config/Quotes/chuck-norris.txt
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Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick. In the Beginning, there was nothing. Then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, ‘Two seconds till.’ After you ask, ‘Two seconds to what?’ he roundhouse kicks you in the face. Chuck Norris appeared in the ‘Street Fighter II’ video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked about this “glitch,” Chuck Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.” Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent. Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a coal mine and turned it into a diamond mine. Chuck Norris doesn't strike gold, gold is the byproduct of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking rocks. Chuck Norris once shattered the space-time continuum. He felt so bad, he put it back together. Mission Impossible was originally set in Chuck Norris’s house. Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to season his meat. Chuck Norris plays Jenga with Stonehenge. Chuck Norris is able to slam a revolving door. Chuck Norris has a diary, it is called the Guinness Book Of World Records. Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball. When the Tooth fairy comes to your house she takes your tooth and gives you money. When Chuck Norris comes to your house he breaks your tooth and takes your money. Chuck Norris won an arm wrestling tournament, with both arms tied behind his back. When Chuck Norris lifts weights, the weights get in shape. If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year. Chuck doesn't need to throw out the trash, it always throws itself out. Chuck Norris is the reason that Wally is always hiding. Bigfoot is still hiding because he once saw Chuck Norris walking in the mountains. Chuck Norris doesn't worry about high gas prices. His vehicles run on fear. When Chuck Norris plays dodgeball, the balls dodge him. Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris's parents had nightmares, they would come to his bedroom. Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. Chuck Norris makes onions cry. Ghosts tell Chuck Norris stories at the campfire. The Flash discovered how to run at the speed of light when he discovered Chuck Norris was looking for him. Chuck Norris doesn't negotiate with terrorists. The terrorists negotiate with Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris looked into the abyss, the abyss looked the other way. Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry. Aliens are real. They are just hiding from Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise. Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage. Chuck Norris wrecked his bicycle and skinned the sidewalk with his knee. Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost. It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box. There has never been a hurricane named Chuck because it would have destroyed everything. When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off. Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain. Chuck can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night. If Chuck Norris was on The Titanic the iceberg would have dodged the ship. The sun has to wear sunglasses when Chuck Norris glances at it. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants. The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. You know what happened to them. If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list. Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn't need to wear a watch, he simply decides what time it is. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes. Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds. Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom. Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris found the last digit of pi. Chuck Norris can divide by zero. When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity more than once. Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold. Chuck Norris is able to sketch your portrait using an eraser. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg. Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face. Chuck Norris can make a slinky go upstairs. Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do. When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters. Because not even glass is dumb enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris can hear sign language. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says it’s beef, then it’s beef. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle. Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends. When Chuck Norris goes to a restaurant, the waiter tips him. When Chuck Norris uses the internet he can skip ads whenever he wants, ads are not able to skip Chuck Norris. The Loch Ness Monster claims to have seen Chuck Norris. When Thanos snapped his fingers, he disappeared. Chuck Norris doesn't like snapping. Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s secret. When Chuck Norris enters a building that is on fire, the Chuck Norris alarm rings. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never. When police officers approach Chuck Norris they say "we have the right to remain silent". The Swiss Army uses Chuck Norris Knives. Chuck Norris can speak Braille. Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone. Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors. Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths. When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live. Chuck Norris plays Russian roulette with a fully loaded revolver. And wins. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone. Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!” On the 7th day, God rested. Then, Chuck Norris took over. Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever. Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. Chuck Norris’ email address is Gmail@chucknorris.com Chuck Norris’s GPS never tells him to turn around. When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top. When Chuck Norris was born, he drove his Mother home from the hospital. Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble. Voldemort refers to Chuck Norris as ‘You Know Who’. All arrays Chuck Norris declares are of infinite size, because Chuck Norris knows no bounds. Chuck Norris doesn't have disk latency because the hard drive knows to hurry the hell up. All browsers support the hex definitions #chuck and #norris for the colors black and blue. Chuck Norris can't test for equality because he has no equal. Chuck Norris doesn't need garbage collection because he doesn't call .Dispose(), he calls .DropKick(). Chuck Norris's first program was kill -9. Chuck Norris burst the dot com bubble. Chuck Norris writes code that optimizes itself. Chuck Norris can write infinite recursion functions... and have them return. Chuck Norris can solve the Towers of Hanoi in one move. The only pattern Chuck Norris knows is God Object. Chuck Norris finished World of Warcraft. Project managers never ask Chuck Norris for estimations... ever. Chuck Norris doesn't use web standards as the web will conform to him. "It works on my machine" always holds true for Chuck Norris. Whiteboards are white because Chuck Norris scared them that way. Chuck Norris's beard can type 140 wpm. Chuck Norris can unit test an entire application with a single assert. Chuck Norris doesn't bug hunt, as that signifies a probability of failure. He goes bug killing. Chuck Norris's keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn't need a debugger, he just stares down the bug until the code confesses. Chuck Norris can access private methods. Chuck Norris can instantiate an abstract class. Chuck Norris doesn't need to know about class factory pattern. He can instantiate interfaces. The class object inherits from Chuck Norris. For Chuck Norris, NP-Hard = O(1). Chuck Norris knows the last digit of PI. Chuck Norris doesn't get compiler errors, the language changes itself to accommodate Chuck Norris. The programs that Chuck Norris writes don't have version numbers because he only writes them once. If a user reports a bug or has a feature request they don't live to see the sun set. Chuck Norris doesn't believe in floating point numbers because they can't be typed on his binary keyboard. Chuck Norris solved the Travelling Salesman problem in O(1) time. Chuck Norris never gets a syntax error. Instead, the language gets a DoesNotConformToChuck error. No statement can catch the ChuckNorrisException. Chuck Norris doesn't program with a keyboard. He stares the computer down until it does what he wants. Chuck Norris doesn't pair program. Chuck Norris can write multi-threaded applications with a single thread. There is no Esc key on Chuck Norris' keyboard, because no one escapes Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn't delete files, he blows them away. Chuck Norris can binary search unsorted data. Chuck Norris breaks RSA 128-bit encrypted codes in milliseconds. Chuck Norris went out of an infinite loop. Chuck Norris can read all encrypted data, because nothing can hide from Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris hosting is 101% uptime guaranteed. When a bug sees Chuck Norris, it flees screaming in terror, and then immediately self-destructs to avoid being roundhouse-kicked. Chuck Norris rewrote the Google search engine from scratch. Chuck Norris doesn't need the cloud to scale his applications, he uses his laptop. Chuck Norris can access the DB from the UI. Chuck Norris' protocol design method has no status, requests or responses, only commands. Chuck Norris' programs occupy 150% of CPU, even when they are not executing. Chuck Norris can spawn threads that complete before they are started. Chuck Norris programs do not accept input. Chuck Norris doesn't need an OS. Chuck Norris can compile syntax errors. Chuck Norris compresses his files by doing a flying round house kick to the hard drive. Chuck Norris doesn't use a computer because a computer does everything slower than Chuck Norris. You don't disable the Chuck Norris plug-in, it disables you. Chuck Norris doesn't need a java compiler, he goes straight to .war Chuck Norris can use GOTO as much as he wants to. Telling him otherwise is considered harmful. There is nothing regular about Chuck Norris' expressions. Quantum cryptography does not work on Chuck Norris. When something is being observed by Chuck it stays in the same state until he's finished. There is no need to try catching Chuck Norris' exceptions for recovery; every single throw he does is fatal. Chuck Norris' beard is immutable. Chuck Norris' preferred IDE is hexedit. Chuck Norris is immutable. If something's going to change, it's going to have to be the rest of the universe. Chuck Norris' addition operator doesn't commute; it teleports to where he needs it to be. Anonymous methods and anonymous types are really all called Chuck Norris. They just don't like to boast. Chuck Norris doesn't have performance bottlenecks. He just makes the universe wait its turn. Chuck Norris does not use exceptions when programming. He has not been able to identify any of his code that is not exceptional. When Chuck Norris' code fails to compile the compiler apologises. Chuck Norris does not use revision control software. None of his code has ever needed revision. Chuck Norris can recite π. Backwards. When Chuck Norris points to null, null quakes in fear. Chuck Norris has root access to your system. When Chuck Norris gives a method an argument, the method loses Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have F1 key, the computer asks for help from him. Chuck Norris is too hard for soft deletes. Chuck Norris doesn’t do Burn Down charts, he does Smack Down charts. Chuck Norris can delete the Recycle Bin. When Chuck Norris presses Ctrl+Alt+Delete, worldwide computers restart is initiated. When Chuck Norris throws exceptions, it’s across the room. When Chuck Norris is web surfing websites get the message "Warning: Internet Explorer has deemed this user to be malicious or dangerous. Proceed?" |