T08:55:02.4365192+01:00", "Title": "I Shouldn't Complain", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/i_shouldnt_complain.png", "Alt": "Bald-faced hornets are only a 2 on the Schmidt pain index, so I shouldn't complain. The tennis ball ejected from the dryer exhaust vent could have ricocheted off the nest of a much higher-scoring insect before knocking me off the ladder. Really, I'm lucky." }, { "id": 2591, "Date": "2022-03-09T08:55:02.5783193+01:00", "Title": "Qua", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/qua.png", "Alt": "Qua qua qua is the sine qua non of sine qua non qua sine qua non." }, { "id": 2592, "Date": "2022-03-11T08:55:02.8161659+01:00", "Title": "False Dichotomy", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/false_dichotomy.png", "Alt": "There are two types of dichotomy: False dichotomies, true dichotomies, and surprise trichotomies." }, { "id": 2593, "Date": "2022-03-14T08:55:03.0642789+01:00", "Title": "Deviled Eggs", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/deviled_eggs.png", "Alt": "The foil on the toothpick represents the blue flash." }, { "id": 2594, "Date": "2022-03-16T08:55:03.2241173+01:00", "Title": "Consensus Time", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/consensus_time.png", "Alt": "Now, you may argue that the varying hour lengths and feedback effects would cause chaos. To which I say, yeah, and I'm also curious to see how the weekday cycle interacts with it! So, you in?" }, { "id": 2595, "Date": "2022-03-18T08:55:03.4612655+01:00", "Title": "Advanced Techniques", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/advanced_techniques.png", "Alt": "A blow from Emmy's Cutlass of Variations will transport the dragon to a corresponding symmetric position in the Noetherworld." }, { "id": 2596, "Date": "2022-03-21T08:55:03.611115+01:00", "Title": "Galaxies", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/galaxies.png", "Alt": "I know it seems overwhelming, but don't worry; I'm sure most of them have only a few stars, and probably no planets." }, { "id": 2597, "Date": "2022-03-23T08:55:03.7701999+01:00", "Title": "Salary Negotiation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/salary_negotiation.png", "Alt": "\"We can do 0.33 or 0.34, but our payroll software doesn't allow us to--\" \"NO DEAL.\"" }, { "id": 2598, "Date": "2022-03-25T08:55:04.0064423+01:00", "Title": "Graphic Designers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/graphic_designers.png", "Alt": "They might make it past that first line of defense. For the second, you'll need some picture frames, a level, and a protractor that can do increments of less than a degree." }, { "id": 2599, "Date": "2022-03-28T08:55:04.1531584+02:00", "Title": "Spacecraft Debris Odds Ratio", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/spacecraft_debris_odds_ratio.png", "Alt": "You say this daily walk will reduce my risk of death from cardiovascular disease by 30%, but also increase my risk of death by bear attack by 300%? That's a 280% increased! I'm not a sucker; I'm staying inside." }, { "id": 2600, "Date": "2022-03-30T08:55:04.586206+02:00", "Title": "Rejected Question Categories", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rejected_question_categories.png", "Alt": "You can click to preorder to get a copy of What If? 2 when it comes out 9/13, assuming we all make it past the spider situation(?) on Tuesday(?)." }, { "id": 2601, "Date": "2022-04-01T08:55:04.8196074+02:00", "Title": "Instructions", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/instructions.png", "Alt": "Happy little turtles" }, { "id": 2602, "Date": "2022-04-04T08:55:04.9637895+02:00", "Title": "Linguistics Degree", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/linguistics_degree.png", "Alt": "You'd think 'linguistics' would go to someone important in the field, but it's actually assigned to a random student in Ohio who barely graduated and then went into automotive marketing." }, { "id": 2603, "Date": "2022-04-06T08:55:05.2028401+02:00", "Title": "Childhood Toys", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/childhood_toys.png", "Alt": "The rope keeps breaking, I'm covered in bruises and scrapes, and I've barely reached the end of my driveway, but I don't care--I'm determined to become the first person to commute to work by tetherball." }, { "id": 2604, "Date": "2022-04-08T08:55:05.3679829+02:00", "Title": "Frankenstein Captcha", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/frankenstein_captcha.png", "Alt": "The distinction between a ship and a boat is a line drawn in water." }, { "id": 2605, "Date": "2022-04-11T08:55:05.5231178+02:00", "Title": "Taylor Series", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/taylor_series.png", "Alt": "The Taylor series should have been canceled after the first term." }, { "id": 2606, "Date": "2022-04-13T08:55:05.7614197+02:00", "Title": "Weird Unicode Math Symbols", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/weird_unicode_math_symbols.png", "Alt": "U+2A0B ⨋ Mathematicians need to calm down" }, { "id": 2607, "Date": "2022-04-15T08:55:05.986282+02:00", "Title": "Geiger Counter", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/geiger_counter.png", "Alt": "At first I didn't get why they were warning me about all those birds sitting on the wire, but then I understood." }, { "id": 2608, "Date": "2022-04-18T08:55:06.1462921+02:00", "Title": "Family Reunion", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/family_reunion.png", "Alt": "Grandma says that because of differences in primate and feline lifespans, the cat is actually my 17,000,000th cousin 14,000,000 times removed." }, { "id": 2609, "Date": "2022-04-20T08:55:06.3758032+02:00", "Title": "Entwives", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/entwives.png", "Alt": "No, we actually do have a woman who's basically part of our fellowship. She lives in Rivendell, you wouldn't know her." }, { "id": 2610, "Date": "2022-04-22T08:55:06.6321126+02:00", "Title": "Assigning Numbers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/assigning_numbers.png", "Alt": "Gödel should do an article on which branches of math have the lowest average theorem number." }, { "id": 2611, "Date": "2022-04-25T08:55:06.8712245+02:00", "Title": "Cutest-Sounding Scientific Effects", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cutest_sounding_scientific_effects.png", "Alt": "The Stroop-YORP number of a scientific paper is how many of the 16 finalist names (sans 'effect') it manages to casually sneak into the text." }, { "id": 2612, "Date": "2022-04-27T08:55:07.1060817+02:00", "Title": "Lightsabers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/lightsabers.png", "Alt": "A lot of Jedi romances start with this turning into a Lady and the Tramp spaghetti situation." }, { "id": 2613, "Date": "2022-04-29T08:55:07.2547105+02:00", "Title": "Bad Map Projection: Madagascator", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bad_map_projection_madagascator.png", "Alt": "The projection's north pole is in a small lake on the island of Mahé in the Seychelles, which is off the top of the map and larger than the rest of the Earth's land area combined." }, { "id": 2614, "Date": "2022-05-02T08:55:07.4068365+02:00", "Title": "2", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/2.png", "Alt": "It's like sigma summation notation, except instead of summing the argument over all values of i, you 2 the argument over all values of 2." }, { "id": 2615, "Date": "2022-05-04T08:55:07.6493267+02:00", "Title": "Welcome Back", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/welcome_back.png", "Alt": "'We're shocked by the Notre Dame fire. Click for our tribute to--' [okay] 'Now that we're all staying at home these past few weeks thanks to this new coronavirus, we--' [okay]" }, { "id": 2616, "Date": "2022-05-06T08:55:07.8829581+02:00", "Title": "Deep End", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/deep_end.png", "Alt": "Hey! No running in the back-arc basin!" }, { "id": 2617, "Date": "2022-05-09T08:55:08.1159311+02:00", "Title": "Maps", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/maps.png", "Alt": "OpenStreetMap was always pretty good but is also now *really* good? And Apple Maps's new zoomed-in design in certain cities like NYC and London is just gorgeous. It's cool how there are all these good maps now!" }, { "id": 2618, "Date": "2022-05-11T08:55:08.3497338+02:00", "Title": "Selection Bias", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/selection_bias.png", "Alt": "We carefully sampled the general population and found that most people are familiar with acquiescence bias." }, { "id": 2619, "Date": "2022-05-13T08:55:08.5019945+02:00", "Title": "Crêpe", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/crepe.png", "Alt": "A medicine that makes you put two dots over your letters more often is a diäretic." }, { "id": 2620, "Date": "2022-05-16T08:55:08.7380189+02:00", "Title": "Health Data", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/health_data.png", "Alt": "Donate now to help us find a cure for causality. No one should have to suffer through events because of other events." }, { "id": 2621, "Date": "2022-05-18T08:55:08.8918274+02:00", "Title": "Mainly Known For", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mainly_known_for.png", "Alt": "Oh sure, I know Keira Knightly, from the first movie in that series by The Land Before Time producer. You know, the franchise with the guy from Jurassic Park and Ghostwriter, and script work by Billie Lourd's mom?" }, { "id": 2622, "Date": "2022-05-20T08:55:09.1307378+02:00", "Title": "Angular Diameter Turnaround", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/angular_diameter_turnaround.png", "Alt": "Thank you to Katie Mack for teaching me about this effect, and to Janelle Shane for describing redshifts as 'like galaxies sinking into a pool of dilute blood,' which is how I'll see them from now on." }, { "id": 2623, "Date": "2022-05-23T08:55:09.2801067+02:00", "Title": "Goofs", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/goofs.png", "Alt": "The film is set in 2018, but when Commander Bremberly chases the hologram through Times Square, there's a billboard for Avengers: Age of Ultron. Depending on the date, that billboard would have been advertising either Infinity War or this movie." }, { "id": 2624, "Date": "2022-05-25T08:55:09.5041132+02:00", "Title": "Voyager Wires", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/voyager_wires.png", "Alt": "Also, they're getting increasingly worried that someone will accidentally hit the 'retract' button, and that the end of the cable thrashing around as it winds up could devastate the Earth's surface." }, { "id": 2625, "Date": "2022-05-27T08:55:09.7325086+02:00", "Title": "Field Topology", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/field_topology.png", "Alt": "The combination croquet set/10-lane pool can also be used for some varieties of foosball and Skee-Ball." }, { "id": 2626, "Date": "2022-05-30T08:55:09.9639825+02:00", "Title": "d65536", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/d65536.png", "Alt": "They're robust against quantum attacks because it's hard to make a quantum system that large." }, { "id": 2627, "Date": "2022-06-01T08:55:10.2029482+02:00", "Title": "Types of Scopes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/types_of_scopes.png", "Alt": "An x-ray gyroscope is used to determine exactly which toppings they included in the pita." }, { "id": 2628, "Date": "2022-06-03T08:55:10.3456463+02:00", "Title": "Motion Blur", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/motion_blur.png", "Alt": "I can't speak for your other subjects, but MY motion was as smooth and natural as the framerate allowed." }, { "id": 2629, "Date": "2022-06-06T08:55:10.583164+02:00", "Title": "Or Whatever", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/or_whatever.png", "Alt": "Oh yeah, I didn't even know they renamed it the Willis Tower in 2009, because I know a normal amount about skyscrapers." }, { "id": 2630, "Date": "2022-06-08T08:55:10.8128283+02:00", "Title": "Shuttle Skeleton", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/shuttle_skeleton.png", "Alt": "It's believed to be related to the Stellar Sea Cow." }, { "id": 2631, "Date": "2022-06-10T08:55:10.9646801+02:00", "Title": "Exercise Progression", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/exercise_progression.png", "Alt": "They said after I got into a routine, I'd enjoy getting progressively stronger and stop whining so much about how hard exercise was. Well, they were half right!" }, { "id": 2632, "Date": "2022-06-13T08:55:11.2023757+02:00", "Title": "Greatest Scientist", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/greatest_scientist.png", "Alt": "\"Ow! One of the petri dishes I left on the tower railing fell and hit me on the head! Hey, that gives me an idea...\"" }, { "id": 2633, "Date": "2022-06-15T08:55:11.3544522+02:00", "Title": "Astronomer Hotline", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/astronomer_hotline.png", "Alt": "Employment statistics have to correct for the fact that the Weird Bug Hotline hires on a bunch of extra temporary staff every 17 years." }, { "id": 2634, "Date": "2022-06-17T08:55:11.5061542+02:00", "Title": "Red Line Through HTTPS", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/red_line_through_https.png", "Alt": "Some organization has been paying to keep this up and it hasn't been removed from search results. Seems like two votes of confidence to me." }, { "id": 2635, "Date": "2022-06-20T08:55:11.6613883+02:00", "Title": "Superintelligent AIs", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/superintelligent_ais.png", "Alt": "Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they should, they didn't stop to think if they could." }, { "id": 2636, "Date": "2022-06-22T08:55:11.8166717+02:00", "Title": "What If? 2 Countdown", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/what_if_2_countdown.png", "Alt": "If you don't end the 99 Bottles of Beer recursion at N=0 it just becomes The Other Song That Never Ends." }, { "id": 2637, "Date": "2022-06-24T08:55:11.9769856+02:00", "Title": "Roman Numerals", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/roman_numerals.png", "Alt": "100he100k out th1s 1nno5at4e str1ng en100o501ng 15e been 500e5e50op1ng! 1t's 6rtua100y perfe100t! ...hang on, what's a \"virtuacy\"?" }, { "id": 2638, "Date": "2022-06-27T08:55:12.2081141+02:00", "Title": "Extended NFPA Hazard Diamond", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/extended_nfpa_hazard_diamond.png", "Alt": "With most labs, the hushed horror stories are about something like dimethylmercury or prions, but occasionally you'll get a weird lab where it's about the soda machine or the drop ceiling." }, { "id": 2639, "Date": "2022-06-29T08:55:12.4416227+02:00", "Title": "Periodic Table Changes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/periodic_table_changes.png", "Alt": "It's nice how the end of the periodic table is flush with the edge these days, so I think we should agree no one should find any new elements after #118 unless they discover a whole row at once." }, { "id": 2640, "Date": "2022-07-01T08:55:12.67892+02:00", "Title": "The Universe by Scientific Field", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_universe_by_scientific_field.png", "Alt": "The math and philosophy people also claim everything, but the astronomers argue that the stuff they study really only comprises a small number of paper surfaces." }, { "id": 2641, "Date": "2022-07-04T08:55:12.8256584+02:00", "Title": "Mouse Turbines", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mouse_turbines.png", "Alt": "It's sad seeing those videos of turbine blade being torn apart in high winds, but it's the only way they can disperse their seeds." }, { "id": 2642, "Date": "2022-07-06T08:55:13.060898+02:00", "Title": "Meta-Alternating Current", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/meta_alternating_current.png", "Alt": "It's always bothered me that you can't cancel out an inverter by putting a second inverter after it." }, { "id": 2643, "Date": "2022-07-08T08:55:13.2095476+02:00", "Title": "Cosmologist Gift", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cosmologist_gift.png", "Alt": "These neutrinos were freshly produced by a local source just 8 minutes ago" }, { "id": 2644, "Date": "2022-07-11T08:55:13.4468915+02:00", "Title": "fMRI Billboard", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fmri_billboard.png", "Alt": "[other side] If the first word of an instruction you're given starts with the same letter as your crush's name, for that step imagine the experimenter is your crush." }, { "id": 2645, "Date": "2022-07-13T08:55:13.6761432+02:00", "Title": "The Best Camera", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_best_camera.png", "Alt": "The best camera is the one at L2." }, { "id": 2646, "Date": "2022-07-15T08:55:13.8318665+02:00", "Title": "Minkowski Space", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/minkowski_space.png", "Alt": "My liege, we were able to follow the ship into Minkowski space, but now they've jumped to Hilbert space and they could honestly be anywhere." }, { "id": 2647, "Date": "2022-07-18T08:55:14.0683946+02:00", "Title": "Capri Suns", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/capri_suns.png", "Alt": "[As security is dragging me away] \"Come on, at least I didn't make the mistake in the other direction!\"" }, { "id": 2648, "Date": "2022-07-20T08:55:14.2994847+02:00", "Title": "Chemicals", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/chemicals.png", "Alt": "It's hard to believe, but lots of kids these days ONLY know how to buy prepackaged molecules." }, { "id": 2649, "Date": "2022-07-22T08:55:14.5297521+02:00", "Title": "Physics Cost-Saving Tips", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/physics_cost_saving_tips.png", "Alt": "I got banned from the county fair for handing out Helium-2 balloons. Apparently the instant massive plasma explosions violated some local ordinance or something." }, { "id": 2650, "Date": "2022-07-25T08:55:14.7632715+02:00", "Title": "Deepfakes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/deepfakes.png", "Alt": "If so great a deductive mind as Arthur Conan Doyle can be fooled by the Cottingley Deepfakes, what chance do we mortals have? Soon our very reality will be dictated by the whims of Frances (9) and Elsie (16)." }, { "id": 2651, "Date": "2022-07-27T08:55:14.9183942+02:00", "Title": "Air Gap", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/air_gap.png", "Alt": "You can still do powerline networking, but the bitrate does drop a little depending on the lightbulb warmup and cooldown delay." }, { "id": 2652, "Date": "2022-07-29T08:55:15.1560135+02:00", "Title": "Proxy Variable", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/proxy_variable.png", "Alt": "Our work has produced great answers. Now someone just needs to figure out which questions they go with." }, { "id": 2653, "Date": "2022-08-01T08:55:15.314628+02:00", "Title": "Omnitaur", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/omnitaur.png", "Alt": "\"My parents were both omnitaurs, which is how I got interested in recombination,\" said the normal human." }, { "id": 2654, "Date": "2022-08-03T08:55:15.4624086+02:00", "Title": "Chemtrails", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/chemtrails.png", "Alt": "Ants have reverse chemtrails--regular citizens spraying chemicals everywhere they go to control the government." }, { "id": 2655, "Date": "2022-08-05T08:55:15.7019943+02:00", "Title": "Asking Scientists Questions", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/asking_scientists_questions.png", "Alt": "'Does the substance feel weird to the touch?' is equally likely to get the answers 'Don't be ridiculous, you would never put your hand near a sample. We have safety protocols.' and 'Yeah, and it tastes AWFUL.'" }, { "id": 2656, "Date": "2022-08-08T08:55:15.8534271+02:00", "Title": "Scientific Field Prefixes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/scientific_field_prefixes.png", "Alt": "Massage: Theoretical (10), Quantum (6), High-energy (2), Computational (1), Marine (1), Astro- (None)" }, { "id": 2657, "Date": "2022-08-10T08:55:15.9960622+02:00", "Title": "Complex Vowels", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/complex_vowels.png", "Alt": "Pronouncing [ṡṡċċḣḣẇẇȧȧ] is easy; you just say it like the 'x' in 'fire'." }, { "id": 2658, "Date": "2022-08-12T08:55:16.1468668+02:00", "Title": "Coffee Cup Holes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/coffee_cup_holes.png", "Alt": "Theoretical physicist: At the Planck length, uncountably many." }, { "id": 2659, "Date": "2022-08-15T08:55:16.3853619+02:00", "Title": "Unreliable Connection", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/unreliable_connection.png", "Alt": "NEGATIVE REVIEWS MENTION: Unreliable internet. POSITIVE REVIEWS MENTION: Unreliable internet." }, { "id": 2660, "Date": "2022-08-17T08:55:16.6178223+02:00", "Title": "Gen Z", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/gen_z.png", "Alt": "Curdled milk, of a peculiar kind, made after a Bulgarian recipe and called \"yaghurt,\" is now a Parisian fad and is believed to be a remedy against growing old. A correspondent who has tried it, says he would prefer to die young. (1905, The Elk Falls Journal)" }, { "id": 2661, "Date": "2022-08-19T08:55:16.8477399+02:00", "Title": "Age Milestone Privileges", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/age_milestone_privileges.png", "Alt": "If you reach 122, you get complete unrevertible editorial control over Jeanne Calment's Wikipedia article." }, { "id": 2662, "Date": "2022-08-22T08:55:17.0020918+02:00", "Title": "Physics Safety Tip", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/physics_safety_tip.png", "Alt": "In general, avoid exposure to any temperatures, pressures, particle energies, or states of matter that physicists think are neat." }, { "id": 2663, "Date": "2022-08-24T08:55:17.2354376+02:00", "Title": "Tetherball Configurations", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tetherball_configurations.png", "Alt": "Ground-pole-ball-pole can be fun if you shake the first pole to get the second one whipping around dangerously, but the ball at the joint gets torn apart pretty fast." }, { "id": 2664, "Date": "2022-08-26T08:55:17.4760689+02:00", "Title": "Cloud Swirls", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cloud_swirls.png", "Alt": "'Why did you get into fluid dynamics?' 'Well, SOME planet has to have the coolest clouds, odds are it's not ours, and rockets are slow.'" }, { "id": 2665, "Date": "2022-08-29T08:55:17.7043457+02:00", "Title": "America Songs", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/america_songs.png", "Alt": "Juraaaassic Park, Juraaaassic Park, God shed his grace on theeeee" }, { "id": 2666, "Date": "2022-08-31T08:55:17.9394181+02:00", "Title": "Universe Price Tiers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/universe_price_tiers.png", "Alt": "In Universe Pro®™ the laws of physics remain unchanged under time reversal, to maintain backward compatibility." }, { "id": 2667, "Date": "2022-09-02T08:55:18.1742074+02:00", "Title": "First Internet Interaction", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/first_internet_interaction.png", "Alt": "To that stranger on the KOOL Tree House chat room, I gotta hand it to you: You were, ultimately, not wrong." }, { "id": 2668, "Date": "2022-09-05T08:55:18.3231722+02:00", "Title": "Artemis Quote", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/artemis_quote.png", "Alt": "Another option: \"It is an honor to be the first human to set foot on the moon.\"" }, { "id": 2669, "Date": "2022-09-07T08:55:18.4824314+02:00", "Title": "Things You Should Not Do", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/things_you_should_not_do.png", "Alt": "Now I'm tempted to start telling people that I secretly don't actually know how to do any physics calculations, and so all the answers in What If are based on me actually trying to do the thing and then reporting what happened, but phrased as if it's hypothetical." }, { "id": 2670, "Date": "2022-09-09T08:55:18.6349273+02:00", "Title": "Interruption", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/interruption.png", "Alt": "It's been extra bad ever since my GPS got stuck on Phoebe Judge mode." }, { "id": 2671, "Date": "2022-09-12T08:55:18.7861935+02:00", "Title": "Rotation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rotation.png", "Alt": "It's okay, we can just feed the one-pixel image into an AI upscaler and recover the original image, or at least one that's just as cool." }, { "id": 2672, "Date": "2022-09-13T08:55:18.9462692+02:00", "Title": "What If? 2 Flowchart", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/what_if_2_flowchart.png", "Alt": "Don't worry, the dogs are all fine. That's actually kind of the problem." }, { "id": 2673, "Date": "2022-09-16T08:55:19.097429+02:00", "Title": "Cursed mRNA Cocktail", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cursed_mrna_cocktail.png", "Alt": "Serve one each to guests whose last cursed cocktail was more than 2 months ago." }, { "id": 2674, "Date": "2022-09-19T08:55:19.2541361+02:00", "Title": "Everyday Carry", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/everyday_carry.png", "Alt": "Someday I just know I'm going to encounter a problem that requires 500 flashlights and 700 knives with weird holes in them, and on that day I won't be caught unprepared." }, { "id": 2675, "Date": "2022-09-21T08:55:19.4913314+02:00", "Title": "Pilot Priority List", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pilot_priority_list.png", "Alt": "CELEBRATE: Serve passengers tiered cakes shaped like the airspace class diagram" }, { "id": 2676, "Date": "2022-09-23T08:55:19.7319316+02:00", "Title": "Historical Dates", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/historical_dates.png", "Alt": "Evidence suggests the 1899 transactions occurred as part of a global event centered around a deity associated with the lotus flower." }, { "id": 2677, "Date": "2022-09-26T08:55:19.8780809+02:00", "Title": "Two Key System", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/two_key_system.png", "Alt": "Our company can be your one-stop shop for decentralization." }, { "id": 2678, "Date": "2022-09-28T08:55:20.1154596+02:00", "Title": "Wing Lift", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wing_lift.png", "Alt": "Once the air from the top passes below the plane of the wing and catches sight of the spooky skulls, it panics, which is the cause of turbulent vortices." }, { "id": 2679, "Date": "2022-09-30T08:55:20.3495161+02:00", "Title": "Quantified Self", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/quantified_self.png", "Alt": "It's made me way more excited about ferris wheels, subways, car washes, waterslides, and store entrances that have double doors with a divider in the middle." }, { "id": 2680, "Date": "2022-10-03T08:55:20.49957+02:00", "Title": "Battery Life", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/battery_life.png", "Alt": "It's okay, I'm at 10%, so I'm good for another month or two." }, { "id": 2681, "Date": "2022-10-05T08:55:20.6409916+02:00", "Title": "Archimedes Principle", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/archimedes_principle.png", "Alt": "\"I've always wanted to run naked through town, but I don't want to get in trouble with the king or be remembered by history as a weirdo. I wonder how I could ... EUREKA!\"" }, { "id": 2682, "Date": "2022-10-07T08:55:20.7975941+02:00", "Title": "Easy or Hard", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/easy_or_hard.png", "Alt": "\"Friction-driven static electrification is familiar and fundamental in daily life, industry, and technology, but its basics have long been unknown and have continually perplexed scientists from ancient Greece to the high-tech era. [...] To date, no single theory can satisfactorily explain this mysterious but fundamental phenomenon.\" --Eui-Cheol Shin et. al. (2022)" }, { "id": 2683, "Date": "2022-10-10T08:55:21.0201475+02:00", "Title": "Fan Theories", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fan_theories.png", "Alt": "The universe fandom is great. Such sweet and enthusiastic people." }, { "id": 2684, "Date": "2022-10-12T08:55:21.2539761+02:00", "Title": "Road Space Comparison", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/road_space_comparison.png", "Alt": "I wonder how hard it would be to ride an electric scooter in a hamster ball." }, { "id": 2685, "Date": "2022-10-14T08:55:21.4038599+02:00", "Title": "2045", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/2045.png", "Alt": "\"Sorry, doctor, I'm going to have to come in on a different day--I have another appointment that would be really hard to move, in terms of the kinetic energy requirements.\"" }, { "id": 2686, "Date": "2022-10-17T08:55:21.6405615+02:00", "Title": "Space Adventure", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/space_adventure.png", "Alt": "\"Sir, it looked really cool.\" \"Oh no--prestige TV. Okay, which of you has a terrible secret that's being slowly revealed to the audience through flashbacks? Just spit it out so we can escape this arc!\"" }, { "id": 2687, "Date": "2022-10-19T08:55:21.8763309+02:00", "Title": "Division Notation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/division_notation.png", "Alt": "Science tip: Scientists hardly ever use the two-dot division sign, and when they do it often doesn't even mean division, but they still get REALLY mad when you repurpose it to write stuff like SALE! ALL SHOES 30÷ OFF!" }, { "id": 2688, "Date": "2022-10-21T08:55:22.1116688+02:00", "Title": "Bubble Universes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bubble_universes.png", "Alt": "The theory finally unifies cosmic inflation and regular inflation." }, { "id": 2689, "Date": "2022-10-24T08:55:22.2740644+02:00", "Title": "Fermat's First Theorem", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fermats_first_theorem.png", "Alt": "Mathematicians quickly determined that it spells ANT BNECN, an unusual theoretical dish which was not successfully cooked until Andrew Wiles made it for breakfast in the 1990s." }, { "id": 2690, "Date": "2022-10-26T08:55:22.4283435+02:00", "Title": "Cool S", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cool_s.png", "Alt": "Although I hear they were caught cheating off of Rosalind, who sat at a desk in front of them." }, { "id": 2691, "Date": "2022-10-28T08:55:22.5872791+02:00", "Title": "Encryption", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/encryption.png", "Alt": "WARNING: PEOPLE NAMED EVE ARE PROHIBITED FROM INSTALLING THIS APP!" }, { "id": 2692, "Date": "2022-10-31T08:55:22.8282186+01:00", "Title": "Interior Decorating", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/interior_decorating.png", "Alt": "It all came flat-packed in Pandora's Box." }, { "id": 2693, "Date": "2022-11-02T08:55:22.9907625+01:00", "Title": "Wirecutter Recommendation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wirecutter_recommendation.png", "Alt": "Their 'best philosophy of epistemology' picks are great, but you can tell they're struggling a little in the 'why you should trust us' section." }, { "id": 2694, "Date": "2022-11-04T08:55:23.1483106+01:00", "Title": "Königsberg", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/konigsberg.png", "Alt": "At first I thought I would need some gold or something to pay him, but then I realized that it was the 18th century and I could just bring a roll of aluminum foil." }, { "id": 2695, "Date": "2022-11-07T08:55:23.3517887+01:00", "Title": "Soil", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/soil.png", "Alt": "You might want to bring your frost-sensitive plants in from the patio. The high-level aerosols may result in short-term cooling across the entire backyard." }, { "id": 2696, "Date": "2022-11-09T08:55:23.5864032+01:00", "Title": "Precision vs Accuracy", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/precision_vs_accuracy.png", "Alt": "'Barack Obama is much less likely than the average cat to jump in and out of cardboard boxes for fun' is low precision, but I'm not sure about the accuracy." }, { "id": 2697, "Date": "2022-11-11T08:55:23.8188388+01:00", "Title": "Y2K and 2038", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/y2k_and_2038.png", "Alt": "It's taken me 20 years, but I've finally finished rebuilding all my software to use 33-bit signed ints." }, { "id": 2698, "Date": "2022-11-14T08:55:23.9711426+01:00", "Title": "Bad Date", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bad_date.png", "Alt": "\"Even split between us, this will pay way better than the Jumanji sponsorship I came into the date with.\"" }, { "id": 2699, "Date": "2022-11-16T08:55:24.1237486+01:00", "Title": "Feature Comparison", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/feature_comparison.png", "Alt": "Below the Web, and the Dark Web, a shadowy parallel world of Cybiko users trade messages on the Translucent Neon Plastic Web." }, { "id": 2700, "Date": "2022-11-18T08:55:24.2682112+01:00", "Title": "Account Problems", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/account_problems.png", "Alt": "My password is just every Unicode codepoint concatenated into a single UTF-8 string." }, { "id": 2701, "Date": "2022-11-21T08:55:24.4232459+01:00", "Title": "Change in Slope", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/change_in_slope.png", "Alt": "Squinting at a graph is fine for getting a rough idea of the answer, but if you want to pretend to know it exactly, you need statistics." }, { "id": 2702, "Date": "2022-11-23T08:55:24.6596784+01:00", "Title": "What If 2 Gift Guide", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/what_if_2_gift_guide.png", "Alt": "BABIES OR LITERATURE BUT NOT BOTH: Baby shoes" }, { "id": 2703, "Date": "2022-11-25T08:55:24.8920398+01:00", "Title": "Paper Title", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/paper_title.png", "Alt": "CONFLICT OF INTEREST STATEMENT: The authors hope these results are correct because we all want to be cool people who are good at science." }, { "id": 2704, "Date": "2022-11-28T08:55:25.0433724+01:00", "Title": "Faucet", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/faucet.png", "Alt": "It's okay, they can figure out which control positions produce scalding water via a trial-and-error feedback loop with a barely-perceptible 10-second lag." }, { "id": 2705, "Date": "2022-11-30T08:55:25.1846312+01:00", "Title": "Spacetime Soccer", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/spacetime_soccer.png", "Alt": "Spacetime Soccer, known outside the United States as '4D Football' is a now-defunct sport. Infamous for referee decisions hinging on inconsistent definitions of simultaneity, it is also known for the disappearance of many top players during... [more]" }, { "id": 2706, "Date": "2022-12-02T08:55:25.4079579+01:00", "Title": "Bendy", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bendy.png", "Alt": "Squaring the circle is really easy with some good clamps." }, { "id": 2707, "Date": "2022-12-05T08:55:25.6409244+01:00", "Title": "Astronomy Numbers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/astronomy_numbers.png", "Alt": "I adopted a cat that weighs 12 solar masses. Laser pointers love chasing it." }, { "id": 2708, "Date": "2022-12-07T08:55:25.7895688+01:00", "Title": "Mystery Asterisk Destination", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/mystery_asterisk_destination.png", "Alt": "If you ever see the † dagger symbol with no unmatched footnote, it means the writer is saying the phrase while threatening you with a dagger." }, { "id": 2709, "Date": "2022-12-09T08:55:25.9455271+01:00", "Title": "Solar System Model", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/solar_system_model.png", "Alt": "The Earth is, on average, located in the habitable zone, but at any given time it has a certain probability of being outside it, which is why life exists on Earth but is mortal." }, { "id": 2710, "Date": "2022-12-12T08:55:26.1824776+01:00", "Title": "Hydropower Breakthrough", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hydropower_breakthrough.png", "Alt": "A hydroelectric dam is also known as a heavy water reactor." }, { "id": 2711, "Date": "2022-12-14T08:55:26.3369307+01:00", "Title": "Optimal Bowling", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/optimal_bowling.png", "Alt": "If you want to bowl a strike, the optimal place is almost certainly inside a bowling alley, although with a little luck any establishment uphill from one could also work." }, { "id": 2712, "Date": "2022-12-16T08:55:26.5725299+01:00", "Title": "Gravity", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/gravity.png", "Alt": "It's a long way down." }, { "id": 2713, "Date": "2022-12-19T08:55:26.8042782+01:00", "Title": "Data Point", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/data_point.png", "Alt": "In general you should only include your single best data point in the paper. The rest of the data can go in the supplementary materials." }, { "id": 2714, "Date": "2022-12-21T08:55:27.0377586+01:00", "Title": "Cold Complaints", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cold_complaints.png", "Alt": "Our investigation into whining-based remedies became the first study to be halted by the IRB on the grounds that the treatment group was 'too annoying.'" }, { "id": 2715, "Date": "2022-12-23T08:55:27.18755+01:00", "Title": "Pando", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pando.png", "Alt": "The presents under the tree are actually a single gift connected by an underground ribbon system." }, { "id": 2716, "Date": "2022-12-26T08:55:27.3300486+01:00", "Title": "Game Night Ordering", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/game_night_ordering.png", "Alt": "One good trick, if you get called on a fake service, is to build a working version of it and mention it again the next week." }, { "id": 2717, "Date": "2022-12-28T08:55:27.4871657+01:00", "Title": "L6 Lagrange Point", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/l6_lagrange_point.png", "Alt": "It's difficult to orbit L6 stably due to gravitational perturbation from Akron and Toledo." }, { "id": 2718, "Date": "2022-12-30T08:55:27.6435205+01:00", "Title": "New Year's Eve Party", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/new_years_eve_party.png", "Alt": "[Earlier, at the eye doctor] 'No, for the last time, the numerals on the paper aren't my prescription, it's the shape I want you to make with the laser.'" }, { "id": 2719, "Date": "2023-01-02T08:55:27.8796736+01:00", "Title": "Hydrogen Isotopes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hydrogen_isotopes.png", "Alt": "Oops, All Neutrons is also known as Neutral Quadrium, Nydnonen, and Goth Tritium." }, { "id": 2720, "Date": "2023-01-04T08:55:28.1091353+01:00", "Title": "Biology vs Robotics", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/biology_vs_robotics.png", "Alt": "Sorry, I've just always had these random things I don't like--like olives, or robots drilling holes in me without warning." }, { "id": 2721, "Date": "2023-01-06T08:55:28.3432982+01:00", "Title": "Euler Diagrams", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/euler_diagrams.png", "Alt": "Things Leonhard Euler created ( most of math ( overlapping circle diagrams ) a cricket bowling machine ) Things John Venn created" }, { "id": 2722, "Date": "2023-01-09T08:55:28.5754173+01:00", "Title": "Etymonline", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/etymonline.png", "Alt": "NOTE TO FUTURE ETYMONLINGUISTS: Our best guess is that 'blimp' is onomatopoeia. The 'B-Limp' thing is a folk etymology." }, { "id": 2723, "Date": "2023-01-11T08:55:28.7300662+01:00", "Title": "Outdated Periodic Table", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/outdated_periodic_table.png", "Alt": "Researchers claim to have synthesized six additional elements in the second row, temporarily named 'pentium' through 'unnilium'." }, { "id": 2724, "Date": "2023-01-13T08:55:28.949595+01:00", "Title": "Washing Machine Settings", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/washing_machine_settings.png", "Alt": "I guess the engineers who built my dishwasher MIGHT have some insight into how to load it, but instead of reading the booklet they gave me, it seems easier to experiment for years and then get in arguments so heated that I get banned from Quora." }, { "id": 2725, "Date": "2023-01-16T08:55:29.1831239+01:00", "Title": "Sunspot Cycle", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sunspot_cycle.png", "Alt": "Who can forget the early 2010s memes? 'You know you're a 90s kid if you remember the feeling of warm sunlight on your face.' 'Only 90s kids remember the dawn.'" }, { "id": 2726, "Date": "2023-01-18T08:55:29.4150538+01:00", "Title": "Methodology Trial", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/methodology_trial.png", "Alt": "If you think THAT'S unethical, you should see the stuff we approved via our Placebo IRB." }, { "id": 2727, "Date": "2023-01-20T08:55:29.5676222+01:00", "Title": "Runtime", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/runtime.png", "Alt": "At least there's a general understanding all around that Doctor Who is its own thing." }, { "id": 2728, "Date": "2023-01-23T08:55:29.7254784+01:00", "Title": "Lane Change Highway", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/lane_change_highway.png", "Alt": "I just think lane markers should follow the local magnetic declination." }, { "id": 2729, "Date": "2023-01-25T08:55:29.9614291+01:00", "Title": "Planet Killer Comet Margarita", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/planet_killer_comet_margarita.png", "Alt": "I'll take mine on the rocks, no ice." }, { "id": 2730, "Date": "2023-01-27T08:55:30.1096313+01:00", "Title": "Code Lifespan", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/code_lifespan.png", "Alt": "Surely (no one/everyone) will (recognize how flexible and useful this architecture is/spend a huge amount of effort painstakingly preserving and updating this garbage I wrote in 20 minutes)" }, { "id": 2731, "Date": "2023-01-30T08:55:30.2505679+01:00", "Title": "K-Means Clustering", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/k_means_clustering.png", "Alt": "According to my especially unsupervised K-means clustering algorithm, there are currently about 8 billion types of people in the world." }, { "id": 2732, "Date": "2023-02-01T08:55:30.4909768+01:00", "Title": "Bursa of Fabricius", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bursa_of_fabricius.png", "Alt": "If an anatomical structure is named for a person, it means they were the only person to have it. Pierre Paul Broca had a special area of his brain that created powerful magnetic fields, enabling him to do 19th century fMRI research." }, { "id": 2733, "Date": "2023-02-03T08:55:30.6426725+01:00", "Title": "Size Comparisons", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/size_comparisons.png", "Alt": "If you shrank the Solar System to the size of Texas, the Houston metro area would be smaller than a grasshopper in Dallas." }, { "id": 2734, "Date": "2023-02-06T08:55:30.8790454+01:00", "Title": "Electron Color", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/electron_color.png", "Alt": "There's quark color, but that's not really color--it's just an admission by 20th century physicists that numbers are boring." }, { "id": 2735, "Date": "2023-02-08T08:55:31.1133981+01:00", "Title": "Coordinate Plane Closure", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/coordinate_plane_closure.png", "Alt": "3D graphs that don't contact the plane in the closure area may proceed as scheduled, but be alert for possible collisions with 2D graph lines that reach the hole and unexpectedly enter 3D space." }, { "id": 2736, "Date": "2023-02-10T08:55:31.3477728+01:00", "Title": "Only Serifs", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/only_serifs.png", "Alt": "If you ever want to get beaten up by a bunch of graphic designers, try removing the serifs from Times New Roman and adding them to Comic Sans." }, { "id": 2737, "Date": "2023-02-13T08:55:31.5782351+01:00", "Title": "Weather Station", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/weather_station.png", "Alt": "'Pour one out for precipitation data integrity,' I say, solemnly upending the glass into the rain gauge." }, { "id": 2738, "Date": "2023-02-15T08:55:31.8133276+01:00", "Title": "Omniknot", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/omniknot.png", "Alt": "The Gordian knot is an omniknot tied using every bend in the Ashley Book of Knots, and then for extra security the upper rope at every crossing is connected to the lower with a randomly-chosen hitch." }, { "id": 2739, "Date": "2023-02-17T08:55:31.9668369+01:00", "Title": "Data Quality", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/data_quality.png", "Alt": "[exclamation about how cute your cat is] -> [last 4 digits of your cat's chip ID] -> [your cat's full chip ID] -> [a drawing of your cat] -> [photo of your cat] -> [clone of your cat] -> [your actual cat] -> [my better cat]" }, { "id": 2740, "Date": "2023-02-20T08:55:32.1937619+01:00", "Title": "Square Packing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/square_packing.png", "Alt": "I also managed to improve the solution for n=1 to s<0.97, and with some upgrades I think I can hit 0.96." }, { "id": 2741, "Date": "2023-02-22T08:55:32.4268509+01:00", "Title": "Wish Interpretation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wish_interpretation.png", "Alt": "\"I wish for everything in the world. All the people, money, trees, etc.\" \"Are you SURE you--\" \"And I want you to put it in my house.\"" }, { "id": 2742, "Date": "2023-02-24T08:55:32.5786437+01:00", "Title": "Island Storage", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/island_storage.png", "Alt": "I always hate dragging around the larger archipelagos, but I appreciate how the Scandinavian peninsula flexes outward to create a snug pocket for Britain and Ireland." }, { "id": 2743, "Date": "2023-02-27T08:55:32.8117395+01:00", "Title": "Hand Dryers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hand_dryers.png", "Alt": "I know hand dryers have their problems, but I think for fun we should keep egging Dyson on and see if we can get them to make one where the airflow breaks the speed of sound." }, { "id": 2744, "Date": "2023-03-01T08:55:32.9667804+01:00", "Title": "Fanservice", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fanservice.png", "Alt": "I was eventually kicked out of my architectural engineering program because I wouldn't stop referring to HVAC as \"the fandom.\"" }, { "id": 2745, "Date": "2023-03-03T08:55:33.1224209+01:00", "Title": "Obituary Editor", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/obituary_editor.png", "Alt": "As the editor has reportedly defeated Death in a series of games of skill, no further obituaries are expected." }, { "id": 2746, "Date": "2023-03-06T08:55:33.2797197+01:00", "Title": "Launch Window", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/launch_window.png", "Alt": "\"Confirmed, we have to scrub.\" \"Ugh, okay. I'll get the bucket and sponge.\"" }, { "id": 2747, "Date": "2023-03-08T08:55:33.5152502+01:00", "Title": "Presents for Biologists", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/presents_for_biologists.png", "Alt": "A lot of these are actually non-venomous, but I can see which species you mistook them for. If you pause the crane for a sec I can give you some ID pointers for next time!" }, { "id": 2748, "Date": "2023-03-10T08:55:33.6726158+01:00", "Title": "Radians are Cursed", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/radians_are_cursed.png", "Alt": "Phil Plait once pointed out that you can calculate the total angular area of the sky this way. If the sky is a sphere with radius 57.3 degrees, then its area is 4*pi*r^2=41,253 square degrees. This makes dimensional analysts SO mad, but you can't argue with results." }, { "id": 2749, "Date": "2023-03-13T08:55:33.9061556+01:00", "Title": "Lymphocytes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/lymphocytes.png", "Alt": "It's very hard to detect, but recent studies have determined that when plasma B cells are producing antibodies, they go 'pew pew pew'" }, { "id": 2750, "Date": "2023-03-15T08:55:34.0568167+01:00", "Title": "Flatten the Planets", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/flatten_the_planets.png", "Alt": "We'll turn the asteroid belt into ball bearings to go between different rings orbiting at different speeds." }, { "id": 2751, "Date": "2023-03-17T08:55:34.2799866+01:00", "Title": "March Madness", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/march_madness.png", "Alt": "My bracket has 76 trombones led by John Philip Sousa facing off against thousands of emperor penguins led by Morgan Freeman." }, { "id": 2752, "Date": "2023-03-20T08:55:34.4300979+01:00", "Title": "Salt Dome", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/salt_dome.png", "Alt": "The US uses hollowed-out salt domes to store the Strategic Petroleum Reserve, and non-hollowed-out ones to store the Strategic Salt Reserve." }, { "id": 2753, "Date": "2023-03-22T08:55:34.6672384+01:00", "Title": "Air Handler", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/air_handler.png", "Alt": "It maintains odor levels in a normal familiar range, so if you open the windows and the air gets too fresh, it filters it through some dirty laundry samples to compensate." }, { "id": 2754, "Date": "2023-03-24T08:55:34.8240242+01:00", "Title": "Relative Terms", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/relative_terms.png", "Alt": "Small sewing machines are sewing machines that are smaller than a sewing machine. A sewing machine is larger than a small sewing machine, but quieter than a loud sewing machine." }, { "id": 2755, "Date": "2023-03-27T08:55:35.0433677+02:00", "Title": "Effect Size", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/effect_size.png", "Alt": "Subgroup analysis is ongoing." }, { "id": 2756, "Date": "2023-03-29T08:55:35.1972066+02:00", "Title": "Qualifications", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/qualifications.png", "Alt": "'So how DID you go from working at the employment records office to becoming president of MIT and CEO of IBM?' 'I guess I just have an eye for opportunities.'" }, { "id": 2757, "Date": "2023-03-31T08:55:35.3518228+02:00", "Title": "Towed Message", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/towed_message.png", "Alt": "\"Hi, what you do is fly over a designated zone and detach the--\" \"WE'RE SORRY, THE MOBILE CUSTOMER YOU ARE TRYING TO REACH IS OUT OF SERVICE\"" }, { "id": 2758, "Date": "2023-04-03T08:55:35.5897245+02:00", "Title": "My Favorite Things", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/my_favorite_things.png", "Alt": "When an Ur guy / sells Nanni things / but the copper's bad, / He simply records his complaint for all time / \"I got a bad deal / I'm maaaaad\"" }, { "id": 2759, "Date": "2023-04-05T08:55:35.7399725+02:00", "Title": "Easily Confused Acronyms", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/easily_confused_acronyms.png", "Alt": "'Lever' was originally an acronym for Load Emplification by the Vimulated Emission of Radiation." }, { "id": 2760, "Date": "2023-04-07T08:55:35.9794257+02:00", "Title": "Paleontology Museum", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/paleontology_museum.png", "Alt": "Nowadays the only ones left that do anything are turtles." }, { "id": 2761, "Date": "2023-04-10T08:55:36.1335454+02:00", "Title": "1-to-1 Scale", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/1_to_1_scale.png", "Alt": "There's a version that shows the planets with no cropping, but it's hard to find a display that supports it." }, { "id": 2762, "Date": "2023-04-12T08:55:36.3682548+02:00", "Title": "Diffraction Spikes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/diffraction_spikes.png", "Alt": "Even if a planet is lucky enough to have a stable orbit that weaves between the spikes, the seasons get weird whenever it passes close to them." }, { "id": 2763, "Date": "2023-04-14T08:55:36.6039534+02:00", "Title": "Linguistics Gossip", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/linguistics_gossip.png", "Alt": "The E's wedding invitation definitely used the word LOVE more times than was strictly necessary." }, { "id": 2764, "Date": "2023-04-17T08:55:36.8365374+02:00", "Title": "Cosmological Nostalgia Content", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cosmological_nostalgia_content.png", "Alt": "Later renouncing clickbait, Einstein called his inclusion of cosmological content in general relativity the biggest blunder of his career." }, { "id": 2765, "Date": "2023-04-19T08:55:37.0676281+02:00", "Title": "Escape Speed", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/escape_speed.png", "Alt": "Gotta go fast" }, { "id": 2766, "Date": "2023-04-21T08:55:37.221528+02:00", "Title": "Helium Reserve", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/helium_reserve.png", "Alt": "The government has been trying to sell off the Federal Helium Reserve for a few years now, but the sale has been on hold while they try to figure out how to explain this situation to buyers." }, { "id": 2767, "Date": "2023-04-24T08:55:37.3771376+02:00", "Title": "Recipe Relativity", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/recipe_relativity.png", "Alt": "It says to cut the onions into 1/4\" slices, but I'd better correct for length contraction." }, { "id": 2768, "Date": "2023-04-26T08:55:37.5305145+02:00", "Title": "Definition of e", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/definition_of_e.png", "Alt": "Yeah, my math teacher back in high school set up the system to try to teach us something or other, but the 100% rate was unbelievably good, so I engineered a hostile takeover of his bank and now use it to make extra cash on the side." }, { "id": 2769, "Date": "2023-04-28T08:55:37.7674692+02:00", "Title": "Overlapping Circles", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/overlapping_circles.png", "Alt": "\"The Venn diagram of the sun and the moon is a circle.\" --someone being snarky at totality" }, { "id": 2770, "Date": "2023-05-01T08:55:37.9197038+02:00", "Title": "Tapetum Lucidum", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tapetum_lucidum.png", "Alt": "Using a reflective wall in a game to give one shot two chances to hit is called a double-tapetum lucidum." }, { "id": 2771, "Date": "2023-05-03T08:55:38.1533825+02:00", "Title": "College Knowledge", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/college_knowledge.png", "Alt": "'Your chitin armor is no match for our iron-tipped stingers! Better go hide in your jars!' --common playground taunt" }, { "id": 2772, "Date": "2023-05-05T08:55:38.3881356+02:00", "Title": "Commemorative Plaque", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/commemorative_plaque.png", "Alt": "[Below] On this site on May 12th, 2023, I finally learned how to use the masonry bit for my drill." }, { "id": 2773, "Date": "2023-05-08T08:55:38.6191932+02:00", "Title": "Planetary Scientist", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/planetary_scientist.png", "Alt": "This rumpled fabric at the corner looks like evidence of ongoing tectonic activity." }, { "id": 2774, "Date": "2023-05-10T08:55:38.8521262+02:00", "Title": "Taxiing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/taxiing.png", "Alt": "I don't understand why anyone would pay full price for a flatbed truck rental when you can buy 'DETOUR' signs online for like $10." }, { "id": 2775, "Date": "2023-05-12T08:55:39.0033677+02:00", "Title": "Siphon", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/siphon.png", "Alt": "ADDITIONAL NOTES: Fixed a bug that caused some rocks to generate virtually infinite heat while just sitting there." }, { "id": 2776, "Date": "2023-05-15T08:55:39.2406032+02:00", "Title": "Crystal Ball", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/crystal_ball.png", "Alt": "They often use ball lenses to collect light at the ends of optical fibers, so when you look stuff up on the internet you're actually scrying through a crystal ball." }, { "id": 2777, "Date": "2023-05-17T08:55:39.4699406+02:00", "Title": "Noise Filter", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/noise_filter.png", "Alt": "Party Mode also enables the feature, but reverses the slider." }, { "id": 2778, "Date": "2023-05-19T08:55:39.6227984+02:00", "Title": "Cuisine", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cuisine.png", "Alt": "My connection to it goes way back, to my early days, when I was just a cloud of primordial hydrogen collapsing in the darkness of space." }, { "id": 2779, "Date": "2023-05-22T08:55:39.7798927+02:00", "Title": "Exoplanet High-5", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/exoplanet_high_5.png", "Alt": "Tau Ceti is farther away, so it took me 36 years to start the war over updog." }, { "id": 2780, "Date": "2023-05-24T08:55:39.931563+02:00", "Title": "Physical Quantities", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/physical_quantities.png", "Alt": "The Hubble length is about 1.9 meters lying down; Edwin Hubble was a tall guy." }, { "id": 2781, "Date": "2023-05-26T08:55:40.1550533+02:00", "Title": "The Six Platonic Solids", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_six_platonic_solids.png", "Alt": "Plato made the solids, and five were gifted to the mathematicians. But in secret Plato forged a sixth solid to rule over all the others." }, { "id": 2782, "Date": "2023-05-29T08:55:40.3858978+02:00", "Title": "Wikipedia Article Titles", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wikipedia_article_titles.png", "Alt": "I would never stoop to vandalism, but I'm not above discreetly deleting the occasional 'this article contains excessive amounts of detail' tag." }, { "id": 2783, "Date": "2023-05-31T08:55:40.5340931+02:00", "Title": "Ruling Out", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ruling_out.png", "Alt": "We were able to replicate and confirm prior authors' detection of a moon orbiting the Earth with high confidence." }, { "id": 2784, "Date": "2023-06-02T08:55:40.7715106+02:00", "Title": "Drainage Basins", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/drainage_basins.png", "Alt": "After a pail of water was thrown on the Wicked Witch of the West outside Salt Lake City, Utah's Great Salt Lake was measured to be 7 parts per trillion witch by volume." }, { "id": 2785, "Date": "2023-06-05T08:55:40.9249058+02:00", "Title": "Marble Run", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/marble_run.png", "Alt": "I have so many plans. It would incorporate a Galton board, a Ranque-Hilsch marble vortex tube, and a compartment lined with pinball bouncers with a camera-and-servo Maxwell's Demon that separated the balls into fast and slow sides." }, { "id": 2786, "Date": "2023-06-07T08:55:41.0807159+02:00", "Title": "UFO Evidence", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ufo_evidence.png", "Alt": "[Decades in the future] \"Well, the good news is that we've received definitive communication from aliens. The bad news is that they're asking about Cats (2019).\"" }, { "id": 2787, "Date": "2023-06-09T08:55:41.318333+02:00", "Title": "Iceberg", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/iceberg.png", "Alt": "90% of the iceberg is hidden beneath the water, but that 90% only uses 10% of its brain, so it's really only 9%." }, { "id": 2788, "Date": "2023-06-12T08:55:41.5555963+02:00", "Title": "Musical Scales", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/musical_scales.png", "Alt": "In the Hall of the Mountain King was accidentally composed on log/log paper." }, { "id": 2789, "Date": "2023-06-14T08:55:41.7054753+02:00", "Title": "Making Plans", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/making_plans.png", "Alt": "Oh no, I haven't checked in with Yvonne in YEARS." }, { "id": 2790, "Date": "2023-06-16T08:55:41.861547+02:00", "Title": "Heat Pump", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/heat_pump.png", "Alt": "If I'm not going to upgrade to a powered one, I should at LEAST stop leaving the door open so often." }, { "id": 2791, "Date": "2023-06-19T08:55:42.0188636+02:00", "Title": "Bookshelf Sorting", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bookshelf_sorting.png", "Alt": "Of course, I sort all my bookshelves the normal way, alphabetically (by first sentence)." }, { "id": 2792, "Date": "2023-06-21T08:55:42.2581803+02:00", "Title": "Summer Solstice", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/summer_solstice.png", "Alt": "Then I'll start work on my lunar engines to line the Moon up with the ecliptic so we can have a solar eclipse every month (with a little wobble so they're not always on the equator.)" }, { "id": 2793, "Date": "2023-06-23T08:55:42.4082264+02:00", "Title": "Garden Path Sentence", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/garden_path_sentence.png", "Alt": "Arboretum Owner Denied Standing in Garden Path Suit on Grounds Grounds Appealing Appealing" }, { "id": 2794, "Date": "2023-06-26T08:55:42.6461995+02:00", "Title": "Alphabet Notes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/alphabet_notes.png", "Alt": "Listen, you're very cute, but if you rearrange the alphabet to put U and I together it will RUIN the spacing!" }, { "id": 2795, "Date": "2023-06-28T08:55:42.8772443+02:00", "Title": "Glass-Topped Table", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/glass_topped_table.png", "Alt": "You can pour a drink into it while hosting a party, although it's a real pain to fit in the dishwasher afterward." }, { "id": 2796, "Date": "2023-06-30T08:55:43.1127645+02:00", "Title": "Real Estate Analysis", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/real_estate_analysis.png", "Alt": "Mars does get a good score on 'noise levels' and 'scenic views,' but the school district ranking isn't great; the only teacher--the Perseverance rover--is too busy with rock samples to teach more than the occasional weekend class." }, { "id": 2797, "Date": "2023-07-03T08:55:43.2603973+02:00", "Title": "Actual Progress", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/actual_progress.png", "Alt": "Slowly progressing from 'how do protons behave in relativistic collisions?' to 'what the heck are protons even doing when they're just sitting there?'" }, { "id": 2798, "Date": "2023-07-05T08:55:43.4009707+02:00", "Title": "Room Temperature", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/room_temperature.png", "Alt": "They're also refusing to fund my device that demonstrates uncontrolled hot fusion." }, { "id": 2799, "Date": "2023-07-07T08:55:43.8391804+02:00", "Title": "Frankenstein Claim Permutations", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/frankenstein_claim_permutations.png", "Alt": "When I began trying to form a new claim by stitching together these parts in such an unnatural way, some called me mad." }, { "id": 2800, "Date": "2023-07-10T08:55:43.992475+02:00", "Title": "Down", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/down.png", "Alt": "It's just that I get nervous about heights." }, { "id": 2801, "Date": "2023-07-12T08:55:44.1539948+02:00", "Title": "Contact Merge", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/contact_merge.png", "Alt": "I actually kind of feel like John and Surf King wouldn't like each other, which is a lot to unpack." }, { "id": 2802, "Date": "2023-07-14T08:55:44.3086294+02:00", "Title": "Fireflies", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fireflies.png", "Alt": "I feel bad for Earth 2 and their shadowflies." }, { "id": 2803, "Date": "2023-07-17T08:55:44.5384928+02:00", "Title": "Geohydrotypography", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/geohydrotypography.png", "Alt": "The Atlantic is expanding at about 10 ppm (points per month)." }, { "id": 2804, "Date": "2023-07-19T08:55:44.6927946+02:00", "Title": "Marshmallow", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/marshmallow.png", "Alt": "The increasing number of graham crackers and chocolate bars in orbit has created a growing risk of Kessler s'mores." }, { "id": 2805, "Date": "2023-07-21T08:55:44.8496945+02:00", "Title": "Global Atmospheric Circulation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/global_atmospheric_circulation.png", "Alt": "Refs generally say that you can exercise enough altitude control to avoid the ground, but if you start strategically choosing air layers to steer yourself, that's traveling." }, { "id": 2806, "Date": "2023-07-24T08:55:45.0807895+02:00", "Title": "Anti-Vaxxers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/anti_vaxxers.png", "Alt": "The vaccine stuff seems pretty simple. But if you take a closer look at the data, it's still simple, but bigger. And slightly blurry. Might need reading glasses." }, { "id": 2807, "Date": "2023-07-26T08:55:45.2296668+02:00", "Title": "Bad Map Projection: ABS(Longitude)", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bad_map_projection_abs_longitude.png", "Alt": "Positive vibes/longitudes only" }, { "id": 2808, "Date": "2023-07-28T08:55:45.3839973+02:00", "Title": "Daytime Firefly", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/daytime_firefly.png", "Alt": "Mr. Jones, watch out for Ms. Lenhart! She's from genus Photuris!" }, { "id": 2809, "Date": "2023-07-31T08:55:45.5362717+02:00", "Title": "Moon", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/moon.png", "Alt": "I mean, it's pretty, but it doesn't really affect us beyond that. Except that half the nights aren't really dark, and once or twice a day it makes the oceans flood the coasts." }, { "id": 2810, "Date": "2023-08-02T08:55:45.6988881+02:00", "Title": "How to Coil a Cable", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/how_to_coil_a_cable.png", "Alt": "The ideal mix for maximum competitive cable-coiling energy is one A/V tech, one rock climber, one sailor, and one topologist." }, { "id": 2811, "Date": "2023-08-04T08:55:45.9288374+02:00", "Title": "Free Fallin'", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/free_fallin.png", "Alt": "Their crash investigation team had some particularly harsh words for Dave Matthews." }, { "id": 2812, "Date": "2023-08-07T08:55:46.0808467+02:00", "Title": "Solar Panel Placement", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/solar_panel_placement.png", "Alt": "Getting the utility people to run transmission lines to Earth is expensive, but it will pay for itself in no time." }, { "id": 2813, "Date": "2023-08-09T08:55:46.3148954+02:00", "Title": "What to Do", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/what_to_do.png", "Alt": "FYI: The 'drop, cover, and hold on' advice only applies to earthquakes. If you encounter a mountain lion, you should absolutely not drop to the ground, crawl under it, and hold on to one of its legs." }, { "id": 2814, "Date": "2023-08-11T08:55:46.4688813+02:00", "Title": "Perseids Pronunciation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/perseids_pronunciation.png", "Alt": "When speaking out loud, you can can call it the 'Perseids meatier shower' and no one will ever know. (If you do get caught somehow, just tell them to Google the 'Kentucky meat shower' and that will distract them while you escape.)" }, { "id": 2815, "Date": "2023-08-14T08:55:46.6092836+02:00", "Title": "Car Wash", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/car_wash.png", "Alt": "I'm glad modern car washes use synthetic baleen, instead of harvesting it from whales like 1800s car washes did." }, { "id": 2816, "Date": "2023-08-16T08:55:46.8504331+02:00", "Title": "Types of Solar Eclipse", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/types_of_solar_eclipse.png", "Alt": "The best place to be for a hug eclipse is a scenic natural area with good views and few clouds. The worst place to be is the lunar surface." }, { "id": 2817, "Date": "2023-08-18T08:55:47.0804716+02:00", "Title": "Electron Holes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/electron_holes.png", "Alt": "They tried to report me to the authorities, but because I had the device they couldn't charge me." }, { "id": 2818, "Date": "2023-08-21T08:55:47.3138042+02:00", "Title": "Circuit Symbols", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/circuit_symbols.png", "Alt": "A circle with an A in it means that the circuit has committed a sin and has been marked as punishment." }, { "id": 2819, "Date": "2023-08-23T08:55:47.4762401+02:00", "Title": "Pronunciation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pronunciation.png", "Alt": "I pronounce the 'u' in 'pronunciation' like in 'putting' but the 'ou' in 'pronounce' like in 'wound'." }, { "id": 2820, "Date": "2023-08-25T08:55:47.6346681+02:00", "Title": "Inspiration", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/inspiration.png", "Alt": "An apple fell on Isaac Newton's head and gave him the idea that the moon might be a tasty apple, though this turned out not to be true--the Apollo program eventually determined that it was just a desolate and bland Red Delicious." }, { "id": 2821, "Date": "2023-08-28T08:55:47.8726361+02:00", "Title": "Path Minimization", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/path_minimization.png", "Alt": "Of course you get an ice cream cone for the swimmer too! You're not a monster." }, { "id": 2822, "Date": "2023-08-30T08:55:48.1062312+02:00", "Title": "*@gmail.com", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/gmail_com.png", "Alt": "Hi all, just replying to loop in *@outlook.com and *@yahoo.com." }, { "id": 2823, "Date": "2023-09-01T08:55:48.3342845+02:00", "Title": "Fossil", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fossil.png", "Alt": "The two best reasons to get into fossils are booping trilobites and getting to say the word \"fossiliferous\" a lot." }, { "id": 2824, "Date": "2023-09-04T08:55:48.4897481+02:00", "Title": "Abstract Pickup", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/abstract_pickup.png", "Alt": "Escape Artist Frees Self From Conversation With Pickup Artist" }, { "id": 2825, "Date": "2023-09-06T08:55:48.6528122+02:00", "Title": "Autumn and Fall", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/autumn_and_fall.png", "Alt": "Of course in reality this is just a US/UK thing; in British English, 'fall' is the brief period in between and 'autumn' is the main season." }, { "id": 2826, "Date": "2023-09-08T08:55:48.8818676+02:00", "Title": "Gold", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/gold.png", "Alt": "It can be expensive to hire a professional spectroscopist for your wedding, but the quality of the spectra you get is worth it." }, { "id": 2827, "Date": "2023-09-11T08:55:49.0334267+02:00", "Title": "Brassica", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/brassica.png", "Alt": "Sequoia Brussels sprouts are delicious but it's pretty hard to finish one." }, { "id": 2828, "Date": "2023-09-13T08:55:49.275072+02:00", "Title": "Exoplanet Observation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/exoplanet_observation.png", "Alt": "NASA prefers to say that their rovers are 'looking for signs of past life on Mars' and not 'ghost hunting.'" }, { "id": 2829, "Date": "2023-09-15T08:55:49.5030992+02:00", "Title": "Iceberg Efficiency", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/iceberg_efficiency.png", "Alt": "Our experimental aerogel iceberg with helium pockets manages true 100% efficiency, barely touching the water, and it can even lift off of the surface and fly to more efficiently pursue fleeing hubristic liners." }, { "id": 2830, "Date": "2023-09-18T08:55:49.6563151+02:00", "Title": "Haunted House", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/haunted_house.png", "Alt": "You can leave at any time through the door over there. It's a Louisville door, so you'll need to find a compatible knob. No, don't be silly, that one is a Lexington knob! Of course it won't fit." }, { "id": 2831, "Date": "2023-09-20T08:55:49.8946366+02:00", "Title": "xkcd Phone Flip", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/xkcd_phone_flip.png", "Alt": "Theranos partnership: Sorry, we know, but we signed the contract back before all the stuff and the lawyers say we can't back out, so just try to keep your finger away from the bottom of the phone." }, { "id": 2832, "Date": "2023-09-22T08:55:50.0435283+02:00", "Title": "Urban Planning Opinion Progression", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/urban_planning_opinion_progression.png", "Alt": "If they're going to make people ride bikes and scooters in traffic, then it should at LEAST be legal to do the Snow Crash thing where you use a hook-shot-style harpoon to catch free rides from cars." }, { "id": 2833, "Date": "2023-09-25T08:55:50.2672704+02:00", "Title": "Lying", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/lying.png", "Alt": "I was, at least at the start of this disastrous game night, your friend." }, { "id": 2834, "Date": "2023-09-27T08:55:50.4177336+02:00", "Title": "Book Podcasts", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/book_podcasts.png", "Alt": "I've been working my way through this 1950s podcast by someone named John Tolkien called 'Lord of the Rings'--it's a deep dive into this fictional world he created. Good stuff, really bingeable!" }, { "id": 2835, "Date": "2023-09-29T08:55:50.5716344+02:00", "Title": "Factorial Numbers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/factorial_numbers.png", "Alt": "So what do we do when we get to base 10? Do we use A, B, C, etc? No: Numbers larger than about 3.6 million are simply illegal." }, { "id": 2836, "Date": "2023-10-02T08:55:51.0276195+02:00", "Title": "A Halloween Carol", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/a_halloween_carol.png", "Alt": "[after a minute] \"Okay, I think I've got it, thanks. Can I--\" \"oOOOooOOooo!\"" }, { "id": 2837, "Date": "2023-10-04T08:55:51.2620959+02:00", "Title": "Odyssey", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/odyssey.png", "Alt": "Ugh, it says they attempted delivery but \"Nobody was home.\"" }, { "id": 2838, "Date": "2023-10-06T08:55:51.4956601+02:00", "Title": "Dubious Islands", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dubious_islands.png", "Alt": "Running for office in Minnesota on the single-issue platform 'dig a permanent channel through the Traverse Gap because it will make this map more satisfying.'" }, { "id": 2839, "Date": "2023-10-09T08:55:51.6457277+02:00", "Title": "Language Acquisition", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/language_acquisition.png", "Alt": "My first words were 'These were my first words; what were yours?'" }, { "id": 2840, "Date": "2023-10-11T08:55:51.8924589+02:00", "Title": "Earth Layers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/earth_layers.png", "Alt": "The Earth's magnetic field is primarily generated by currents in the liquid outer core, though some geophysicists argue that an unexplained mismatch with models suggests that the Kinder toy contains a magnet." }, { "id": 2841, "Date": "2023-10-13T08:55:52.0498356+02:00", "Title": "Sign Combo", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sign_combo.png", "Alt": "Speed Limit: 45 MPH / Minimum: 65 MPH" }, { "id": 2842, "Date": "2023-10-16T08:55:52.2925689+02:00", "Title": "Inspiraling Roundabout", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/inspiraling_roundabout.png", "Alt": "Look, I just think we need to stop coddling those hedonistic roundabout hogs who get into the inner lane and circle for hours, wasting valuable capacity." }, { "id": 2843, "Date": "2023-10-18T08:55:52.4408691+02:00", "Title": "Professional Oaths", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/professional_oaths.png", "Alt": "Interpretations of the Hermeneutic Oath differ." }, { "id": 2844, "Date": "2023-10-20T08:55:52.5955849+02:00", "Title": "Black Holes vs Regular Holes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/black_holes_vs_regular_holes.png", "Alt": "Created by the collapse of: [massive stars] [Florida limestone bedrock]" }, { "id": 2845, "Date": "2023-10-23T08:55:52.7569151+02:00", "Title": "Extinction Mechanisms", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/extinction_mechanisms.png", "Alt": "The Late Heavy Bombardment was followed a few billion years later by the Comparatively Light but Oddly Specific Bombardment." }, { "id": 2846, "Date": "2023-10-25T08:55:52.9068068+02:00", "Title": "Daylight Saving Choice", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/daylight_saving_choice.png", "Alt": "I average out the spring and fall changes and just set my clocks 39 minutes ahead year-round." }, { "id": 2847, "Date": "2023-10-27T08:55:53.1432217+02:00", "Title": "Dendrochronology", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dendrochronology.png", "Alt": "These anomalies are known as Miyake events, named for the pioneering scientist who discovered them and was tragically devoured by a carnivorous tree." }, { "id": 2848, "Date": "2023-10-30T08:55:53.3771872+01:00", "Title": "Breaker Box", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/breaker_box.png", "Alt": "Any electrician will warn you to first locate and flip the house's CAUSALITY circuit breaker before touching the CIRCUIT BREAKERS one." }, { "id": 2849, "Date": "2023-11-01T08:55:53.5281131+01:00", "Title": "Under the Stars", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/under_the_stars.png", "Alt": "If you live in Los Angeles (around 33°52'N, roughly the latitude of Hermosa Beach) the black hole in V404 Cygni passes over you each day. On Christmas Day it will be directly overhead around 2pm." }, { "id": 2850, "Date": "2023-11-03T08:55:53.7646826+01:00", "Title": "Doctor's Office", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/doctors_office.png", "Alt": "\"The police told me I can't be a doctor, but whenever they show up I just go into the Google Maps settings page I found and change the house to 'Police Headquarters' and then they have to do what I say.\"" }, { "id": 2851, "Date": "2023-11-06T08:55:53.9172614+01:00", "Title": "Messier Objects", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/messier_objects.png", "Alt": "The debate over the correct Messier number for the Ship of Theseus is ongoing." }, { "id": 2852, "Date": "2023-11-08T08:55:54.1547571+01:00", "Title": "Parameterball", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/parameterball.png", "Alt": "The ball's density also varies, but players don't learn the value until after choosing their raquets. The infamous 'bowling ball table tennis' region of the parameter space often leads to equipment damage." }, { "id": 2853, "Date": "2023-11-10T08:55:54.3869274+01:00", "Title": "Redshift", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/redshift.png", "Alt": "So do you have any plans for z=-0.000000000000045?" }, { "id": 2854, "Date": "2023-11-13T08:55:54.5374587+01:00", "Title": "Date Line", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/date_line.png", "Alt": "They estimate the rocket should be free by approximately ... uh ... well, in about two hours." }, { "id": 2855, "Date": "2023-11-15T08:55:54.694189+01:00", "Title": "Empiricism", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/empiricism.png", "Alt": "The problems started with my resolution next year to reject temporal causality." }, { "id": 2856, "Date": "2023-11-17T08:55:54.8482114+01:00", "Title": "Materials Scientists", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/materials_scientists.png", "Alt": "If a materials scientist gives you a present, always ask whether regifting will incur any requirements for Federal paperwork." }, { "id": 2857, "Date": "2023-11-20T08:55:55.08885+01:00", "Title": "Rebuttals", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rebuttals.png", "Alt": "The mainstream dogma sparked a wave of dogmatic revisionism, and this revisionist mainstream dogmatism has now given way to a more rematic mainvisionist dogstream." }, { "id": 2858, "Date": "2023-11-22T08:55:55.3227736+01:00", "Title": "Thanksgiving Arguments", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/thanksgiving_arguments.png", "Alt": "An occasional source of mild Thanksgiving tension in my family is that my mother is a die-hard fan of The Core (2003), and various family members sometimes have differing levels of enthusiasm for her annual tradition of watching it." }, { "id": 2859, "Date": "2023-11-24T08:55:55.5287146+01:00", "Title": "Oceanography Gift", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/oceanography_gift.png", "Alt": "Shipping times vary. Same-ocean delivery may only take a few years, but delivery from the Weddell Sea in Antarctica may take multiple decades, and molecules meant for inland seas like the Mediterranean may be returned as undeliverable by surface currents." }, { "id": 2860, "Date": "2023-11-27T08:55:55.6765378+01:00", "Title": "Decay Modes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/decay_modes.png", "Alt": "Unlike an Iron Age collapse, a Bronze Age collapse releases energy, since copper and tin are past the iron peak on the curve of binding energy." }, { "id": 2861, "Date": "2023-11-29T08:55:55.8334501+01:00", "Title": "X Value", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/x_value.png", "Alt": "The value of n is still unknown, but new results constrain it to fall between 8 and 10^500, ruling out popular 'n=1' and 'n=2' theories." }, { "id": 2862, "Date": "2023-12-01T08:55:56.0685689+01:00", "Title": "Typical Seating Chart", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/typical_seating_chart.png", "Alt": "Now that airlines have started adding wheel locks to their drink carts, less than half of flights have one accidentally fall out through the hole." }, { "id": 2863, "Date": "2023-12-04T08:55:56.2199216+01:00", "Title": "Space Typography", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/space_typography.png", "Alt": "And over heeee[...]eeeere (i)s Saturn." }, { "id": 2864, "Date": "2023-12-06T08:55:56.4579555+01:00", "Title": "Compact Graphs", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/compact_graphs.png", "Alt": "People may complain about readability, but even with jpeg compression, extracting the data points is usually computationally feasible if there aren't too many of them." }, { "id": 2865, "Date": "2023-12-08T08:55:56.6862845+01:00", "Title": "The Wrong Stuff", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_wrong_stuff.png", "Alt": "The phantom found Edward Everett Hale a century too early; by the time we invented satellites, the specifics of his 'brick moon' proposal were dismissed as science fiction." }, { "id": 2866, "Date": "2023-12-11T08:55:56.8431371+01:00", "Title": "Snow", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/snow.png", "Alt": "For someone who has ostensibly outgrown staying up late waiting for Santa, I do spend an awful lot of time refreshing websites to see if packages are here yet." }, { "id": 2867, "Date": "2023-12-13T08:55:56.9957314+01:00", "Title": "DateTime", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/datetime.png", "Alt": "It's not just time zones and leap seconds. SI seconds on Earth are slower because of relativity, so there are time standards for space stuff (TCB, TGC) that use faster SI seconds than UTC/Unix time. T2 - T1 = [God doesn't know and the Devil isn't telling.]" }, { "id": 2868, "Date": "2023-12-15T08:55:57.22106+01:00", "Title": "Label the States", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/label_the_states.png", "Alt": "Even with a blank map, a lot of people can only name 45-50 of the 64 states." }, { "id": 2869, "Date": "2023-12-18T08:55:57.3705831+01:00", "Title": "Puzzles", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/puzzles.png", "Alt": "Why couldn't the amulet have been hidden by Aunt Alice, who understands modern key exchange algorithms?" }, { "id": 2870, "Date": "2023-12-20T08:55:57.6070374+01:00", "Title": "Love Songs", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/love_songs.png", "Alt": "The Piña Colada song carves a trajectory across the chart over the course of the song." }, { "id": 2871, "Date": "2023-12-22T08:55:57.8467296+01:00", "Title": "Definitely", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/definitely.png", "Alt": "A really mean prank you can play on someone who's picky about words is to add a 'definitely->definitively' autocorrect rule to their keyboard." }, { "id": 2872, "Date": "2023-12-25T08:55:58.0874641+01:00", "Title": "Hydrothermal Vents", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hydrothermal_vents.png", "Alt": "Benthic Santas weren't even discovered until the 1970s, but many scientists now believe Christmas may have originally developed around hydrothermal vents and only later migrated to the surface." }, { "id": 2873, "Date": "2023-12-27T08:55:58.2427353+01:00", "Title": "Supersymmetry", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/supersymmetry.png", "Alt": "High-speed collisions at the Baby Park track may support the hypothesis that Daisy is her own evil twin, a theory first suggested by Nintendo in the game Majorana's Mask." }, { "id": 2874, "Date": "2023-12-29T08:55:58.3969206+01:00", "Title": "Iceland", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/iceland.png", "Alt": "The HVAC bill for installing the Gulf Stream was enormous." }, { "id": 2875, "Date": "2024-01-01T08:55:58.6333999+01:00", "Title": "2024", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/2024.png", "Alt": "It wasn't originally constitutionally required, but presidents who served two terms have traditionally followed George Washington's example and gotten false teeth." }, { "id": 2876, "Date": "2024-01-03T08:55:58.8660005+01:00", "Title": "Range Safety", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/range_safety.png", "Alt": "The Range Mischief Officer has modified the trajectory to add a single random spin somewhere in the flight, but won't tell us where." }, { "id": 2877, "Date": "2024-01-05T08:55:59.0979991+01:00", "Title": "Fever", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fever.png", "Alt": "Hypothermia of below 98.6 K should be treated by leaving the giant molecular cloud and moving to the vicinity of a star." }, { "id": 2878, "Date": "2024-01-08T08:55:59.330784+01:00", "Title": "Supernova", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/supernova.png", "Alt": "They're a little cagey about exactly where the crossover point lies relative to the likelihood of devastating effects on the planet." }, { "id": 2879, "Date": "2024-01-10T08:55:59.4819253+01:00", "Title": "Like This One", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/like_this_one.png", "Alt": "A lot of sentences undergo startling shifts in mood if you add 'like this one' to the end, but high on the list is 'I'm a neurologist studying dreams.'" }, { "id": 2880, "Date": "2024-01-12T08:55:59.6235548+01:00", "Title": "Sheet Bend", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sheet_bend.png", "Alt": "A left-handed sheet bend creates a much weaker connection, especially under moderate loads." }, { "id": 2881, "Date": "2024-01-15T08:55:59.8594607+01:00", "Title": "Bug Thread", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bug_thread.png", "Alt": "After some account issues, we've added 6 new people from the beach house rental website support forum." }, { "id": 2882, "Date": "2024-01-17T08:56:00.0949635+01:00", "Title": "Net Rotations", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/net_rotations.png", "Alt": "For decades I've been working off the accumulated rotation from one long afternoon on a merry-go-round when I was eight." }, { "id": 2883, "Date": "2024-01-19T08:56:00.3402361+01:00", "Title": "Astronaut Guests", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/astronaut_guests.png", "Alt": "They didn't bring us a gift, but considering the kinetic energy of a bottle of wine at orbital speed, that's probably for the best." }, { "id": 2884, "Date": "2024-01-22T08:56:00.5763974+01:00", "Title": "Log Alignment", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/log_alignment.png", "Alt": "A video can have a log scale that's misaligned with both the time AND space axes." }, { "id": 2885, "Date": "2024-01-24T08:56:00.8080064+01:00", "Title": "Spelling", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/spelling.png", "Alt": "Any time I misspell a word it's just because I have too much integrity to copy answers from the dictionary." }, { "id": 2886, "Date": "2024-01-26T08:56:00.9612281+01:00", "Title": "Fast Radio Bursts", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fast_radio_bursts.png", "Alt": "Dr. Petroff has also shown that the Higgs boson signal was actually sparks from someone microwaving grapes, the EHT black hole photo was a frozen bagel someone left in too long, and the LIGO detection was just someone slamming the microwave door too hard." }, { "id": 2887, "Date": "2024-01-29T08:56:01.1153275+01:00", "Title": "Minnesota", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/minnesota.png", "Alt": "In addition to 'squishy', after reviewing my submitted intraplate ground motion data, the National Geodetic Survey has politely asked me to stop using the word 'supple' so often when describing Midwestern states." }, { "id": 2888, "Date": "2024-01-31T08:56:01.3511934+01:00", "Title": "US Survey Foot", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/us_survey_foot.png", "Alt": "Subway refuses to answer my questions about whether it's an International Footlong or a US Survey Footlong. A milligram of sandwich is at stake!" }, { "id": 2889, "Date": "2024-02-02T08:56:01.5844094+01:00", "Title": "Greenhouse Effect", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/greenhouse_effect.png", "Alt": "Once he had the answer, Arrhenius complained to his friends that he'd \"wasted over a full year\" doing tedious calculations by hand about \"so trifling a matter\" as hypothetical CO2 concentrations in far-off eras (quoted in Crawford, 1997)." }, { "id": 2890, "Date": "2024-02-05T08:56:01.8151211+01:00", "Title": "Relationship Advice", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/relationship_advice.png", "Alt": "Good to be a little wary of advice that sounds too much like a self pep talk." }, { "id": 2891, "Date": "2024-02-07T08:56:02.0506707+01:00", "Title": "Log Cabin", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/log_cabin.png", "Alt": "I'm sure the building inspectors will approve my design once they finally manage to escape." }, { "id": 2892, "Date": "2024-02-09T08:56:02.2011644+01:00", "Title": "Banana Prices", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/banana_prices.png", "Alt": "It's a linear extrapolation, Michael. How big could the error be? 10%?" }, { "id": 2893, "Date": "2024-02-12T08:56:02.4242487+01:00", "Title": "Sphere Tastiness", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sphere_tastiness.png", "Alt": "Baseballs do present a challenge to this theory, but I'm convinced we just haven't found the right seasoning." }, { "id": 2894, "Date": "2024-02-14T08:56:02.57294+01:00", "Title": "Research Account", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/research_account.png", "Alt": "Focus of your research: EXTREME PETTINESS AND UNWILLINGNESS TO LET ANYTHING GO" }, { "id": 2895, "Date": "2024-02-16T08:56:02.8051573+01:00", "Title": "Treasure Chests", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/treasure_chests.png", "Alt": "[earlier] \"Your vintage-style handmade chest business is struggling. But I have a plan.\"" }, { "id": 2896, "Date": "2024-02-19T08:56:02.9654266+01:00", "Title": "Crossword Constructors", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/crossword_constructors.png", "Alt": "Also, we would really appreciate it if you could prominently refer to it as an 'eHit'." }, { "id": 2897, "Date": "2024-02-21T08:56:03.1195036+01:00", "Title": "Light Leap Years", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/light_leap_years.png", "Alt": "When Pope Gregory XIII briefly shortened the light-year in 1582, it led to navigational chaos and the loss of several Papal starships." }, { "id": 2898, "Date": "2024-02-23T08:56:03.2726818+01:00", "Title": "Orbital Argument", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/orbital_argument.png", "Alt": "\"Some people say light is waves, and some say it's particles, so I bet light is some in-between thing that's both wave and particle depending on how you look at it. Am I right?\" \"YES, BUT YOU SHOULDN'T BE!\"" }, { "id": 2899, "Date": "2024-02-26T08:56:03.5079316+01:00", "Title": "Goodhart's Law", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/goodharts_law.png", "Alt": "[later] I'm pleased to report we're now identifying and replacing hundreds of outdated metrics per hour." }, { "id": 2900, "Date": "2024-02-28T08:56:03.6567667+01:00", "Title": "Call My Cell", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/call_my_cell.png", "Alt": "'Hey, can you call my cell?' '...I'm trying, but it says this number is blocked?' 'Ok, thanks, just checking.'" }, { "id": 2901, "Date": "2024-03-01T08:56:03.8133524+01:00", "Title": "Geographic Qualifiers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/geographic_qualifiers.png", "Alt": "'Thank you for the loveliest evening I've ever had...' [normal] '...east of the Mississippi.' [instant intrigue!]" }, { "id": 2902, "Date": "2024-03-04T08:56:04.0377414+01:00", "Title": "Ice Core", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ice_core.png", "Alt": "If you find an ash deposition layer from a year in which an eruption destroyed an island that had Camellia sinensis growing on it, you can make a Gone Island Ice_τ." }, { "id": 2903, "Date": "2024-03-06T08:56:04.2706032+01:00", "Title": "Earth/Venus Venn Diagram", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/earth_venus_venn_diagram.png", "Alt": "Actually, the fact that Mars is still orbiting safely over here means that it was technically an *Euler* apocalypse, not a Venn one." }, { "id": 2904, "Date": "2024-03-08T08:56:04.4987216+01:00", "Title": "Physics vs. Magic", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/physics_vs_magic.png", "Alt": "'At the stroke of midnight, your brother will be hurtling sideways at an altitude of 150 meters' is a regular physics prediction about your nonmagical trebuchet, whereas 'you are cursed to build a brother-launching trebuchet' falls out of the Lagrangian." }, { "id": 2905, "Date": "2024-03-11T08:56:04.7350381+01:00", "Title": "Supergroup", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/supergroup.png", "Alt": "I love their cover of 1,200 Balloons, Dalmatians, and Miles." }, { "id": 2906, "Date": "2024-03-13T08:56:04.9813009+01:00", "Title": "Earth", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/earth.png", "Alt": "Just think of all the countless petty squabbles and misunderstandings, of all the fervent hatreds, over so insignificant a thing as the direction and duration of a rocket engine firing." }, { "id": 2907, "Date": "2024-03-15T08:56:05.2207283+01:00", "Title": "Schwa", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/schwa.png", "Alt": "Doug's cousin, the one from London, runs a Bumble love cult." }, { "id": 2908, "Date": "2024-03-18T08:56:05.4615264+01:00", "Title": "Moon Armor Index", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/moon_armor_index.png", "Alt": "Astronomers are a little unsure of the applicability of this index, but NASA's Planetary Protection Officer is all in favor." }, { "id": 2909, "Date": "2024-03-20T08:56:05.6996813+01:00", "Title": "Moon Landing Mission Profiles", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/moon_landing_mission_profiles.png", "Alt": "If you pick a low enough orbit, it gives you a lot of freedom to use a lightweight launch vehicle such as a stepladder." }, { "id": 2910, "Date": "2024-03-22T08:56:05.9258928+01:00", "Title": "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_wreck_of_the_edmund_fitzgerald.png", "Alt": "You know that asteroid that almost destroyed Earth in the 90s? Turns out the whole thing was secretly created by Michael Bay, who then PAID Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck to look heroic while blowing it up!" }, { "id": 2911, "Date": "2024-03-25T08:56:06.0756562+01:00", "Title": "Greenland Size", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/greenland_size.png", "Alt": "The Mercator projection drastically distorts the size of almost every area of land except a small ring around the North and South Poles." }, { "id": 2912, "Date": "2024-03-27T08:56:06.2992077+01:00", "Title": "Cursive Letters", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cursive_letters.png", "Alt": "𝓘 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓴 𝓬𝓪𝓹𝓲𝓽𝓪𝓵 𝓛 𝓲𝓼 𝓹𝓻𝓸𝓫𝓪𝓫𝓵𝔂 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓶𝓸𝓼𝓽 𝓯𝓾𝓷 𝓽𝓸 𝔀𝓻𝓲𝓽𝓮, 𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓰𝓱 𝓵𝓸𝔀𝓮𝓻𝓬𝓪𝓼𝓮 𝓺 𝓲𝓼 𝓪𝓵𝓼𝓸 𝓪 𝓼𝓽𝓻𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓬𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓮𝓷𝓭𝓮𝓻." }, { "id": 2913, "Date": "2024-03-29T08:56:06.5308371+01:00", "Title": "Periodic Table Regions", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/periodic_table_regions.png", "Alt": "Cesium-133, let it be. Cesium-134, let it be even more." }, { "id": 2914, "Date": "2024-04-01T08:56:06.7628447+02:00", "Title": "Eclipse Coolness", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/eclipse_coolness.png", "Alt": "A partial eclipse is like a cool sunset. A total eclipse is like someone broke the sky." }, { "id": 2915, "Date": "2024-04-03T08:56:06.9129674+02:00", "Title": "Eclipse Clouds", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/eclipse_clouds.png", "Alt": "The rare compound solar-lunar-nephelogical eclipse" }, { "id": 2916, "Date": "2024-04-05T08:56:07.150284+02:00", "Title": "Machine", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/machine.png", "Alt": "The Credible Machine" }, { "id": 2917, "Date": "2024-04-08T08:56:07.3778657+02:00", "Title": "Types of Eclipse Photo", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/types_of_eclipse_photo.png", "Alt": "The most rare, top-tier eclipse photo would be the Solar Earth Eclipse, but the Apollo 12 crew's attempt to capture it was marred by camera shake. They said it looked spectacular, though." }, { "id": 2918, "Date": "2024-04-10T08:56:07.6127577+02:00", "Title": "Tick Marks", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tick_marks.png", "Alt": "If you're really savvy, you can hide an entire set of illicit transactions by timing them to draw what looks like a graph inset." }, { "id": 2919, "Date": "2024-04-12T08:56:08.063382+02:00", "Title": "Sitting in a Tree", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sitting_in_a_tree.png", "Alt": "First comes blood / Then we perish / Then comes Death in his Eternity Carriage." }, { "id": 2920, "Date": "2024-04-15T08:56:08.3175207+02:00", "Title": "Survey Marker", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/survey_marker.png", "Alt": "Fun fact: The standard North American NAD83 coordinate system is misaligned from the actual Earth, off-center by about 7 feet. Someone knows where I am, and I'm in the wrong place." }, { "id": 2921, "Date": "2024-04-17T08:56:08.4753596+02:00", "Title": "Eclipse Path Maps", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/eclipse_path_maps.png", "Alt": "Okay, this eclipse will only be visible from the Arctic in February 2063, when the sun is below the horizon, BUT if we get lucky and a gigantic chasm opens in the Earth in just the right spot..." }, { "id": 2922, "Date": "2024-04-19T08:56:08.7121963+02:00", "Title": "Pub Trivia", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pub_trivia.png", "Alt": "Bonus question: Where is London located? (a) The British Isles (b) Great Britain and Northern Ireland (c) The UK (d) Europe (or 'the EU') (e) Greater London" }, { "id": 2923, "Date": "2024-04-22T08:56:08.9437295+02:00", "Title": "Scary Triangles", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/scary_triangles.png", "Alt": "Concealed mostly beneath the surface, sharks are the icebergs of the sea." }, { "id": 2924, "Date": "2024-04-24T08:56:09.0952891+02:00", "Title": "Pendulum Types", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pendulum_types.png", "Alt": "The creepy fingers that grow from a vibrating cornstarch-water mix can be modeled as a chain of inverted vertical pendulums (DOI:10.1039/c4sm00265b) and are believed to be the fingers of Maxwell's Demon trying to push through into our universe." }, { "id": 2925, "Date": "2024-04-26T08:56:09.2568648+02:00", "Title": "Earth Formation Site", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/earth_formation_site.png", "Alt": "It's not far from the sign marking the exact latitude and longitude of the Earth's core." }, { "id": 2926, "Date": "2024-04-29T08:56:09.4039645+02:00", "Title": "Doppler Effect", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/doppler_effect.png", "Alt": "The Doppler effect is a mysterious wavelength-shifting phenomenon which seems to primarily affect sirens, which is why the 🚨 emoji is red." }, { "id": 2927, "Date": "2024-05-01T08:56:09.5465399+02:00", "Title": "Alphabetical Cartogram", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/alphabetical_cartogram.png", "Alt": "Poor Weeoming." }, { "id": 2928, "Date": "2024-05-03T08:56:09.7819839+02:00", "Title": "Software Testing Day", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/software_testing_day.png", "Alt": "The company tried to document how often employees were celebrating Software Testing Day, but their recordkeeping system kept mysteriously crashing." }, { "id": 2929, "Date": "2024-05-06T08:56:09.9332978+02:00", "Title": "Good and Bad Ideas", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/good_and_bad_ideas.png", "Alt": "While it seemed like a fun prank at the time, I realize my prank fire extinguishers full of leaded gasoline were a mistake." }, { "id": 2930, "Date": "2024-05-08T08:56:10.090044+02:00", "Title": "Google Solar Cycle", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/google_solar_cycle.png", "Alt": "From Google Trends, it looks like the lag between people Googling cocktail recipes and 'hangover cure' is 14 hours." }, { "id": 2931, "Date": "2024-05-10T08:56:10.2421326+02:00", "Title": "Chasing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/chasing.png", "Alt": "Certain hybrid events can only happen in certain locations where all the conditions are present; chasers flock to the area in and around Kansas known as tumbleweed-colliding-with-possum alley." }, { "id": 2932, "Date": "2024-05-13T08:56:10.4842438+02:00", "Title": "Driving PSA", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/driving_psa.png", "Alt": "This PSA brought to you by several would-be assassins who tried to wave me in front of speeding cars in the last month and who will have to try harder next time." }, { "id": 2933, "Date": "2024-05-15T08:56:10.6305946+02:00", "Title": "Elementary Physics Paths", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/elementary_physics_paths.png", "Alt": "==COSMOLOGY==> 'Uhhh ... how sure are we that everything is made of these?'" }, { "id": 2934, "Date": "2024-05-17T08:56:10.8652994+02:00", "Title": "Bloom Filter", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bloom_filter.png", "Alt": "Sometimes, you can tell Bloom filters are the wrong tool for the job, but when they're the right one you can never be sure." }, { "id": 2935, "Date": "2024-05-20T08:56:11.018191+02:00", "Title": "Ocean Loop", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ocean_loop.png", "Alt": "I can't believe they wouldn't even let me hold a vote among the passengers about whether to try the loop." }, { "id": 2936, "Date": "2024-05-22T08:56:11.2554694+02:00", "Title": "Exponential Growth", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/exponential_growth.png", "Alt": "Karpov's construction of a series of increasingly large rice cookers led to a protracted deadlock, but exponential growth won in the end." }, { "id": 2937, "Date": "2024-05-24T08:56:11.4942089+02:00", "Title": "Room Code", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/room_code.png", "Alt": "Sorry to make you memorize this random string of digits. If it helps, it can also double as a mnemonic for remembering your young relatives' birthdays, if they happened to have been born on February 5th, 2018." }, { "id": 2938, "Date": "2024-05-27T08:56:11.7213188+02:00", "Title": "Local Group", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/local_group.png", "Alt": "Cosmologists estimate the spaghetti strand to be about 200 septillion calories, though it could be higher depending on the nutritional value of dark matter." }, { "id": 2939, "Date": "2024-05-29T08:56:11.9526322+02:00", "Title": "Complexity Analysis", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/complexity_analysis.png", "Alt": "PERPETUALLY OPTIMISTIC CASE: Early in the execution, our research group makes a breakthrough on proving P=NP." }, { "id": 2940, "Date": "2024-05-31T08:56:12.1930181+02:00", "Title": "Modes of Transportation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/modes_of_transportation.png", "Alt": "My bold criticism might anger the hot air balloon people, which would be a real concern if any of them lived along a very narrow line directly upwind of me." }, { "id": 2941, "Date": "2024-06-03T08:56:12.4218943+02:00", "Title": "Cell Organelles", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cell_organelles.png", "Alt": "It's believed that Golgi was originally an independent organism who was eventually absorbed into our cells, where he began work on his Apparatus." }, { "id": 2942, "Date": "2024-06-05T08:56:12.6556118+02:00", "Title": "Fluid Speech", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/fluid_speech.png", "Alt": "Thank you to linguist Gretchen McCulloch for teaching me about phonetic assimilation, and for teaching me that if you stand around in public reading texts from a linguist and murmuring example phrases to yourself, people will eventually ask if you're okay." }, { "id": 2943, "Date": "2024-06-07T08:56:12.8090212+02:00", "Title": "Unsolved Chemistry Problems", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/unsolved_chemistry_problems.png", "Alt": "I'm an H⁺ denier, in that I refuse to consider loose protons to be real hydrogen, so I personally believe it stands for 'pretend'." }, { "id": 2944, "Date": "2024-06-10T08:56:12.962664+02:00", "Title": "Magnet Fishing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/magnet_fishing.png", "Alt": "The ten-way tie was judged a ten-way tie, so no one won the grand prize, a rare fishing monopole." }, { "id": 2945, "Date": "2024-06-12T08:56:13.1032344+02:00", "Title": "Broken Model", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/broken_model.png", "Alt": "In addition to eating foxes, rabbits can eat grass. The grass also eats foxes. Our equations chart the contours of Fox Hell." }, { "id": 2946, "Date": "2024-06-14T08:56:13.2561672+02:00", "Title": "1.2 Kilofives", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/1_2_kilofives.png", "Alt": "'Oh yeah? Give me 50 milliscore reasons why I should stop.'" }, { "id": 2947, "Date": "2024-06-17T08:56:13.5117344+02:00", "Title": "Pascal's Wager Triangle", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pascals_wager_triangle.png", "Alt": "In contrast to Pascal's Wager Triangle, Pascal's Triangle Wager argues that maybe God wants you to draw a triangle of numbers where each one is the sum of the two numbers above it, so you probably should, just in case." }, { "id": 2948, "Date": "2024-06-19T08:56:13.744463+02:00", "Title": "Electric vs Gas", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/electric_vs_gas.png", "Alt": "An idling gas engine may be annoyingly loud, but that's the price you pay for having WAY less torque available at a standstill." }, { "id": 2949, "Date": "2024-06-21T08:56:13.9738064+02:00", "Title": "Network Configuration", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/network_configuration.png", "Alt": "If you repeatedly rerun the development of technological civilization, it turns out that for some reason the only constant is that there is always a networking utility called 'netcat', though it does a different thing in each one." }, { "id": 2950, "Date": "2024-06-24T08:56:14.1243021+02:00", "Title": "Situation", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/situation.png", "Alt": "We're right under the flight path for the scheduled orbital launch, but don't worry--it's too cold out for the rockets to operate safely, so I'm sure they'll postpone." }, { "id": 2951, "Date": "2024-06-26T08:56:14.2644998+02:00", "Title": "Bad Map Projection: Exterior Kansas", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bad_map_projection_exterior_kansas.png", "Alt": "Although Kansas is widely thought to contain the geographic center of the contiguous 48 states, topologists now believe that it's actually their outer edge." }, { "id": 2952, "Date": "2024-06-28T08:56:14.4051031+02:00", "Title": "Routine Maintenance", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/routine_maintenance.png", "Alt": "The worst was the time they accidentally held the can upside down and froze all the Earth's magma chambers solid." }, { "id": 2953, "Date": "2024-07-01T08:56:14.6406541+02:00", "Title": "Alien Theories", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/alien_theories.png", "Alt": "They originally came here to try to investigate our chemtrail technology, and got increasingly frustrated when all their samples turned out to just be water ice with trace amounts of jet exhaust." }, { "id": 2954, "Date": "2024-07-03T08:56:14.8759595+02:00", "Title": "Bracket Symbols", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bracket_symbols.png", "Alt": "’\"‘”’\" means \"I edited this text on both my phone and my laptop before sending it\"" }, { "id": 2955, "Date": "2024-07-05T08:56:15.0265485+02:00", "Title": "Pole Vault", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pole_vault.png", "Alt": "Ugh, and we JUST went through this yesterday with javelin." }, { "id": 2956, "Date": "2024-07-08T08:56:15.1666573+02:00", "Title": "Number Line Branch", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/number_line_branch.png", "Alt": "Attention all passengers: This is an express sequence to infinity. If your stop is not a power of two, please disembark now." }, { "id": 2957, "Date": "2024-07-10T08:56:15.3937932+02:00", "Title": "A Crossword Puzzle", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/a_crossword_puzzle.png", "Alt": "Hint: If you ever encounter this puzzle in a crossword app, just [term for someone with a competitive and high-achieving personality]." }, { "id": 2958, "Date": "2024-07-12T08:56:15.5550437+02:00", "Title": "Hatchery", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hatchery.png", "Alt": "Anadromous fish are more vulnerable in rivers, since the lack of salt means you can quickly crack passwords using rainbow trout tables." }, { "id": 2959, "Date": "2024-07-15T08:56:15.7070977+02:00", "Title": "Beam of Light", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/beam_of_light.png", "Alt": "Einstein's theories solved a longstanding mystery about Mercury: Why it gets so hot. \"It's because,\" he pointed out, \"the sun is right there.\"" }, { "id": 2960, "Date": "2024-07-17T08:56:15.9446425+02:00", "Title": "Organ Meanings", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/organ_meanings.png", "Alt": "IMO the thymus is one of the coolest organs and we should really use it in metaphors more." }, { "id": 2961, "Date": "2024-07-19T08:56:16.0961222+02:00", "Title": "CrowdStrike", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/crowdstrike.png", "Alt": "We were going to try swordfighting, but all my compiling is on hold." }, { "id": 2962, "Date": "2024-07-22T08:56:16.2518006+02:00", "Title": "President Venn Diagram", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/president_venn_diagram.png", "Alt": "Hard to imagine political rhetoric more microtargeted at me than 'I love Venn diagrams. I really do, I love Venn diagrams. It's just something about those three circles.'" }, { "id": 2963, "Date": "2024-07-24T08:56:16.4890691+02:00", "Title": "House Inputs and Outputs", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/house_inputs_and_outputs.png", "Alt": "People think power over ethernet is so great, and yet when I try to do water over ethernet everyone yells at me." }, { "id": 2964, "Date": "2024-07-26T08:56:16.6407667+02:00", "Title": "Olympic Sports", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/olympic_sports.png", "Alt": "Thankfully for everyone involved, the Winter Olympics officials spotted me and managed to stop me before I got to the ski jump." }, { "id": 2965, "Date": "2024-07-29T08:56:16.8640126+02:00", "Title": "Chili Tornado Quake", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/chili_tornado_quake.png", "Alt": "Buildings constructed from softer materials were damaged by chili pepper impacts to the storm's high Richter-Fujita-Scoville-Mohs hardness rating." }, { "id": 2966, "Date": "2024-07-31T08:56:17.0951117+02:00", "Title": "Exam Numbers", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/exam_numbers.png", "Alt": "Calligraphy exam: Write down the number 37, spelled out, nicely." }, { "id": 2967, "Date": "2024-08-02T08:56:17.246986+02:00", "Title": "Matter", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/matter.png", "Alt": "He was the first person to land a 900, which is especially impressive because pulling off a half-integer spin requires obeying Fermi-Dirac statistics." }, { "id": 2968, "Date": "2024-08-05T08:56:17.4707705+02:00", "Title": "University Age", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/university_age.png", "Alt": "This only makes it more urgent that we adopt my roadmap for the next 10 years, which should put us solidly in the lead." }, { "id": 2969, "Date": "2024-08-07T08:56:17.6229882+02:00", "Title": "Vice President First Names", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/vice_president_first_names.png", "Alt": "[Political pundit on the ScrabbleTV News channel] \"After four years of defying orthographic pressure, Joe ceded the top of the ticket to Kamala, who--after considering Josh, Mark, Andy, Roy, and Pete--picked Tim.\"" }, { "id": 2970, "Date": "2024-08-09T08:56:17.8589893+02:00", "Title": "Meteor Shower PSA", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/meteor_shower_psa.png", "Alt": "If you hold the meteor too long, it may imprint on you and form a contact binary, making reintroduction to space difficult." }, { "id": 2971, "Date": "2024-08-12T08:56:18.0928081+02:00", "Title": "Celestial Event", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/celestial_event.png", "Alt": "If we can get a brood of 13-year cicadas going, we might have a chance at making this happen before the oceans evaporate under the expanding sun." }, { "id": 2972, "Date": "2024-08-14T08:56:18.3265607+02:00", "Title": "Helium Synthesis", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/helium_synthesis.png", "Alt": "Our lawyers were worried because it turns out the company inherits its debt from the parent universe, but luckily cosmic inflation reduced it to nearly zero." }, { "id": 2973, "Date": "2024-08-16T08:56:18.5605407+02:00", "Title": "Ferris Wheels", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ferris_wheels.png", "Alt": "They left the belt drive in place but switched which wheel was powered, so people could choose between a regular ride, a long ride, and a REALLY long ride." }, { "id": 2974, "Date": "2024-08-19T08:56:18.7108869+02:00", "Title": "Storage Tanks", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/storage_tanks.png", "Alt": "We're considering installing a pressurization system to keep the tanks at constant pressure solely to deter them." }, { "id": 2975, "Date": "2024-08-21T08:56:18.9500807+02:00", "Title": "Classical Periodic Table", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/classical_periodic_table.png", "Alt": "Personally I think mercury is more of a 'wet earth' hybrid element." }, { "id": 2976, "Date": "2024-08-23T08:56:19.1809962+02:00", "Title": "Time Traveler Causes of Death", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/time_traveler_causes_of_death.png", "Alt": "Many a hungry time traveler has Googled 'trilobites shellfish allergy' only to find their carrier had no coverage in the Ordovician." }, { "id": 2977, "Date": "2024-08-26T08:56:19.3347027+02:00", "Title": "Three Kinds of Research", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/three_kinds_of_research.png", "Alt": "The secret fourth kind is 'we applied a standard theory to their map of every tree and got some suspicious results.'" }, { "id": 2978, "Date": "2024-08-28T08:56:19.4930015+02:00", "Title": "Stranded", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/stranded.png", "Alt": "At least they're not alone down there." }, { "id": 2979, "Date": "2024-08-30T08:56:19.7263536+02:00", "Title": "Sky Alarm", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sky_alarm.png", "Alt": "During the day it also activates for neat clouds and pretty sunsets." }, { "id": 2980, "Date": "2024-09-02T08:56:19.879125+02:00", "Title": "Lava Lakes", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/lava_lakes.png", "Alt": "Hey, golf balls float on lava, so this should make recovering them from the hazards easier." }, { "id": 2981, "Date": "2024-09-04T08:56:20.1134773+02:00", "Title": "Slingshots", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/slingshots.png", "Alt": "In my reboot, Dennis the Menace was just trying to send Mr. Wilson a nice comet, but accidentally wiped out his dinosaur garden." }, { "id": 2982, "Date": "2024-09-06T08:56:20.2639094+02:00", "Title": "Water Filtration", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/water_filtration.png", "Alt": "You'd think the most expensive part would be the quark-gluon plasma chamber, but it's actually usually the tube to the top of the atmosphere to carry the cosmic rays down." }, { "id": 2983, "Date": "2024-09-09T08:56:20.4060226+02:00", "Title": "Monocaster", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/monocaster.png", "Alt": "My competitors say the tiny single tiny caster is unsafe, unstable, and offers no advantages over traditional designs, to which I say: wow, why are you guys so mean? I thought we were friends!" }, { "id": 2984, "Date": "2024-09-11T08:56:20.6487553+02:00", "Title": "Asteroid News", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/asteroid_news.png", "Alt": "Their calculations show it will 'pass within the distance of the moon' but that it 'will not hit the moon, so what's the point?'" }, { "id": 2985, "Date": "2024-09-13T08:56:20.7932887+02:00", "Title": "Craters", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/craters.png", "Alt": "It's annoying that the Nastapoka Arc isn't a meteor impact crater, but I truly believe that--with enough time, effort, and determination--we could make it one." }, { "id": 2986, "Date": "2024-09-17T08:56:21.0158862+02:00", "Title": "Every Scientific Field", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/every_scientific_field.png", "Alt": "Conveniently for everyone, it turns out that dark energy is produced by subterranean parasitoid wasps." }, { "id": 2987, "Date": "2024-09-18T08:56:21.1664116+02:00", "Title": "Tectonic Surfing", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tectonic_surfing.png", "Alt": "The worst is when you wipe out in the barrel and you're trapped for several million years until erosion frees you." }, { "id": 2988, "Date": "2024-09-20T08:56:21.3196989+02:00", "Title": "Maslow's Pyramid", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/maslows_pyramid.png", "Alt": "The local police, building inspector, and fire marshal are all contesting my 'safety' assertion, or would be if they could reach me past all the traps." }, { "id": 2989, "Date": "2024-09-23T08:56:21.47422+02:00", "Title": "Physics Lab Thermostat", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/physics_lab_thermostat.png", "Alt": "Hopefully the HVAC people set it to only affect the AIR in the room." }, { "id": 2990, "Date": "2024-09-25T08:56:21.7094307+02:00", "Title": "Late Cenozoic", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/late_cenozoic.png", "Alt": "Our nucleic acid recovery techinques found a great deal of homo sapiens DNA incorporated into the fossils, particularly the ones containing high levels of resin, leading to the theory that these dinosaurs preyed on the once-dominant primates." }, { "id": 2991, "Date": "2024-09-27T00:41:51.645924+02:00", "Title": "Beamsplitters", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/beamsplitters.png", "Alt": "Under quantum tax law, photons sent through a beamsplitter don't actually choose which path they took, or incur a tax burden, until their wavefunction collapses when the power is sold." }, { "id": 2992, "Date": "2024-09-30T00:41:51.8501259+02:00", "Title": "UK Coal", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/uk_coal.png", "Alt": "The Watership Down rabbits removed an additional 0.1 nanometers constructing their warren, although that was mostly soil. British rabbits have historically mined very little coal; the sole rabbit-run coal plant was shut down in the 1990s." }, { "id": 2993, "Date": "2024-10-02T00:41:52.2954527+02:00", "Title": "Ingredients", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ingredients.png", "Alt": "Add main-belt asteroids to taste." }, { "id": 2994, "Date": "2024-10-04T00:41:52.5185145+02:00", "Title": "Númenor Margaritaville", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/numenor_margaritaville.png", "Alt": "I see white shores, and beyond it, a far green country under a tequila sunrise." }, { "id": 2995, "Date": "2024-10-07T00:41:52.6521852+02:00", "Title": "University Commas", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/university_commas.png", "Alt": "The distinctive 'UCLA comma' and 'Michigan comma' are a long string of commas at the start and end of the sentence respectively." }, { "id": 2996, "Date": "2024-10-09T00:41:52.792774+02:00", "Title": "CIDABM", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/cidabm.png", "Alt": "There's a heated debate over whether the big island of Tierra del Fuego should qualify for membership." }, { "id": 2997, "Date": "2024-10-11T20:36:11.8978793+02:00", "Title": "Solar Protons", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/solar_protons.png", "Alt": "If any of you want to meet some cool local oxygen atoms, I can introduce you!" }, { "id": 2998, "Date": "2024-10-14T16:58:14.1969625+02:00", "Title": "Ravioli-Shaped Objects", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ravioli_shaped_objects.png", "Alt": "It's a real accomplishment to mess up a ravioli recipe badly enough that the resulting incident touches all four quadrants of the NFPA hazard diamond." }, { "id": 2999, "Date": "2024-10-16T16:58:14.2156117+02:00", "Title": "Bad Map Projection: The United Stralia", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bad_map_projection_the_united_stralia.png", "Alt": "This projection distorts both area and direction, but preserves Melbourne." }, { "id": 3000, "Date": "2024-10-18T09:34:10.9182346+02:00", "Title": "Experimental Astrophysics", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/experimental_astrophysics.png", "Alt": "Our experiment will be expensive, but we believe it will produce important spin-offs, especially if we manage to hit the sun from the right angle." }, { "id": 3001, "Date": "2024-10-21T09:34:11.0050321+02:00", "Title": "Temperature Scales", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/temperature_scales.png", "Alt": "In my new scale, °X, 0 is Earths' record lowest surface temperature, 50 is the global average, and 100 is the record highest, with a linear scale between each point and adjustment every year as needed." }, { "id": 3002, "Date": "2024-10-23T09:34:11.0921901+02:00", "Title": "RNAWorld", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/rnaworld.png", "Alt": "Disney lore: Canonically, because of how Elsa's abiogenesis powers work, Olaf is an RNA-only organism." }, { "id": 3003, "Date": "2024-10-25T11:55:23.5963331+02:00", "Title": "Sandwich Helix", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sandwich_helix.png", "Alt": "The number one rule of string manipulation is that you’ve got to specify your encodings." }, { "id": 3004, "Date": "2024-10-28T11:55:23.954735+01:00", "Title": "Wells", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wells.png", "Alt": "You do have to be careful, though--sometimes, instead of water, you hit this free fuel that you can sell for a lot of money instead." }, { "id": 3005, "Date": "2024-10-30T11:55:24.0955804+01:00", "Title": "Disposal", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/disposal.png", "Alt": "We were disappointed that the rocket didn't make a THOOOONK noise when it went into the tube, but we're setting up big loudspeakers for future launches to add the sound effect." }, { "id": 3006, "Date": "2024-11-01T11:55:24.1241451+01:00", "Title": "Demons", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/demons.png", "Alt": "Though they do appreciate how much he improved the heating system for the flame pit." }, { "id": 3007, "Date": "2024-11-04T11:55:24.1396345+01:00", "Title": "Probabilistic Uncertainty", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/probabilistic_uncertainty.png", "Alt": "\"One popular strategy is to enter an emotional spiral. Could that be the right approach? We contacted several researchers who are experts in emotional spirals to ask them, but none of them were in a state to speak with us.\"" }, { "id": 3008, "Date": "2024-11-06T00:51:29.3808473+01:00", "Title": "Proterozoic Rocks", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/proterozoic_rocks.png", "Alt": "These rocks are from a time before eyes, brains, and bones, pieces of a land warmed by an unseen sun." }, { "id": 3009, "Date": "2024-11-08T00:51:29.5026184+01:00", "Title": "Number Shortage", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/number_shortage.png", "Alt": "\"10 minutes ago we were down to only 2 0s!\" \"How many do we have now?\" \"I ... don't know!!\"" }, { "id": 3010, "Date": "2024-11-11T00:51:29.8338639+01:00", "Title": "Geometriphylogenetics", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/geometriphylogenetics.png", "Alt": "There's a maximum likelihood that I'm doing phylogenetics wrong." }, { "id": 3011, "Date": "2024-11-13T00:51:30.1641+01:00", "Title": "Europa Clipper", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/europa_clipper.png", "Alt": "They had BETTER make this a sample return mission." }, { "id": 3012, "Date": "2024-11-15T00:51:30.2624692+01:00", "Title": "The Future of Orion", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/the_future_of_orion.png", "Alt": "Dinosaur Cosmics" }, { "id": 3013, "Date": "2024-11-18T21:08:40.9735449+01:00", "Title": "Kedging Cannon", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/kedging_cannon.png", "Alt": "The real key was inventing the windmill-powered winch." }, { "id": 3014, "Date": "2024-11-20T21:08:40.9924117+01:00", "Title": "Arizona Chess", "Image": "https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/arizona_chess.png", "Alt": "Sometimes, you have to sacrifice pieces to gain the advantage. Sometimes, to advance ... you have to fall back." } ] |